- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel claws face
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel follows woman
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel handles pan
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel blames client
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel fires back
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel takes low road
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel demands that nine women have a baby in one month
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel eats stone
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel offers hope
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel smells fear
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel eats money
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel chases swan
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel masks rage
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel bites child
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel covets equine
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel salts fist
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel demands boy
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel begs for money
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel kills serially
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel buys time
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel shows gun
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel nests table
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real wig and mustache
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel presses charges
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel eats twin
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work