- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel walks alone
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeing it to them
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel shows gun
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel takes low road
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel presses charges
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel covets equine
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel blames client
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel bites child
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel offers hope
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast pace pharmaceutical ad
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel sees, does
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel begs for money
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel fires back
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel buys time
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel kills serially
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel eats money
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel rests case
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel claws face
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel eats trash
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel chases swan
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel salts fist
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel eats twin
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel waves phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel handles pan
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel all like Que fado que loa
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel eats stone
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel nests table
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel follows woman
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel masks rage
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel creams pants
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel demands boy
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel smells fear
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet