- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel demands boy
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel bites child
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel nests table
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel takes low road
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel buys time
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel shows gun
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel masks rage
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel smells fear
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel eats money
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel eats stone
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel covets equine
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel fires back
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel chases swan
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel claws face
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel handles pan
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel kills serially
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel pens Eastern mystery novel entitled “The Wrong Wong”
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel follows woman
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel presses charges
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel salts fist
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel offers hope
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel eats twin
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls