- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel eats money
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel takes low road
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel masks rage
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel eats stone
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel offers hope
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel covets equine
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel fires back
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel follows woman
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast pace pharmaceutical ad
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel strangles cook
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel bites child
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel shows gun
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel blames client
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel kills serially
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel eats twin
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel chases swan
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeing it to them
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel sees, does
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel claws face
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel salts fist
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel nests table
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel smells fear
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel walks alone
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel creams pants
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel buys time
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel rests case
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel handles pan
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel eats trash
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel begs for money
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel all like Que fado que loa
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel waves phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel presses charges
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel demands boy
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia