- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel smells fear
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel eats twin
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel nests table
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel begs for money
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel follows woman
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel offers hope
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel claws face
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel fires back
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel bites child
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel presses charges
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel handles pan
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel eats stone
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel buys time
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel shows gun
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel takes low road
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel kills serially
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel chases swan
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel masks rage
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel eats money
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel salts fist
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel demands boy
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel covets equine
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror