- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel buys time
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel chases swan
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel fires back
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel takes low road
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel casually picks belly button link through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel’s hair and fangs suddenly grow under the light of the full moon
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel claws face
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel eats twin
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel eats stone
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel bites child
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel eats money
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel smells fear
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel covets equine
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel presses charges
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel demands boy
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel handles pan
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel salts fist
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel masks rage
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel shows gun
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel nests table
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel kills serially
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel offers hope
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel follows woman
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel figures prison is his best option