- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel wrestles with man holding knife
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel becomes best friends with an equally skittish talking Great Dane
- Joel’s genetic analysis indicates a predisposition to criminality
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child
- Joel, and his notoriously weak gag reflex, unassumingly enters movie theater to see Bad Boys
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel takes a liking to nice woman named Sigrit
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel stamps out cigar onto 8×10 autographed photo of his rival after making vague threats
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel substitutes running mate JD Vance for Ving Rhames instead
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel gets off light with a double-life plea bargain
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel wrecks young woman’s brass bed and other furniture trying to go cold turkey off drugs
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joe overheard on the phone asking in a shaky voice, “They can’t do that, can they?”
- Joel marvels in disbelief that Framingham Massachusetts store known only as Pants Shortened can survive in this financial climate
- Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel kisses mother with same mouth he uses to spew expletives
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel casually tries to break into home, sets off howling alarm and runs into the night empty handed
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor
- Joel demands audience with Thomas Aquinas
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel masks rage
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel calls bullshit on the accounting job title “controller”
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel has unfair expectations for white quarterback
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel recounts the time he witnessed a garage sale become deadly but later admits he was just describing the plot of the new Lifetime movie Deadly Garage Sale
- Joel sets location for drug deal to be behind abandoned Ken’s steakhouse
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel toys around with words and meaning
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel tried as juvenile due to his dimwitted nature
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel comes crashing through the wall into board room to espouse the benefits of Fan Duel
- Joel goes out at night to record some new wind sound effects when the whole shit pops off
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel underestimates heightened senses of would-be blind female victim
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel claims he saw a documentary about an African boy who built a TV and VCR from scratch using raw materials
- Joel sentenced by international tribunal for possessing and distributing cocaine in the Olympic village
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel’s home terrorized by the ghost of Mark Twain
- Joel’s therapist suggests a fresh new start in a state she knows she isn’t licensed
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel names race horse Altar Boy
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites
- Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel’s flight taxis endlessly like a middle schooler too scared to kiss
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel seen running down the street dressed as a mailman
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for
- Joel smokes something that makes him kill
- Joel calls out color and object combinations to stave off his insane condition
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel seen wearing hospital gown and mumbling to himself standing in line for his daily pills
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel shows up to Burning Man in mohawk weeks after tanking his startup and burning investors
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel eats trash
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel imposes a tax on beards to fund the creation of a navy
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel chooses Arctic Blast instead of his familiar Fresh Mint and almost gets his face blown off
- Joel uses telekinesis to send wax dolls after his foes
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel claims he saw a giant floating head out in the woods
- Joel keeps clearly and loudly repeating “I’ll kill her” to hostage negotiator
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel bites rat
- Joel buys evil car from total weirdo
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel moves into Pulte Homes planned community named Rage Valley
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel skulks back to his coffin by sunrise
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel turned in by priest
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land
- Joel comes home claiming he hasn’t eaten yet, unaware that he’d become desensitized to the stench of the Indian food that his clothes had been absorbing for the last two hours
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel goes to where he has no business being and then tries to take what isn’t his
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel, given one choice of prosthetic style, selects hook
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel transmits message of alert to identical twin
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel calls bullshit on anyone who claims they can determine how a fire started
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel learns the terrible truth about his favorite soda during factory tour
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel enters work clothing retailer in the mindset of a violent cybernetic time traveler
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel learns to respond to being called “White Chocolate”
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel poisons lawyer’s dog
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel hospitalized after eating skunk cabbage growing along stream at Mad River Glenn
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel dragged down from nearly scaling the gate of his psychiatric hospital
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel starts true crime podcast but each episode is just an admission
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel carefully examines Playgirl centerfold outside corner shop where he just bought it
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel fells backyard tree onto neighbor’s house crushing baby’s crib that was fortunately empty
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel dreams of going to a Chile’s
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel found in his garage tied up sitting on a mountain of unopened merchandise rigged to burn
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel presses charges
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel humps the ground in the woods near where he stashes porno magazines in plastic bag
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel flaunts his chips and winnings in a brazen way
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel shits with boner
- Joel leaves semen at the scene to taunt authorities
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel commits late night burglary in hyper-realistic looking gorilla suit
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joel fires gun frantically into swarm of approaching bats
- Joel feeds multitudes with only two fish
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel eats money
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel explains that emotion is a young man’s game
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel refers to his fridge as “a housewife’s safe”
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel falls through ceiling an breaks both of his legs while spying on girlfriend at town theater
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel commits fairly well executed small town bank robbery only to drive off in a bright orange Pontiac Solstice
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel referred to as a “stiff” in a police context
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel does the unthinkable and opens the gate to hell by offering dining room set for free on Facebook Marketplace and Craig’sList at the same time
- Joel rifles through dead woman’s purse while contemplating his next move
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel complains that his girlfriend’s 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son are eating him into the poor house
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”
- Joel does a prank call in which he gets someone from New Line Cinema and someone from Dimension Films on the phone together like each one called the other
- Joel admits to his players that he’s desperate for money
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel impersonates attorney to gain access to witness
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel goes overboard with midnight cravings menu order
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel signed to lackluster deal with Ruffhouse Records
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel brings a nihilistic approach to product development and user experience
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel makes premeditated plan to overeat
- Joel treated like leper during pandemic test drive
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel laughs like Goofy during his arraignment
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel says “Stop her! Stop her!” in almost cartoonish voice
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel clubbed with mallet and made permanently dumber on Redondo Beach
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel lowers his sunglasses to reveal he is fully cross-eyed
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel looks in mirror and curiously touches his face
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel comes in for perm, gets blowout
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel seen running down the sidewalk holding a mannequin head under his arm like a football
- Joel does a kind of gasp-scream as loud analog phone rings
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel does a standing front flip inside of U-Haul office
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel found dead under collapsed grocery shelf of Liquid Death
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel sends a letter to the police letting them know that he plans to strike again
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel found hiding in barrel after the smoke clears around The Alamo
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel calls bullshit on 8k assuming displays would never continue evolving beyond 4k
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel reconsiders DJ catchphrase after leaving crowd somewhat confused with “Tell me something nice”
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel arrives looking like a vampire at front door asking to be invited inside
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel shows up to nephew’s swim meet looking like a caveman
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel held 6 weeks without phone call or chance to shower by backwater country sheriff over small traffic infraction
- Joel loses life over the callousness of female social media influencer
- Joel tells friend who’s getting head-over-heels in new relationship, “Take a lap, Swimfan”
- Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel unsure if he’s had enough but unwilling to wait to find out
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel pulls some major heroics tackling counterfeiter at airport
- Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel asks demonic portrait about its sexual preferences
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel pulls into van with the aid of chemical soaked rag
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring
- Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel harnesses desert power to rob a Tucson area condo association
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel bites every owner he’s had and threatens to bite again
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel thrown out of 8-week paid vegan diet study after it was discovered he’d been eating horse meat
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel blasts rap group MOP while speeding to work with the intention of striking his boss
- Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel tells everyone at his new job that when he was a kid they found the body of a contractor hidden in the walls
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk
- Joel uses AI to spoof Uncle’s voice when calling his mother for money
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel seen wearing a black pancho digging in his backyard at night in the rain
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel refers to his country club as a tomb
- Joel rubs his hands and wrists in anticipation that two delivery trucks might crash pulling into his driveway
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel moves into stuffy shoebox of an apartment on Craig St.
- Joel fucks a traditional stereotypical witch with the hat and big crooked nose
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”
- Joel covets equine
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel combs and teases the hair on the back of his head to resemble a duck’s ass
- Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel shakes vigorously on a deal he has no intention of honoring
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel answers bank telephone on the verge of sobbing while armed gunman coaches him to act naturally
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel does the right thing – and it ends up costing him his life
- Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray
- Joel told by his primary care doctor that everyone in the area is doing very well except for him
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel agrees to do movie soundtrack but only if he can also play the villain
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel jams gun sharply into woman’s ribs as cars slows at border crossing
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel describes his internet connection speed to Verizon tech support as “Pre-Cambrian”
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel asks extremely leading questions and seems to express a clear bias while moderating user test
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel survives botched execution and by rule is allowed to go free
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak
- Joel eats stone
- Joel remarks to several colleagues that the TGI Fridays chain has a “checkered past”
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel performs fugue on well-tempered klavier
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel’s game of love has just begun
- Joel often finds reasons to quote outdated Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus relationship advice videos
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel told over the phone that his fairly substantial Chinese order will be ready in 6 minutes
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel and his siblings disband musical group upon the death of their domineering father
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel found dead holding generic business card of someone named Marosh Stellapapoosi
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel dances the jazz after some sugary apple juice
- Joel backed over after falling asleep behind neighbor’s car
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel and his twin combine forces to do about half the work a regular person meaning they only do about a quarter each
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel becomes hostile, almost violent when department store manager suggests he’s not the real Santa Claus
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel has it all – Armorall Benz and endless papes
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel pits idiot savants of classic rock and rap against each other
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel fires back
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel breaks arm putting on karate display for senior citizens
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel shot in the forehead with suction cup dart
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel makes his daughter’s death look like a kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to also lose a son
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel cares very deeply almost immediately after saying – fine see if I care
- Joel brings back wrong stones from Pankot Palace after huge ordeal
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel discovers old notebook in which his father documented the brain experiments he did on him
- Joel rips decorative saber off the wall at restaurant as cactus based drugs turn bad
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel nervously overwaters cactus
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel throws knives at woman on spinning wheel
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel comes to agreement with basement arachnids allowing one weekend in August for SpiderCon
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel claims he was at the park and physically dropped his cup of coffee on the ground and opened his mouth in awe at the site of a galloping Irish Wolfhound
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel caught as a young boy bringing dead bird back to life behind barn
- Joel warns of trouble in the Suez
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel seen flailing around on fire through the panoramic windows of his stunning Frank Lloyd Wright designed home
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel burned in effigy by his employees
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel casually pulls fire alarm on his way out of hospital after being charged a small copay
- Joel’s Chinese food order intercepted by Feds
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel plans fatal Breckenridge ski trip
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel starts playing Roy Rogers the second he passes his police officer’s test
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel deduces the existence of a Thin Joe
- Joel looks forward to Derby Day, when every asshole in the world thinks they own a Georgia plantation
- Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture
- Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel backed by a half-dozen hypersexed demons while battling supernatural overlord
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel gets Legionnaire’s Disease using basement grown mushrooms in pasta sauce
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel’s AI fitness coach calls the police on him
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel repeatedly shouts in an effeminate accent “Shoot him shoot him shoot him!” while wife aims at neighbor
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel seen at restaurant staring cross-eyed at a giant bowl of ice cream
- Joel calls out sick from work explaining that he’s got a 104 degree temperature after getting scratched by a cat
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel released on his own recognizance
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel becomes inexplicably nervous and demented before getting license photo taken
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel tackled at Social Security office dressed like an old woman
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel ends up in dental emergency room after trying to violently rip apart a dog’s toy with his teeth
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel lies in wait, screaming terrifying Indian war chants from family’s garage
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel burns photograph of mother in trash barrel
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel sees, does
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel comes home drunk after work from his tire factory job crying to his wife about Mr. Yokohama
- Joel insists on album cover of him sitting among stacks of hamburgers
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel and his associates read the riot act by chicken-thin woman
- Joel explores internet
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel watches a team of household-name American basketball stars each with whopping endorsement deals play against a team from a country he can’t pronounce
- Joel slashes teens
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel Googles “How do I get a psycho cop off my back?”
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel describes his aunt’s funeral as a grave occasion
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel rings up his Amish friend using a wooden phone
- Joel shows gun
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel aggressively lists benefits the plaintiff enjoyed and accuses them of being ungrateful
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel, when asked what he’s trying to prove, realizes he isn’t sure
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel overhead saying “That man takes care of his face”
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel brings a rambunctious squealing piglet to friends’ housewarming party
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel’s bank says No
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel fried in the electric chair for his participation in what became known as The Cape Cod 5
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel spreads so many rumors he earns the nickname Lou Gossip
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel hangs a bunch of garlic wreaths on his front and back door after watching too many vampire movies
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day
- Joel trampled by USC marching band
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel views every food group that isn’t sugar as a possible sugar delivery vehicle
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel seen walking down hospital hallway wearing a lab coat and obsolete head mirror
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel eats his height in submarine sandwich and then passes out for that many inches in hours
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel found tied to fire hydrant
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel interferes with the duties of a crew member
- Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel retreats back into the shadows
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel’s homemade burrito begins to open on the bottom causing him to have to go full Blues Traveler on it
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel refuses outside support from the FBI as death toll grows
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel seen chugging extremely high calorie sugary beverage despite having no sense of smell or taste
- Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims
- Joel walks alone
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel impatiently yells “Give it!” after a child tells him he has a message from his boss in jail
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel cracks up after husband’s body goes missing from morgue
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel seen running from warehouse fire holding a baby doll
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel packs sweatshirt in backpack for office knowing that motherfuckers are trying to win the air conditioning award
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel banned for life from tv show Comics Unleashed over his material
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel nests table
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel spotted near ice cream shop snarling at accomplice about having to get “them” 3 girls by next week “or else”
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded
- Joel informed by Sydney Pollack about the seriousness of the situation
- Joel bitterly sips a Dasani when no other waters were available
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel’s face contorts in shock and disbelief
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel kills serially
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel praise Allah with visions of Gandhi
- Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool
- Joel sends mother a bouquet of Brazilian zombie flowers
- Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel opens a Caribbean eatery where you can order Zion wings with Babylon sauce
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel scores IMDB credit on movie Rage Race as “Rat faced goon #3”
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel seen biting on metal bar
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel refers to himself as pinoy to connote that he’s a member of the Filipino diaspora
- Joe purchases a special edition Goofy watch
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel receives double negative HIV test result, making it positive
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel makes demands in vague terms and takes the complexities of reality for granted
- Joel perceives child prodigy as a threat
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel claims his computer verbally asked him for help
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel inserts news clips of Desert Storm between his aggressive new songs
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel refers to his former self as a precocious ray of light ruined by the temptations of puberty
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat
- Joel rests case
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel referred to as “silverback” in victim’s description to police
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel recalls a childhood spent watching the neighborhood kids play outside through the window of his locked bedroom
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel kept in full nelson while authorities arrive
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel shows that he understands two concepts: barrels and bananas
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel seen wearing fishnet tank top walking cat on leash
- Joel joins Zoom call while also performing his second job as a fast food drive-through cashier
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel shows up at date’s house and realizes she’s the daughter of the pharmacist he bought condoms from earlier
- Joel told that death is too good for him by federal judge
- Joel frozen in indecision at top of slopes on first day skiing between trails Widowmaker and Butternut
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel takes blowtorch to his voters
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel matures just enough to the point of not buying all of the things he promised himself as a child
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel stops and scowls at detectives after they thank him and turn back toward their vehicle
- Joel carries on vicious argument with empty rocking chair clearly directed at his mother
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel writes love song proclaiming his ignorance of most subjects
- Joel pulls banana out of his pocket and aims it at police officer
- Joel blames the string of grisly murders on his doppelgänger, Libby Loej
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel continues forward through hailstorm of police gunfire as angel dust courses through his veins
- Joel goes outside and cries in the rain because no one will be able to tell
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel leaps from wheelchair and sprints from scene as scam starts being questioned
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel demands boy
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel wins Superbowl and drives off in Hyundai
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel maliciously shoves woman down onto tracks in front of approaching train due to general anxieties about his job security
- Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel salts fist
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel splurges for two filet mignon steaks at the supermarket for his upcoming date with powerful record producer but becomes hysterically blind as the event draws nearer
- Joel loses head
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel persuaded to entrust his mental health to new drug Gorrilafy
- Joel overhears someone caution another guest about him “after you shake hands with him count your fingers”
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel has friend who lives near payphone call in bomb threat to avoid deadline
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel staked through the heart with wooden spear while sleeping in his coffin
- Joel saves some money by converting an old spatula into a back scratcher
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel forged in the fiery crucible that is domestic violence against men
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel gains a whole day by not knowing what day it is
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel tells web design client enough already with all the widgets
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel seen committing a 2-11
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel claims he was lured into a West Philadelphia sex dungeon
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel discovers echo from humans past foretelling the demise of intelligence and purpose
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel shot down like dog while threatening police on his front lawn with letter opener
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty
- Joel gets married covered in ketchup and wearing a giant bun
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel comes home stinking of Indian food claiming he was at friend Mark Foto’s house
- Joel shown video of him burning down one of his underperforming businesses
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet
- Joel caught exhuming grave
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel’s IP address flagged for typing “Hulk Hogan sex tape t-shirt” into search engine
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel contacts personal injury attorney promising slam dunk
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel talked into committing a fatal robbery by chef celeb Guy Fieri
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel violates the second law of thermodynamics by conceptualizing time travel too simplistically
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel caught talking to ghoulish medieval portrait and asking the subject about its sexual preferences
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel threatens to drink the river to dry the land
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel brings a great dishonor upon himself and his family
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel traces his left hand on paper and then colors it in to look like a turkey
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel offers hope
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel wakes abruptly from nap and shouts “Lucifer, son of the morning, I’m gonna chase you out of Earth!”
- Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel seen 20 feet up in tree standing on the branch that he’s cutting off with chainsaw
- Joel takes off helmet and tosses his hair after riding motorcycle through Tokyo alleyways wearing sleek leather one-piece riding suit
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel makes nativity statue of baby Jesus cry
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel molests one in four women
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel hangs shining star upon highest bough
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel makes perverse hook shot leveraging a more primitive zone of his brain
- Joel questioned by detective that makes it known that he believes Joel to be guilty and won’t rest till he’s proved it
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel’s guts turned to slop by miracle drug
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel teaches much older wealthy wife to start drinking excessively
- Joel wonders what they call French kissing in France
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel steals candy from baby
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel witnesses person get head run over by his arriving Uber driver
- Joel learns killer’s identity through child’s drawing
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel fatally shoots his boss who he’s been hired to protect with long range rifle shot meant for assailants
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel seen pointing gun at two old women who apparently scammed him
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel backs over predatory home staging expert
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel blown in all different directions by four strong winds
- Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida
- Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel flunks elective Intro to Dinosaurs class
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel practices his acting lines in Central Park with new friend he doesn’t realize is also his stalker
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel starts rapidly speaking in Italian after hockey puck ricochets into stands at his forehead
- Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel gets extorted and eventually murdered by husband and wife cheerleader couple he hired to run his budding youth sports clinic franchises
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel has died from a snakebite
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel humps to Sister Nancy song “Bam Bam” in the sweltering heat
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel stomps on accelerator speeding past frantic dock workers as ferry begins to disembark
- Joel turned into vegetable by host of outdated therapy techniques
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel practices law while living in his car
- Joel’s hot cousin Natassja convinces him to buy into dangerous vitamin scam
- Joel only mentions resources for gambling addiction at the end of his sports betting advertisement because he’s required to by law
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel tries to make off with hung man’s shoes
- Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel slaps some poorly planned AI feature into his software and calls it CoPilot
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel’s pilot brazenly announces that there will be light turbulence throughout the flight that will get worse as we near the destination and then still takes off anyways
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel attempts to immortalize himself by vandalizing a national treasure
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel makes a list of the president’s enemies
- Joel asks his dog if she thinks he’s going to kill her or something
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel develops total financial stranglehold over young immigrant woman
- Joel looks at pasta container on shelf behind his wife before telling her he was at an old friend named Al Dente’s house
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel introduces himself as the Mayor of Oysterville
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel realizes the entrance exam to prestigious academy is actually to test whether or not he’s a witch
- Joel casually sits down and figures out that objects with heavy mass and gravity can bend light and space time
- Joel starts a terrorist organization called The Free Radicals but is quickly neutralized by blueberries, avocados and other foods high in antioxidants
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel insists he tumbled over handlebars intentionally
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel tells the middle school girl he’s dating that he’s in like with her
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel flies through the hood like everybody in the hood is up to no good
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel worries friends and family with his pointed threats
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel seen clinging to hood of car driving around zoo parking lot
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel learns to talk telepathically to animals, gets forced into the middle of a baboon war
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel suffers fatal overdose of party pills while coaching kids baseball game
- Joel’s behavior described as craven during freak carnival fire
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel’s friends and family finally say something about his gambling
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel summoned to tutor the children of terminally ill drug lord
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel threatens that if network doesn’t meet his demands he’ll put on a show so foul and grotesque it will have their advertisers fleeing like rats from a sinking ship
- Joel helps woman with bags outside of bus station but then quickly disappears with them
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel no longer afraid of AIDS
- Joel builds a shed described by neighbors as the worst they’ve ever seen
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel suggests that perhaps his 90’s style with grey suits and white shirt in time could prove to have been the most dangerous Joel
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel acts out the Ego portion of his recent Ryobi purchase
- Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel voted most likely to be susceptible to hypnotism
- Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel starts to get lightly rammed on his back bumper by car that’s been chasing him
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel’s lawyer informs him that the government’s case is built on nothing more than an unreliable witness’s description of seeing someone “short and ugly”, but it will probably make it to trial
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel delivers a healthy serving of Paul Riser in an attempt to distract the public from a glaring lack of Judge Reinhold
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel rolls down steep hill in a barrel and across state highway causing multiple car pileup
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel likens Friday morning Cedarville, MA wind and rain to something that sounds like the end of the world
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel dazzled and intrigued by motion picture
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel starts empanada empire with the help of local community bank
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel attends internal company fireside chat with CEO who saunters out to Kendrick beat
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel throws fistful of cash at would-be muggers and runs
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them
- Joel dives into campfire
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel gets pulled over with corpses in all of the other seats
- Joel smells fear
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel found dead making a frozen grimace in winter wonderland display
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel has dream of producing an all-girl hyper-sexualized R&B group called The Diet Tonics then years later starts confusing the dream with reality
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel casts Bela Lugosi and Lon Cheney in the same shit
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel held down and cuffed with his face pressed against his own star on the Hollywood walk of fame
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel calls his project team “a bunch of Can’t Jemimahs” after they tell him what he’s asking for can’t be done
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel turns and snarls after receiving Communion at church
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill
- Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel psychotically begs the listener to wind him up
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel tells anxious product owner to tell their story walking
- Joel comes away with the understanding that time and space are one interwoven concept
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel finds finger with ring in his drive-thru chicken sandwich
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel kidnapped by his own literary agent and forced to continue writing lucrative series in captivity
- Joel’s Guinness stolen by thirsty ostrich
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel witnessed killing prostitute in a thicket of reeds but then quickly beats witness to police station and pins the crime on him
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands
- Joel opens chain of low rent sweatbox yoga studios called Nanasty
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel knowingly posts cursed dining room set on Facebook Marketplace
- Joel orders overpriced designer coffee grinder hour after saying he never would
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel wears weird lime green suit to Uncle’s funeral
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel awakens face down in hastily dug shallow grave
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel successfully sues new employer for the content included in the sexual harassment training video
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel grabs arm of Uber driver reaching for pepper spray
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel called a swine by hooker he drops off in the middle of nowhere
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel treated just like a rat in country where he’s not culturally significant or recognizable
- Joel robs Amazon Prime delivery truck at gunpoint
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel sniffs lunch meat, grimaces, then puts it back in the fridge
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel calls himself Billie Holiday while on vacation
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel seen riding motorcycle along building ledge while going through an acute midlife crisis after his niece accidentally chops off his long hair
- Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel returns to the area where he spotted a large black snake to smoke some more pot
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel rises from the ashes of a housefire he accidentally started
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel contemplates a football team made of various individual Chiefs from several dozen separate tribes
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel steps outside and gets hat blown off
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel specifies that all clones on Moon base should look identical to him
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel tells female interviewer “I got music the way I am my man” in sort of a friendly but quizzical manner
- Joel answers young female reporter’s questions dishonestly and perversely
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel asks female coworker “Are you sweet on this guy?!”
- Joel uses recording of bird that sounds like sickly old woman to solve murder mystery
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel begins ramming car at CVS pharmacy drive-up window claiming ‘hours had passed’ while security footage shows an elapsed wait of 3 minutes
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel seen convulsing and getting his brain fried by psychedelic arcade game at truck stop
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel calls newspaper to establish relationship with reporter just after first murder
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel tells detectives he entered the rear of the museum to find a pack of gargoyles strangling the curator with her intestines
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel swears he could spot 7 or 8 more bodies while flying over Gilgo Beach
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel reclines lazily smoking cigarette in bed with his secretary while on the phone with his wife
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel locked up in cartoon jail
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel gets carnival popcorn machine for his home theater room that becomes a real health and safety hazard
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel destroyed in tennis by his friend’s elderly father
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel considered a bloated pleasure seeker
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel starts grabbing his crotch and making bizarre sounds like “shamon” and “hehe”
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel bites interviewer
- Joel follows woman
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel spends the first day of Subaru Summer pacing around his house and looking out window
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel claims to like the album “In the Court of King Crimson” by King Crimson
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel writes the error text “An error has occurred. Please close your browser and try again” knowing full well not a goddamn thing is going to change
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel told he’s like a pig in shit but not for any specific reason or in relation to anything
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face
- Joel replies, “Yeah right, man,” after being informed his car is in the process of getting towed
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel trolls the underground porn scene of 1979 Hollywood in search of his runaway daughter
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel found puking behind dumpster after ordering the Clams Casino despite being warned by his waiter
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel stiffs and gaslights sickly old drunk guitarist
- Joel stabbed in the ass with antifreeze syringe and sent back into frozen football game
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel dumped by Debtors Anonymous sponsor over purchase of pricey illegal cat
- Joel whips up cruise quality salad
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel harbors secrets that almost kill him
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel never sees his belongings again after entrusting them to Marco Polo Movers
- Joel doesn’t know about any of this 5G stuff but he’ll just take what digital scraps he can get
- Joel starts making some noise and asking questions about Mambo’s number 1-4
- Joel carefully checks flower bouquet for spiders
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel gets so caught up in smiling, pointing, and waving he forgets to sing
- Joel, off the top of his head, rattles off 6 or 7 ingredients that are not on a supposed “everything” bagel
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel wonders if the parents of girls named Kirsten are all dyslexic
- Joel doesn’t tell his doctor he’s already taking Brovando
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel handles pan
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel calls total bullshit on “fork split” English muffins
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel prescribed Provasic by increasingly senile doctor who loves movies
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel seen shadowboxing through produce aisle
- Joel stands in his yard watering his lawn with his eyes closed while the virus that causes Shingles reactivates in his body
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel dresses as Rhesus monkey clapping symbols during photoshoot for cover of new Untitled album
- Joel does a perfect impression of Bill Cosby saying “Hello, I am an anemone”
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel makes Irish entrance
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel’s flight delayed by Hurricane Rubin Carter
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel sprints insanely fast after car leaving his property and then turns and sprints back to get car to give chase
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel seen screaming “Amber alert! I’m being abducted! Amber alert!” while getting cuffed and stuffed into back of squad car
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel begs for money
- Joel pumps up volume as instructed by song
- Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel tells police he was out with friend Spanish Todd
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel claims he was at the house of a friend named Ken Ryobi
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel karate chops desk in half
- Joel takes low road
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel forces his way into young woman’s apartment, insisting he has to talk to her
- Joel describes his new 8ft ladder as being rated to support a “300 pound woman”
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel finds that Lady Bird is not only a coming of age story but a love letter to Sacramento
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel displays animosity for red door
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel found napping in drainage pipe next to dead woman’s purse
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel bites child
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel claims he got locked inside a walk-in freezer for a weekend and had to jog in place to stay alive
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel throws perfect spiral of rotten Italian sub at elected official
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel scalded half to death by mysterious tampering of home hot water boiler
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel rips off white priest collar and runs down the alley
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel indulges perverted elderly tuxedo shop owner in game of pretend robbery
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel overdoses on Mounjaro before softball game
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel goes to Orlando with suitcase stuffed with everything other than shorts or short sleeve shirts
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel lies about being a renowned Egyptologist
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel fakes signs of stroke
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel loses control of car on mountain pass but comes back as a snowman to make peace with his family before transitioning to afterlife
- Joel claims he was accepted into the Air Force after he did 1000 pushups on the deck of a battleship
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel attacked maliciously through electronic communication network invented for porn
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel fired from marketing position at Sam Adams for insisting his “Summer of Sam” promotion
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel chases swan
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel electrocuted badly while tinkering with vintage hifi receiver
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel asks his supernatural overlord, “If I bring you the child, can I have the woman?”
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joe reminds niece that elephants are vegetarian after she explains it is part of her weight loss strategy
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel strangled half to death with silk scarf
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel feigns concern for the profit motive of an enormous cellular conglomerate
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel tells bullshit hyperbolic story about how The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick was playing at deafening level in bathroom of Cumberland Farms gas station
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel complains about neighbor’s tacky Christmas lights and decorations then becomes sad when they take them down
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel bites woman who pushed him too far
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel blames client
- Joel wonders how in the hell two gasses could combine to form a liquid
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel gets brain bubbles while fighting horrific drug
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel buys bride online and gets more than he bargained for
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him
- Joel gets Porsche 911 with license plates NVRFRGT
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel accidentally goes to a Todd Talk
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel begs for change in a cashless society
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel refers to new corporate IT policy as a “Shanda”
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel describes the plot of the show Jag to the other Peeping Tom’s in the holding cell
- Joel tries to pressure coworkers into buying Dead Sea salt lotions from his daughter’s Mall kiosk shop
- Joel befriends adult male celebrity with condition that makes him forever look like a child and treats him like he’s his child
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel steals his mother’s credit card and uses it to purchase a brand new dirt bike
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel exits with shop with suitcase
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel says he’s been really busy with charity, handling all of the policeman’s balls
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel overheard in his basement signing along with weird sounding voice from backwards record saying “My sweet Satan”
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation
- Joel’s all time best selling hit Fuck Tha Police comes back to bite him when he needs their help the most
- Joel overstimulated by even the outskirts of the city
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel trespasses into archaeological dig after hours and finds a whole bunch of shit just under where they had dug to and then panics and covers it back up
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel tells coworkers he needs a vacation from his vacation after week spent mostly barricaded in his home with drug induced paranoia
- Joel invokes Hanlon’s Razor in defense of his use of prop noose to motivate condo sales team
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel explains the Korean flag and the four symbols in the corners all wrong
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel breaks charades rules by audibly grunting and wheezing
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel pulled from the smoking wreckage unscathed
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel creates Alice In Chains Pandora station but it only plays Rooster on repeat
- Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel gets brain bubble fighting the effects of coffee he brewed using cheap grinder, faulty kitchen scale, and “Chino XL” branded coffee beans
- Joel gets hit with hammer after legitimate case of amnesia makes him forget his bookie
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel chants down Babylon
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel fails to deliver on his brand’s promise
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something
- Joel found gagged and tied to office chair with festive tape
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel likens his Uptown Girl to John’s Crocodile Rock
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel calls boner pill doctor complaining that he can’t leave himself alone
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel spotted outside large commercial building with hand saw attempting to cut main power cable
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel hit with tomato while answering doorbell during Broncos game
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel rips fake priest collar off and sprints down street
- Joel demands to be sold honey despite the fact that he’s a bee
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel complains that he keeps hiring people with borderline personality disorder that interview well
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel lands extremely complex Olympic flip allowing his family to live
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel goes mostly deaf hard rocking on stage night after night in school boy uniform without hearing protection
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel barks himself hoarse
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel mounts beloved deer
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel’s stench admired by less advanced creature
- Joel becomes the priest in the pair of exorcists which the demon easily overpowers and shames
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel claims to know things about Stonehenge
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel neutralized by older woman of average strength
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel wakes up from coma speaking in a restrained Connecticut white trash accent
- Joel does everything imaginable while he’s alive, then everything unimaginable after that
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series
- Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel pens gore-core historical fiction “The Sinking of the Herkylavania”
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel orders himself a Gameday Family Feast
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel fools some of the people some of the time
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel winds up beet red and slurring thanks to heroics of MBTA commuter
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel waddles through charming outdoor market during Christmas season plotting to kill
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel burns while doing neutron dance
- Joel watches real life fight between a sailor with grotesquely large forearms and a big fat bearded mean one who was trying to sexually assault the other’s wife
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel’s insane theories and speculation about The Alamo tolerated only due to steady influx of donations
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel has his legal name changed to Mister Coffee
- Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel slices off tip of finger shooting Ryobi saw review video
- Joel absolutely earns his nickname, The Christian Mingle Killer
- Joel spins out, continues on foot in desperate rush for US embassy
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel pretends to be woman’s deceased husband’s war buddy in order to get to a doll she has that’s secretly stuffed with heroine
- Joel sad because of his Standard American Diet (SAD)
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel deputized for his blue collar heroics on the Long Island railroad
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel clarifies his role to investors as Silicon Prince
- Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel seen ripping suitcase out of old woman’s hands
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel learns nothing and remains unchanged by the end of his hero’s arc
- Joel forces woman to do what she refers to as “insane things”
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel refers to group from previous historical era as barbarians
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel rushes into young Korean American evangelical church demanding sanctuary as police sirens can be heard in distance
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel owes soul to company store
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel gets drunk on the benefits of having a girlfriend who is the store manager of a GAP Kids
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel directs COVID-19 theme porn entitled Superspreaders
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel gets charged for roof being blown off of Airbnb
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel faints at seance for his late husband
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel has crow cawing repeating in his face as he desperately tries to open a combination lock
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel addresses the citizens of Los Angeles by their proper collective name, Angelinos
- Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel found frozen stiff on top of motorcycle at the top of Pico Duarte
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel uses the term “iron sharpens iron” repeatedly and optimistically during his football team’s fall training camp leading up to historically bad Week 1 loss
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel makes good on threats
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel vows never to become like his friend’s mother
- Joel holds up under heavy questioning for hours but quickly falls victim to flattery
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel subsists for several weeks on impulse snacks purchased at TJ Max
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel watches eclipse in an almost giddy state while his house is robbed
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel discovers fossilized turd in Delta blanket
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel sleeps standing up
- Joel asks ChatGPT “Why do we cry?”
- Joel brutalizes a version of himself from another time
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel swings grappling hook at crowd
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel seen walking like a pimp with two nuns
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel claws face
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel angrily refers to low key talk therapist as brain butcher
- Joel blurs the lines between politics and bigotry
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel crushed by Buick during foolish bench press stunt
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel refers to his dog by the wrong name on phone with mother to confirm she’s real
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel overheard by other customers at dealership service lounge smugly noting each time he makes a cappuccino and which number it is
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel tells personal trainer his goal is to be able to do a naked headstand
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel claims he saw baggage handlers loading a baby elephant into the cargo hold of his flight
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel and his father hide from their Hispanic heritage unlike his brave brother Emilio
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel seen grilling burgers and waving “Hi” with his spatula from the perspective of incoming drone missile
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel’s most unflattering night gets immortalized as a pivotal user story in the annals of tech history
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel catches on fire in Surf Style brand neon blue windbreaker he bought at Wildwood NJ boardwalk store
- Joel’s entrance into scene accompanied by dissonant and foreboding sound effect
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel causes major concern from friends who arrive to find his house reeking of gasoline
- Joel walks around Jordan’s parking lot looking for his car like a perverted ghost
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel begins to feel strangled by his possessions
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel learns to speak in a demonic voice with his mother
- Joel points at deaf teen walking away from scene and tells cop “She’s getting away”
- Joel can’t wait to retire and open his long dreamed-of doll repair shop he plans to call Doll Hospital
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel buys time
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel casually picks belly button lint through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel laments a perceived lack of podcasts where celebrities interview other celebrities
- Joel says he’s collecting clothes for the homeless but is then seen months later wearing them
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel’s insurance only accepted at dog hospital
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel set up for robbery-murder in Patterson, NJ, does 15 years in prison and then isn’t even mad about it
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel found passed out hung from his ankles on new inversion machine
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel and his identical twin strangle each other
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel gets into some pretty desperate financial trouble before signing to Jive
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel keeps threatening defendant with “the chair” despite the fact that he’s a judge in a state that doesn’t allow capital punishment
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel switches overcoats with the good android
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel disrobes mannequin
- Joel gets a free trip from Thailand to the US wearing light tan pleated khakis and an iridescent blue polo shirt
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel’s given six months to live – and a license to kill
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel does time for trying to impersonate a cop
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel refers to the Dole Administration as when he holds the joint to his wife’s lips as it gets shorter rather than passing it to her
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel gets crude oil poured down his throat and gets screamed at about Michael Jackson feeling the need to turn white
- Joel puts final piece into puzzle of naked lady and uncontrollably doubles over and ejaculates
- Joel wonders why his serpentine commander is always so pissed off
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel remakes offhandedly at anthropology convention that humans are just the right size to cause trouble
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel asks if they have any boxes of the card game Uno in English
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel hides behind large gong during shootout
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel explains he’s not trying to survive but trying to live it to the limit and love it a lot
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel shot by revolver held in his own severed hand
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel calls 911 and explains that his son is in a homemade flying saucer, instead of just calling it a balloon
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel really gets opinionated while coding in Subjective-C
- Joel squirms his way to the front of a crowd of onlookers to get a glimpse of old woman hit by garbage truck
- Joel’s odious rap verses come back to haunt him when he attempts to run for public office
- Joel reassures police the fingernail scratches all over his face were from a man
- Joel creams pants
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel sprints through subway station holding a beating human heart
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel somehow survives by sitting in the tail section
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel admits to tabloid reporter that he’s basically at rock bottom
- Joel hides in mall til it closes
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel quickly unsubscribes from anything and everything having to do with The Democrats
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel has gun pried from his cold dead hands
- Joel slashed by slasher
- Joel claims that his poodle is a food critic for the LA Times
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel Bogles at the dance
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel quips that the saying should be “the whole burrito” or “the whole chimichanga” since enchiladas are typically smaller and sold in quantities of two or three
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel tells new guest his wife died several years ago and then later asks if he’d like to see her
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel overhears wife on phone talking about him as is if he’s dead
- Joel seen being taken by the wind and struck by lightning while suspended in the air
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel promises nephew a full-sized taxidermied crocodile
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel gets another year older and deeper in debt
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel lists his profession as French Sex Murder on customs papers as plane starts to descend
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel divulges plans to take someone’s face off
- Joel wonders what people in other countries call English class
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel describes luxury sports utility vehicle in front of him as a “monstrosity”
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel dons grotesque prosthetics to portray famous composer in biopic
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel raises his hand toward woman and slowly returns it saying “If I wasn’t a gentleman…”
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel rigs his TV to explode on housesitter
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel chooses only the most lewd scenes for trailer
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink
- Joel assault opponent’s body and sides until his head eventually shuts down
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel details all of his previous court room deceptions to some junky groupie on prison phone while awaiting a new trial
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel seen practicing being normal
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel unsure what to do with his original intent to stalk when chance encounter leads to him charm same woman into date
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel becomes obsessed with his own sexuality
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel rushes out of open house after almost twisting off female realtor’s head over argument about sign-in sheet
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel reports to mist
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel has false memory of ever owning a Samsung phone
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts
- Joel chuckles watching his dog have some weird little dream
- Joel seen eating leaves and drinking from a puddle before huge Walmart payday
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel jumps out of window screaming about being on fire after eating locally harvested chanterelle mushrooms
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet
- Joel carries woman through abandoned hospital wearing stolen police uniform
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel found crushed to death by pile of chains
- Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel turns pink and collapses at psychedelic dino safari
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel starts hurriedly pounding on door right after ringing bell without leaving any time for someone to realistically answer
- Joel first experiences sticker shock, then becomes actually offended
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool
- Joel eats twin
- Joel seen ripping suitcase from old woman’s hands
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel gets served a hamburger missing the beef patty at Poconos McDonald’s drive thru
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel trashes beach
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel seen walking across parking lot with a face that would make you think he just bit into a lemon
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel chants “Motherfucker motherfucker!” while prepping dynamite plunger
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel acts out an offensive Italian hand/chin gesture to the notion of working until 5pm
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel makes R-rated quip at imaginary antagonist while methodically browsing discount clothing
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played
- Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel flushes his underwear in the toilet to make trouble at party
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel originally arrested for driving down the street holding a baby out the window but now faces stiffer charges for a failure to appear in court
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel, in his fear, makes an idol and calls it God
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel all like Que fado que lao
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel found guilty in wrongful death class action suit when videos surface of him demanding that 2024 “Nature of the Beast” tour be oversold and operate without security
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel drives with broken back
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel releases new version of Anthony’s Song in which Mama Leone is walking the beat
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel called out for lying when he said his horse eating days were behind him
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel forced to battle a series of colorful villains in psychotic game show
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel shows up extremely late to an Oklahoma Sooners game
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel threatens jurors that he’ll return from the grave if they give him the death penalty
- Joel tells date he’s often mistaken for gay because he has exquisite taste
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel taunts immobilized threat before accidentally getting in range of their grasp
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel set up by psychotic child who can cry at will
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel tells interviewer that in his career he’s done more globetrotting than Meadowlark Lemon
- Joel sees all of the contradictions in the world
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel urges preteen gymnast to take large doses of Totyktu
- Joel asks doctor if someone can die from fright
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel uses shot of character cutting themselves shaving as a foreshadowing technique for a later bloodbath
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel, temporarily blinded from an optician appointment, begins to touch the face of the person talking to him
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel chased through alley in brand new, uncomfortable boots
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel holds his breath for 21 of the 300 seconds required by SEALS
- Joel tucks 38 special into elastic of football uniform
- Joel wastes police’s time with reports of animals that could never possibly be living in the woods by his house
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel peels out and hits female pedestrian at the corner of Lovering and Rumford Road
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl