- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel introduces himself as the Mayor of Oysterville
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel dances the jazz after some sugary apple juice
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel survives botched execution and by rule is allowed to go free
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel backed over after falling asleep behind neighbor’s car
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel tucks 38 special into elastic of football uniform
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel Bogles at the dance
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel humps the ground in the woods near where he stashes porno magazines in plastic bag
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel’s given six months to live – and a license to kill
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel taunts immobilized threat before accidentally getting in range of their grasp
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel trampled by USC marching band
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel turned into vegetable by host of outdated therapy techniques
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel salts fist
- Joel swings grappling hook at crowd
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel calls total bullshit on “fork split” English muffins
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel fakes signs of stroke
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel enters work clothing retailer in the mindset of a violent cybernetic time traveler
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel breaks charades rules by audibly grunting and wheezing
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel locked up in cartoon jail
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel eats stone
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel’s lawyer informs him that the government’s case is built on nothing more than an unreliable witness’s description of seeing someone “short and ugly”, but it will probably make it to trial
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel bites woman who pushed him too far
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel gets off light with a double-life plea bargain
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel asks his supernatural overlord, “If I bring you the child, can I have the woman?”
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel hospitalized after eating skunk cabbage growing along stream at Mad River Glenn
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel moves into stuffy shoebox of an apartment on Craig St.
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel angrily refers to low key talk therapist as brain butcher
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel successfully sues new employer for the content included in the sexual harassment training video
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel and his siblings disband musical group upon the death of their domineering father
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel clarifies his role to investors as Silicon Prince
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel starts to get lightly rammed on his back bumper by car that’s been chasing him
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel looks at pasta container on shelf behind his wife before telling her he was at an old friend named Al Dente’s house
- Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel loses head
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel seen running from warehouse fire holding a baby doll
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel begs for money
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel threatens that if network doesn’t meet his demands he’ll put on a show so foul and grotesque it will have their advertisers fleeing like rats from a sinking ship
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel’s behavior described as craven during freak carnival fire
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel impersonates attorney to gain access to witness
- Joel refers to his country club as a tomb
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel makes Irish entrance
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel looks in mirror and curiously touches his face
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel prescribed Provasic by increasingly senile doctor who loves movies
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel rubs his hands and wrists in anticipation that two delivery trucks might crash pulling into his driveway
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel seen walking like a pimp with two nuns
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel traces his left hand on paper and then colors it in to look like a turkey
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel spins out, continues on foot in desperate rush for US embassy
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel neutralized by older woman of average strength
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel treated like leper during pandemic test drive
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel slashes teens
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel brings a great dishonor upon himself and his family
- Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party
- Joel refers to his former self as a precocious ray of light ruined by the temptations of puberty
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel referred to as a “stiff” in a police context
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel’s all time best selling hit Fuck Tha Police comes back to bite him when he needs their help the most
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel combs and teases the hair on the back of his head to resemble a duck’s ass
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad
- Joel all like Que fado que lao
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel shows up to Burning Man in mohawk weeks after tanking his startup and burning investors
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel summoned to tutor the children of terminally ill drug lord
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel chases swan
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile
- Joel slices off tip of finger shooting Ryobi saw review video
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel sees, does
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel bites child
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel nests table
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel discovers echo from humans past foretelling the demise of intelligence and purpose
- Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray
- Joel staked through the heart with wooden spear while sleeping in his coffin
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel deduces the existence of a Thin Joe
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel gets brain bubbles while fighting horrific drug
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel remakes offhandedly at anthropology convention that humans are just the right size to cause trouble
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel has died from a snakebite
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel directs COVID-19 theme porn entitled Superspreaders
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel demands boy
- Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel’s friends and family finally say something about his gambling
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel takes low road
- Joel admits to his players that he’s desperate for money
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline
- Joel handles pan
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel dazzled and intrigued by motion picture
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel practices law while living in his car
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel spreads so many rumors he earns the nickname Lou Gossip
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel originally arrested for driving down the street holding a baby out the window but now faces stiffer charges for a failure to appear in court
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel questioned by detective that makes it known that he believes Joel to be guilty and won’t rest till he’s proved it
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel covets equine
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel sleeps standing up
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel makes premeditated plan to overeat
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel creams pants
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel found dead making a frozen grimace in winter wonderland display
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel asks if they have any boxes of the card game Uno in English
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel shows up at date’s house and realizes she’s the daughter of the pharmacist he bought condoms from earlier
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel blown in all different directions by four strong winds
- Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel gets pulled over with corpses in all of the other seats
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel refers to himself as pinoy to connote that he’s a member of the Filipino diaspora
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel tells the middle school girl he’s dating that he’s in like with her
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based
- Joel eats money
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel befriends adult male celebrity with condition that makes him forever look like a child and treats him like he’s his child
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel eats twin
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel often finds reasons to quote outdated Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus relationship advice videos
- Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account
- Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel continues forward through hailstorm of police gunfire as angel dust courses through his veins
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel threatens to drink the river to dry the land
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel quips that the saying should be “the whole burrito” or “the whole chimichanga” since enchiladas are typically smaller and sold in quantities of two or three
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel throws fistful of cash at would-be muggers and runs
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel found hiding in barrel after the smoke clears around The Alamo
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel repeatedly shouts in an effeminate accent “Shoot him shoot him shoot him!” while wife aims at neighbor
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel makes R-rated quip at imaginary antagonist while methodically browsing discount clothing
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues
- Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel chuckles watching his dog have some weird little dream
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel learns nothing and remains unchanged by the end of his hero’s arc
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral
- Joel robs Amazon Prime delivery truck at gunpoint
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel perceives child prodigy as a threat
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel starts rapidly speaking in Italian after hockey puck ricochets into stands at his forehead
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel eats trash
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel offers hope
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel follows woman
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel gets served a hamburger missing the beef patty at Poconos McDonald’s drive thru
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel asks ChatGPT “Why do we cry?”
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel demands audience with Thomas Aquinas
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor
- Joel chased through alley in brand new, uncomfortable boots
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel gets so caught up in smiling, pointing, and waving he forgets to sing
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel lies about being a renowned Egyptologist
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel blames client
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel scalded half to death by mysterious tampering of home hot water boiler
- Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street
- Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel molests one in four women
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel opens chain of low rent sweatbox yoga studios called Nanasty
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel tells web design client enough already with all the widgets
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel shits with boner
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind
- Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation
- Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel leaves semen at the scene to taunt authorities
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel sends a letter to the police letting them know that he plans to strike again
- Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion
- Joel eats his height in submarine sandwich and then passes out for that many inches in hours
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel describes his aunt’s funeral as a grave occasion
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel smells fear
- Joel fires gun frantically into swarm of approaching bats
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel seen wearing fishnet tank top walking cat on leash
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel makes his daughter’s death look like a kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to also lose a son
- Joel gets carnival popcorn machine for his home theater room that becomes a real health and safety hazard
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel kills serially
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel makes good on threats
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel starts hurriedly pounding on door right after ringing bell without leaving any time for someone to realistically answer
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel starts true crime podcast but each episode is just an admission
- Joel fires back
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel’s guts turned to slop by miracle drug
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel walks alone
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel does the right thing – and it ends up costing him his life
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel comes in for perm, gets blowout
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel turns pink and collapses at psychedelic dino safari
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel flushes his underwear in the toilet to make trouble at party
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel doesn’t tell his doctor he’s already taking Brovando
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel exits with shop with suitcase
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel kept in full nelson while authorities arrive
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel makes perverse hook shot leveraging a more primitive zone of his brain
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel tried as juvenile due to his dimwitted nature
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel strangled half to death with silk scarf
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel gets Legionnaire’s Disease using basement grown mushrooms in pasta sauce
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel disrobes mannequin
- Joel becomes obsessed with his own sexuality
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel fails to deliver on his brand’s promise
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel skulks back to his coffin by sunrise
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel claws face
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel presses charges
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel uses telekinesis to send wax dolls after his foes
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel helps woman with bags outside of bus station but then quickly disappears with them
- Joel set up by psychotic child who can cry at will
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel barks himself hoarse
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel burned in effigy by his employees
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel claims his computer verbally asked him for help
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel’s genetic analysis indicates a predisposition to criminality
- Joel shows up extremely late to an Oklahoma Sooners game
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel overdoses on Mounjaro before softball game
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel does time for trying to impersonate a cop
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel really gets opinionated while coding in Subjective-C
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel smokes something that makes him kill
- Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window
- Joel claims to know things about Stonehenge
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel has gun pried from his cold dead hands
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel plans fatal Breckenridge ski trip
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for
- Joel loses life over the callousness of female social media influencer
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel names race horse Altar Boy
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel voted most likely to be susceptible to hypnotism
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel scores IMDB credit on movie Rage Race as “Rat faced goon #3”
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel comes home stinking of Indian food claiming he was at friend Mark Foto’s house
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel trashes beach
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel casually pulls fire alarm on his way out of hospital after being charged a small copay
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel rests case
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel wears weird lime green suit to Uncle’s funeral
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel insists he tumbled over handlebars intentionally
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel burns photograph of mother in trash barrel
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel shows gun
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel slashed by slasher
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel buys time
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel’s face contorts in shock and disbelief
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel masks rage
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites
- Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie