- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel threatens jurors that he’ll return from the grave if they give him the death penalty
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel, in his fear, makes an idol and calls it God
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel eats his height in submarine sandwich and then passes out for that many inches in hours
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel’s home terrorized by the ghost of Mark Twain
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel acts out an offensive Italian hand/chin gesture to the notion of working until 5pm
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel saves some money by converting an old spatula into a back scratcher
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel angrily refers to low key talk therapist as brain butcher
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel does everything imaginable while he’s alive, then everything unimaginable after that
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel scalded half to death by mysterious tampering of home hot water boiler
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel combs and teases the hair on the back of his head to resemble a duck’s ass
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel slashed by slasher
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel blasts rap group MOP while speeding to work with the intention of striking his boss
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel pulls some major heroics tackling counterfeiter at airport
- Joel uses the term “iron sharpens iron” repeatedly and optimistically during his football team’s fall training camp leading up to historically bad Week 1 loss
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel refers to his country club as a tomb
- Joel tells bullshit hyperbolic story about how The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick was playing at deafening level in bathroom of Cumberland Farms gas station
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel gets extorted and eventually murdered by husband and wife cheerleader couple he hired to run his budding youth sports clinic franchises
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie
- Joel caught talking to ghoulish medieval portrait and asking the subject about its sexual preferences
- Joel spotted near ice cream shop snarling at accomplice about having to get “them” 3 girls by next week “or else”
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel loses control of car on mountain pass but comes back as a snowman to make peace with his family before transitioning to afterlife
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel complains that his girlfriend’s 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son are eating him into the poor house
- Joel voted most likely to be susceptible to hypnotism
- Joel cares very deeply almost immediately after saying – fine see if I care
- Joel claims he saw baggage handlers loading a baby elephant into the cargo hold of his flight
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel has false memory of ever owning a Samsung phone
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel asks female coworker “Are you sweet on this guy?!”
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded
- Joel and his father hide from their Hispanic heritage unlike his brave brother Emilio
- Joel forces woman to do what she refers to as “insane things”
- Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of
- Joel watches a team of household-name American basketball stars each with whopping endorsement deals play against a team from a country he can’t pronounce
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel tackled at Social Security office dressed like an old woman
- Joel forces his way into young woman’s apartment, insisting he has to talk to her
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel backed by a half-dozen hypersexed demons while battling supernatural overlord
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel displays animosity for red door
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel practices law while living in his car
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel kisses mother with same mouth he uses to spew expletives
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel ends up in dental emergency room after trying to violently rip apart a dog’s toy with his teeth
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel refers to new corporate IT policy as a “Shanda”
- Joel drives with broken back
- Joel spotted outside large commercial building with hand saw attempting to cut main power cable
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel lists his profession as French Sex Murder on customs papers as plane starts to descend
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel brings a great dishonor upon himself and his family
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel complains that he keeps hiring people with borderline personality disorder that interview well
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel reclines lazily smoking cigarette in bed with his secretary while on the phone with his wife
- Joel interferes with the duties of a crew member
- Joel shows up extremely late to an Oklahoma Sooners game
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel brings a nihilistic approach to product development and user experience
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel’s insane theories and speculation about The Alamo tolerated only due to steady influx of donations
- Joel destroyed in tennis by his friend’s elderly father
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel refuses outside support from the FBI as death toll grows
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel looks at pasta container on shelf behind his wife before telling her he was at an old friend named Al Dente’s house
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel exits with shop with suitcase
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel claims his computer verbally asked him for help
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel’s behavior described as craven during freak carnival fire
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel harbors secrets that almost kill him
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel demands audience with Thomas Aquinas
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel aggressively lists benefits the plaintiff enjoyed and accuses them of being ungrateful
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel comes to agreement with basement arachnids allowing one weekend in August for SpiderCon
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel’s friends and family finally say something about his gambling
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel found guilty in wrongful death class action suit when videos surface of him demanding that 2024 “Nature of the Beast” tour be oversold and operate without security
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel describes his internet connection speed to Verizon tech support as “Pre-Cambrian”
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel sprints through subway station holding a beating human heart
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel buys time
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel claims he was at the house of a friend named Ken Ryobi
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel contemplates a football team made of various individual Chiefs from several dozen separate tribes
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel only mentions resources for gambling addiction at the end of his sports betting advertisement because he’s required to by law
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel tells web design client enough already with all the widgets
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel demands to be sold honey despite the fact that he’s a bee
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel substitutes running mate JD Vance for Ving Rhames instead
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel gets carnival popcorn machine for his home theater room that becomes a real health and safety hazard
- Joel has died from a snakebite
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel hit with tomato while answering doorbell during Broncos game
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel attempts to immortalize himself by vandalizing a national treasure
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel pulled from the smoking wreckage unscathed
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel set up by psychotic child who can cry at will
- Joel praise Allah with visions of Gandhi
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel describes the plot of the show Jag to the other Peeping Tom’s in the holding cell
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel, off the top of his head, rattles off 6 or 7 ingredients that are not on a supposed “everything” bagel
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel receives double negative HIV test result, making it positive
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel seen ripping suitcase from old woman’s hands
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel walks around Jordan’s parking lot looking for his car like a perverted ghost
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel packs sweatshirt in backpack for office knowing that motherfuckers are trying to win the air conditioning award
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel has friend who lives near payphone call in bomb threat to avoid deadline
- Joel blurs the lines between politics and bigotry
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel stamps out cigar onto 8×10 autographed photo of his rival after making vague threats
- Joel claims to like the album “In the Court of King Crimson” by King Crimson
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel tells detectives he entered the rear of the museum to find a pack of gargoyles strangling the curator with her intestines
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel seen grilling burgers and waving “Hi” with his spatula from the perspective of incoming drone missile
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel calls newspaper to establish relationship with reporter just after first murder
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel clubbed with mallet and made permanently dumber on Redondo Beach
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel enters work clothing retailer in the mindset of a violent cybernetic time traveler
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel holds up under heavy questioning for hours but quickly falls victim to flattery
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel moves into stuffy shoebox of an apartment on Craig St.
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel moves into Pulte Homes planned community named Rage Valley
- Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel considered a bloated pleasure seeker
- Joel insists on album cover of him sitting among stacks of hamburgers
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel follows woman
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel tells female interviewer “I got music the way I am my man” in sort of a friendly but quizzical manner
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel does a kind of gasp-scream as loud analog phone rings
- Joel survives botched execution and by rule is allowed to go free
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel builds a shed described by neighbors as the worst they’ve ever seen
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel throws knives at woman on spinning wheel
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel quips that the saying should be “the whole burrito” or “the whole chimichanga” since enchiladas are typically smaller and sold in quantities of two or three
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership
- Joel gets brain bubbles while fighting horrific drug
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel carries on vicious argument with empty rocking chair clearly directed at his mother
- Joel referred to as a “stiff” in a police context
- Joel’s flight delayed by Hurricane Rubin Carter
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joel somehow survives by sitting in the tail section
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel flaunts his chips and winnings in a brazen way
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel’s Guinness stolen by thirsty ostrich
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel starts grabbing his crotch and making bizarre sounds like “shamon” and “hehe”
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel introduces himself as the Mayor of Oysterville
- Joel hangs shining star upon highest bough
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel squirms his way to the front of a crowd of onlookers to get a glimpse of old woman hit by garbage truck
- Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel masks rage
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel hides behind large gong during shootout
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel shows up to nephew’s swim meet looking like a caveman
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel tells coworkers he needs a vacation from his vacation after week spent mostly barricaded in his home with drug induced paranoia
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel does a standing front flip inside of U-Haul office
- Joel wins Superbowl and drives off in Hyundai
- Joel fires back
- Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played
- Joel seen screaming “Amber alert! I’m being abducted! Amber alert!” while getting cuffed and stuffed into back of squad car
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel claws face
- Joe purchases a special edition Goofy watch
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel divulges plans to take someone’s face off
- Joel goes to Orlando with suitcase stuffed with everything other than shorts or short sleeve shirts
- Joel becomes inexplicably nervous and demented before getting license photo taken
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel calls bullshit on anyone who claims they can determine how a fire started
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel tells personal trainer his goal is to be able to do a naked headstand
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel released on his own recognizance
- Joel gains a whole day by not knowing what day it is
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel bites rat
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel found crushed to death by pile of chains
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel found puking behind dumpster after ordering the Clams Casino despite being warned by his waiter
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel lies about being a renowned Egyptologist
- Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool
- Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel does the unthinkable and opens the gate to hell by offering dining room set for free on Facebook Marketplace and Craig’sList at the same time
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel pulls into van with the aid of chemical soaked rag
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel wrecks young woman’s brass bed and other furniture trying to go cold turkey off drugs
- Joel casually pulls fire alarm on his way out of hospital after being charged a small copay
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel worries friends and family with his pointed threats
- Joel explains the Korean flag and the four symbols in the corners all wrong
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel locked up in cartoon jail
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel begins to feel strangled by his possessions
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel violates the second law of thermodynamics by conceptualizing time travel too simplistically
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel treated just like a rat in country where he’s not culturally significant or recognizable
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel recounts the time he witnessed a garage sale become deadly but later admits he was just describing the plot of the new Lifetime movie Deadly Garage Sale
- Joel catches on fire in Surf Style brand neon blue windbreaker he bought at Wildwood NJ boardwalk store
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel leaps from wheelchair and sprints from scene as scam starts being questioned
- Joel becomes best friends with an equally skittish talking Great Dane
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel eats stone
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge
- Joel called a swine by hooker he drops off in the middle of nowhere
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel hospitalized after eating skunk cabbage growing along stream at Mad River Glenn
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel claims he was lured into a West Philadelphia sex dungeon
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel watches eclipse in an almost giddy state while his house is robbed
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel urges preteen gymnast to take large doses of Totyktu
- Joel, when asked what he’s trying to prove, realizes he isn’t sure
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel seen wearing a black pancho digging in his backyard at night in the rain
- Joel realizes the entrance exam to prestigious academy is actually to test whether or not he’s a witch
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel’s genetic analysis indicates a predisposition to criminality
- Joel seen wearing hospital gown and mumbling to himself standing in line for his daily pills
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel comes home claiming he hasn’t eaten yet, unaware that he’d become desensitized to the stench of the Indian food that his clothes had been absorbing for the last two hours
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel writes love song proclaiming his ignorance of most subjects
- Joel dresses as Rhesus monkey clapping symbols during photoshoot for cover of new Untitled album
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel opens chain of low rent sweatbox yoga studios called Nanasty
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel remakes offhandedly at anthropology convention that humans are just the right size to cause trouble
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel wonders what people in other countries call English class
- Joel starts true crime podcast but each episode is just an admission
- Joel kidnapped by his own literary agent and forced to continue writing lucrative series in captivity
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel comes home stinking of Indian food claiming he was at friend Mark Foto’s house
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel discovers fossilized turd in Delta blanket
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel presses charges
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida
- Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel seen being taken by the wind and struck by lightning while suspended in the air
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel claims he saw a giant floating head out in the woods
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel seen practicing being normal
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel warns of trouble in the Suez
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel makes premeditated plan to overeat
- Joel tells date he’s often mistaken for gay because he has exquisite taste
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel told that death is too good for him by federal judge
- Joel rifles through dead woman’s purse while contemplating his next move
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel fried in the electric chair for his participation in what became known as The Cape Cod 5
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel shot in the forehead with suction cup dart
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel deduces the existence of a Thin Joe
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel spreads so many rumors he earns the nickname Lou Gossip
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel claims he saw a documentary about an African boy who built a TV and VCR from scratch using raw materials
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel frozen in indecision at top of slopes on first day skiing between trails Widowmaker and Butternut
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel held 6 weeks without phone call or chance to shower by backwater country sheriff over small traffic infraction
- Joel found napping in drainage pipe next to dead woman’s purse
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel asks extremely leading questions and seems to express a clear bias while moderating user test
- Joel goes overboard with midnight cravings menu order
- Joel jams gun sharply into woman’s ribs as cars slows at border crossing
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel tried as juvenile due to his dimwitted nature
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel shows that he understands two concepts: barrels and bananas
- Joel attacked maliciously through electronic communication network invented for porn
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel overstimulated by even the outskirts of the city
- Joel takes a liking to nice woman named Sigrit
- Joel reports to mist
- Joel sets location for drug deal to be behind abandoned Ken’s steakhouse
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel dazzled and intrigued by motion picture
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel flunks elective Intro to Dinosaurs class
- Joel impatiently yells “Give it!” after a child tells him he has a message from his boss in jail
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel finds finger with ring in his drive-thru chicken sandwich
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel puts final piece into puzzle of naked lady and uncontrollably doubles over and ejaculates
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel claims he got locked inside a walk-in freezer for a weekend and had to jog in place to stay alive
- Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel overheard by other customers at dealership service lounge smugly noting each time he makes a cappuccino and which number it is
- Joel traces his left hand on paper and then colors it in to look like a turkey
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel describes luxury sports utility vehicle in front of him as a “monstrosity”
- Joel overhears someone caution another guest about him “after you shake hands with him count your fingers”
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel prescribed Provasic by increasingly senile doctor who loves movies
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel burns while doing neutron dance
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel sad because of his Standard American Diet (SAD)
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel calls himself Billie Holiday while on vacation
- Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau
- Joel casually sits down and figures out that objects with heavy mass and gravity can bend light and space time
- Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel reconsiders DJ catchphrase after leaving crowd somewhat confused with “Tell me something nice”
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel wastes police’s time with reports of animals that could never possibly be living in the woods by his house
- Joel seen flailing around on fire through the panoramic windows of his stunning Frank Lloyd Wright designed home
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ
- Joel calls boner pill doctor complaining that he can’t leave himself alone
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel thrown out of 8-week paid vegan diet study after it was discovered he’d been eating horse meat
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel seen pointing gun at two old women who apparently scammed him
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel’s lawyer informs him that the government’s case is built on nothing more than an unreliable witness’s description of seeing someone “short and ugly”, but it will probably make it to trial
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel learns nothing and remains unchanged by the end of his hero’s arc
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel fatally shoots his boss who he’s been hired to protect with long range rifle shot meant for assailants
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel goes to where he has no business being and then tries to take what isn’t his
- Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel writes the error text “An error has occurred. Please close your browser and try again” knowing full well not a goddamn thing is going to change
- Joel rips off white priest collar and runs down the alley
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel swears he could spot 7 or 8 more bodies while flying over Gilgo Beach
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel shits with boner
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel seen biting on metal bar
- Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel set up for robbery-murder in Patterson, NJ, does 15 years in prison and then isn’t even mad about it
- Joel eats twin
- Joel teaches much older wealthy wife to start drinking excessively
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel feeds multitudes with only two fish
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel clarifies his role to investors as Silicon Prince
- Joel bites interviewer
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel turned into vegetable by host of outdated therapy techniques
- Joel seen chugging extremely high calorie sugary beverage despite having no sense of smell or taste
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel sprints insanely fast after car leaving his property and then turns and sprints back to get car to give chase
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel keeps clearly and loudly repeating “I’ll kill her” to hostage negotiator
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel shot down like dog while threatening police on his front lawn with letter opener
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel’s IP address flagged for typing “Hulk Hogan sex tape t-shirt” into search engine
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel invokes Hanlon’s Razor in defense of his use of prop noose to motivate condo sales team
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel covets equine
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel found hiding in barrel after the smoke clears around The Alamo
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel does the right thing – and it ends up costing him his life
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel learns killer’s identity through child’s drawing
- Joel eats trash
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel details all of his previous court room deceptions to some junky groupie on prison phone while awaiting a new trial
- Joel hides in mall til it closes
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel returns to the area where he spotted a large black snake to smoke some more pot
- Joel trolls the underground porn scene of 1979 Hollywood in search of his runaway daughter
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel opens a Caribbean eatery where you can order Zion wings with Babylon sauce
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel summoned to tutor the children of terminally ill drug lord
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel dances the jazz after some sugary apple juice
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel claims he was at the park and physically dropped his cup of coffee on the ground and opened his mouth in awe at the site of a galloping Irish Wolfhound
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel views every food group that isn’t sugar as a possible sugar delivery vehicle
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel unsure if he’s had enough but unwilling to wait to find out
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel inserts news clips of Desert Storm between his aggressive new songs
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel falls through ceiling an breaks both of his legs while spying on girlfriend at town theater
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel pens gore-core historical fiction “The Sinking of the Herkylavania”
- Joel gets off light with a double-life plea bargain
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel blames client
- Joel stops and scowls at detectives after they thank him and turn back toward their vehicle
- Joel sleeps standing up
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel finds that Lady Bird is not only a coming of age story but a love letter to Sacramento
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel delivers a healthy serving of Paul Riser in an attempt to distract the public from a glaring lack of Judge Reinhold
- Joel shows gun
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel asks if they have any boxes of the card game Uno in English
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel gets crude oil poured down his throat and gets screamed at about Michael Jackson feeling the need to turn white
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel joins Zoom call while also performing his second job as a fast food drive-through cashier
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel asks his dog if she thinks he’s going to kill her or something
- Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel discovers old notebook in which his father documented the brain experiments he did on him
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel overheard in his basement signing along with weird sounding voice from backwards record saying “My sweet Satan”
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel handles pan
- Joel sniffs lunch meat, grimaces, then puts it back in the fridge
- Joel points at deaf teen walking away from scene and tells cop “She’s getting away”
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel has it all – Armorall Benz and endless papes
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel gets Porsche 911 with license plates NVRFRGT
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel quickly unsubscribes from anything and everything having to do with The Democrats
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel buys evil car from total weirdo
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel wonders if the parents of girls named Kirsten are all dyslexic
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel gets charged for roof being blown off of Airbnb
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel rubs his hands and wrists in anticipation that two delivery trucks might crash pulling into his driveway
- Joel winds up beet red and slurring thanks to heroics of MBTA commuter
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel scores IMDB credit on movie Rage Race as “Rat faced goon #3”
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel’s hot cousin Natassja convinces him to buy into dangerous vitamin scam
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel comes away with the understanding that time and space are one interwoven concept
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel seen committing a 2-11
- Joel marvels in disbelief that Framingham Massachusetts store known only as Pants Shortened can survive in this financial climate
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel tells anxious product owner to tell their story walking
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor
- Joel’s flight taxis endlessly like a middle schooler too scared to kiss
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel kept in full nelson while authorities arrive
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel rises from the ashes of a housefire he accidentally started
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel keeps threatening defendant with “the chair” despite the fact that he’s a judge in a state that doesn’t allow capital punishment
- Joel skulks back to his coffin by sunrise
- Joel uses recording of bird that sounds like sickly old woman to solve murder mystery
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel chooses only the most lewd scenes for trailer
- Joel makes Irish entrance
- Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car
- Joel gets married covered in ketchup and wearing a giant bun
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel trashes beach
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel really gets opinionated while coding in Subjective-C
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel says he’s collecting clothes for the homeless but is then seen months later wearing them
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel’s pilot brazenly announces that there will be light turbulence throughout the flight that will get worse as we near the destination and then still takes off anyways
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed
- Joel chooses Arctic Blast instead of his familiar Fresh Mint and almost gets his face blown off
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel humps to Sister Nancy song “Bam Bam” in the sweltering heat
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel lands extremely complex Olympic flip allowing his family to live
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel chants down Babylon
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel tries to pressure coworkers into buying Dead Sea salt lotions from his daughter’s Mall kiosk shop
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel stands in his yard watering his lawn with his eyes closed while the virus that causes Shingles reactivates in his body
- Joel throws perfect spiral of rotten Italian sub at elected official
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel blown in all different directions by four strong winds
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel referred to as “silverback” in victim’s description to police
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel, and his notoriously weak gag reflex, unassumingly enters movie theater to see Bad Boys
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel awakens face down in hastily dug shallow grave
- Joel refers to the Dole Administration as when he holds the joint to his wife’s lips as it gets shorter rather than passing it to her
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel accidentally goes to a Todd Talk
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel demands boy
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel seen walking like a pimp with two nuns
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel imposes a tax on beards to fund the creation of a navy
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel does a prank call in which he gets someone from New Line Cinema and someone from Dimension Films on the phone together like each one called the other
- Joel doesn’t tell his doctor he’s already taking Brovando
- Joel transmits message of alert to identical twin
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel maliciously shoves woman down onto tracks in front of approaching train due to general anxieties about his job security
- Joel takes blowtorch to his voters
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel called out for lying when he said his horse eating days were behind him
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel karate chops desk in half
- Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel calls total bullshit on “fork split” English muffins
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel’s therapist suggests a fresh new start in a state she knows she isn’t licensed
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel sees all of the contradictions in the world
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel develops total financial stranglehold over young immigrant woman
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel bites woman who pushed him too far
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel does time for trying to impersonate a cop
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel successfully sues new employer for the content included in the sexual harassment training video
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel takes off helmet and tosses his hair after riding motorcycle through Tokyo alleyways wearing sleek leather one-piece riding suit
- Joel orders himself a Gameday Family Feast
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel’s game of love has just begun
- Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel practices his acting lines in Central Park with new friend he doesn’t realize is also his stalker
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel neutralized by older woman of average strength
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel claims he was accepted into the Air Force after he did 1000 pushups on the deck of a battleship
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel told over the phone that his fairly substantial Chinese order will be ready in 6 minutes
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel chased through alley in brand new, uncomfortable boots
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel sends mother a bouquet of Brazilian zombie flowers
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel fired from marketing position at Sam Adams for insisting his “Summer of Sam” promotion
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel absolutely earns his nickname, The Christian Mingle Killer
- Joel told by his primary care doctor that everyone in the area is doing very well except for him
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel found dead under collapsed grocery shelf of Liquid Death
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel specifies that all clones on Moon base should look identical to him
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel tucks 38 special into elastic of football uniform
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel, given one choice of prosthetic style, selects hook
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel claims to know things about Stonehenge
- Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel rests case
- Joel persuaded to entrust his mental health to new drug Gorrilafy
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel backs over predatory home staging expert
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel harnesses desert power to rob a Tucson area condo association
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel recalls a childhood spent watching the neighborhood kids play outside through the window of his locked bedroom
- Joel makes demands in vague terms and takes the complexities of reality for granted
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel wears weird lime green suit to Uncle’s funeral
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel acts out the Ego portion of his recent Ryobi purchase
- Joel brings back wrong stones from Pankot Palace after huge ordeal
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel slaps some poorly planned AI feature into his software and calls it CoPilot
- Joel steps outside and gets hat blown off
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel faints at seance for his late husband
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel brutalizes a version of himself from another time
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel makes his daughter’s death look like a kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to also lose a son
- Joel becomes obsessed with his own sexuality
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel slashes teens
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel’s stench admired by less advanced creature
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel loses head
- Joel bites every owner he’s had and threatens to bite again
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel burned in effigy by his employees
- Joel casually tries to break into home, sets off howling alarm and runs into the night empty handed
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel refers to his fridge as “a housewife’s safe”
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel fucks a traditional stereotypical witch with the hat and big crooked nose
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel becomes hostile, almost violent when department store manager suggests he’s not the real Santa Claus
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel bites child
- Joel molests one in four women
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel electrocuted badly while tinkering with vintage hifi receiver
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel tells everyone at his new job that when he was a kid they found the body of a contractor hidden in the walls
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel remarks to several colleagues that the TGI Fridays chain has a “checkered past”
- Joel first experiences sticker shock, then becomes actually offended
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel begs for change in a cashless society
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel throws fistful of cash at would-be muggers and runs
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel gets hit with hammer after legitimate case of amnesia makes him forget his bookie
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel treated like leper during pandemic test drive
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel directs COVID-19 theme porn entitled Superspreaders
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel chases swan
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel helps woman with bags outside of bus station but then quickly disappears with them
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel breaks arm putting on karate display for senior citizens
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel walks alone
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel begins ramming car at CVS pharmacy drive-up window claiming ‘hours had passed’ while security footage shows an elapsed wait of 3 minutes
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land
- Joel smokes something that makes him kill
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel shakes vigorously on a deal he has no intention of honoring
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel nests table
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel and his siblings disband musical group upon the death of their domineering father
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel answers young female reporter’s questions dishonestly and perversely
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel’s face contorts in shock and disbelief
- Joel starts rapidly speaking in Italian after hockey puck ricochets into stands at his forehead
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel and his associates read the riot act by chicken-thin woman
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel promises nephew a full-sized taxidermied crocodile
- Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel gets served a hamburger missing the beef patty at Poconos McDonald’s drive thru
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel all like Que fado que lao
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel psychotically begs the listener to wind him up
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel chuckles watching his dog have some weird little dream
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel stomps on accelerator speeding past frantic dock workers as ferry begins to disembark
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel answers bank telephone on the verge of sobbing while armed gunman coaches him to act naturally
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel caught exhuming grave
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel and his twin combine forces to do about half the work a regular person meaning they only do about a quarter each
- Joel bitterly sips a Dasani when no other waters were available
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel threatens to drink the river to dry the land
- Joel insists he tumbled over handlebars intentionally
- Joel wakes abruptly from nap and shouts “Lucifer, son of the morning, I’m gonna chase you out of Earth!”
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel brings a rambunctious squealing piglet to friends’ housewarming party
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for
- Joel knowingly posts cursed dining room set on Facebook Marketplace
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel doesn’t know about any of this 5G stuff but he’ll just take what digital scraps he can get
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic
- Joel indulges perverted elderly tuxedo shop owner in game of pretend robbery
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel rips decorative saber off the wall at restaurant as cactus based drugs turn bad
- Joel shot by revolver held in his own severed hand
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel attends internal company fireside chat with CEO who saunters out to Kendrick beat
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel wrestles with man holding knife
- Joel learns to talk telepathically to animals, gets forced into the middle of a baboon war
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel likens his Uptown Girl to John’s Crocodile Rock
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel subsists for several weeks on impulse snacks purchased at TJ Max
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel burns photograph of mother in trash barrel
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel seen running from warehouse fire holding a baby doll
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel questioned by detective that makes it known that he believes Joel to be guilty and won’t rest till he’s proved it
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel repeatedly shouts in an effeminate accent “Shoot him shoot him shoot him!” while wife aims at neighbor
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel causes major concern from friends who arrive to find his house reeking of gasoline
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel suffers fatal overdose of party pills while coaching kids baseball game
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel asks demonic portrait about its sexual preferences
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel witnessed killing prostitute in a thicket of reeds but then quickly beats witness to police station and pins the crime on him
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel carefully checks flower bouquet for spiders
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel reassures police the fingernail scratches all over his face were from a man
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel commits fairly well executed small town bank robbery only to drive off in a bright orange Pontiac Solstice
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel looks forward to Derby Day, when every asshole in the world thinks they own a Georgia plantation
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel looks in mirror and curiously touches his face
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel starts making some noise and asking questions about Mambo’s number 1-4
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel says “Stop her! Stop her!” in almost cartoonish voice
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel blames the string of grisly murders on his doppelgänger, Libby Loej
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel notes how the surname Webster sounds like an informal description of Spider Man
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel sentenced by international tribunal for possessing and distributing cocaine in the Olympic village
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel learns to respond to being called “White Chocolate”
- Joel creams pants
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joe reminds niece that elephants are vegetarian after she explains it is part of her weight loss strategy
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel cracks up after husband’s body goes missing from morgue
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel humps the ground in the woods near where he stashes porno magazines in plastic bag
- Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel asks doctor if someone can die from fright
- Joel’s most unflattering night gets immortalized as a pivotal user story in the annals of tech history
- Joel feigns concern for the profit motive of an enormous cellular conglomerate
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel waddles through charming outdoor market during Christmas season plotting to kill
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel refers to group from previous historical era as barbarians
- Joel comes in for perm, gets blowout
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel makes good on threats
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel calls bullshit on 8k assuming displays would never continue evolving beyond 4k
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel swings grappling hook at crowd
- Joel banned for life from tv show Comics Unleashed over his material
- Joel hangs a bunch of garlic wreaths on his front and back door after watching too many vampire movies
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel tells interviewer that in his career he’s done more globetrotting than Meadowlark Lemon
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel names race horse Altar Boy
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel gets pulled over with corpses in all of the other seats
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel fakes signs of stroke
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel eats money
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel goes outside and cries in the rain because no one will be able to tell
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel starts to get lightly rammed on his back bumper by car that’s been chasing him
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel robs Amazon Prime delivery truck at gunpoint
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel pits idiot savants of classic rock and rap against each other
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel wonders how in the hell two gasses could combine to form a liquid
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel rips fake priest collar off and sprints down street
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel leaves semen at the scene to taunt authorities
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel smells fear
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel deputized for his blue collar heroics on the Long Island railroad
- Joel seen at restaurant staring cross-eyed at a giant bowl of ice cream
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel seen eating leaves and drinking from a puddle before huge Walmart payday
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel dives into campfire
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel dragged down from nearly scaling the gate of his psychiatric hospital
- Joel staked through the heart with wooden spear while sleeping in his coffin
- Joel shown video of him burning down one of his underperforming businesses
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel spends the first day of Subaru Summer pacing around his house and looking out window
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel gets brain bubble fighting the effects of coffee he brewed using cheap grinder, faulty kitchen scale, and “Chino XL” branded coffee beans
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel found tied to fire hydrant
- Joel Googles “How do I get a psycho cop off my back?”
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel refers to his dog by the wrong name on phone with mother to confirm she’s real
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel seen walking down hospital hallway wearing a lab coat and obsolete head mirror
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel flushes his underwear in the toilet to make trouble at party
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel carefully examines Playgirl centerfold outside corner shop where he just bought it
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel poisons lawyer’s dog
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel vows never to become like his friend’s mother
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel seen ripping suitcase out of old woman’s hands
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive
- Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel calls out sick from work explaining that he’s got a 104 degree temperature after getting scratched by a cat
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel flies through the hood like everybody in the hood is up to no good
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel comes crashing through the wall into board room to espouse the benefits of Fan Duel
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel perceives child prodigy as a threat
- Joel starts empanada empire with the help of local community bank
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel’s Chinese food order intercepted by Feds
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel gets into some pretty desperate financial trouble before signing to Jive
- Joel calls out color and object combinations to stave off his insane condition
- Joel laughs like Goofy during his arraignment
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel makes R-rated quip at imaginary antagonist while methodically browsing discount clothing
- Joel takes low road
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel starts a terrorist organization called The Free Radicals but is quickly neutralized by blueberries, avocados and other foods high in antioxidants
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel pretends to be woman’s deceased husband’s war buddy in order to get to a doll she has that’s secretly stuffed with heroine
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel seen wearing fishnet tank top walking cat on leash
- Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel fails to deliver on his brand’s promise
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel has his legal name changed to Mister Coffee
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel uses telekinesis to send wax dolls after his foes
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel told he’s like a pig in shit but not for any specific reason or in relation to anything
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel calls his project team “a bunch of Can’t Jemimahs” after they tell him what he’s asking for can’t be done
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel impersonates attorney to gain access to witness
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel fells backyard tree onto neighbor’s house crushing baby’s crib that was fortunately empty
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel splurges for two filet mignon steaks at the supermarket for his upcoming date with powerful record producer but becomes hysterically blind as the event draws nearer
- Joel’s odious rap verses come back to haunt him when he attempts to run for public office
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak
- Joel makes a list of the president’s enemies
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel releases new version of Anthony’s Song in which Mama Leone is walking the beat
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel and his identical twin strangle each other
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel shows up at date’s house and realizes she’s the daughter of the pharmacist he bought condoms from earlier
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel pumps up volume as instructed by song
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel raises his hand toward woman and slowly returns it saying “If I wasn’t a gentleman…”
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel casually picks belly button lint through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel does a perfect impression of Bill Cosby saying “Hello, I am an anemone”
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel wonders why his serpentine commander is always so pissed off
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral
- Joel befriends adult male celebrity with condition that makes him forever look like a child and treats him like he’s his child
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel stabbed in the ass with antifreeze syringe and sent back into frozen football game
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel overdoses on Mounjaro before softball game
- Joel turns pink and collapses at psychedelic dino safari
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel dons grotesque prosthetics to portray famous composer in biopic
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel rigs his TV to explode on housesitter
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel barks himself hoarse
- Joel creates Alice In Chains Pandora station but it only plays Rooster on repeat
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel slices off tip of finger shooting Ryobi saw review video
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel nervously overwaters cactus
- Joel seen shadowboxing through produce aisle
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel seen 20 feet up in tree standing on the branch that he’s cutting off with chainsaw
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel casts Bela Lugosi and Lon Cheney in the same shit
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel chants “Motherfucker motherfucker!” while prepping dynamite plunger
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel turned in by priest
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel disrobes mannequin
- Joel jumps out of window screaming about being on fire after eating locally harvested chanterelle mushrooms
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel’s entrance into scene accompanied by dissonant and foreboding sound effect
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel explains that emotion is a young man’s game
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel never sees his belongings again after entrusting them to Marco Polo Movers
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel offers hope
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel has crow cawing repeating in his face as he desperately tries to open a combination lock
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel describes his new 8ft ladder as being rated to support a “300 pound woman”
- Joel asks his supernatural overlord, “If I bring you the child, can I have the woman?”
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel forced to battle a series of colorful villains in psychotic game show
- Joel found dead making a frozen grimace in winter wonderland display
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel tries to make off with hung man’s shoes
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel has dream of producing an all-girl hyper-sexualized R&B group called The Diet Tonics then years later starts confusing the dream with reality
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel tells police he was out with friend Spanish Todd
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel learns the terrible truth about his favorite soda during factory tour
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel lowers his sunglasses to reveal he is fully cross-eyed
- Joel tells friend who’s getting head-over-heels in new relationship, “Take a lap, Swimfan”
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel rushes into young Korean American evangelical church demanding sanctuary as police sirens can be heard in distance
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel gets drunk on the benefits of having a girlfriend who is the store manager of a GAP Kids
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel gets so caught up in smiling, pointing, and waving he forgets to sing
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel addresses the citizens of Los Angeles by their proper collective name, Angelinos
- Joel says he’s been really busy with charity, handling all of the policeman’s balls
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel gets another year older and deeper in debt
- Joel uses shot of character cutting themselves shaving as a foreshadowing technique for a later bloodbath
- Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”
- Joel uses AI to spoof Uncle’s voice when calling his mother for money
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel trampled by USC marching band
- Joel has unfair expectations for white quarterback
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel begs for money
- Joel comes home drunk after work from his tire factory job crying to his wife about Mr. Yokohama
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel describes his aunt’s funeral as a grave occasion
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel found gagged and tied to office chair with festive tape
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel threatens that if network doesn’t meet his demands he’ll put on a show so foul and grotesque it will have their advertisers fleeing like rats from a sinking ship
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel trespasses into archaeological dig after hours and finds a whole bunch of shit just under where they had dug to and then panics and covers it back up
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel seen convulsing and getting his brain fried by psychedelic arcade game at truck stop
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel claims that his poodle is a food critic for the LA Times
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel calls 911 and explains that his son is in a homemade flying saucer, instead of just calling it a balloon
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel caught as a young boy bringing dead bird back to life behind barn
- Joel witnesses person get head run over by his arriving Uber driver
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel explores internet
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel orders overpriced designer coffee grinder hour after saying he never would
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel rolls down steep hill in a barrel and across state highway causing multiple car pileup
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel learns to speak in a demonic voice with his mother
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel overhead saying “That man takes care of his face”
- Joel peels out and hits female pedestrian at the corner of Lovering and Rumford Road
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel rushes out of open house after almost twisting off female realtor’s head over argument about sign-in sheet
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel asks ChatGPT “Why do we cry?”
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel dumped by Debtors Anonymous sponsor over purchase of pricey illegal cat
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel starts hurriedly pounding on door right after ringing bell without leaving any time for someone to realistically answer
- Joel buys bride online and gets more than he bargained for
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel likens Friday morning Cedarville, MA wind and rain to something that sounds like the end of the world
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release
- Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel no longer afraid of AIDS
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel overhears wife on phone talking about him as is if he’s dead
- Joel originally arrested for driving down the street holding a baby out the window but now faces stiffer charges for a failure to appear in court
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel makes nativity statue of baby Jesus cry
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel’s homemade burrito begins to open on the bottom causing him to have to go full Blues Traveler on it
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel’s bank says No
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel contacts personal injury attorney promising slam dunk
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel sends a letter to the police letting them know that he plans to strike again
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel fires gun frantically into swarm of approaching bats
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel complains about neighbor’s tacky Christmas lights and decorations then becomes sad when they take them down
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel gets a free trip from Thailand to the US wearing light tan pleated khakis and an iridescent blue polo shirt
- Joel refers to himself as pinoy to connote that he’s a member of the Filipino diaspora
- Joel dreams of going to a Chile’s
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel unsure what to do with his original intent to stalk when chance encounter leads to him charm same woman into date
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel signed to lackluster deal with Ruffhouse Records
- Joel laments a perceived lack of podcasts where celebrities interview other celebrities
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel grabs arm of Uber driver reaching for pepper spray
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel tells new guest his wife died several years ago and then later asks if he’d like to see her
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel switches overcoats with the good android
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel seen walking across parking lot with a face that would make you think he just bit into a lemon
- Joel crushed by Buick during foolish bench press stunt
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel found passed out hung from his ankles on new inversion machine
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel starts playing Roy Rogers the second he passes his police officer’s test
- Joel seen clinging to hood of car driving around zoo parking lot
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel breaks charades rules by audibly grunting and wheezing
- Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel commits late night burglary in hyper-realistic looking gorilla suit
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel rings up his Amish friend using a wooden phone
- Joel turns and snarls after receiving Communion at church
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel plans fatal Breckenridge ski trip
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel salts fist
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel found frozen stiff on top of motorcycle at the top of Pico Duarte
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel discovers echo from humans past foretelling the demise of intelligence and purpose
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel retreats back into the shadows
- Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel mounts beloved deer
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel makes perverse hook shot leveraging a more primitive zone of his brain
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel Bogles at the dance
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel spins out, continues on foot in desperate rush for US embassy
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel’s AI fitness coach calls the police on him
- Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel pulls banana out of his pocket and aims it at police officer
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel forged in the fiery crucible that is domestic violence against men
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel refers to his former self as a precocious ray of light ruined by the temptations of puberty
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel found dead holding generic business card of someone named Marosh Stellapapoosi
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel seen running down the street dressed as a mailman
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel gets Legionnaire’s Disease using basement grown mushrooms in pasta sauce
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel fools some of the people some of the time
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel lies in wait, screaming terrifying Indian war chants from family’s garage
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel toys around with words and meaning
- Joel backed over after falling asleep behind neighbor’s car
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel’s insurance only accepted at dog hospital
- Joel admits to tabloid reporter that he’s basically at rock bottom
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel found in his garage tied up sitting on a mountain of unopened merchandise rigged to burn
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel carries woman through abandoned hospital wearing stolen police uniform
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel replies, “Yeah right, man,” after being informed his car is in the process of getting towed
- Joel has gun pried from his cold dead hands
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel informed by Sydney Pollack about the seriousness of the situation
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel’s guts turned to slop by miracle drug
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel wakes up from coma speaking in a restrained Connecticut white trash accent
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier
- Joel, temporarily blinded from an optician appointment, begins to touch the face of the person talking to him
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer
- Joel underestimates heightened senses of would-be blind female victim
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel strangled half to death with silk scarf
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel stiffs and gaslights sickly old drunk guitarist
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel talked into committing a fatal robbery by chef celeb Guy Fieri
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel kills serially
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel held down and cuffed with his face pressed against his own star on the Hollywood walk of fame
- Joel sees, does
- Joel watches real life fight between a sailor with grotesquely large forearms and a big fat bearded mean one who was trying to sexually assault the other’s wife
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel suggests that perhaps his 90’s style with grey suits and white shirt in time could prove to have been the most dangerous Joel
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel arrives looking like a vampire at front door asking to be invited inside
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel seen riding motorcycle along building ledge while going through an acute midlife crisis after his niece accidentally chops off his long hair
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel whips up cruise quality salad
- Joel assault opponent’s body and sides until his head eventually shuts down
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel holds his breath for 21 of the 300 seconds required by SEALS
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel tells the middle school girl he’s dating that he’s in like with her
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel performs fugue on well-tempered klavier
- Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel owes soul to company store
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel goes mostly deaf hard rocking on stage night after night in school boy uniform without hearing protection
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel loses life over the callousness of female social media influencer
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel matures just enough to the point of not buying all of the things he promised himself as a child
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel explains he’s not trying to survive but trying to live it to the limit and love it a lot
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel continues forward through hailstorm of police gunfire as angel dust courses through his veins
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel’s given six months to live – and a license to kill
- Joel admits to his players that he’s desperate for money
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel wonders what they call French kissing in France
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel goes out at night to record some new wind sound effects when the whole shit pops off
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel becomes the priest in the pair of exorcists which the demon easily overpowers and shames
- Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel steals his mother’s credit card and uses it to purchase a brand new dirt bike
- Joel’s all time best selling hit Fuck Tha Police comes back to bite him when he needs their help the most
- Joel taunts immobilized threat before accidentally getting in range of their grasp
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joe overheard on the phone asking in a shaky voice, “They can’t do that, can they?”
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel often finds reasons to quote outdated Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus relationship advice videos
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel seen running down the sidewalk holding a mannequin head under his arm like a football
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel steals candy from baby
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel can’t wait to retire and open his long dreamed-of doll repair shop he plans to call Doll Hospital
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel agrees to do movie soundtrack but only if he can also play the villain
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel calls bullshit on the accounting job title “controller”
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel shows up to Burning Man in mohawk weeks after tanking his startup and burning investors