- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel, given one choice of prosthetic style, selects hook
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel shows up extremely late to an Oklahoma Sooners game
- Joel questioned by detective that makes it known that he believes Joel to be guilty and won’t rest till he’s proved it
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel fails to deliver on his brand’s promise
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel buys time
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel watches eclipse in an almost giddy state while his house is robbed
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel discovers echo from humans past foretelling the demise of intelligence and purpose
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel burned in effigy by his employees
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel owes soul to company store
- Joel overhead saying “That man takes care of his face”
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel salts fist
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel flunks elective Intro to Dinosaurs class
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel reconsiders DJ catchphrase after leaving crowd somewhat confused with “Tell me something nice”
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel’s home terrorized by the ghost of Mark Twain
- Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun
- Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel sends mother a bouquet of Brazilian zombie flowers
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel rests case
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel’s guts turned to slop by miracle drug
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel imposes a tax on beards to fund the creation of a navy
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel kills serially
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel trampled by USC marching band
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel raises his hand toward woman and slowly returns it saying “If I wasn’t a gentleman…”
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel wastes police’s time with reports of animals that could never inhabit where he’s calling from
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel eats his height in submarine sandwich and then passes out for that many inches in hours
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel fired from marketing position at Sam Adams for insisting his “Summer of Sam” promotion
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel uses AI to spoof Uncle’s voice when calling his mother for money
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel names race horse Altar Boy
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel informed by Sydney Pollack about the seriousness of the situation
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel directs COVID-19 theme porn entitled Superspreaders
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel bites woman who pushed him too far
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel gets served a hamburger missing the beef patty at Poconos McDonald’s drive thru
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel’s given six months to live – and a license to kill
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel introduces himself as the Mayor of Oysterville
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel claims his computer verbally asked him for help
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel comes home drunk after work from his tire factory job crying to his wife about Mr. Yokohama
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel tries to pressure coworkers into buying Dead Sea salt lotions from his daughter’s Mall kiosk shop
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel catches on fire in Surf Style brand neon blue windbreaker he bought at Wildwood NJ boardwalk store
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel gets crude oil poured down his throat and gets screamed at about Michael Jackson feeling the need to turn white
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel has died from a snakebite
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel likens Friday morning Cedarville, MA wind and rain to something that sounds like the end of the world
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel shows that he understands two concepts: barrels and bananas
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel carries on vicious argument with empty rocking chair clearly directed at his mother
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel details all of his previous court room deceptions to some junky groupie on prison phone while awaiting a new trial
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel claims he got locked inside a walk-in freezer for a weekend and had to jog in place to stay alive
- Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel moves into stuffy shoebox of an apartment on Craig St.
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel’s bank says No
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel goes to Orlando with suitcase stuffed with everything other than shorts or short sleeve shirts
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel teaches much older wealthy wife to start drinking excessively
- Joel pretends to be woman’s deceased husband’s war buddy in order to get to a doll she has that’s secretly stuffed with heroine
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel goes out at night to record some new wind sound effects when the whole shit pops off
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel rises from the ashes of a housefire he accidentally started
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel sets location for drug deal to be behind abandoned Ken’s steakhouse
- Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel joins Zoom call while also performing his second job as a fast food drive-through cashier
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel nests table
- Joel gets charged for roof being blown off of Airbnb
- Joel watches real life fight between a sailor with grotesquely large forearms and a big fat bearded mean one who was trying to sexually assault the other’s wife
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel contacts personal injury attorney promising slam dunk
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel’s game of love has just begun
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel has friend who lives near payphone call in bomb threat to avoid deadline
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel strangled half to death with silk scarf
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel dumped by Debtors Anonymous sponsor over purchase of pricey illegal cat
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York
- Joel smokes something that makes him kill
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel pulls banana out of his pocket and aims it at police officer
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning
- Joel rifles through dead woman’s purse while contemplating his next move
- Joel wins Superbowl and drives off in Hyundai
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel has dream of producing an all-girl hyper-sexualized R&B group called The Diet Tonics then years later starts confusing the dream with reality
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel’s genetic analysis indicates a predisposition to criminality
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel takes low road
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel makes nativity statue of baby Jesus cry
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel practices his acting lines in Central Park with new friend he doesn’t realize is also his stalker
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel and his siblings disband musical group upon the death of their domineering father
- Joel brutalizes a version of himself from another time
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel held 6 weeks without phone call or chance to shower by backwater country sheriff over small traffic infraction
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel tucks 38 special into elastic of football uniform
- Joel seen running down the sidewalk holding a mannequin head under his arm like a football
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel refers to new corporate IT policy as a “Shanda”
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel humps to Sister Nancy song “Bam Bam” in the sweltering heat
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel blasts rap group MOP while speeding to work with the intention of striking his boss
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel clubbed with mallet and made permanently dumber on Redondo Beach
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel starts grabbing his crotch and making bizarre sounds like “shamon” and “hehe”
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel tries to make off with hung man’s shoes
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel handles pan
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel says “Stop her! Stop her!” in almost cartoonish voice
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel winds up beet red and slurring thanks to heroics of MBTA commuter
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel lies in wait, screaming terrifying Indian war chants from family’s garage
- Joel attacked maliciously through electronic communication network invented for porn
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel pulls into van with the aid of chemical soaked rag
- Joel transmits message of alert to identical twin
- Joel’s odious rap verses come back to haunt him when he attempts to run for public office
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel backed by a half-dozen hypersexed demons while battling supernatural overlord
- Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel ends up in dental emergency room after trying to violently rip apart a dog’s toy with his teeth
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel waddles through charming outdoor market during Christmas season plotting to kill
- Joel seen ripping suitcase from old woman’s hands
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel called a swine by hooker he drops off in the middle of nowhere
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel chooses Arctic Blast instead of his familiar Fresh Mint and almost gets his face blown off
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel subsists for several weeks on impulse snacks purchased at TJ Max
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel throws knives at woman on spinning wheel
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel cracks up after husband’s body goes missing from morgue
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel insists on album cover of him sitting among stacks of hamburgers
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames
- Joel calls out sick from work explaining that he’s got a 104 degree temperature after getting scratched by a cat
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel leaves semen at the scene to taunt authorities
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel Bogles at the dance
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel explores internet
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel underestimates heightened senses of would-be blind female victim
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel views every food group that isn’t sugar as a possible sugar delivery vehicle
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joel makes his daughter’s death look like a kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to also lose a son
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel slaps some poorly planned AI feature into his software and calls it CoPilot
- Joel uses telekinesis to send wax dolls after his foes
- Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel impatiently yells “Give it!” after a child tells him he has a message from his boss in jail
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel claims he was accepted into the Air Force after he did 1000 pushups on the deck of a battleship
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel’s AI fitness coach calls the police on him
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel tells date he’s often mistaken for gay because he has exquisite taste
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel’s behavior described as craven during freak carnival fire
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel traces his left hand on paper and then colors it in to look like a turkey
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel robs Amazon Prime delivery truck at gunpoint
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel holds up under heavy questioning for hours but quickly falls victim to flattery
- Joel seen walking like a pimp with two nuns
- Joe reminds niece that elephants are vegetarian after she explains it is part of her weight loss strategy
- Joel addresses the citizens of Los Angeles by their proper collective name, Angelinos
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel scores IMDB credit on movie Rage Race as “Rat faced goon #3”
- Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel rolls down steep hill in a barrel and across state highway causing multiple car pileup
- Joel starts playing Roy Rogers the second he passes his police officer’s test
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel and his associates read the riot act by chicken-thin woman
- Joel thrown out of 8-week paid vegan diet study after it was discovered he’d been eating horse meat
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel hit with tomato while answering doorbell during Broncos game
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel admits to tabloid reporter that he’s basically at rock bottom
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel sad because of his Standard American Diet (SAD)
- Joel barks himself hoarse
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan
- Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel splurges for two filet mignon steaks at the supermarket for his upcoming date with powerful record producer but becomes hysterically blind as the event draws nearer
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel can’t wait to retire and open his long dreamed-of doll repair shop he plans to call Doll Hospital
- Joel makes good on threats
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel bites every owner he’s had and threatens to bite again
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel seen chugging extremely high calorie sugary beverage despite having no sense of smell or taste
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel threatens to drink the river to dry the land
- Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking
- Joel puts final piece into puzzle of naked lady and uncontrollably doubles over and ejaculates
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel fried in the electric chair for his participation in what became known as The Cape Cod 5
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel hides in mall til it closes
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel eats stone
- Joel’s insane theories and speculation about The Alamo tolerated only due to steady influx of donations
- Joel goes outside and cries in the rain because no one will be able to tell
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel eats trash
- Joel’s therapist suggests a fresh new start in a state she knows she isn’t licensed
- Joel deputized for his blue collar heroics on the Long Island railroad
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel rips fake priest collar off and sprints down street
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel tells bullshit hyperbolic story about how The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick was playing at deafening level in bathroom of Cumberland Farms gas station
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel breaks charades rules by audibly grunting and wheezing
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel recounts the time he witnessed a garage sale become deadly but later admits he was just describing the plot of the new Lifetime movie Deadly Garage Sale
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joel whips up cruise quality salad
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel cares very deeply almost immediately after saying – fine see if I care
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel begs for change in a cashless society
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel pulled from the smoking wreckage unscathed
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel summoned to tutor the children of terminally ill drug lord
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel walks alone
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel asks his supernatural overlord, “If I bring you the child, can I have the woman?”
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel describes the plot of the show Jag to the other Peeping Tom’s in the holding cell
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel nervously overwaters cactus
- Joel attends internal company fireside chat with CEO who saunters out to Kendrick beat
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel survives botched execution and by rule is allowed to go free
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel takes off helmet and tosses his hair after riding motorcycle through Tokyo alleyways wearing sleek leather one-piece riding suit
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel describes his aunt’s funeral as a grave occasion
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel likens his Uptown Girl to John’s Crocodile Rock
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel starts a terrorist organization called The Free Radicals but is quickly neutralized by blueberries, avocados and other foods high in antioxidants
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind
- Joel’s face contorts in shock and disbelief
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel maliciously shoves woman down onto tracks in front of approaching train due to general anxieties about his job security
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel, and his notoriously weak gag reflex, unassumingly enters movie theater to see Bad Boys
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury
- Joel shits with boner
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow
- Joel referred to as a “stiff” in a police context
- Joel dreams of going to a Chile’s
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel lands extremely complex Olympic flip allowing his family to live
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel comes in for perm, gets blowout
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel forces his way into young woman’s apartment, insisting he has to talk to her
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel makes perverse hook shot leveraging a more primitive zone of his brain
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel becomes best friends with an equally skittish talking Great Dane
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel backed over after falling asleep behind neighbor’s car
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel tells female interviewer “I got music the way I am my man” in sort of a friendly but quizzical manner
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel’s homemade burrito begins to open on the bottom causing him to have to go full Blues Traveler on it
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel told by his primary care doctor that everyone in the area is doing very well except for him
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel tells coworkers he needs a vacation from his vacation after week spent mostly barricaded in his home with drug induced paranoia
- Joel eats money
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel harnesses desert power to rob a Tucson area condo association
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land
- Joel seen committing a 2-11
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel flushes his underwear in the toilet to make trouble at party
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel learns to talk telepathically to animals, gets forced into the middle of a baboon war
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat
- Joel learns to respond to being called “White Chocolate”
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel sees, does
- Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool
- Joel dons grotesque prosthetics to portray famous composer in biopic
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel saves some money by converting an old spatula into a back scratcher
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel grabs arm of Uber driver reaching for pepper spray
- Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel bites child
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel throws fistful of cash at would-be muggers and runs
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel writes love song proclaiming his ignorance of most subjects
- Joel refers to his fridge as “a housewife’s safe”
- Joel turned into vegetable by host of outdated therapy techniques
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel orders overpriced designer coffee grinder hour after saying he never would
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel pulls some major heroics tackling counterfeiter at airport
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel told that death is too good for him by federal judge
- Joel drives with broken back
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel arrives looking like a vampire at front door asking to be invited inside
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel goes mostly deaf hard rocking on stage night after night in school boy uniform without hearing protection
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel rips decorative saber off the wall at restaurant as cactus based drugs turn bad
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel delivers a healthy serving of Paul Riser in an attempt to distract the public from a glaring lack of Judge Reinhold
- Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel steps outside and gets hat blown off
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel seen pointing gun at two old women who apparently scammed him
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel overhears wife on phone talking about him as is if he’s dead
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel begs for money
- Joel hospitalized after eating skunk cabbage growing along stream at Mad River Glenn
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel found dead under collapsed grocery shelf of Liquid Death
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel kisses mother with same mouth he uses to spew expletives
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel asks demonic portrait about its sexual preferences
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel gets pulled over with corpses in all of the other seats
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel threatens that if network doesn’t meet his demands he’ll put on a show so foul and grotesque it will have their advertisers fleeing like rats from a sinking ship
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel’s Chinese food order intercepted by Feds
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel overheard in his basement signing along with weird sounding voice from backwards record saying “My sweet Satan”
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel gets into some pretty desperate financial trouble before signing to Jive
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel calls bullshit on the accounting job title “controller”
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel has false memory of ever owning a Samsung phone
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel refers to his country club as a tomb
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel learns the terrible truth about his favorite soda during factory tour
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel seen wearing fishnet tank top walking cat on leash
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel seen at restaurant staring cross-eyed at a giant bowl of ice cream
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel’s flight taxis endlessly like a middle schooler too scared to kiss
- Joel has it all – Armorall Benz and endless papes
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel tells web design client enough already with all the widgets
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel laughs like Goofy during his arraignment
- Joel treated just like a rat in country where he’s not culturally significant or recognizable
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel fires back
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel considered a bloated pleasure seeker
- Joe purchases a special edition Goofy watch
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel dances the jazz after some sugary apple juice
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel describes his internet connection speed to Verizon tech support as “Pre-Cambrian”
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something
- Joel becomes the priest in the pair of exorcists which the demon easily overpowers and shames
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel humps the ground in the woods near where he stashes porno magazines in plastic bag
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel tells friend who’s getting head-over-heels in new relationship, “Take a lap, Swimfan”
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel kept in full nelson while authorities arrive
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel specifies that all clones on Moon base should look identical to him
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic
- Joel seen biting on metal bar
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel carefully checks flower bouquet for spiders
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel blurs the lines between politics and bigotry
- Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel psychotically begs the listener to wind him up
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel chases swan
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel successfully sues new employer for the content included in the sexual harassment training video
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel commits fairly well executed small town bank robbery only to drive off in a bright orange Pontiac Solstice
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet
- Joel loses life over the callousness of female social media influencer
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel seen walking down hospital hallway wearing a lab coat and obsolete head mirror
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel urges preteen gymnast to take large doses of Totyktu
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel smells fear
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel wears weird lime green suit to Uncle’s funeral
- Joel rubs his hands and wrists in anticipation that two delivery trucks might crash pulling into his driveway
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel held down and cuffed with his face pressed against his own star on the Hollywood walk of fame
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel comes to agreement with basement arachnids allowing one weekend in August for SpiderCon
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel rushes out of open house after almost twisting off female realtor’s head over argument about sign-in sheet
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel develops total financial stranglehold over young immigrant woman
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel calls total bullshit on “fork split” English muffins
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel combs and teases the hair on the back of his head to resemble a duck’s ass
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel’s lawyer informs him that the government’s case is built on nothing more than an unreliable witness’s description of seeing someone “short and ugly”, but it will probably make it to trial
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel presses charges
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel brings a great dishonor upon himself and his family
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel makes premeditated plan to overeat
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel talked into committing a fatal robbery by chef celeb Guy Fieri
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel frozen in indecision at top of slopes on first day skiing between trails Widowmaker and Butternut
- Joel enters work clothing retailer in the mindset of a violent cybernetic time traveler
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel vows never to become like his friend’s mother
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel laments a perceived lack of podcasts where celebrities interview other celebrities
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel opens a Caribbean eatery where you can order Zion wings with Babylon sauce
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel exits with shop with suitcase
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel originally arrested for driving down the street holding a baby out the window but now faces stiffer charges for a failure to appear in court
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel learns nothing and remains unchanged by the end of his hero’s arc
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel’s hot cousin Natassja convinces him to buy into dangerous vitamin scam
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel explains the Korean flag and the four symbols in the corners all wrong
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel, in his fear, makes an idol and calls it God
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel looks forward to Derby Day, when every asshole in the world thinks they own a Georgia plantation
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures
- Joel loses control of car on mountain pass but comes back as a snowman to make peace with his family before transitioning to afterlife
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel hangs a bunch of garlic wreaths on his front and back door after watching too many vampire movies
- Joel sprints insanely fast after car leaving his property and then turns and sprints back to get car to give chase
- Joel remakes offhandedly at anthropology convention that humans are just the right size to cause trouble
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel treated like leper during pandemic test drive
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel insists he tumbled over handlebars intentionally
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel claims to like the album “In the Court of King Crimson” by King Crimson
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel trespasses into archaeological dig after hours and finds a whole bunch of shit just under where they had dug to and then panics and covers it back up
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel commits late night burglary in hyper-realistic looking gorilla suit
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel forged in the fiery crucible that is domestic violence against men
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel describes luxury sports utility vehicle in front of him as a “monstrosity”
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel shot by revolver held in his own severed hand
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel says he’s collecting clothes for the homeless but is then seen months later wearing them
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel asks ChatGPT “Why do we cry?”
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel doesn’t know about any of this 5G stuff but he’ll just take what digital scraps he can get
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel stomps on accelerator speeding past frantic dock workers as ferry begins to disembark
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel seen grilling burgers and waving “Hi” with his spatula from the perspective of incoming drone missile
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel assault opponent’s body and sides until his head eventually shuts down
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel chuckles watching his dog have some weird little dream
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel suggests that perhaps his 90’s style with grey suits and white shirt in time could prove to have been the most dangerous Joel
- Joel found hiding in barrel after the smoke clears around The Alamo
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel begins ramming car at CVS pharmacy drive-up window claiming ‘hours had passed’ while security footage shows an elapsed wait of 3 minutes
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel replies, “Yeah right, man,” after being informed his car is in the process of getting towed
- Joel fatally shoots his boss who he’s been hired to protect with long range rifle shot meant for assailants
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel claims that his poodle is a food critic for the LA Times
- Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day
- Joel claims to know things about Stonehenge
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel really gets opinionated while coding in Subjective-C
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel comes crashing through the wall into board room to espouse the benefits of Fan Duel
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria
- Joel gets a free trip from Thailand to the US wearing light tan pleated khakis and an iridescent blue polo shirt
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel builds a shed described by neighbors as the worst they’ve ever seen
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel writes the error text “An error has occurred. Please close your browser and try again” knowing full well not a goddamn thing is going to change
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel wakes abruptly from nap and shouts “Lucifer, son of the morning, I’m gonna chase you out of Earth!”
- Joel complains that he keeps hiring people with borderline personality disorder that interview well
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel’s stench admired by less advanced creature
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel answers bank telephone on the verge of sobbing while armed gunman coaches him to act naturally
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel moves into Pulte Homes planned community named Rage Valley
- Joel claims he was at the house of a friend named Ken Ryobi
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel found dead holding generic business card of someone named Marosh Stellapapoosi
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel’s Guinness stolen by thirsty ostrich
- Joel quips that the saying should be “the whole burrito” or “the whole chimichanga” since enchiladas are typically smaller and sold in quantities of two or three
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel starts true crime podcast but each episode is just an admission
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel found in his garage tied up sitting on a mountain of unopened merchandise rigged to burn
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel found frozen stiff on top of motorcycle at the top of Pico Duarte
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel pumps up volume as instructed by song
- Joel calls boner pill doctor complaining that he can’t leave himself alone
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel impersonates attorney to gain access to witness
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel reassures police the fingernail scratches all over his face were from a man
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on
- Joel jams gun sharply into woman’s ribs as cars slows at border crossing
- Joel comes home claiming he hasn’t eaten yet, unaware that he’d become desensitized to the stench of the Indian food that his clothes had been absorbing for the last two hours
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel aggressively lists benefits the plaintiff enjoyed and accuses them of being ungrateful
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street
- Joel first experiences sticker shock, then becomes actually offended
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel banned for life from tv show Comics Unleashed over his material
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel claims he was at the park and physically dropped his cup of coffee on the ground and opened his mouth in awe at the site of a galloping Irish Wolfhound
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel eats twin
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel unsure what to do with his original intent to stalk when chance encounter leads to him charm same woman into date
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel indulges perverted elderly tuxedo shop owner in game of pretend robbery
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel becomes hostile, almost violent when department store manager suggests he’s not the real Santa Claus
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel found dead making a frozen grimace in winter wonderland display
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel breaks arm putting on karate display for senior citizens
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel starts to get lightly rammed on his back bumper by car that’s been chasing him
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel starts rapidly speaking in Italian after hockey puck ricochets into stands at his forehead
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel tells everyone at his new job that when he was a kid they found the body of a contractor hidden in the walls
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel set up for robbery-murder in Patterson, NJ, does 15 years in prison and then isn’t even mad about it
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel agrees to do movie soundtrack but only if he can also play the villain
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel chased through alley in brand new, uncomfortable boots
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel lobotomized by giggling vulgar comedian
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel reports to mist
- Joel returns to the area where he spotted a large black snake to smoke some more pot
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel asks his dog if she thinks he’s going to kill her or something
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel demands audience with Thomas Aquinas
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel absolutely earns his nickname, The Christian Mingle Killer
- Joel offers hope
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel explains he’s not trying to survive but trying to live it to the limit and love it a lot
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel caught talking to ghoulish medieval portrait and asking the subject about its sexual preferences
- Joel squirms his way to the front of a crowd of onlookers to get a glimpse of old woman hit by garbage truck
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel claims he saw a documentary about an African boy who built a TV and VCR from scratch using raw materials
- Joel lists his profession as French Sex Murder on customs papers as plane starts to descend
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel brings back wrong stones from Pankot Palace after huge ordeal
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel helps woman with bags outside of bus station but then quickly disappears with them
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel refers to the Dole Administration as when he holds the joint to his wife’s lips as it gets shorter rather than passing it to her
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel refers to his former self as a precocious ray of light ruined by the temptations of puberty
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel has unfair expectations for white quarterback
- Joel told over the phone that his fairly substantial Chinese order will be ready in 6 minutes
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel flies through the hood like everybody in the hood is up to no good
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel calls out color and object combinations to stave off his insane condition
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral
- Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach
- Joel shows up to nephew’s swim meet looking like a caveman
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel chants down Babylon
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel forces woman to do what she refers to as “insane things”
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel shot in the forehead with suction cup dart
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel fakes signs of stroke
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel gets married covered in ketchup and wearing a giant bun
- Joel contemplates a football team made of various individual Chiefs from several dozen separate tribes
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel receives double negative HIV test result, making it positive
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel jumps out of window screaming about being on fire after eating locally harvested chanterelle mushrooms
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel and his father hide from their Hispanic heritage unlike his brave brother Emilio
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel steals his mother’s credit card and uses it to purchase a brand new dirt bike
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel fells backyard tree onto neighbor’s house crushing baby’s crib that was fortunately empty
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel creams pants
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel stabbed in the ass with antifreeze syringe and sent back into frozen football game
- Joel shakes vigorously on a deal he has no intention of honoring
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel walks around Jordan’s parking lot looking for his car like a perverted ghost
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel found guilty in wrongful death class action suit when videos surface of him demanding that 2024 “Nature of the Beast” tour be oversold and operate without security
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel demands boy
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel stops and scowls at detectives after they thank him and turn back toward their vehicle
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel overdoses on Mounjaro before softball game
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel comes away with the understanding that time and space are one interwoven concept
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel witnessed killing prostitute in a thicket of reeds but then quickly beats witness to police station and pins the crime on him
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel comes home stinking of Indian food claiming he was at friend Mark Foto’s house
- Joel befriends adult male celebrity with condition that makes him forever look like a child and treats him like he’s his child
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel toys around with words and meaning
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel asks if they have any boxes of the card game Uno in English
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel makes Irish entrance
- Joel seen clinging to hood of car driving around zoo parking lot
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel swears he could spot 7 or 8 more bodies while flying over Gilgo Beach
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel and his twin combine forces to do about half the work a regular person meaning they only do about a quarter each
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel wonders what they call French kissing in France
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster
- Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel does time for trying to impersonate a cop
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel releases new version of Anthony’s Song in which Mama Leone is walking the beat
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel takes a liking to nice woman named Sigrit
- Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel covets equine
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel molests one in four women
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel keeps clearly and loudly repeating “I’ll kill her” to hostage negotiator
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel does a perfect impression of Bill Cosby saying “Hello, I am an anemone”
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel, temporarily blinded from an optician appointment, begins to touch the face of the person talking to him
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel kidnapped by his own literary agent and forced to continue writing lucrative series in captivity
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel lies about being a renowned Egyptologist
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel seen ripping suitcase out of old woman’s hands
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel does a standing front flip inside of U-Haul office
- Joel retreats back into the shadows
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel tackled at Social Security office dressed like an old woman
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel peels out and hits female pedestrian at the corner of Lovering and Rumford Road
- Joel clarifies his role to investors as Silicon Prince
- Joel’s all time best selling hit Fuck Tha Police comes back to bite him when he needs their help the most
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel called out for lying when he said his horse eating days were behind him
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel seen running from warehouse fire holding a baby doll
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel feigns concern for the profit motive of an enormous cellular conglomerate
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel displays animosity for red door
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel gets another year older and deeper in debt
- Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel tells police he was out with friend Spanish Todd
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel repeatedly shouts in an effeminate accent “Shoot him shoot him shoot him!” while wife aims at neighbor
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel fires gun frantically into swarm of approaching bats
- Joel quickly unsubscribes from anything and everything having to do with The Democrats
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel sentenced by international tribunal for possessing and distributing cocaine in the Olympic village
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel carries woman through abandoned hospital wearing stolen police uniform
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel spotted outside large commercial building with hand saw attempting to cut main power cable
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel skulks back to his coffin by sunrise
- Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel slices off tip of finger shooting Ryobi saw review video
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel found passed out hung from his ankles on new inversion machine
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel spreads so many rumors he earns the nickname Lou Gossip
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel fucks a traditional stereotypical witch with the hat and big crooked nose
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel perceives child prodigy as a threat
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel shown video of him burning down one of his underperforming businesses
- Joel faints at seance for his late husband
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel practices law while living in his car
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel gets extorted and eventually murdered by husband and wife cheerleader couple he hired to run his budding youth sports clinic franchises
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel asks extremely leading questions and seems to express a clear bias while moderating user test
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel set up by psychotic child who can cry at will
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel flaunts his chips and winnings in a brazen way
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account
- Joel feeds multitudes with only two fish
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk
- Joel blames the string of grisly murders on his doppelgänger, Libby Loej
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel praise Allah with visions of Gandhi
- Joel makes R-rated quip at imaginary antagonist while methodically browsing discount clothing
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel learns to speak in a demonic voice with his mother
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel bites interviewer
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel complains that his girlfriend’s 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son are eating him into the poor house
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel chants “Motherfucker motherfucker!” while prepping dynamite plunger
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims
- Joel threatens jurors that he’ll return from the grave if they give him the death penalty
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel tells detectives he entered the rear of the museum to find a pack of gargoyles strangling the curator with her intestines
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel overheard by other customers at dealership service lounge smugly noting each time he makes a cappuccino and which number it is
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel deduces the existence of a Thin Joe
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel locked up in cartoon jail
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel disrobes mannequin
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel goes overboard with midnight cravings menu order
- Joel warns of trouble in the Suez
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel angrily refers to low key talk therapist as brain butcher
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel scalded half to death by mysterious tampering of home hot water boiler
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel claims he was lured into a West Philadelphia sex dungeon
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel gets so caught up in smiling, pointing, and waving he forgets to sing
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel’s insurance only accepted at dog hospital
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel recalls a childhood spent watching the neighborhood kids play outside through the window of his locked bedroom
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel refers to his dog by the wrong name on phone with mother to confirm she’s real
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel seen being taken by the wind and struck by lightning while suspended in the air
- Joel pens gore-core historical fiction “The Sinking of the Herkylavania”
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel tells personal trainer his goal is to be able to do a naked headstand
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel tells interviewer that in his career he’s done more globetrotting than Meadowlark Lemon
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel no longer afraid of AIDS
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel turns pink and collapses at psychedelic dino safari
- Joel taunts immobilized threat before accidentally getting in range of their grasp
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel never sees his belongings again after entrusting them to Marco Polo Movers
- Joel masks rage
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel slashes teens
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel knowingly posts cursed dining room set on Facebook Marketplace
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel trolls the underground porn scene of 1979 Hollywood in search of his runaway daughter
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel awakens face down in hastily dug shallow grave
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel does the unthinkable and opens the gate to hell by offering dining room set for free on Facebook Marketplace and Craig’sList at the same time
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel’s most unflattering night gets immortalized as a pivotal user story in the annals of tech history
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel blown in all different directions by four strong winds
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel carefully examines Playgirl centerfold outside corner shop where he just bought it
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel wonders what people in other countries call English class
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel describes his new 8ft ladder as being rated to support a “300 pound woman”
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel gets off light with a double-life plea bargain
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel divulges plans to take someone’s face off
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel burns photograph of mother in trash barrel
- Joel refers to group from previous historical era as barbarians
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel becomes obsessed with his own sexuality
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel casually tries to break into home, sets off howling alarm and runs into the night empty handed
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel’s IP address flagged for typing “Hulk Hogan sex tape t-shirt” into search engine
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel stamps out cigar onto 8×10 autographed photo of his rival after making vague threats
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel packs sweatshirt in backpack for office knowing that motherfuckers are trying to win the air conditioning award
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel does the right thing – and it ends up costing him his life
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel suffers fatal overdose of party pills while coaching kids baseball game
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel swings grappling hook at crowd
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel gets brain bubble fighting the effects of coffee he brewed using cheap grinder, faulty kitchen scale, and “Chino XL” branded coffee beans
- Joel’s pilot brazenly announces that there will be light turbulence throughout the flight that will get worse as we near the destination and then still takes off anyways
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel violates the second law of thermodynamics by conceptualizing time travel too simplistically
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel opens chain of low rent sweatbox yoga studios called Nanasty
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel falls through ceiling an breaks both of his legs while spying on girlfriend at town theater
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel realizes the entrance exam to prestigious academy is actually to test whether or not he’s a witch
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel brings a rambunctious squealing piglet to friends’ housewarming party
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel prescribed Provasic by increasingly senile doctor who loves movies
- Joel acts out the Ego portion of his recent Ryobi purchase
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel sleeps standing up
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel finds that Lady Bird is not only a coming of age story but a love letter to Sacramento
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel calls his project team “a bunch of Can’t Jemimahs” after they tell him what he’s asking for can’t be done
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel witnesses person get head run over by his arriving Uber driver
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel leaps from wheelchair and sprints from scene as scam starts being questioned
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel burns while doing neutron dance
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel says he’s been really busy with charity, handling all of the policeman’s balls
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel unsure if he’s had enough but unwilling to wait to find out
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel matures just enough to the point of not buying all of the things he promised himself as a child
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel hides behind large gong during shootout
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel casually picks belly button lint through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel sends a letter to the police letting them know that he plans to strike again
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel crushed by Buick during foolish bench press stunt
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel hangs shining star upon highest bough
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel stiffs and gaslights sickly old drunk guitarist
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel buys bride online and gets more than he bargained for
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel takes blowtorch to his voters
- Joel explains that emotion is a young man’s game
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel looks in mirror and curiously touches his face
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel seen eating leaves and drinking from a puddle before huge Walmart payday
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel performs fugue on well-tempered klavier
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel gets hit with hammer after legitimate case of amnesia makes him forget his bookie
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel acts out an offensive Italian hand/chin gesture to the notion of working until 5pm
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel seen screaming “Amber alert! I’m being abducted! Amber alert!” while getting cuffed and stuffed into back of squad car
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel wonders why his serpentine commander is always so pissed off
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel shows up to Burning Man in mohawk weeks after tanking his startup and burning investors
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel staked through the heart with wooden spear while sleeping in his coffin
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel found gagged and tied to office chair with festive tape
- Joel has gun pried from his cold dead hands
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel spins out, continues on foot in desperate rush for US embassy
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel told he’s like a pig in shit but not for any specific reason or in relation to anything
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel often finds reasons to quote outdated Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus relationship advice videos
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel dresses as Rhesus monkey clapping symbols during photoshoot for cover of new Untitled album
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel substitutes running mate JD Vance for Ving Rhames instead
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel shows up at date’s house and realizes she’s the daughter of the pharmacist he bought condoms from earlier
- Joel neutralized by older woman of average strength
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel dragged down from nearly scaling the gate of his psychiatric hospital
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel makes a list of the president’s enemies
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel refers to himself as pinoy to connote that he’s a member of the Filipino diaspora
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel doesn’t tell his doctor he’s already taking Brovando
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel remarks to several colleagues that the TGI Fridays chain has a “checkered past”
- Joel tried as juvenile due to his dimwitted nature
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel starts hurriedly pounding on door right after ringing bell without leaving any time for someone to realistically answer
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel complains about neighbor’s tacky Christmas lights and decorations then becomes sad when they take them down
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel turned in by priest
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel gets Legionnaire’s Disease using basement grown mushrooms in pasta sauce
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel trashes beach
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel gets carnival popcorn machine for his home theater room that becomes a real health and safety hazard
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel blames client
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel’s friends and family finally say something about his gambling
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel chooses only the most lewd scenes for trailer
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel loses head
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel makes demands in vague terms and takes the complexities of reality for granted
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel watches a team of household-name American basketball stars each with whopping endorsement deals play against a team from a country he can’t pronounce
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel voted most likely to be susceptible to hypnotism
- Joel rings up his Amish friend using a wooden phone
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel slashed by slasher
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel dazzled and intrigued by motion picture
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel persuaded to entrust his mental health to new drug Gorrilafy
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel refuses outside support from the FBI as death toll grows
- Joel promises nephew a full-sized taxidermied crocodile
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel calls bullshit on anyone who claims they can determine how a fire started
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel casually pulls fire alarm on his way out of hospital after being charged a small copay
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel follows woman
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel turns and snarls after receiving Communion at church
- Joel continues forward through hailstorm of police gunfire as angel dust courses through his veins
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel tells the middle school girl he’s dating that he’s in like with her
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel attempts to immortalize himself by vandalizing a national treasure
- Joel gets brain bubbles while fighting horrific drug
- Joel forced to battle a series of colorful villains in psychotic game show
- Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel plans fatal Breckenridge ski trip
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel bites rat
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel looks at pasta container on shelf behind his wife before telling her he was at an old friend named Al Dente’s house
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel spotted near ice cream shop snarling at accomplice about having to get “them” 3 girls by next week “or else”
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel holds his breath for 21 of the 300 seconds required by SEALS
- Joel seen riding motorcycle along building ledge while going through an acute midlife crisis after his niece accidentally chops off his long hair
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel all like Que fado que lao
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel mounts beloved deer
- Joel discovers old notebook in which his father documented the brain experiments he did on him
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel stands in his yard watering his lawn with his eyes closed while the virus that causes Shingles reactivates in his body
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel answers young female reporter’s questions dishonestly and perversely
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel claws face
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel shows gun
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel admits to his players that he’s desperate for money
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel tells new guest his wife died several years ago and then later asks if he’d like to see her
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel learns killer’s identity through child’s drawing
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel rigs his TV to explode on housesitter
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel rips off white priest collar and runs down the alley
- Joel reclines lazily smoking cigarette in bed with his secretary while on the phone with his wife
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence