Joel Skins Fifth > Uncategorized

Joel chooses only the most lewd scenes for trailer

Joel likens Friday morning Cedarville, MA wind and rain to something that sounds like the end of the world

Joel answers bank telephone on the verge of sobbing while armed gunman coaches him to act naturally

Joel unsure if he’s had enough but unwilling to wait to find out

Joel wonders why his serpentine commander is always so pissed off

Joel transmits message of alert to identical twin

Joel seen clinging to hood of car driving around zoo parking lot

Joel owes soul to company store

Joel seen running down the sidewalk holding a mannequin head under his arm like a football

Joel seen chugging extremely high calorie sugary beverage despite having no sense of smell or taste

Joel watches eclipse in an almost giddy state while his house is robbed

Joel promises nephew a full-sized taxidermied crocodile

Joel breaks arm putting on karate display for senior citizens

Joel fells backyard tree onto neighbor’s house crushing baby’s crib that was fortunately empty

Joel complains that he keeps hiring people with borderline personality disorder that interview well

Joel harnesses desert power to rob a Tucson area condo association

Joel, given one choice of prosthetic style, selects hook

Joel goes outside and cries in the rain because no one will be able to tell

Joel carefully checks flower bouquet for spiders

Joel squirms his way to the front of a crowd of onlookers to get a glimpse of old woman hit by garbage truck

Joel ends up in dental emergency room after trying to violently rip apart a dog’s toy with his teeth

Joel refers to his dog by the wrong name on phone with mother to confirm she’s real

Joel explores internet

Joel uses AI to spoof Uncle’s voice when calling his mother for money

Joel has it all – Armorall Benz and endless papes

Joel refuses outside support from the FBI as death toll grows

Joel teaches much older wealthy wife to start drinking excessively

Joel seen screaming “Amber alert! I’m being abducted! Amber alert!” while getting cuffed and stuffed into back of squad car

Joel specifies that all clones on Moon base should look identical to him

Joel learns the terrible truth about his favorite soda during factory tour

Joel starts grabbing his crotch and making bizarre sounds like “shamon” and “hehe”

Joel sprints insanely fast after car leaving his property and then turns and sprints back to get car to give chase

Joel learns to speak in a demonic voice with his mother

Joel asks extremely leading questions and seems to express a clear bias while moderating user test

Joel persuaded to entrust his mental health to new drug Gorrilafy

Joel dons grotesque prosthetics to portray famous composer in biopic

Joel hit with tomato while answering doorbell during Broncos game

Joel shot in the forehead with suction cup dart

Joel flies through the hood like everybody in the hood is up to no good

Joel has friend who lives near payphone call in bomb threat to avoid deadline

Joel arrives looking like a vampire at front door asking to be invited inside

Joel found frozen stiff on top of motorcycle at the top of Pico Duarte

Joel refers to new corporate IT policy as a “Shanda”

Joel pumps up volume as instructed by song

Joel rushes out of open house after almost twisting off female realtor’s head over argument about sign-in sheet

Joel becomes the priest in the pair of exorcists which the demon easily overpowers and shames

Joel rises from the ashes of a housefire he accidentally started

Joel gets brain bubble fighting the effects of coffee he brewed using cheap grinder, faulty kitchen scale, and “Chino XL” branded coffee beans

Joel spotted near ice cream shop snarling at accomplice about having to get “them” 3 girls by next week “or else”

Joel called out for lying when he said his horse eating days were behind him

Joel has dream of producing an all-girl hyper-sexualized R&B group called The Diet Tonics then years later starts confusing the dream with reality

Joel orders overpriced designer coffee grinder hour after saying he never would

Joel found dead holding generic business card of someone named Marosh Stellapapoosi

Joel chooses Arctic Blast instead of his familiar Fresh Mint and almost gets his face blown off

Joel throws knives at woman on spinning wheel

Joel splurges for two filet mignon steaks at the supermarket for his upcoming date with powerful record producer but becomes hysterically blind as the event draws nearer

Joel tells new guest his wife died several years ago and then later asks if he’d like to see her

Joel recounts the time he witnessed a garage sale become deadly but later admits he was just describing the plot of the new Lifetime movie Deadly Garage Sale

Joel pens gore-core historical fiction “The Sinking of the Herkylavania”

Joel begins ramming car at CVS pharmacy drive-up window claiming ‘hours had passed’ while security footage shows an elapsed wait of 3 minutes

Joel’s therapist suggests a fresh new start in a state she knows she isn’t licensed

Joel puts final piece into puzzle of naked lady and uncontrollably doubles over and ejaculates

Joel wonders what they call French kissing in France

Joel refers to his fridge as “a housewife’s safe”

Joel told that death is too good for him by federal judge

Joel wonders what people in other countries call English class

Joel calls boner pill doctor complaining that he can’t leave himself alone

Joel contemplates a football team made of various individual Chiefs from several dozen separate tribes

Joel comes crashing through the wall into board room to espouse the benefits of Fan Duel

Joel told by his primary care doctor that everyone in the area is doing very well except for him

Joel, temporarily blinded from an optician appointment, begins to touch the face of the person talking to him

Joel reclines lazily smoking cigarette in bed with his secretary while on the phone with his wife

Joel describes his new 8ft ladder as being rated to support a “300 pound woman”

Joel witnessed killing prostitute in a thicket of reeds but then quickly beats witness to police station and pins the crime on him

Joel stamps out cigar onto 8×10 autographed photo of his rival after making vague threats

Joel’s most unflattering night gets immortalized as a pivotal user story in the annals of tech history

Joel spotted outside large commercial building with hand saw attempting to cut main power cable

Joel starts playing Roy Rogers the second he passes his police officer’s test

Joel says he’s collecting clothes for the homeless but is then seen months later wearing them

Joel praise Allah with visions of Gandhi

Joel has false memory of ever owning a Samsung phone

Joel gets extorted and eventually murdered by husband and wife cheerleader couple he hired to run his budding youth sports clinic franchises

Joel complains that his girlfriend’s 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son are eating him into the poor house

Joel stops and scowls at detectives after they thank him and turn back toward their vehicle

Joel describes luxury sports utility vehicle in front of him as a “monstrosity”

Joel rips fake priest collar off and sprints down street

Joel lists his profession as French Sex Murder on customs papers as plane starts to descend

Joel unsure what to do with his original intent to stalk when chance encounter leads to him charm same woman into date

Joel raises his hand toward woman and slowly returns it saying “If I wasn’t a gentleman…”

Joel explains he’s not trying to survive but trying to live it to the limit and love it a lot

Joel and his father hide from their Hispanic heritage unlike his brave brother Emilio

Joel winds up beet red and slurring thanks to heroics of MBTA commuter

Joel threatens jurors that he’ll return from the grave if they give him the death penalty

Joel leaps from wheelchair and sprints from scene as scam starts being questioned

Joel, in his fear, makes an idol and calls it God

Joel held 6 weeks without phone call or chance to shower by backwater country sheriff over small traffic infraction

Joel never sees his belongings again after entrusting them to Marco Polo Movers

Joel first experiences sticker shock, then becomes actually offended

Joel keeps clearly and loudly repeating “I’ll kill her” to hostage negotiator

Joel deputized for his blue collar heroics on the Long Island railroad

Joel calls out sick from work explaining that he’s got a 104 degree temperature after getting scratched by a cat

Joel thrown out of 8-week paid vegan diet study after it was discovered he’d been eating horse meat

Joel and his twin combine forces to do about half the work a regular person meaning they only do about a quarter each

Joel retreats back into the shadows

Joel sad because of his Standard American Diet (SAD)

Joel pulls into van with the aid of chemical soaked rag

Joel gets hit with hammer after legitimate case of amnesia makes him forget his bookie

Joel faints at seance for his late husband

Joel dragged down from nearly scaling the gate of his psychiatric hospital

Joel agrees to do movie soundtrack but only if he can also play the villain

Joel releases new version of Anthony’s Song in which Mama Leone is walking the beat

Joel admits to tabloid reporter that he’s basically at rock bottom

Joel suggests that perhaps his 90’s style with grey suits and white shirt in time could prove to have been the most dangerous Joel

Joel held down and cuffed with his face pressed against his own star on the Hollywood walk of fame

Joel underestimates heightened senses of would-be blind female victim

Joel casually tries to break into home, sets off howling alarm and runs into the night empty handed

Joel brings a rambunctious squealing piglet to friends’ housewarming party

Joel develops total financial stranglehold over young immigrant woman

Joel shows that he understands two concepts: barrels and bananas

Joel seen pointing gun at two old women who apparently scammed him

Joel aggressively lists benefits the plaintiff enjoyed and accuses them of being ungrateful

Joel loses control of car on mountain pass but comes back as a snowman to make peace with his family before transitioning to afterlife

Joel tells bullshit hyperbolic story about how The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick was playing at deafening level in bathroom of Cumberland Farms gas station

Joel cares very deeply almost immediately after saying – fine see if I care

Joel delivers a healthy serving of Paul Riser in an attempt to distract the public from a glaring lack of Judge Reinhold

Joel burns while doing neutron dance

Joel caught talking to ghoulish medieval portrait and asking the subject about its sexual preferences

Joel flunks elective Intro to Dinosaurs class

Joel insists on album cover of him sitting among stacks of hamburgers

Joel forced to battle a series of colorful villains in psychotic game show

Joel jams gun sharply into woman’s ribs as cars slows at border crossing

Joel complains about neighbor’s tacky Christmas lights and decorations then becomes sad when they take them down

Joel saves some money by converting an old spatula into a back scratcher

Joel’s insane theories and speculation about The Alamo tolerated only due to steady influx of donations

Joel attempts to immortalize himself by vandalizing a national treasure

Joel’s Guinness stolen by thirsty ostrich

Joel comes home claiming he hasn’t eaten yet, unaware that he’d become desensitized to the stench of the Indian food that his clothes had been absorbing for the last two hours

Joel bites interviewer

Joel tells police he was out with friend Spanish Todd

Joel tells everyone at his new job that when he was a kid they found the body of a contractor hidden in the walls

Joel feeds multitudes with only two fish

Joel learns killer’s identity through child’s drawing

Joel carries on vicious argument with empty rocking chair clearly directed at his mother

Joel indulges perverted elderly tuxedo shop owner in game of pretend robbery

Joel tries to make off with hung man’s shoes

Joel told he’s like a pig in shit but not for any specific reason or in relation to anything

Joel forces woman to do what she refers to as “insane things”

Joel flaunts his chips and winnings in a brazen way

Joel answers young female reporter’s questions dishonestly and perversely

Joel warns of trouble in the Suez

Joel becomes hostile, almost violent when department store manager suggests he’s not the real Santa Claus

Joel overhead saying “That man takes care of his face”

Joel’s stench admired by less advanced creature

Joel subsists for several weeks on impulse snacks purchased at TJ Max

Joel contacts personal injury attorney promising slam dunk

Joel commits late night burglary in hyper-realistic looking gorilla suit

Joel recalls a childhood spent watching the neighborhood kids play outside through the window of his locked bedroom

Joel seen being taken by the wind and struck by lightning while suspended in the air

Joel writes love song proclaiming his ignorance of most subjects

Joel holds his breath for 21 of the 300 seconds required by SEALS

Joel gets a free trip from Thailand to the US wearing light tan pleated khakis and an iridescent blue polo shirt

Joel explains that emotion is a young man’s game

Joel hides in mall til it closes

Joel refers to group from previous historical era as barbarians

Joe reminds niece that elephants are vegetarian after she explains it is part of her weight loss strategy

Joel laments a perceived lack of podcasts where celebrities interview other celebrities

Joel acts out the Ego portion of his recent Ryobi purchase

Joel kidnapped by his own literary agent and forced to continue writing lucrative series in captivity

Joel stabbed in the ass with antifreeze syringe and sent back into frozen football game

Joel prescribed Provasic by increasingly senile doctor who loves movies

Joel’s given six months to live – and a license to kill

Joel makes his daughter’s death look like a kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to also lose a son

Joel makes perverse hook shot leveraging a more primitive zone of his brain

Joel taunts immobilized threat before accidentally getting in range of their grasp

Joel found hiding in barrel after the smoke clears around The Alamo

Joel gets Legionnaire’s Disease using basement grown mushrooms in pasta sauce

Joel fails to deliver on his brand’s promise

Joel’s guts turned to slop by miracle drug

Joel loses life over the callousness of female social media influencer

Joel admits to his players that he’s desperate for money

Joel looks in mirror and curiously touches his face

Joel rubs his hands and wrists in anticipation that two delivery trucks might crash pulling into his driveway

Joel gets so caught up in smiling, pointing, and waving he forgets to sing

Joel slashes teens

Joel repeatedly shouts in an effeminate accent “Shoot him shoot him shoot him!” while wife aims at neighbor

Joel refers to himself as pinoy to connote that he’s a member of the Filipino diaspora

Joel helps woman with bags outside of bus station but then quickly disappears with them

Joel’s all time best selling hit Fuck Tha Police comes back to bite him when he needs their help the most

Joel asks his supernatural overlord, “If I bring you the child, can I have the woman?”

Joel often finds reasons to quote outdated Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus relationship advice videos

Joel practices law while living in his car

Joel shows up at date’s house and realizes she’s the daughter of the pharmacist he bought condoms from earlier

Joel starts rapidly speaking in Italian after hockey puck ricochets into stands at his forehead

Joel flushes his underwear in the toilet to make trouble at party

Joel turned into vegetable by host of outdated therapy techniques

Joel learns nothing and remains unchanged by the end of his hero’s arc

Joel looks at pasta container on shelf behind his wife before telling her he was at an old friend named Al Dente’s house

Joel does the right thing – and it ends up costing him his life

Joel throws fistful of cash at would-be muggers and runs

Joel referred to as a “stiff” in a police context

Joel perceives child prodigy as a threat

Joel successfully sues new employer for the content included in the sexual harassment training video

Joel makes premeditated plan to overeat

Joel refers to his former self as a precocious ray of light ruined by the temptations of puberty

Joel really gets opinionated while coding in Subjective-C

Joel befriends adult male celebrity with condition that makes him forever look like a child and treats him like he’s his child

Joel found dead making a frozen grimace in winter wonderland display

Joel makes R-rated quip at imaginary antagonist while methodically browsing discount clothing

Joel questioned by detective that makes it known that he believes Joel to be guilty and won’t rest till he’s proved it

Joel enters work clothing retailer in the mindset of a violent cybernetic time traveler

Joel eats his height in submarine sandwich and then passes out for that many inches in hours

Joel tells the middle school girl he’s dating that he’s in like with her

Joel tried as juvenile due to his dimwitted nature

Joel quips that the saying should be “the whole burrito” or “the whole chimichanga” since enchiladas are typically smaller and sold in quantities of two or three

Joel seen walking like a pimp with two nuns

Joel uses telekinesis to send wax dolls after his foes

Joel’s friends and family finally say something about his gambling

Joel starts hurriedly pounding on door right after ringing bell without leaving any time for someone to realistically answer

Joel continues forward through hailstorm of police gunfire as angel dust courses through his veins

Joel traces his left hand on paper and then colors it in to look like a turkey

Joel treated like leper during pandemic test drive

Joel smokes something that makes him kill

Joel kept in full nelson while authorities arrive

Joel casually pulls fire alarm on his way out of hospital after being charged a small copay

Joel originally arrested for driving down the street holding a baby out the window but now faces stiffer charges for a failure to appear in court

Joel combs and teases the hair on the back of his head to resemble a duck’s ass

Joel scores IMDB credit on movie Rage Race as “Rat faced goon #3”

Joel starts to get lightly rammed on his back bumper by car that’s been chasing him

Joel shows up to Burning Man in mohawk weeks after tanking his startup and burning investors

Joel gets carnival popcorn machine for his home theater room that becomes a real health and safety hazard

Joel staked through the heart with wooden spear while sleeping in his coffin

Joel’s genetic analysis indicates a predisposition to criminality

Joel survives botched execution and by rule is allowed to go free

Joel bites woman who pushed him too far

Joel skulks back to his coffin by sunrise

Joel remakes offhandedly at anthropology convention that humans are just the right size to cause trouble

Joel spins out, continues on foot in desperate rush for US embassy

Joel overdoses on Mounjaro before softball game

Joel’s lawyer informs him that the government’s case is built on nothing more than an unreliable witness’s description of seeing someone “short and ugly”, but it will probably make it to trial

Joel chuckles watching his dog have some weird little dream

Joel hospitalized after eating skunk cabbage growing along stream at Mad River Glenn

Joel introduces himself as the Mayor of Oysterville

Joel fires gun frantically into swarm of approaching bats

Joel gets off light with a double-life plea bargain

Joel scalded half to death by mysterious tampering of home hot water boiler

Joel comes home stinking of Indian food claiming he was at friend Mark Foto’s house

Joel sleeps standing up

Joel opens chain of low rent sweatbox yoga studios called Nanasty

Joel gets served a hamburger missing the beef patty at Poconos McDonald’s drive thru

Joel starts true crime podcast but each episode is just an admission

Joel sends a letter to the police letting them know that he plans to strike again

Joel robs Amazon Prime delivery truck at gunpoint

Joel wears weird lime green suit to Uncle’s funeral

Joel blown in all different directions by four strong winds

Joel makes Irish entrance

Joel and his siblings disband musical group upon the death of their domineering father

Joel threatens that if network doesn’t meet his demands he’ll put on a show so foul and grotesque it will have their advertisers fleeing like rats from a sinking ship

Joel neutralized by older woman of average strength

Joel discovers echo from humans past foretelling the demise of intelligence and purpose

Joel humps the ground in the woods near where he stashes porno magazines in plastic bag

Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor

Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues

Joel tucks 38 special into elastic of football uniform

Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun

Joel seen running from warehouse fire holding a baby doll

Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile

Joel backed over after falling asleep behind neighbor’s car

Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland

Joel molests one in four women

Joel describes his aunt’s funeral as a grave occasion

Joel chased through alley in brand new, uncomfortable boots

Joel Bogles at the dance

Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures

Joel spreads so many rumors he earns the nickname Lou Gossip

Joel clarifies his role to investors as Silicon Prince

Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed

Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent

Joel trampled by USC marching band

Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses

Joel has died from a snakebite

Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time

Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement

Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound

Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based

Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school

Joel shits with boner

Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge

Joel’s face contorts in shock and disbelief

Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are

Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade

Joel locked up in cartoon jail

Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass

Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral

Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing

Joel deduces the existence of a Thin Joe

Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex

Joel gets pulled over with corpses in all of the other seats

Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands

Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house

Joel makes good on threats

Joel does time for trying to impersonate a cop

Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum

Joel strangled half to death with silk scarf

Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on

Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep

Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau

Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it

Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car

Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline

Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor

Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable

Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens

Joel slashed by slasher

Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him

Joel leaves semen at the scene to taunt authorities

Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something

Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world

Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink

Joel seen wearing fishnet tank top walking cat on leash

Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party

Joel becomes obsessed with his own sexuality

Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites

Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land

Joel threatens to drink the river to dry the land

Joel gets brain bubbles while fighting horrific drug

Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded

Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation

Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention

Joel summoned to tutor the children of terminally ill drug lord

Joel has gun pried from his cold dead hands

Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation

Joel claims his computer verbally asked him for help

Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate

Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames

Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach

Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them

Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York

Joel burned in effigy by his employees

Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster

Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion

Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking

Joel refers to his country club as a tomb

Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool

Joel moves into stuffy shoebox of an apartment on Craig St.

Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool

Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier

Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met

Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message

Joel swings grappling hook at crowd

Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind

Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent

Joel brings a great dishonor upon himself and his family

Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat

Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core

Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”

Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring

Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic

Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida

Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons

Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job

Joel set up by psychotic child who can cry at will

Joel plans fatal Breckenridge ski trip

Joel slices off tip of finger shooting Ryobi saw review video

Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria

Joel dazzled and intrigued by motion picture

Joel dances the jazz after some sugary apple juice

Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray

Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture

Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation

Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty

Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”

Joel loses head

Joel burns photograph of mother in trash barrel

Joel lies about being a renowned Egyptologist

Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child

Joel directs COVID-19 theme porn entitled Superspreaders

Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims

Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive

Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak

Joel angrily refers to low key talk therapist as brain butcher

Joel trashes beach

Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money

Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug

Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to

Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”

Joel disrobes mannequin

Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer

Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release

Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury

Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie

Joel asks if they have any boxes of the card game Uno in English

Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ

Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of

Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization

Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for

Joel fakes signs of stroke

Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet

Joel comes in for perm, gets blowout

Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline

Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window

Joel turns pink and collapses at psychedelic dino safari

Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership

Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers

Joel calls total bullshit on “fork split” English muffins

Joel voted most likely to be susceptible to hypnotism

Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet

Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital

Joel breaks charades rules by audibly grunting and wheezing

Joel names race horse Altar Boy

Joel claims to know things about Stonehenge

Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure

Joel insists he tumbled over handlebars intentionally

Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played

Joel impersonates attorney to gain access to witness

Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning

Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk

Joel asks ChatGPT “Why do we cry?”

Joel doesn’t tell his doctor he’s already taking Brovando

Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series

Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands

Joel’s behavior described as craven during freak carnival fire

Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees

Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits

Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it

Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer

Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill

Joel tells web design client enough already with all the widgets

Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope

Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him

Joel shows up extremely late to an Oklahoma Sooners game

Joel barks himself hoarse

Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account

Joel exits with shop with suitcase

Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day

Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face

Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill

Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow

Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt

Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish

Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone

Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish

Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts

Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop

Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan

Joel demands audience with Thomas Aquinas

Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street

Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth

Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early

Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway

Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant

Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House

Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean

Joel creams pants

Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working

Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black

Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence

Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey

Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers

Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night

Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city

Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass

Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients

Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior

Joel threatens to kill his lawyer

Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities

Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru

Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance

Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner

Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring

Joel unable to be reasoned with

Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition

Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage

Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools

Joel sees, does

Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack

Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them

Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost

Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull

Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone

Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face

Joel battered by assailant

Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it

Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend

Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”

Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him

Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic

Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter

Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage

Joel flashes piece

Joel walks alone

Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety

Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets

Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone

Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose

Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach

Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man

Joel becomes so angry he dies

Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point

Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery

Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River

Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student

Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing

Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest

Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt

Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life

Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler

Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible

Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant

Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”

Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game

Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor

Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call

Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child

Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid

Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey

Joel catches COVID from toilet seat

Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem

Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction

Joel impervious to being spooked while horny

Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad

Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace

Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred

Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator

Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength

Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat

Joel raised to survive and to hate

Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam

Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry

Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat

Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island

Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives

Joel blown up in demolition seminar

Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do

Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes

Joel’s family opts for highway over his way

Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water

Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy

Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying

Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically

Joel argues his way into Hell

Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”

Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges

Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will

Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain

Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts

Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix

Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’

Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink

Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality

Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette

Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway

Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear

Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant

Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”

Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife

Joel pretends to care about soccer

Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum

Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator

Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship

Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name

Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness

Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm

Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy

Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother

Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip

Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives

Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it

Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital

Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid

Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine

Joel hogs the sun

Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise

Joel pisses on poop deck

Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space

Joel cuts the child in two

Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders

Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence

Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved

Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again

Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man

Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder

Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head

Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses

Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”

Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster

Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie

Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations

Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does

Joel all like Que fado que lao

Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled

Joel governs race of subway rat people

Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah

Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue

Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually

Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac

Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast

Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service

Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark

Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.

Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism

Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate

Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant

Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them

Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position

Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist

Joel rests case

Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds

Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene

Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test

Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members

Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun

Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream

Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him

Joel maligns victim

Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match

Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California

Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95

Joel hates the members of his own race the most

Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation

Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks

Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear

Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born

Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris

Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training

Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee

Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers

Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home

Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer

Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field

Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff

Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru

Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase

Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies

Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney

Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin

Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater

Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved

Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams

Joel goes to bed in turtleneck

Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped

Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel

Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser

Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation

Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad

Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain

Joel calls bullshit on evolution

Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face

Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block

Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds

Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop

Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing

Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event

Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe

Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder

Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber

Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one

Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour

Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers

Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time

Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize

Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels

Joel ships toilet troll

Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator

Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters

Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions

Joel punches laptop screen

Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome

Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside

Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments

Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker

Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension

Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel

Joel eats trash

Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy

Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room

Joel watches security video of himself stealing

Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts

Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven

Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results

Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend

Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester

Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background

Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism

Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set

Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt

Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made

Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper

Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person

Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company

Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them

Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark

Joel deprived of oxygen

Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door

Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins

Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again

Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition

Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills

Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac

Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top

Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains

Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats

Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation

Joel rotten in Denmark

Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam

Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy

Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass

Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough

Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact

Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia

Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food

Joel abandons cart

Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs

Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them

Joel says his love won’t pay the rent

Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread

Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft

Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor

Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island

Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT

Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask

Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural

Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze

Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce

Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names

Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head

Joel asks only what his country can do for him

Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side

Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for

Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident

Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him

Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison

Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt

Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2

Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations

Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders

Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit

Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”

Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound

Joel sleeps with both eyes open

Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank

Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out

Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher

Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé

Joel found dead on roof of his house

Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot

Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him

Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at

Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring

Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman

Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve

Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting

Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite

Joel too sick to die and too scared to live

Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal

Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve

Joel beaten around the thighs and torso

Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet

Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office

Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”

Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything

Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed

Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible

Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media

Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp

Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them

Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks

Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment

Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing

Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing

Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch

Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire

Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door

Joel gambles with his life

Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car

Joel takes push to shove

Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek

Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000

Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests

Joel can go on just running away

Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket

Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post

Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance

Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro

Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive

Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant

Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet

Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory

Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women

Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave

Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks

Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking

Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country

Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions

Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids

Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”

Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt

Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been

Joel disgusted by today’s children

Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR

Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President

Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid

Joel offers a fiend’s opinion

Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor

Joel disfigures detective but lets him live

Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money

Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise

Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story

Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank

Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly

Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly

Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director

Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet

Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh

Joel uses terror as a weapon

Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one

Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days

Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma

Joel hates what he fears and fears himself

Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room

Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors

Joel heckled by burning bush

Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training

Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check

Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician

Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck

Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter

Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns

Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done

Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator

Joel poops through mouth

Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy

Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent

Joel blames client

Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom

Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister

Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees

Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”

Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID

Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines

Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”

Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods

Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got

Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”

Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub

Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers

Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France

Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl

Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar

Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey

Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air

Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s

Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors

Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat

Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”

Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him

Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”

Joel skilled at the art of mimicry

Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression

Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon

Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game

Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises

Joel takes and takes and takes

Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother

Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa

Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens

Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond

Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands

Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back

Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places

Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome

Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag

Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids

Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf

Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby

Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist

Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity

Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her

Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball

Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway

Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god

Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station

Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot

Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones

Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme

Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction

Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator

Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering

Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop

Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill

Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed

Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends

Joel out-pizza’s the Hut

Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone

Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth

Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play

Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text

Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home

Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s

Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger

Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming

Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”

Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency

Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing

Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky

Joel shoots buffalo from train

Joel boycotts boy

Joel threatens to eat whole cake

Joel sues gym for lost pounds

Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school

Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme

Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case

Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy

Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over

Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf

Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation

Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed

Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache

Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3

Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services

Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave

Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer

Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich

Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets

Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months

Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker

Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary

Joel sues wife, kids

Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle

Joel produces film classified as PG-15

Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens

Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement

Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock

Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family

Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe

Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage

Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard

Joel calls lawyer before 911

Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus

Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery

Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass

Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave

Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position

Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey

Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer

Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members

Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination

Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot

Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”

Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer

Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper

Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate

Joel featured in creature feature

Joel gets electrocuted at circus

Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t

Joel begs for money

Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”

Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books

Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess

Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him

Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community

Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone

Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality

Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife

Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it

Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway

Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere

Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise

Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman

Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way

Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping

Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother

Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl

Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile

Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime

Joel stokes flames of summer of hate

Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him

Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull

Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat

Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company

Joel creamed by physics

Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs

Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness

Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ

Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint

Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog

Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman

Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design

Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison

Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage

Joel the source of his own undoing

Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane

Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room

Joel thaws Disney

Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to

Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash

Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence

Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask

Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble

Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose

Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view

Joel asks his creator “Why me?”

Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals

Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force

Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band

Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs

Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release

Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli

Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”

Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat

Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window

Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead

Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back

Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in

Joel described as a boiled hotdog

Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes

Joel hit by car while playing in street

Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”

Joel worships Satan

Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale

Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent

Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup

Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”

Joel brings mold covered mother to closing

Joel selects red pill

Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man

Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”

Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo

Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store

Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants

Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job

Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation

Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work

Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son

Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl

Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’

Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning

Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself

Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie

Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal

Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing

Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test

Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy

Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer

Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar

Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies

Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars

Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment

Joel munches handful of stupid pills

Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”

Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair

Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia

Joel ties someone up for their own good

Joel normalizes violence

Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him

Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror

Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand

Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm

Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote

Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist

Joel wants only what you don’t let him have

Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer

Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding

Joel corrupted by power

Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane

Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle

Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart

Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day

Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star

Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew

Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery

Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there

Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer

Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month

Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot

Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa

Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house

Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy

Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview

Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed

Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women

Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend

Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face

Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser

Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”

Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer

Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch

Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum

Joel reduces risk

Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs

Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins

Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s

Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity

Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”

Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers

Joel’s pagan nature aroused

Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him

Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders

Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance

Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator

Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to

Joel backflips and spits at crowd

Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk

Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again

Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus

Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food

Joel becomes jealous of dog

Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him

Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement

Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial

Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside

Joel puts his own name on revenge list

Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt

Joel realizes he has nothing to lose

Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic

Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette

Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail

Joel’s only crime was being born

Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat

Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”

Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet

Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague

Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies

Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work

Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills

Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table

Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping

Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight

Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water

Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship

Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”

Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey

Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally

Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage

Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota

Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby

Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats

Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead

Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer

Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart

Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”

Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker

Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space

Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun

Joel boasts about length of his penis

Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose

Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox

Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse

Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house

Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons

Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant

Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act

Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman

Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers

Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier

Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history

Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing

Joel finally makes good on his threats

Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim

Joel ships river monster

Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest

Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere

Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”

Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game

Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat

Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system

Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole

Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV

Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat

Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope

Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days

Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise

Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity

Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good

Joel runs into traffic

Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”

Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous

Joel gets greedy

Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder

Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant

Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles

Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial

Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”

Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare

Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota

Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election

Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal

Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car

Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s

Joel found in the nude

Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin

Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop

Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”

Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter

Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision

Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school

Joel no longer welcome in community pool

Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union

Joel actually has been there and has done that

Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist

Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum

Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary

Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France

Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with

Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer

Joel reads his first book in jail

Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast

Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation

Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm

Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance

Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle

Joel tolerates lactose

Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig

Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school

Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing

Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee

Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants

Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website

Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can

Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm

Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house

Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account

Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant

Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit

Joel conceals deviance

Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest

Joel places “obscene” Thai food order

Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo

Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches

Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens

Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun

Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale

Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”

Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield

Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit

Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car

Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child

Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls

Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet

Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor

Joel beaten with sticks by London police

Joel sells vowel for two consonants

Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory

Joel gnaws on salted tire

Joel encircled by predatory lenders

Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox

Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear

Joel combusts psychotropic flower

Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women

Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice

Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer

Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool

Joel impressed by professional

Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again

Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back

Joel wears prosthetic face to night club

Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color

Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine

Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre

Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse

Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people

Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome

Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich

Joel clobbered by juggernaut

Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare

Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs

Joel found alive in woods

Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down

Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine

Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton

Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad

Joel plays with fire

Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee

Joel ignores best practices

Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang

Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill

Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes

Joel nests table

Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial

Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey

Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook

Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang

Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door

Joel neither tells nor is he asked

Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit

Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier

Joel interviews vampire

Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage

Joel vows to destroy the straight community

Joel takes his meat into his own hands

Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in

Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker

Joel demands more from today’s pornographer

Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS

Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak

Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence

Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill

Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos