- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel handles pan
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel salts fist
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel presses charges
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel claws face
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel masks rage
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel eats money
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel kills serially
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel nests table
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel bites child
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel fires back
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel follows woman
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel takes low road
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel smells fear
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel covets equine
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel makes drunken purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel shows gun
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel demands boy
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel buys time
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel eats twin
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel offers hope
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel eats stone
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel chases swan
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel pens Eastern mystery novel entitled “The Wrong Wong”
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool