- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel smells fear
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel eats stone
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel buys time
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel fires back
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel masks rage
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel offers hope
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel presses charges
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel handles pan
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel chases swan
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel follows woman
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel kills serially
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel claws face
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel salts fist
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel eats twin
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel takes low road
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel eats money
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel nests table
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel bites child
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel covets equine
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel demands boy
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel shows gun
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation