- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel handles pan
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel presses charges
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel eats stone
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel smells fear
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel demands boy
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel chases swan
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel salts fist
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel offers hope
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel eats twin
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel fires back
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel buys time
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel takes low road
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel follows woman
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel nests table
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel eats money
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel bites child
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel claws face
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel covets equine
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel kills serially
- Joel shows gun
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel begs for money
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel masks rage
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges