- Joel tells date he’s often mistaken for gay because he has exquisite taste
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel claims to like the album “In the Court of King Crimson” by King Crimson
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel assault opponent’s body and sides until his head eventually shuts down
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel acts out an offensive Italian hand/chin gesture to the notion of working until 5pm
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joel, given one choice of prosthetic style, selects hook
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel first experiences sticker shock, then becomes actually offended
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel rigs his TV to explode on housesitter
- Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel seen chugging extremely high calorie sugary beverage despite having no sense of smell or taste
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel taunts immobilized threat before accidentally getting in range of their grasp
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel describes luxury sports utility vehicle in front of him as a “monstrosity”
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel joins Zoom call while also performing his second job as a fast food drive-through cashier
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel trolls the underground porn scene of 1979 Hollywood in search of his runaway daughter
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel’s game of love has just begun
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel spotted near ice cream shop snarling at accomplice about having to get “them” 3 girls by next week “or else”
- Joel’s insurance only accepted at dog hospital
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on
- Joel shot in the forehead with suction cup dart
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel laments a perceived lack of podcasts where celebrities interview other celebrities
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel kidnapped by his own literary agent and forced to continue writing lucrative series in captivity
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel’s all time best selling hit Fuck Tha Police comes back to bite him when he needs their help the most
- Joel calls bullshit on anyone who claims they can determine how a fire started
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel covets equine
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel fakes signs of stroke
- Joel takes a liking to nice woman named Sigrit
- Joel casually tries to break into home, sets off howling alarm and runs into the night empty handed
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel overdoses on Mounjaro before softball game
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel drives with broken back
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel handles pan
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joe reminds niece that elephants are vegetarian after she explains it is part of her weight loss strategy
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel wastes police’s time with reports of animals that could never inhabit where he’s calling from
- Joel’s Chinese food order intercepted by Feds
- Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel lies about being a renowned Egyptologist
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel walks alone
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel summoned to tutor the children of terminally ill drug lord
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel chuckles watching his dog have some weird little dream
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel comes to agreement with basement arachnids allowing one weekend in August for SpiderCon
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel kisses mother with same mouth he uses to spew expletives
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel seen running from warehouse fire holding a baby doll
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel bites interviewer
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel rings up his Amish friend using a wooden phone
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel told over the phone that his fairly substantial Chinese order will be ready in 6 minutes
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel burns while doing neutron dance
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel’s flight taxis endlessly like a middle schooler too scared to kiss
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel’s AI fitness coach calls the police on him
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel’s genetic analysis indicates a predisposition to criminality
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel wonders why his serpentine commander is always so pissed off
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel tells new guest his wife died several years ago and then later asks if he’d like to see her
- Joel tucks 38 special into elastic of football uniform
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel found dead making a frozen grimace in winter wonderland display
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel winds up beet red and slurring thanks to heroics of MBTA commuter
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel doesn’t tell his doctor he’s already taking Brovando
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel set up for robbery-murder in Patterson, NJ, does 15 years in prison and then isn’t even mad about it
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel raises his hand toward woman and slowly returns it saying “If I wasn’t a gentleman…”
- Joel reports to mist
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel steps outside and gets hat blown off
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel clarifies his role to investors as Silicon Prince
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel rises from the ashes of a housefire he accidentally started
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel thrown out of 8-week paid vegan diet study after it was discovered he’d been eating horse meat
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel views every food group that isn’t sugar as a possible sugar delivery vehicle
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel refers to new corporate IT policy as a “Shanda”
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel all like Que fado que lao
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel and his twin combine forces to do about half the work a regular person meaning they only do about a quarter each
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel witnesses person get head run over by his arriving Uber driver
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel refers to group from previous historical era as barbarians
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel found dead under collapsed grocery shelf of Liquid Death
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel quickly unsubscribes from anything and everything having to do with The Democrats
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor
- Joel survives botched execution and by rule is allowed to go free
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel waddles through charming outdoor market during Christmas season plotting to kill
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel shits with boner
- Joel gets into some pretty desperate financial trouble before signing to Jive
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel knowingly posts cursed dining room set on Facebook Marketplace
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel describes his new 8ft ladder as being rated to support a “300 pound woman”
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel uses telekinesis to send wax dolls after his foes
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel harnesses desert power to rob a Tucson area condo association
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel, temporarily blinded from an optician appointment, begins to touch the face of the person talking to him
- Joel comes home drunk after work from his tire factory job crying to his wife about Mr. Yokohama
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel calls out sick from work explaining that he’s got a 104 degree temperature after getting scratched by a cat
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel, and his notoriously weak gag reflex, unassumingly enters movie theater to see Bad Boys
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel retreats back into the shadows
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel helps woman with bags outside of bus station but then quickly disappears with them
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel eats twin
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel saves some money by converting an old spatula into a back scratcher
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel seen biting on metal bar
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel uses AI to spoof Uncle’s voice when calling his mother for money
- Joel practices law while living in his car
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel makes R-rated quip at imaginary antagonist while methodically browsing discount clothing
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel admits to his players that he’s desperate for money
- Joel slaps some poorly planned AI feature into his software and calls it CoPilot
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel deduces the existence of a Thin Joe
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel writes love song proclaiming his ignorance of most subjects
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel gets carnival popcorn machine for his home theater room that becomes a real health and safety hazard
- Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet
- Joel slashes teens
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel pulls into van with the aid of chemical soaked rag
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel bites every owner he’s had and threatens to bite again
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel dresses as Rhesus monkey clapping symbols during photoshoot for cover of new Untitled album
- Joel warns of trouble in the Suez
- Joel learns to respond to being called “White Chocolate”
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel seen clinging to hood of car driving around zoo parking lot
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel remakes offhandedly at anthropology convention that humans are just the right size to cause trouble
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel toys around with words and meaning
- Joel nervously overwaters cactus
- Joel successfully sues new employer for the content included in the sexual harassment training video
- Joel tells coworkers he needs a vacation from his vacation after week spent mostly barricaded in his home with drug induced paranoia
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel blames the string of grisly murders on his doppelgänger, Libby Loej
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel comes crashing through the wall into board room to espouse the benefits of Fan Duel
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel locked up in cartoon jail
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel makes perverse hook shot leveraging a more primitive zone of his brain
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel faints at seance for his late husband
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel details all of his previous court room deceptions to some junky groupie on prison phone while awaiting a new trial
- Joel moves into stuffy shoebox of an apartment on Craig St.
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel rolls down steep hill in a barrel and across state highway causing multiple car pileup
- Joel displays animosity for red door
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel claims his computer verbally asked him for help
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel carefully checks flower bouquet for spiders
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel discovers old notebook in which his father documented the brain experiments he did on him
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray
- Joel unsure what to do with his original intent to stalk when chance encounter leads to him charm same woman into date
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel rips off white priest collar and runs down the alley
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel suffers fatal overdose of party pills while coaching kids baseball game
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel slices off tip of finger shooting Ryobi saw review video
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel refers to his former self as a precocious ray of light ruined by the temptations of puberty
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel and his father hide from their Hispanic heritage unlike his brave brother Emilio
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel starts true crime podcast but each episode is just an admission
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel tells detectives he entered the rear of the museum to find a pack of gargoyles strangling the curator with her intestines
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel underestimates heightened senses of would-be blind female victim
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel Bogles at the dance
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel impersonates attorney to gain access to witness
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel feigns concern for the profit motive of an enormous cellular conglomerate
- Joel walks around Jordan’s parking lot looking for his car like a perverted ghost
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel unsure if he’s had enough but unwilling to wait to find out
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel fires back
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel scalded half to death by mysterious tampering of home hot water boiler
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel plans fatal Breckenridge ski trip
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel becomes the priest in the pair of exorcists which the demon easily overpowers and shames
- Joel shot by revolver held in his own severed hand
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel claims he saw a documentary about an African boy who built a TV and VCR from scratch using raw materials
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel referred to as a “stiff” in a police context
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel jumps out of window screaming about being on fire after eating locally harvested chanterelle mushrooms
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel forced to battle a series of colorful villains in psychotic game show
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel gets brain bubbles while fighting horrific drug
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel stamps out cigar onto 8×10 autographed photo of his rival after making vague threats
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel traces his left hand on paper and then colors it in to look like a turkey
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel can’t wait to retire and open his long dreamed-of doll repair shop he plans to call Doll Hospital
- Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel banned for life from tv show Comics Unleashed over his material
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel spotted outside large commercial building with hand saw attempting to cut main power cable
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel exits with shop with suitcase
- Joel carries on vicious argument with empty rocking chair clearly directed at his mother
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel claims that his poodle is a food critic for the LA Times
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel rushes out of open house after almost twisting off female realtor’s head over argument about sign-in sheet
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel molests one in four women
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel orders overpriced designer coffee grinder hour after saying he never would
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel takes blowtorch to his voters
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel divulges plans to take someone’s face off
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel masks rage
- Joel fires gun frantically into swarm of approaching bats
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel starts grabbing his crotch and making bizarre sounds like “shamon” and “hehe”
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel complains that his girlfriend’s 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son are eating him into the poor house
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel blasts rap group MOP while speeding to work with the intention of striking his boss
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel sentenced by international tribunal for possessing and distributing cocaine in the Olympic village
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel bites child
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel’s friends and family finally say something about his gambling
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel gets extorted and eventually murdered by husband and wife cheerleader couple he hired to run his budding youth sports clinic franchises
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel flies through the hood like everybody in the hood is up to no good
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel and his siblings disband musical group upon the death of their domineering father
- Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel has dream of producing an all-girl hyper-sexualized R&B group called The Diet Tonics then years later starts confusing the dream with reality
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel maliciously shoves woman down onto tracks in front of approaching train due to general anxieties about his job security
- Joel, in his fear, makes an idol and calls it God
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel scores IMDB credit on movie Rage Race as “Rat faced goon #3”
- Joel tells personal trainer his goal is to be able to do a naked headstand
- Joel develops total financial stranglehold over young immigrant woman
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent
- Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel sets location for drug deal to be behind abandoned Ken’s steakhouse
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel frozen in indecision at top of slopes on first day skiing between trails Widowmaker and Butternut
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel names race horse Altar Boy
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel asks if they have any boxes of the card game Uno in English
- Joel seen eating leaves and drinking from a puddle before huge Walmart payday
- Joel contemplates a football team made of various individual Chiefs from several dozen separate tribes
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel recounts the time he witnessed a garage sale become deadly but later admits he was just describing the plot of the new Lifetime movie Deadly Garage Sale
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel commits late night burglary in hyper-realistic looking gorilla suit
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel learns nothing and remains unchanged by the end of his hero’s arc
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel buys bride online and gets more than he bargained for
- Joel found hiding in barrel after the smoke clears around The Alamo
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel’s therapist suggests a fresh new start in a state she knows she isn’t licensed
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel watches real life fight between a sailor with grotesquely large forearms and a big fat bearded mean one who was trying to sexually assault the other’s wife
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joel introduces himself as the Mayor of Oysterville
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel goes outside and cries in the rain because no one will be able to tell
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel steals his mother’s credit card and uses it to purchase a brand new dirt bike
- Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel matures just enough to the point of not buying all of the things he promised himself as a child
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel seen ripping suitcase out of old woman’s hands
- Joel leaves semen at the scene to taunt authorities
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel refers to his dog by the wrong name on phone with mother to confirm she’s real
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel tells female interviewer “I got music the way I am my man” in sort of a friendly but quizzical manner
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joe purchases a special edition Goofy watch
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel insists on album cover of him sitting among stacks of hamburgers
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture
- Joel chases swan
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel refers to his fridge as “a housewife’s safe”
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel makes demands in vague terms and takes the complexities of reality for granted
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel goes out at night to record some new wind sound effects when the whole shit pops off
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel dumped by Debtors Anonymous sponsor over purchase of pricey illegal cat
- Joel watches a team of household-name American basketball stars each with whopping endorsement deals play against a team from a country he can’t pronounce
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel asks his supernatural overlord, “If I bring you the child, can I have the woman?”
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel holds his breath for 21 of the 300 seconds required by SEALS
- Joel urges preteen gymnast to take large doses of Totyktu
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel fried in the electric chair for his participation in what became known as The Cape Cod 5
- Joel combs and teases the hair on the back of his head to resemble a duck’s ass
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel suggests that perhaps his 90’s style with grey suits and white shirt in time could prove to have been the most dangerous Joel
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel sends mother a bouquet of Brazilian zombie flowers
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel burns photograph of mother in trash barrel
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel refuses outside support from the FBI as death toll grows
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel likens his Uptown Girl to John’s Crocodile Rock
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel hit with tomato while answering doorbell during Broncos game
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel deputized for his blue collar heroics on the Long Island railroad
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel buys time
- Joel repeatedly shouts in an effeminate accent “Shoot him shoot him shoot him!” while wife aims at neighbor
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel tried as juvenile due to his dimwitted nature
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel ends up in dental emergency room after trying to violently rip apart a dog’s toy with his teeth
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel refers to his country club as a tomb
- Joel stabbed in the ass with antifreeze syringe and sent back into frozen football game
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel and his associates read the riot act by chicken-thin woman
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel teaches much older wealthy wife to start drinking excessively
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel informed by Sydney Pollack about the seriousness of the situation
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel continues forward through hailstorm of police gunfire as angel dust courses through his veins
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel’s given six months to live – and a license to kill
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel eats his height in submarine sandwich and then passes out for that many inches in hours
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel claims to know things about Stonehenge
- Joel wears weird lime green suit to Uncle’s funeral
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel seen grilling burgers and waving “Hi” with his spatula from the perspective of incoming drone missile
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel no longer afraid of AIDS
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel smells fear
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel held down and cuffed with his face pressed against his own star on the Hollywood walk of fame
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel finds that Lady Bird is not only a coming of age story but a love letter to Sacramento
- Joel’s most unflattering night gets immortalized as a pivotal user story in the annals of tech history
- Joel really gets opinionated while coding in Subjective-C
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel makes good on threats
- Joel whips up cruise quality salad
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel barks himself hoarse
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel breaks arm putting on karate display for senior citizens
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel doesn’t know about any of this 5G stuff but he’ll just take what digital scraps he can get
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable
- Joel’s insane theories and speculation about The Alamo tolerated only due to steady influx of donations
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel claims he was at the house of a friend named Ken Ryobi
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel calls bullshit on the accounting job title “controller”
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel enters work clothing retailer in the mindset of a violent cybernetic time traveler
- Joel talked into committing a fatal robbery by chef celeb Guy Fieri
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel presses charges
- Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel trashes beach
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel feeds multitudes with only two fish
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel persuaded to entrust his mental health to new drug Gorrilafy
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel loses life over the callousness of female social media influencer
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel brings back wrong stones from Pankot Palace after huge ordeal
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel does the unthinkable and opens the gate to hell by offering dining room set for free on Facebook Marketplace and Craig’sList at the same time
- Joel fells backyard tree onto neighbor’s house crushing baby’s crib that was fortunately empty
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel has friend who lives near payphone call in bomb threat to avoid deadline
- Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel tells bullshit hyperbolic story about how The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick was playing at deafening level in bathroom of Cumberland Farms gas station
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel hides in mall til it closes
- Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel keeps clearly and loudly repeating “I’ll kill her” to hostage negotiator
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel tells web design client enough already with all the widgets
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel becomes hostile, almost violent when department store manager suggests he’s not the real Santa Claus
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel likens Friday morning Cedarville, MA wind and rain to something that sounds like the end of the world
- Joel looks in mirror and curiously touches his face
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel chants “Motherfucker motherfucker!” while prepping dynamite plunger
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel seen pointing gun at two old women who apparently scammed him
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel gets brain bubble fighting the effects of coffee he brewed using cheap grinder, faulty kitchen scale, and “Chino XL” branded coffee beans
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel smokes something that makes him kill
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel replies, “Yeah right, man,” after being informed his car is in the process of getting towed
- Joel seen wearing fishnet tank top walking cat on leash
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel cares very deeply almost immediately after saying – fine see if I care
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel pretends to be woman’s deceased husband’s war buddy in order to get to a doll she has that’s secretly stuffed with heroine
- Joel watches eclipse in an almost giddy state while his house is robbed
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel splurges for two filet mignon steaks at the supermarket for his upcoming date with powerful record producer but becomes hysterically blind as the event draws nearer
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel agrees to do movie soundtrack but only if he can also play the villain
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel tells friend who’s getting head-over-heels in new relationship, “Take a lap, Swimfan”
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel seen walking down hospital hallway wearing a lab coat and obsolete head mirror
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel tries to make off with hung man’s shoes
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel answers young female reporter’s questions dishonestly and perversely
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel practices his acting lines in Central Park with new friend he doesn’t realize is also his stalker
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel falls through ceiling an breaks both of his legs while spying on girlfriend at town theater
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel throws fistful of cash at would-be muggers and runs
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel tackled at Social Security office dressed like an old woman
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement
- Joel starts rapidly speaking in Italian after hockey puck ricochets into stands at his forehead
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel dreams of going to a Chile’s
- Joel treated just like a rat in country where he’s not culturally significant or recognizable
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel complains about neighbor’s tacky Christmas lights and decorations then becomes sad when they take them down
- Joel stomps on accelerator speeding past frantic dock workers as ferry begins to disembark
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel pens gore-core historical fiction “The Sinking of the Herkylavania”
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel says he’s collecting clothes for the homeless but is then seen months later wearing them
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel stands in his yard watering his lawn with his eyes closed while the virus that causes Shingles reactivates in his body
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel set up by psychotic child who can cry at will
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel has unfair expectations for white quarterback
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel blurs the lines between politics and bigotry
- Joel slashed by slasher
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel kept in full nelson while authorities arrive
- Joel shown video of him burning down one of his underperforming businesses
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel hides behind large gong during shootout
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel attacked maliciously through electronic communication network invented for porn
- Joel tells the middle school girl he’s dating that he’s in like with her
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel’s homemade burrito begins to open on the bottom causing him to have to go full Blues Traveler on it
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel bites woman who pushed him too far
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel leaps from wheelchair and sprints from scene as scam starts being questioned
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel creams pants
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel becomes best friends with an equally skittish talking Great Dane
- Joel carefully examines Playgirl centerfold outside corner shop where he just bought it
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel told by his primary care doctor that everyone in the area is doing very well except for him
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel reassures police the fingernail scratches all over his face were from a man
- Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits
- Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel describes his internet connection speed to Verizon tech support as “Pre-Cambrian”
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel comes away with the understanding that time and space are one interwoven concept
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel shows that he understands two concepts: barrels and bananas
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel sad because of his Standard American Diet (SAD)
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel forces his way into young woman’s apartment, insisting he has to talk to her
- Joel has false memory of ever owning a Samsung phone
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel’s pilot brazenly announces that there will be light turbulence throughout the flight that will get worse as we near the destination and then still takes off anyways
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers
- Joel imposes a tax on beards to fund the creation of a navy
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel gets a free trip from Thailand to the US wearing light tan pleated khakis and an iridescent blue polo shirt
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel learns to speak in a demonic voice with his mother
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel backed by a half-dozen hypersexed demons while battling supernatural overlord
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel does time for trying to impersonate a cop
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel calls out color and object combinations to stave off his insane condition
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel does a perfect impression of Bill Cosby saying “Hello, I am an anemone”
- Joel’s bank says No
- Joel perceives child prodigy as a threat
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel shows up to nephew’s swim meet looking like a caveman
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel asks his dog if she thinks he’s going to kill her or something
- Joel pulls banana out of his pocket and aims it at police officer
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel aggressively lists benefits the plaintiff enjoyed and accuses them of being ungrateful
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel tells police he was out with friend Spanish Todd
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel attends internal company fireside chat with CEO who saunters out to Kendrick beat
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel claws face
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel prescribed Provasic by increasingly senile doctor who loves movies
- Joel kills serially
- Joel realizes the entrance exam to prestigious academy is actually to test whether or not he’s a witch
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel often finds reasons to quote outdated Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus relationship advice videos
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel refers to the Dole Administration as when he holds the joint to his wife’s lips as it gets shorter rather than passing it to her
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel refers to himself as pinoy to connote that he’s a member of the Filipino diaspora
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel seen at restaurant staring cross-eyed at a giant bowl of ice cream
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel packs sweatshirt in backpack for office knowing that motherfuckers are trying to win the air conditioning award
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel tells everyone at his new job that when he was a kid they found the body of a contractor hidden in the walls
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based
- Joel complains that he keeps hiring people with borderline personality disorder that interview well
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel breaks charades rules by audibly grunting and wheezing
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel called out for lying when he said his horse eating days were behind him
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel swings grappling hook at crowd
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel claims he got locked inside a walk-in freezer for a weekend and had to jog in place to stay alive
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel goes mostly deaf hard rocking on stage night after night in school boy uniform without hearing protection
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel mounts beloved deer
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel disrobes mannequin
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel turns and snarls after receiving Communion at church
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel admits to tabloid reporter that he’s basically at rock bottom
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel takes low road
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel lobotomized by giggling vulgar comedian
- Joel remarks to several colleagues that the TGI Fridays chain has a “checkered past”
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day
- Joel calls total bullshit on “fork split” English muffins
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel clubbed with mallet and made permanently dumber on Redondo Beach
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel vows never to become like his friend’s mother
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel brings a great dishonor upon himself and his family
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel performs fugue on well-tempered klavier
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel returns to the area where he spotted a large black snake to smoke some more pot
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel moves into Pulte Homes planned community named Rage Valley
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent
- Joel arrives looking like a vampire at front door asking to be invited inside
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel acts out the Ego portion of his recent Ryobi purchase
- Joel starts hurriedly pounding on door right after ringing bell without leaving any time for someone to realistically answer
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel demands boy
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel hangs shining star upon highest bough
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel comes home claiming he hasn’t eaten yet, unaware that he’d become desensitized to the stench of the Indian food that his clothes had been absorbing for the last two hours
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel attempts to immortalize himself by vandalizing a national treasure
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel substitutes running mate JD Vance for Ving Rhames instead
- Joel puts final piece into puzzle of naked lady and uncontrollably doubles over and ejaculates
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel considered a bloated pleasure seeker
- Joel gets so caught up in smiling, pointing, and waving he forgets to sing
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel gets charged for roof being blown off of Airbnb
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel swears he could spot 7 or 8 more bodies while flying over Gilgo Beach
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool
- Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel lands extremely complex Olympic flip allowing his family to live
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel threatens to drink the river to dry the land
- Joel loses head
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel turns pink and collapses at psychedelic dino safari
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel strangled half to death with silk scarf
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel told he’s like a pig in shit but not for any specific reason or in relation to anything
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel violates the second law of thermodynamics by conceptualizing time travel too simplistically
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel’s guts turned to slop by miracle drug
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel has it all – Armorall Benz and endless papes
- Joel holds up under heavy questioning for hours but quickly falls victim to flattery
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier
- Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel backed over after falling asleep behind neighbor’s car
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel chooses Arctic Blast instead of his familiar Fresh Mint and almost gets his face blown off
- Joel says he’s been really busy with charity, handling all of the policeman’s balls
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel found guilty in wrongful death class action suit when videos surface of him demanding that 2024 “Nature of the Beast” tour be oversold and operate without security
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel does the right thing – and it ends up costing him his life
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel spins out, continues on foot in desperate rush for US embassy
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel spreads so many rumors he earns the nickname Lou Gossip
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel’s behavior described as craven during freak carnival fire
- Joel seen being taken by the wind and struck by lightning while suspended in the air
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel rubs his hands and wrists in anticipation that two delivery trucks might crash pulling into his driveway
- Joel opens chain of low rent sweatbox yoga studios called Nanasty
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel receives double negative HIV test result, making it positive
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel gets married covered in ketchup and wearing a giant bun
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel stops and scowls at detectives after they thank him and turn back toward their vehicle
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel casually pulls fire alarm on his way out of hospital after being charged a small copay
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel comes in for perm, gets blowout
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel seen riding motorcycle along building ledge while going through an acute midlife crisis after his niece accidentally chops off his long hair
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel peels out and hits female pedestrian at the corner of Lovering and Rumford Road
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel stiffs and gaslights sickly old drunk guitarist
- Joel goes overboard with midnight cravings menu order
- Joel lists his profession as French Sex Murder on customs papers as plane starts to descend
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel tells interviewer that in his career he’s done more globetrotting than Meadowlark Lemon
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel indulges perverted elderly tuxedo shop owner in game of pretend robbery
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel called a swine by hooker he drops off in the middle of nowhere
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel owes soul to company store
- Joel begins ramming car at CVS pharmacy drive-up window claiming ‘hours had passed’ while security footage shows an elapsed wait of 3 minutes
- Joel psychotically begs the listener to wind him up
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel comes home stinking of Indian food claiming he was at friend Mark Foto’s house
- Joel impatiently yells “Give it!” after a child tells him he has a message from his boss in jail
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel gets another year older and deeper in debt
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel chooses only the most lewd scenes for trailer
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel blames client
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel shows up extremely late to an Oklahoma Sooners game
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel rips decorative saber off the wall at restaurant as cactus based drugs turn bad
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel reclines lazily smoking cigarette in bed with his secretary while on the phone with his wife
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel dons grotesque prosthetics to portray famous composer in biopic
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel dragged down from nearly scaling the gate of his psychiatric hospital
- Joel sends a letter to the police letting them know that he plans to strike again
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel transmits message of alert to identical twin
- Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel shows up at date’s house and realizes she’s the daughter of the pharmacist he bought condoms from earlier
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel laughs like Goofy during his arraignment
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel treated like leper during pandemic test drive
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel threatens jurors that he’ll return from the grave if they give him the death penalty
- Joel calls his project team “a bunch of Can’t Jemimahs” after they tell him what he’s asking for can’t be done
- Joel humps to Sister Nancy song “Bam Bam” in the sweltering heat
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel overheard in his basement signing along with weird sounding voice from backwards record saying “My sweet Satan”
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel subsists for several weeks on impulse snacks purchased at TJ Max
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel absolutely earns his nickname, The Christian Mingle Killer
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for
- Joel promises nephew a full-sized taxidermied crocodile
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel explains he’s not trying to survive but trying to live it to the limit and love it a lot
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel gets hit with hammer after legitimate case of amnesia makes him forget his bookie
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel begs for change in a cashless society
- Joel sleeps standing up
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel catches on fire in Surf Style brand neon blue windbreaker he bought at Wildwood NJ boardwalk store
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel starts a terrorist organization called The Free Radicals but is quickly neutralized by blueberries, avocados and other foods high in antioxidants
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel turned in by priest
- Joel makes a list of the president’s enemies
- Joel wonders what people in other countries call English class
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel tries to pressure coworkers into buying Dead Sea salt lotions from his daughter’s Mall kiosk shop
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel rifles through dead woman’s purse while contemplating his next move
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing
- Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill
- Joel makes premeditated plan to overeat
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel has died from a snakebite
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job
- Joel seen running down the sidewalk holding a mannequin head under his arm like a football
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel explores internet
- Joel sees, does
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel begs for money
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel explains that emotion is a young man’s game
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel loses control of car on mountain pass but comes back as a snowman to make peace with his family before transitioning to afterlife
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel reconsiders DJ catchphrase after leaving crowd somewhat confused with “Tell me something nice”
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel follows woman
- Joel brings a rambunctious squealing piglet to friends’ housewarming party
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel sprints insanely fast after car leaving his property and then turns and sprints back to get car to give chase
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel quips that the saying should be “the whole burrito” or “the whole chimichanga” since enchiladas are typically smaller and sold in quantities of two or three
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel robs Amazon Prime delivery truck at gunpoint
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel offers hope
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel pulled from the smoking wreckage unscathed
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel describes his aunt’s funeral as a grave occasion
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel builds a shed described by neighbors as the worst they’ve ever seen
- Joel angrily refers to low key talk therapist as brain butcher
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel pumps up volume as instructed by song
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel makes his daughter’s death look like a kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to also lose a son
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel found gagged and tied to office chair with festive tape
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel caught talking to ghoulish medieval portrait and asking the subject about its sexual preferences
- Joel threatens that if network doesn’t meet his demands he’ll put on a show so foul and grotesque it will have their advertisers fleeing like rats from a sinking ship
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel crushed by Buick during foolish bench press stunt
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel skulks back to his coffin by sunrise
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel does a standing front flip inside of U-Haul office
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel eats money
- Joel never sees his belongings again after entrusting them to Marco Polo Movers
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel hospitalized after eating skunk cabbage growing along stream at Mad River Glenn
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel insists he tumbled over handlebars intentionally
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel wakes abruptly from nap and shouts “Lucifer, son of the morning, I’m gonna chase you out of Earth!”
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer
- Joel lies in wait, screaming terrifying Indian war chants from family’s garage
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel’s hot cousin Natassja convinces him to buy into dangerous vitamin scam
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel voted most likely to be susceptible to hypnotism
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel praise Allah with visions of Gandhi
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel answers bank telephone on the verge of sobbing while armed gunman coaches him to act naturally
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel fired from marketing position at Sam Adams for insisting his “Summer of Sam” promotion
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet
- Joel explains the Korean flag and the four symbols in the corners all wrong
- Joel rips fake priest collar off and sprints down street
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel gets pulled over with corpses in all of the other seats
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel forged in the fiery crucible that is domestic violence against men
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel writes the error text “An error has occurred. Please close your browser and try again” knowing full well not a goddamn thing is going to change
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel shakes vigorously on a deal he has no intention of honoring
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel learns killer’s identity through child’s drawing
- Joel seen walking like a pimp with two nuns
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel blown in all different directions by four strong winds
- Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series
- Joel’s stench admired by less advanced creature
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel gets Legionnaire’s Disease using basement grown mushrooms in pasta sauce
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel seen screaming “Amber alert! I’m being abducted! Amber alert!” while getting cuffed and stuffed into back of squad car
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel forces woman to do what she refers to as “insane things”
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel’s lawyer informs him that the government’s case is built on nothing more than an unreliable witness’s description of seeing someone “short and ugly”, but it will probably make it to trial
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel humps the ground in the woods near where he stashes porno magazines in plastic bag
- Joel releases new version of Anthony’s Song in which Mama Leone is walking the beat
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel rests case
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel’s face contorts in shock and disbelief
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel asks ChatGPT “Why do we cry?”
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership
- Joel commits fairly well executed small town bank robbery only to drive off in a bright orange Pontiac Solstice
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel flaunts his chips and winnings in a brazen way
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel gets served a hamburger missing the beef patty at Poconos McDonald’s drive thru
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel looks at pasta container on shelf behind his wife before telling her he was at an old friend named Al Dente’s house
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel demands audience with Thomas Aquinas
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel recalls a childhood spent watching the neighborhood kids play outside through the window of his locked bedroom
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel squirms his way to the front of a crowd of onlookers to get a glimpse of old woman hit by garbage truck
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel has gun pried from his cold dead hands
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel found dead holding generic business card of someone named Marosh Stellapapoosi
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel eats stone
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel found frozen stiff on top of motorcycle at the top of Pico Duarte
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel flushes his underwear in the toilet to make trouble at party
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel questioned by detective that makes it known that he believes Joel to be guilty and won’t rest till he’s proved it
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel opens a Caribbean eatery where you can order Zion wings with Babylon sauce
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel chased through alley in brand new, uncomfortable boots
- Joel overhears wife on phone talking about him as is if he’s dead
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel goes to Orlando with suitcase stuffed with everything other than shorts or short sleeve shirts
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel makes nativity statue of baby Jesus cry
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel nests table
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel found passed out hung from his ankles on new inversion machine
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel discovers echo from humans past foretelling the demise of intelligence and purpose
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel shows up to Burning Man in mohawk weeks after tanking his startup and burning investors
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel neutralized by older woman of average strength
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel’s Guinness stolen by thirsty ostrich
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel burned in effigy by his employees
- Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel casually picks belly button lint through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel overheard by other customers at dealership service lounge smugly noting each time he makes a cappuccino and which number it is
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel directs COVID-19 theme porn entitled Superspreaders
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel told that death is too good for him by federal judge
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel grabs arm of Uber driver reaching for pepper spray
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel dances the jazz after some sugary apple juice
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel eats trash
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking
- Joel addresses the citizens of Los Angeles by their proper collective name, Angelinos
- Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world
- Joel trampled by USC marching band
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel calls boner pill doctor complaining that he can’t leave himself alone
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel befriends adult male celebrity with condition that makes him forever look like a child and treats him like he’s his child
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel makes Irish entrance
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel wonders what they call French kissing in France
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel delivers a healthy serving of Paul Riser in an attempt to distract the public from a glaring lack of Judge Reinhold
- Joel carries woman through abandoned hospital wearing stolen police uniform
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel pulls some major heroics tackling counterfeiter at airport
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel jams gun sharply into woman’s ribs as cars slows at border crossing
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel contacts personal injury attorney promising slam dunk
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel chants down Babylon
- Joel becomes obsessed with his own sexuality
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel wins Superbowl and drives off in Hyundai
- Joel held 6 weeks without phone call or chance to shower by backwater country sheriff over small traffic infraction
- Joel specifies that all clones on Moon base should look identical to him
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel starts playing Roy Rogers the second he passes his police officer’s test
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel gets crude oil poured down his throat and gets screamed at about Michael Jackson feeling the need to turn white
- Joel fucks a traditional stereotypical witch with the hat and big crooked nose
- Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames
- Joel takes off helmet and tosses his hair after riding motorcycle through Tokyo alleyways wearing sleek leather one-piece riding suit
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel learns the terrible truth about his favorite soda during factory tour
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel says “Stop her! Stop her!” in almost cartoonish voice
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel originally arrested for driving down the street holding a baby out the window but now faces stiffer charges for a failure to appear in court
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel claims he was lured into a West Philadelphia sex dungeon
- Joel claims he was accepted into the Air Force after he did 1000 pushups on the deck of a battleship
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel shows gun
- Joel seen committing a 2-11
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel cracks up after husband’s body goes missing from morgue
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child
- Joel learns to talk telepathically to animals, gets forced into the middle of a baboon war
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel fails to deliver on his brand’s promise
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel asks extremely leading questions and seems to express a clear bias while moderating user test
- Joel flunks elective Intro to Dinosaurs class
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel claims he was at the park and physically dropped his cup of coffee on the ground and opened his mouth in awe at the site of a galloping Irish Wolfhound
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel hangs a bunch of garlic wreaths on his front and back door after watching too many vampire movies
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel awakens face down in hastily dug shallow grave
- Joel turned into vegetable by host of outdated therapy techniques
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel staked through the heart with wooden spear while sleeping in his coffin
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel’s IP address flagged for typing “Hulk Hogan sex tape t-shirt” into search engine
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel’s odious rap verses come back to haunt him when he attempts to run for public office
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel witnessed killing prostitute in a thicket of reeds but then quickly beats witness to police station and pins the crime on him
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel bites rat
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel gets off light with a double-life plea bargain
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel fatally shoots his boss who he’s been hired to protect with long range rifle shot meant for assailants
- Joel salts fist
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel starts to get lightly rammed on his back bumper by car that’s been chasing him
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel looks forward to Derby Day, when every asshole in the world thinks they own a Georgia plantation
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel describes the plot of the show Jag to the other Peeping Tom’s in the holding cell
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel overhead saying “That man takes care of his face”
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel’s home terrorized by the ghost of Mark Twain
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel asks demonic portrait about its sexual preferences
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel dazzled and intrigued by motion picture
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel throws knives at woman on spinning wheel
- Joel found in his garage tied up sitting on a mountain of unopened merchandise rigged to burn
- Joel brutalizes a version of himself from another time
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel trespasses into archaeological dig after hours and finds a whole bunch of shit just under where they had dug to and then panics and covers it back up
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel seen ripping suitcase from old woman’s hands
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade