- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel does time for trying to impersonate a cop
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel slices off tip of finger shooting Ryobi saw review video
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel starts firing gun wildly out of fear
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel masks rage
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning
- Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel’s behavior described as craven during freak carnival fire
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel impersonates attorney to gain access to witness
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel eats twin
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel creams pants
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel rests case
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel turns pink and collapses at psychedelic dino safari
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel blames client
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel names race horse Altar Boy
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel dances the jazz after some sugary apple juice
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel fires back
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel comes in for perm, gets blowout
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel exits with shop with suitcase
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel gets pulled over with corpses in all of the other seats
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel becomes obsessed with his own sexuality
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel tells web design client enough already with all the widgets
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played
- Joel shows gun
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel seen running from warehouse fire holding a baby doll
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel covets equine
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel sees, does
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel begs for money
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel salts fist
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel presses charges
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel swings grappling hook at crowd
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel asks ChatGPT “Why do we cry?”
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel trashes beach
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel fakes signs of stroke
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel spreads so many rumors he earns the nickname Lou Gossip
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel burns photograph of mother in trash barrel
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel strangled half to death with silk scarf
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel eats money
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world
- Joel Bogles at the dance
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel backed over after falling asleep behind neighbor’s car
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel describes his aunt’s funeral as a grave occasion
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel kills serially
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel claims to know things about Stonehenge
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel follows woman
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel loses head
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel disrobes mannequin
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel makes good on threats
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel chased through alley in brand new, uncomfortable boots
- Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel molests one in four women
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel’s face contorts in shock and disbelief
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel chases swan
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel summoned to tutor the children of terminally ill drug lord
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel nests table
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel eats trash
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel shits with boner
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel claims his computer verbally asked him for help
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel deduces the existence of a Thin Joe
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel eats stone
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel threatens to drink the river to dry the land
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel locked up in cartoon jail
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel calls total bullshit on “fork split” English muffins
- Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel angrily refers to low key talk therapist as brain butcher
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel has died from a snakebite
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel bites child
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation
- Joel set up by psychotic child who can cry at will
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel walks alone
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel tucks 38 special into elastic of football uniform
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel doesn’t tell his doctor he’s already taking Brovando
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel barks himself hoarse
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel claws face
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel voted most likely to be susceptible to hypnotism
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel seen wearing fishnet tank top walking cat on leash
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel asks if they have any boxes of the card game Uno in English
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel refers to his country club as a tomb
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel offers hope
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel has gun pried from his cold dead hands
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel brings a great dishonor upon himself and his family
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel clarifies his role to investors as Silicon Prince
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel lies about being a renowned Egyptologist
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel demands boy
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel slashed by slasher
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window
- Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel breaks charades rules by audibly grunting and wheezing
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel all like Que fado que lao
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge
- Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel handles pan
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel buys time
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel shows up extremely late to an Oklahoma Sooners game
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel burned in effigy by his employees
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel leaves semen at the scene to taunt authorities
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel takes low road
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel gets brain bubbles while fighting horrific drug
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel insists he tumbled over handlebars intentionally
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel demands audience with Thomas Aquinas
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel plans fatal Breckenridge ski trip
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel moves into stuffy shoebox of an apartment on Craig St.
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel directs COVID-19 theme porn entitled Superspreaders
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel smells fear
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel trampled by USC marching band
- Joel dazzled and intrigued by motion picture
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges