- Joel reveals to his therapist that he sees him as a cartoon egg
- Joel carries tray of hot dogs below waist after concert with shit-eating grin
- Joel’s face scratched badly by Rod Stuart impersonator
- Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
- Joel pockets wedding ring upon arrival at sleazy hotel bar
- Joel voted most likely to be susceptible to hypnotism
- Joel scores tiny, unpaid cameo in Crank 3
- Joel wounded attempting to flee bank robbery hostage scenario
- Joel runs into bank with sausages strapped to his chest
- Joel too lazy to pick up welfare check
- Joel uses New York office backdrop to take video conference call from Caribbean vacation
- Joel drops dead on the set of Arachnophobia
- Joel’s desperate agreement to waive inspection on purchase and sale leads to basement demon haunting
- Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
- Joel calls bank and issues stop payment on check to babysitter moments after thanking her and dropping her off
- Joel serves dark master
- Joel salts fist
- Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
- Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
- Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
- Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
- Joel shuts off air in lower class mutant quadrant
- Joel rattles tin mug against the bars of his cage
- Joel bites woman who pushed him too far
- Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
- Joel plays his cards wrong
- Joel takes being called a dirty rat as a compliment
- Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
- Joel spotted outside large commercial building with hand saw attempting to cut main power cable
- Joel bribes postman for a peek at neighbor’s mail
- Joel burned badly by wifi hotspot
- Joel witnessed killing prostitute in a thicket of reeds but then quickly beats witness to police station and pins the crime on him
- Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
- Joel adds rainbow to church signage to increase congregation size
- Joel touches belly of killer whale as it jumps over him
- Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
- Joel asks sports store manager if they have any cheaper children’s football helmets than the cheapest ones he found
- Joel drags in canvas sack full of bones
- Joel burns himself with lighter to earn villain’s trust
- Joel receives scratchy phone call from the original Joel
- Joel blames destruction of neighbor’s garden on deer
- Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
- Joel asks Siri, “Who am I?”
- Joel returns from supermarket to find car booted with note on windshield that says “You filthy little pig”
- Joel’s pagan nature aroused
- Joel heard smashing mailboxes as volume loudens
- Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
- Joel makes off with donation basket from Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting
- Joel obsessively keeps patrons’ water glasses full at Thai restaurant
- Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
- Joel frustrated by trade-offs in Oregon Trail character selection
- Joel puts car keys on table to raise bet in poker game, walks home
- Joel prefers brunettes
- Joel looks in mirror and curiously touches his face
- Joel’s ill-advised “Kill Whitey” Facebook post returns to haunt him in local election
- Joel gets impatient and ends up joining the Sixth Day Adventists instead
- Joel adopts fledgling child actor to get at his potential future earnings
- Joel kicked in head and knocked out while holding board in karate demo
- Joel makes lude boob squeezing motion while telling reporter he’s rooting for Gonzaga
- Joel wriggles down chimney with sack of bones
- Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
- Joel signs over wife and investment accounts to Bahamian womanizer
- Joel discovers family photo album with pictures of him hatching from egg
- Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
- Joe ties up and robs elderly Miami foursome
- Joel revealed smiling as hundreds of pigeons scatter
- Joel describes fight between two doctors over his histrionics
- Joel abandons cart
- Joel faints in terror at Gatorland Zoo
- Joel led out of office in handcuffs
- Joel summoned by red planet
- Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
- Joel fed answers via earpiece in soundproof booth on gameshow
- Joel seen testing limits at all you can eat buffet in fat suit
- Joel becomes best friends with an equally skittish talking Great Dane
- Joel makes guess about animal tracks on hiking trail, is wrong about height, weight, gender and species
- Joel rips air conditioner unit from window to gain access
- Joel found guilty in wrongful death class action suit when videos surface of him demanding that 2024 “Nature of the Beast” tour be oversold and operate without security
- Joel ponders a violent Ghandi
- Joel tells Footlocker salesman that he needs a pair of sneakers to win the rat race
- Joel visited by talking wolf during food poisoning halucination
- Joel asks his supernatural overlord, “If I bring you the child, can I have the woman?”
- Joel becomes half-rate superhero after being bit by weasel
- Joel digs himself out to terrify the living
- Joel keeps clearly and loudly repeating “I’ll kill her” to hostage negotiator
- Joel goes into his Windows Twain32 folder and starts deleting shit when his scanner doesn’t work
- Joel sells vowel for two consonants
- Joel contorts himself to fit into vertical Russian puzzle
- Joel seen crushing up pills and putting them in yogurt
- Joel breaks arm putting on karate display for senior citizens
- Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
- Joel faints after pointing high-powered perception at self
- Joel swallows handful of pills and nods excitedly during meeting
- Joel explains he’s not trying to survive but trying to live it to the limit and love it a lot
- Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
- Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
- Joel rolls oxygen mask into first day of trial for sex crimes
- Joel falls into Viet Cong style spiked pit dug by his nephew
- Joel employs Gestapo tactics to lead high school girl’s soccer team to state victory
- Joel secures position as top-level hatchet man for erratic Texas mogul
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel wonders why cowboys were such assholes
- Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
- Joel vomits into canvas PBS tote bag on subway
- Joel called “dirt person” by salesman at Tufankjian Toyota
- Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
- Joel’s behavior described as craven during freak carnival fire
- Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
- Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
- Joel scares off lions from wildebeest score
- Joel given sweaty wad of cash to exit family
- Joel lies to client about SEO results
- Joel gets all worked up about how Jimmy cracked corn
- Joel wears prosthetic face to night club
- Joel uses Google Maps Street View to solve local mystery
- Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline
- Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
- Joel grabs wig off McDonald’s cashier
- Joel gets off light with a double-life plea bargain
- Joel wonders what people in other countries call English class
- Joel refers to group from previous historical era as barbarians
- Joel shows his soft underbelly to armed knight
- Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate
- Joel sells popsicle to Eskimo
- Joel nearly dies from flu shot
- Joel rants and raves about the price of printer ink
- Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
- Joel hit across back with two by four and immobilized by hero Home Depot employee
- Joel deprived of oxygen
- Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
- Joel overhears wife on phone talking about him as is if he’s dead
- Joel uses the brand name “Land-O-Lake” as a verb
- Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
- Joel eats his height in submarine sandwich and then passes out for that many inches in hours
- Joel reaches toward sting on back of neck, discovers poison-tipped dart
- Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
- Joel forced to take a timeout after going overboard with the Nintendo
- Joel follows woman
- Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
- Joel harbors rapey French skunk
- Joel treated like leper during pandemic test drive
- Joel blames murders on mythical beast
- Joel combs and teases the hair on the back of his head to resemble a duck’s ass
- Joel burps up frog mid conversation
- Joel digs hole to China
- Joel rage eats Napa Almond Chicken Salad that arrived instead of Bacon Turkey Bravo
- Joel sticks out his tongue and wiggles it
- Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
- Joel presides as de facto leader on island of monsters
- Joel measures once, cuts many times
- Joel seen standing in his front yard motionless in bathrobe and aviator sunglasses for 30 minutes
- Joel abandons boat and flees state after things heat up over parasailing disaster
- Joel crashes his car blinded by tears
- Joel holds up under heavy questioning for hours but quickly falls victim to flattery
- Joel refers to himself as pinoy to connote that he’s a member of the Filipino diaspora
- Joel characterized as “demon investor” by frazzled CEO
- Joel claws at locked door at David’s Bridal, demands to speak to David
- Joel shows them what happens when ugly meets stupid
- Joel starts making fake sign language gestures at girl wearing hearing aid
- Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
- Joel’s diary makes DA’s case a mere formality
- Joel found hiding in barrel after the smoke clears around The Alamo
- Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
- Joel submits that his own name should be considered a major obscenity
- Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
- Joel pulls blade on hitchhiker
- Joel terrorizes children from storm drain
- Joel references Yahoo “10 Worst Cities in the US” listicle before planning next move
- Joel takes left on red
- Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
- Joel critically injured attempting to ride horse wearing carved pumpkin over his head
- Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
- Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
- Joel avoids leper
- Joel catches Hepatitis C from a Hepatitis C awareness poster on subway train
- Joel exposes himself and shouts “tell him – he makes all of the decisions”
- Joel recruited by the FBI cause he knows how a killer thinks
- Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone
- Joel composes symphonic masterpiece for deaf son
- Joel buys jeans with grease handprint on each butt cheek
- Joel develops nasty new snack flavor he calls “Cool Raunch”
- Joel eats his way through Chinatown
- Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
- Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
- Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
- Joel seen spinning around in burlap Grateful Dead hoodie with arms extended on the verge of collapse
- Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking
- Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
- Joel smashes tv store window during height of 2019 vape scare
- Joel blows talcum powder into bus driver’s face
- Joel claims one-eighth Mohawk Indian heritage on law school application
- Joel stands talking in friend’s living room for 21 hours straight
- Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York
- Joel awakens to find fumigation tent draped over house
- Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
- Joel approached by farmer at rural diner and asked if he’d ever consider any scarecrow work
- Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation
- Joel hires thugs to trash sister’s wedding
- Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with wrong ingredients
- Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
- Joel pounds on the door of office meditation room
- Joel chases snake from nursery
- Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
- Joel rides elephant into crowd
- Joel nearly chokes after ordering large pie with extra cheese
- Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
- Joel robbed by child on Peter Pan bus
- Joel quickly draws escape door to avoid oncoming cartoon train
- Joel loses control of car on mountain pass but comes back as a snowman to make peace with his family before transitioning to afterlife
- Joel reads his first book in jail
- Joel lives in constant fear of not wearing gaudy, name-brand attire
- Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
- Joel looks at seat assignment on boarding pass for 15th time just to be sure before taking seat
- Joel rises from the ashes of a housefire he accidentally started
- Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
- Joel stumbles upon his own gravestone while cutting through cemetery during drunk and stoned walk home from babysitting gig
- Joel sleeps in enormous shoe after jumping over candlestick
- Joel lives by the Islamic Numerological adage “No pork on the fork”
- Joel wonders if dragons are real
- Joel stumbles home drunk, collapses on daughter’s dollhouse
- Joel worries he lacks the street credibility to drink Hood milk
- Joel was able to get home from police station in time for WrestleMania by telling detectives whatever they wanted to hear
- Joel rises to infamy after consuming power bowl
- Joel fired from marketing position at Sam Adams for insisting his “Summer of Sam” promotion
- Joel designates separate corners for solid and liquid waste during weekend elevator lock-in
- Joel claims his Dad already OK’d sleepover when asking his Mom
- Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
- Joel continues to slap the driver’s side window until woman finally works up the nerve to run the light
- Joel, in his fear, makes an idol and calls it God
- Joel specifies that all clones on Moon base should look identical to him
- Joel hospitalized after eating skunk cabbage growing along stream at Mad River Glenn
- Joel cites credentials as reverse psychologist
- Joel opens up to therapist who then quickly ends their relationship
- Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
- Joel found frozen stiff on top of motorcycle at the top of Pico Duarte
- Joel sings Irish folk song while hiccuping after drinking a single beer
- Joel can believe it’s not butter
- Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
- Joel falls asleep holding lit cigarette
- Joel wears t-shirt with blazer in hopes of attracting like-minded psychopaths
- Joel turns the tables by paying would-be assassin double to kill who hired him
- Joel figures prison is his best option
- Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
- Joel feels 13 or 14 hands on him while getting extradited from Indonesia
- Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
- Joel creams pants
- Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
- Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
- Joel tolerates lactose
- Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
- Joel held 6 weeks without phone call or chance to shower by backwater country sheriff over small traffic infraction
- Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
- Joel folded in half by hospital bed after toying with controls
- Joel flips off neighbor’s cat
- Joel smokes something that makes him kill
- Joel knocks on heaven’s door, no one answers
- Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
- Joel vomits while howling outside of friend’s housewarming party
- Joel thinks if he squints and looks real hard he can see the American flag on the moon
- Joel posts “New year, same old shit” to social media minutes after ball drops
- Joel disgusted by today’s children
- Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
- Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent
- Joel pitches Italian Star Wars including character Obi Wan Cannoli
- Joel announces new summer tour titled “Bay of Pigs”
- Joel gets CRT TV set broken over his head upon entering house
- Joel shown on traffic cam laughing wildly while running intersection
- Joel neutralized by older woman of average strength
- Joel inches out into traffic before getting creamed
- Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
- Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach
- Joel turns around when hearing “You filthy little pervert,” figuring it’s most likely directed at him
- Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
- Joel carefully studies and memorizes Zodiac animals and birth years from Chinese menu
- Joel terrorized by his animated shadow
- Joel eats slop from trough on Japanese gameshow
- Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug
- Joel describes his internet connection speed to Verizon tech support as “Pre-Cambrian”
- Joel makes premeditated plan to overeat
- Joel seen committing a 2-11
- Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series
- Joel does book report on Larry Bird
- Joel celebrates existence annually
- Joel described as one cool customer by local pimp to detective
- Joel’s serious skin disease misdiagnosed on telemedicine call
- Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
- Joel wonders how much one of his legs weighs
- Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning
- Joel gets served a hamburger missing the beef patty at Poconos McDonald’s drive thru
- Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
- Joel stands up during party to propose a toast, pauses, falls face first through glass coffee table
- Joel sickens dinner guests with wifi password
- Joel thinks banana nut bread is just bread for people who are nuts about bananas
- Joel uses traditional Western European knowledge and scientific method as cold blanket of superiority during equatorial visit
- Joel calls Uber, Uber calls police
- Joel forces neighbor from Home Improvement to reveal his face at gunpoint
- Joel holds up gun store with gun he bought just moments before
- Joel caught living in Home Depot Garden Department
- Joel lives out his days on a reptile island somewhere
- Joel masks rage
- Joel sings into remote and dances on coffee table before finally collapsing
- Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
- Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
- Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
- Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
- Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
- Joel makes his money disappear while enrolling in magic school
- Joel becomes first convict on Mars
- Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
- Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
- Joel lists interests as “Pizza & Dudes” in pandering Teen Beat interview
- Joel adopts Steampunk culture for one regrettable summer
- Joel collapses and weeps in walk-in closet
- Joel rifles through dead woman’s purse while contemplating his next move
- Joel blogs under pseudonym “Murderous Hen”
- Joel clobbered by juggernaut
- Joel’s face contorts in shock and disbelief
- Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job
- Joel displays animosity for red door
- Joel disappoints local community with well hoax
- Joel has mild time at Sane Clown Posse concert
- Joel blinded by Syracuse-Clemson orange overload
- Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie
- Joel flexes at Terminal and asks airline attendant if he can get on plane with his “guns”
- Joel relentlessly polices his online fan forum
- Joel gets in constant spats with his robotic housekeeper
- Joel addresses the citizens of Los Angeles by their proper collective name, Angelinos
- Joel charged as John in prostitution sting
- Joel backflips and spits at crowd
- Joel butters neck after hearing news of serial strangler
- Joel puts dead man’s foot on gas pedal and jumps out of the way
- Joel sleeps standing up
- Joel gets drunk on communion wine as an adult altar boy
- Joel’s autobiography “Monstrosity” pulled from shelves and burned in religious pockets
- Joel able to navigate sewer system in the dark on memory
- Joel eats dinner from lunchbox
- Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
- Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues
- Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
- Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
- Joel jumps on hood of car that ran light in funeral procession
- Joel dispels “What happens in Vegas…” adage by returning with leprosy
- Joel buys mop made of human hair
- Joel writes script for male prostitute film “For a Few Dollars More” unaware that title was in use
- Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
- Joel brutalized by golf ball sized hail
- Joel sprains shoulder while throwing egg at mayor-elect
- Joel caught in locker room negotiating hulk juice deal
- Joel thinks Poland Spring water comes from Poland
- Joel diagnosed as sleepdriver
- Joel less affected by gravity due to hollow bones
- Joel’s attorney begs him to reconsider leaving his body to dog food factory
- Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
- Joel mistaken for rare sea monster
- Joel refers to his fridge as “a housewife’s safe”
- Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
- Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
- Joel stares angrily into arcade game screen, manhandling joystick and ignoring friend’s pleas for forgiveness
- Joel comes crashing through the wall into board room to espouse the benefits of Fan Duel
- Joel presents hypothetical win-win situation to CVS pharmacist
- Joel releases cookbook entitled Fiendish Appetites
- Joel disfigures detective but lets him live
- Joel spins yarn about spectral locomotive
- Joel punches laptop screen
- Joel gains ultimate competitive advantage by partnering with Franklin Covey
- Joel gets lethal dose of pills snatched out of his hand by seagull
- Joel overheard slandering his new brother-in-law in bathroom at wedding
- Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something
- Joel makes ludicrous, historically inaccurate statements about King Tut to entertain guests at dinner party
- Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
- Joel hastily washes off blood from his hands
- Joel exposed for pretending to be deaf
- Joel writhes and seethes in the drama that always surrounds him
- Joel kept in full nelson while authorities arrive
- Joel violates the unspoken agreement by not showing his
- Joel warns house guest not to go through his shit
- Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
- Joel likens physical prowess to that of a stone gibbon
- Joel stares into nozzle of gas pump to investigate why nothing’s coming out
- Joel secures physical documents with literal firewall
- Joel passes out in field of lavender
- Joel found frozen solid behind dance studio after blizzard
- Joel tells police that assailant drove off in “little bitch car” but is unable to provide any basic details about make, model, number of doors, or color
- Joel unable to walk straight after stranger blows mysterious pollen in his face
- Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
- Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
- Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land
- Joel puts together makeshift woodland shrine for mother’s rotting head
- Joel gets fed after midnight and sprayed with hose
- Joel demands squid ink printer cartridge at Office Depot
- Joel sabotages dehumidifier in Connecticut basement
- Joel known as a real sit-down type of guy
- Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
- Joel chalks up Coolidge and Wilson presidencies to public’s fondness of alliteration
- Joel doesn’t pardon pun
- Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
- Joel consumes more than he produces
- Joel gets clock cleaned by cukoo bird while cleaning clock
- Joel gets Legionnaire’s Disease using basement grown mushrooms in pasta sauce
- Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
- Joel hates what he fears and fears himself
- Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer
- Joel leaps from wheelchair and sprints from scene as scam starts being questioned
- Joel creates an unsafe environment for the minors living in his residence
- Joel violates HIPPA
- Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
- Joel insists that throwing figure skating partner into stands was accident
- Joel loses head
- Joel pulls into van with the aid of chemical soaked rag
- Joel grows killer’s mustache
- Joel embarrassingly wrong on jelly bean count estimate
- Joel originally arrested for driving down the street holding a baby out the window but now faces stiffer charges for a failure to appear in court
- Joel walks out from behind paper screen wearing kimono and taking short steps
- Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
- Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
- Joel selects red pill
- Joel brutalizes beginner chess opponent by invoking en passant pawn capture
- Joel has strange recurring nightmare about Rescue Rangers character Monterey Jack
- Joel shaves uneven chunks from hair before meeting to secure small business loan
- Joel squats over pothole, gets caught in headlights
- Joel comes to agreement with basement arachnids allowing one weekend in August for SpiderCon
- Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
- Joel cries over milk still in glass
- Joel operates right-leaning disinformation blog under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel hammers nail through baseball bat in advance of 2020 Election
- Joel’s killing patterns reveal map-pin pentagram
- Joel gives keynote at conference of goblins
- Joel pinned by dimwitted giant in eighties grudge match
- Joel gives timid secretary box of shotgun shells as Secret Santa gift
- Joel cuts corners building straw house easily blown down by cartoon wolf
- Joel quips that the saying should be “the whole burrito” or “the whole chimichanga” since enchiladas are typically smaller and sold in quantities of two or three
- Joel buys lifetime supply of deadly pills
- Joel fails to seal the deal with call girl
- Joel’s given six months to live – and a license to kill
- Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
- Joel dumped by Debtors Anonymous sponsor over purchase of pricey illegal cat
- Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
- Joel goes home, then goes big
- Joel interviews vampire
- Joel waits it out scrunched in gym locker
- Joel’s skin ravaged from constant smoking
- Joel works graveyard shift at graveyard
- Joel blasts steam from both ears after trying ghost pepper
- Joel reaches over counter at pharmacist
- Joel learns nothing and remains unchanged by the end of his hero’s arc
- Joel blames killing spree on backwards Led Zeppelin record
- Joel tells group of youths that condoms “just get in the way”
- Joel tells female interviewer “I got music the way I am my man” in sort of a friendly but quizzical manner
- Joel backs cat into corner
- Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
- Joel figures he likely has a degree from Assumption College
- Joel uses AI to spoof Uncle’s voice when calling his mother for money
- Joel robbed at gunpoint by white woman with dreadlocks
- Joel overloads at nacho bar seeking payback
- Joel puts top of head through ceiling while jumping on bed
- Joel misses the point by picking up discarded mask
- Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
- Joel thrown like rag doll
- Joel wakes up in body cast at hospital after highway texting
- Joel deputized for his blue collar heroics on the Long Island railroad
- Joel scalded half to death by mysterious tampering of home hot water boiler
- Joel gets a heart transplant and becomes a murderer
- Joel gives ex-wife a pauper’s grave
- Joel encircled by predatory lenders
- Joel contacts personal injury attorney promising slam dunk
- Joel gets nickname White Hippo in African prison
- Joel storms cockpit on turbulent flight
- Joel spits into woman’s beer bottle while she uses bathroom
- Joel commits fairly well executed small town bank robbery only to drive off in a bright orange Pontiac Solstice
- Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
- Joel targeted in crosswalk by self-driving car
- Joel hides in display tent at department store until after it’s closed
- Joel blasted off roof by lightning while trying to fix TV antenna in storm
- Joel swallows tack
- Joel witnessed removing neck brace and moving about naturally by insurance fraud investigator
- Joel beaten around the thighs and torso
- Joel captured by the sand people
- Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
- Joel slashes face in Jimmy Cliff docudrama
- Joel explains the particulars of his “See-food” diet
- Joel suspects Cincinnati Reds to be communists
- Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
- Joel winds up in bushes after making unwelcomed pass at female bodybuilder
- Joel steps on crack, mother’s health improves
- Joel slowly poisons his contemporary and rival, Mozart
- Joel changes the trailing “and 00/100 cents” to “and 100/100 cents” to squeeze an extra buck out of personal check from mother
- Joel moves out of house on Hope Street
- Joel makes scene when office supply store manager informs him they no longer carry the Brother P-Touch
- Joel prone to hysterics
- Joel grabs child by arm and whispers terms of extravagant bribe for candy manufacturer’s secret recipe
- Joel sees, does
- Joel asks sub shop to use Lorenzo’s oil on his Greek salad
- Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
- Joel talked down by hotel lobby staff while demanding more drinks
- Joel replaced by robot
- Joel places “obscene” Thai food order
- Joel uses chopsticks as walrus tusks, chases waitress around aquarium.
- Joel envies pet hamster
- Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
- Joel’s detective agency currently limited to serving Greater Tulsa
- Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
- Joel sings the hook from “How Do You Want It” to stranger on bus
- Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
- Joel stokes flames of summer of hate
- Joel claims temporary upside down vision as reason for entering bathroom door marked “W”
- Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
- Joel eats twin
- Joel owes soul to company store
- Joel too scared to watch New England area food-related television program, Phantom Gourmet
- Joel forecasts his arrival by loudening grunts and hisses
- Joel’s lack of profanity offends no one
- Joel looks at finger that is pointing to the moon, misses all of the heavenly glory
- Joel slapped by midget on stool
- Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
- Joel likens Friday morning Cedarville, MA wind and rain to something that sounds like the end of the world
- Joel pulls banana out of his pocket and aims it at police officer
- Joel flexes and sucks in stomach on scale at doctor’s office
- Joel hides out in grocery store after closing and binge eats yesterday’s bake
- Joel asks zookeeper where the gibbons is at
- Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
- Joel located by trail of Cool Ranch Doritos dust
- Joel thinks outside the box, finds himself in larger one
- Joel wakes in haze to find incriminating Polaroids spread throughout hotel room
- Joel tells police he was out with friend Spanish Todd
- Joel summons mob to do in his sitting Vice President
- Joel hospitalized after compulsively licking hand
- Joel clings to life while pinned between two cars
- Joel brings skunk cabbage salad to friend’s BBQ
- Joel hears hoofbeats and assumes zebras – not horses
- Joel demands more star wipes from wedding videographer
- Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
- Joel admits that what gets lost in his stories are the victims
- Joel runs screaming nude through resort
- Joel admits he wasn’t ready to care for Mogwai
- Joel suggests that perhaps his 90’s style with grey suits and white shirt in time could prove to have been the most dangerous Joel
- Joel hatches poorly conceived charity event entitled Bowl with Joel
- Joel kept way down in the hole
- Joel leaves rhythmic answering machine messages for son
- Joel gears up for impending divorce by purchasing copy of Eat Pray Love
- Joel uses banana to rob fruit stand
- Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
- Joel forced by proud Muslim father to tearfully return backpack he stole from tourists
- Joel strokes underling’s hair and says “Don’t think. Just do.”
- Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
- Joel nearly gets face bit off investigating Komodo Dragon’s nest
- Joel votes the wrong way on Question 2
- Joel raises his hand toward woman and slowly returns it saying “If I wasn’t a gentleman…”
- Joel sees something, says nothing
- Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet
- Joel uses floodlight circuit breaker to signal for help in Morse code from locked basement
- Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
- Joel overreacts to clattering dishes from kitchen to keep up his lie about being a veteran
- Joel calls his daughter’s generation “inhuman”
- Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
- Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees
- Joel caught deliberately leaving baggage unattended at airport
- Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
- Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
- Joel late for work after sleeping through blaring alarm clock playing “Start Me Up”
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel honks wildly at slow driver not realizing they’re deaf
- Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
- Joel procures island to conduct his terrible experiments
- Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money
- Joel works soft, plays hard
- Joel’s comedy career abruptly ends upon collapse of Soviet Union
- Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
- Joel hastily scratches off serial number from gun
- Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
- Joel knocks on neighbor’s door to ask if they have any hotdogs
- Joel embarks on comedy tour entitled, “Pause for Laughter”
- Joel begs cab driver to take him somewhere – anywhere to escape clutches of vicious white pimp
- Joel employs the “I didn’t know that was a crime” defense
- Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
- Joel backed by a half-dozen hypersexed demons while battling supernatural overlord
- Joel sends a letter to the police letting them know that he plans to strike again
- Joel bonks momo with electrified tennis racket
- Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
- Joel builds fortified Mexican villa where he is free to read Joan Wilder romance novels in peace
- Joel whispers his name to himself every 30 seconds during transcontinental flight
- Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
- Joel buys happiness
- Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
- Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
- Joel locked up in cartoon jail
- Joel panics hearing news of Latuda recall scare
- Joel jerks to and fro on mechanical bull like rag doll while being hissed and spit at by drunk rednecks
- Joel has frantic conversation with 911 operator after eighth cup of coffee
- Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass
- Joel uses Google Translate to decipher whether “idiota” is a compliment or an insult
- Joel retreats to cave system
- Joel rots throughout humid summer in Tampa, Florida
- Joel considered a bloated pleasure seeker
- Joel shows gun
- Joel goes nuts to Lou Bega song at Guy Fieri restaurant
- Joel sends mother a bouquet of Brazilian zombie flowers
- Joel quietly gives his life to Japanese corporation
- Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met
- Joel throws fistful of cash at would-be muggers and runs
- Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
- Joel goes right back to hoarding hours after the camera crews and cleaning crew heads out
- Joel arrogantly proclaims that he practices big city medicine
- Joel asked if he’s alright after soaking wet handshake
- Joel strikes once the iron cools off a bit
- Joel feels like calling one type of apple a “Delicious Apple” is unfair to other apples
- Joel’s nerves shaken and brain rattled
- Joel still remembers his Prodigy username: TJCT001
- Joel heard shouting “if you bring her in here I’m gonna kill her” in regard to brother’s wife
- Joel tries to cover up scratch to father’s car leading to a hilarious string of more complicated problems
- Joel tries to go shopping at Target but keeps missing it
- Joel bites interviewer
- Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
- Joel’s aunts and grandmother speculate that he is the way he is because of the time he was bitten by a rat as a baby
- Joel unnerved by “No Cornholing” sign in Cincinnati parking garage
- Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan
- Joel guarantees Swahili
- Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida
- Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
- Joel hires flash mob to invade the home of reclusive, agoraphobic doctor
- Joel puts skin in game
- Joel seen leaving hurriedly from office park moments before canned food drive donations reported missing
- Joel signs up as Uber driver, refuses all fares
- Joel snarls and growls with frothy mouth
- Joel suspects possible twin switch while grading chemistry test
- Joel drops prescription bottle labeled only “DELUSIONS”
- Joel urges preteen gymnast to take large doses of Totyktu
- Joel slips on several hundred marbles
- Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
- Joel robs bank wearing Friends sweatshirt
- Joel does time for trying to impersonate a cop
- Joel attempts Trick or Treating in middle of August
- Joel continues to stall client, eventually suggesting that maybe doing nothing is the smartest bet
- Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
- Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
- Joel makes terrible mistake after confusing wife for robber
- Joel doesn’t know about any of this 5G stuff but he’ll just take what digital scraps he can get
- Joel vows to destroy the straight community
- Joel barely escapes with his life after challenging modern street gang to dance-fight
- Joel thinks Louie Anderson was all time best Family Feud host
- Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
- Joel hit hard across the back with wrestling championship belt
- Joel masks symptoms of disease he caught from monkey
- Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
- Joel lawyers up
- Joel googles “Can they take fingerprints from a body?”
- Joel does incessant Woody the Woodpecker laugh while strapped to hospital bed
- Joel adopts the lean startup principle “fail fast” but never learns from his failures
- Joel hoots and woops while boarding party bus with group of middle aged women
- Joel becomes jealous of dog
- Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
- Joel learns to speak in a demonic voice with his mother
- Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
- Joel explains that emotion is a young man’s game
- Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
- Joel fakes signs of stroke
- Joel groped by horny realtor
- Joel ghost writes scathing Wacko Jacko article for New York Post
- Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
- Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
- Joel wakes up hours later still in conference room wearing gag glasses with painted cartoon eyes
- Joel scans showroom, chooses salesperson who was clearly at one point the victim of a throat slashing
- Joel rescued by person he was planning to murder
- Joel affixes Punisher sticker to back window of truck to suggest that he’s capable of murder
- Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
- Joel uses overgrown fingernail to carve name into church pew
- Joel seen leaving costume shop with police uniform
- Joel’s mother warned she was pregnant with demon
- Joel pictured in tabloids hurling change at reporter
- Joel suggests ripping large bills as method to combat inflation
- Joel deadlifts corpse
- Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
- Joel photographed grimacing with eyes closed while getting sacked
- Joel bashfully admits to pooping through hammock onto heat mad computer anti-virus mogul
- Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
- Joel’s job search complicated by extensive criminal record
- Joel tells everyone at his new job that when he was a kid they found the body of a contractor hidden in the walls
- Joel builds tolerance to hallucinagens in order to lord over new believers
- Joel bullies fast food worker into complicated off-menu order
- Joel finds second home for himself at town dump
- Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
- Joel substitutes running mate JD Vance for Ving Rhames instead
- Joel somehow gets out of his cage
- Joel completely forgets about Memorial Day
- Joel slapped with contempt of court just for showing up
- Joel starts poultry enterprise called Tuna of the Land
- Joel thinks legendary general’s name was “Custard”
- Joel goes outside and cries in the rain because no one will be able to tell
- Joel names Shaggy as favorite reggae artist
- Joel makes sound of tea kettle whistle until getting pounded with mallet on top of head
- Joel invited to have a seat by Chris Hansen
- Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
- Joel unable to be reasoned with
- Joel does something drastic to get the attention of Jodie Foster
- Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
- Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
- Joel praise Allah with visions of Gandhi
- Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
- Joel sleeps in cave
- Joel asks Chipotle manager if he can spend the night there
- Joel staked through the heart with wooden spear while sleeping in his coffin
- Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
- Joel prepares for Indian delivery by putting on diaper
- Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
- Joel reassures police the fingernail scratches all over his face were from a man
- Joel and his siblings disband musical group upon the death of their domineering father
- Joel leaves semen at the scene to taunt authorities
- Joel tells bank teller “they should put a leash on you” after argument about his overdrawn account
- Joel swings pocketbook recklessly while trying to move his braids off his face behind his ear
- Joel comes in for perm, gets blowout
- Joel unimpressed by CT Middle School fashions after moving from affluent Dallas suburb
- Joel carbo-loads night before nothing in particular
- Joel remembers seeing demon’s face before collapsing
- Joel finds himself running in Memphis
- Joel gets a free trip from Thailand to the US wearing light tan pleated khakis and an iridescent blue polo shirt
- Joel wears “cat’s eyes” contact lenses and movie quality vampire fangs for driver’s license photo
- Joel awakens face down in hastily dug shallow grave
- Joel thrown out of 8-week paid vegan diet study after it was discovered he’d been eating horse meat
- Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house
- Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
- Joel offers a fiend’s opinion
- Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
- Joel takes his coffee white
- Joel chased by six white horses
- Joel believes flu shots are ploy to inject tiny microchips in population
- Joel throws up and makes a very specific “up-chuck” sound
- Joel persuades Cincinnati quarterback Andy Dalton to hurl ball through goalposts
- Joel asks doctor if Cialis is right for him while concealing erection
- Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
- Joel specifies that the espressos “keep coming”
- Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
- Joel poked and prodded through gaps of bamboo cage
- Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
- Joel puts fist through glass and unlocks door
- Joel calls bullshit on evolution
- Joel notices pattern in Armenian surnames
- Joel disrobes mannequin
- Joel reduces risk
- Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
- Joel maniacally tailgates motorist on rain slicked highway
- Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
- Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
- Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
- Joel employs family of wolves to raise his children in barn
- Joel gets hit with hammer after legitimate case of amnesia makes him forget his bookie
- Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
- Joel chokes and cries, barely able to convey that his older brother had tried to strangle him
- Joel complains that he keeps hiring people with borderline personality disorder that interview well
- Joel stumbles into women’s bathroom and passes out
- Joel starts small exporting business selling American blue jeans to Russia
- Joel pays small fortune for pornographic pinball machine
- Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
- Joel reported for jogging through nice neighborhood
- Joel shatters priceless china after continued promise of magic tablecloth trick
- Joel sexualizes pre-teen to secure beauty pageant victory
- Joel can’t wait to retire and open his long dreamed-of doll repair shop he plans to call Doll Hospital
- Joel confused and delighted when gloves he wore to commit murder mysteriously don’t fit him during trial
- Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed
- Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are
- Joel ignores best practices
- Joel runs out on check at his regular bar
- Joel overhead saying “That man takes care of his face”
- Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
- Joel considered “too ghoulish” for customer facing position
- Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
- Joel uses drone to patrol weekend pool activity
- Joel seen eating leaves and drinking from a puddle before huge Walmart payday
- Joel livid over latest Undertaker stunt
- Joel gets walked-in on while pasting together collage for neighbor’s teen class presidency campaign while listening to “Whoomp There It Is”
- Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk
- Joel claws face
- Joel dines at The Barking Spider
- Joel continues to dominate the Athletic Mob-Wear market
- Joel traces lineage down long path of menacing freaks
- Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
- Joel blacks out, plays perfect game of Castlevania
- Joel becomes the priest in the pair of exorcists which the demon easily overpowers and shames
- Joel caught in Superman’s arms after horsing around on bridge
- Joel continues to knock on locked restroom door while voice from inside screams “occupied”
- Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
- Joel runs through the shadows
- Joel pouts in corner, repeating “you’re too good for this world” at a low whimper
- Joel clears his schedule to swallow pills with grandson of pencil tycoon
- Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
- Joel warned about to community by local law enforcement
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing visible human bite marks
- Joel tells teenager that Rice Pilaf is a grown man’s game
- Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
- Joel piles dirty undies in corner of room and refers to it as Skid Row
- Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
- Joel makes perverse hook shot leveraging a more primitive zone of his brain
- Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
- Joel sponsors young Parisian ballet dancer in possessive predatory relationship
- Joel plays Road Hog with schoolbus, stymies field trip
- Joel regularly drinks bovine milk despite being an adult human
- Joel blows cloud of wizard smoke out of car while dropping off kid at school
- Joel entertains murderous suggestions from neighbor’s dog
- Joel forced to battle a series of colorful villains in psychotic game show
- Joel wonders why his serpentine commander is always so pissed off
- Joel’s morbid shrine to his dead mother in the woods gets discovered by group of sex-crazed teens
- Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
- Joel starts loading gun on way out of sporting goods store
- Joel attacked by possessed Coke machine
- Joel turns on his owner
- Joel’s family told by doctor his chances aren’t very good considering he’s not a fighter
- Joel collapses after blind wine rage
- Joel told that death is too good for him by federal judge
- Joel sports Aztec poncho and man bun at far out ideas conference
- Joel insists on smoking during flight
- Joel tells senior citizen, “If you’re cold just keep your oven running”
- Joel wigs out after taking Latuda
- Joel passes out trying to hold breath as long as David Blaine
- Joel hired by TSA to sniff passengers’ luggage
- Joel unwilling to explain what he meant by “scantavious” when addressing his company’s financial outlook
- Joel seen running from gunshots wearing McDonald’s hat
- Joel let go from fortune cookie company after his work reveals a pattern of doom
- Joel rushed to hospital after wolfing down molten hot Mama Celeste pizza
- Joel borrows meat
- Joel considered a necessary evil
- Joel brutalized by shower of fastballs at batting cage
- Joel tied up and held somewhere where there’s rats
- Joel given special privileges for his ability to cure the Tsar’s son’s hemophilia
- Joel delivers crushing handshake to female intern
- Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
- Joel caught drawing crude penis on neighbor’s lawn with weed killer
- Joel uses stink as a weapon
- Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
- Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
- Joel sends grandmother vicious political flash animation as birthday card
- Joel raised to survive and to hate
- Joel gets destroyed off peach wine coolers in parking lot of High School reunion
- Joel rips microwave handle clean off in rush to get at hot pizza
- Joel organizes North Shore monster truck rally called “Smashachusetts”
- Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
- Joel breaks hand attempting to karate chop through block of ice
- Joel spent months sharpening fingernails into points before attack
- Joel drinks heavily to steady his hand for game of Operation
- Joel’s mother regrets letting him choose his own outfit for picture day
- Joel pulled half dead from Arizona trash heap
- Joel ‘feels alive’ after spitting in salad bar
- Joel starts twitter beef out of boredom
- Joel hears plot to kill him unfold while his wife talks in her sleep
- Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
- Joel buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo
- Joel remakes offhandedly at anthropology convention that humans are just the right size to cause trouble
- Joel rotten in Denmark
- Joel bludgeons captor
- Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
- Joel lured by dollar on string
- Joel stunned passport not required for New Mexico trip
- Joel spits out mild Indian food having never tasted anything that exotic
- Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
- Joel tells child the legend of the stink comet that will light up the night sky with its green gassy tail and make the world smell like rotten eggs
- Joel puts snail in envelope, mails it
- Joel hides in plain sight
- Joel hides in mall til it closes
- Joel saves money by shopping at Half Foods
- Joel lays bloodstained money down on pharmacy counter
- Joel runs into traffic
- Joel sends text “No police” and then followup text “I’ll know”
- Joel stares into microwave impatiently
- Joel slashed by slasher
- Joel seen running down the sidewalk holding a mannequin head under his arm like a football
- Joel’s problems vanish once doctor prescribes heavy dose of McTarvin
- Joel lives in prison of prison designer’s design
- Joel incites cacophony by showing teeth at dog pound
- Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
- Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
- Joel risks life by flying somewhere he could have just driven to
- Joel targeted by slingshot
- Joel alienates core fans by developing concept group “Cherubic Nudes”
- Joel found passed out holding spoon next to bowl of sugar
- Joel gets wrong idea with at least a dozen wedding guests
- Joel smashes city bus driver over head with museum gift shop geode
- Joel submits discovery of new periodic element with suggested name “Joelium”
- Joel resides with holograph
- Joel protects abuser
- Joel opens Peekskill New York cafe named Cup ‘o Joel
- Joel finally makes good on his threats
- Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink
- Joel accuses ER doctor of breaking Hippocratic Oath for determining he is mentally fit enough for jail in the early morning hours after destroying merchandise and harassing employee at convenience store
- Joel lifts himself up from laying down face first in puddle of mud and reveals red glowing eyes
- Joel lies about being a renowned Egyptologist
- Joel wears security tag on ill gotten trousers like a scarlet letter
- Joel virtually doubles in size after hopping on cartoon mushroom
- Joel circles wanted ad with red marker
- Joel gets tipsy and mouths along guitar solo in American Woman
- Joel sets fire to state fair, cooks prized pig
- Joel’s mind goes blank after he boots up his ThinkPad
- Joel remains remarkably calm in panic room
- Joel thinks “They said I was crazy. I’ll show them who’s crazy”
- Joel marries mother-in-law at behest of satanic focus group
- Joel runs wild with stolen credit card
- Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
- Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
- Joel claims his astrological sign is a beaver eating a burrito
- Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
- Joel causes tea cup and saucer to chatter while standing and shivering in kitchen of good samaritan’s house at night after swerving car into pond to avoid whispy phantasm
- Joel fries elephant in public to discredit Alternating Current
- Joel repeats “Come alone – no police” several times on payphone
- Joel becomes insanely jealous at doctor’s mention of other patients
- Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
- Joel carries out full shift as waiter at 2x speed after confusing speed pills for vitamins
- Joel beaten by group of whites
- Joel draws false, wildly inaccurate conclusions while observing sedimentary rock during hike
- Joel tips hotel maid in drugs
- Joel hassled by German terrorists on Christmas Eve
- Joel scurries off into the brush as flashlights approach
- Joel’s skull fascinates criminologist
- Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
- Joel adopts violent, clown-oriented rap-rock culture to combat the pain of being unable to compete in the digital economy
- Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
- Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
- Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
- Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
- Joel dares fast food employee to call police
- Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
- Joel gratefully allows psychic to take his car off his hands for free after she informs him a ghoul has taken up residence in the trunk
- Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
- Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
- Joel ingests Dhalia
- Joel watches pot, goes hungry
- Joel prescribes two courses of action suiter should take depending on wealth level of love interest’s father
- Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau
- Joel forgets to replace Lorem Ipsum with Carpe Diem
- Joel reveals his plan to event rental salesman of collapsing tent to trap party guests
- Joel now touring as murder clown rapper
- Joel kidnapped by his own literary agent and forced to continue writing lucrative series in captivity
- Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
- Joel smashes every mirror in hotel room
- Joel releases his autobiography “Creature of Fear”
- Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
- Joel leads round of user tests with shameless bias
- Joel encounters long-haired screaming skeleton
- Joel attempts to throw mother from scenic country train
- Joel cautions the scheming Stovetop Stuffing kids about the dangers of overeating
- Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill
- Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
- Joel diagnosed as extremist
- Joel fires back
- Joel enjoys irresponsibly
- Joel seen power walking with group of older women gossiping about neighbors
- Joel brings a rambunctious squealing piglet to friends’ housewarming party
- Joel comes home drunk after work from his tire factory job crying to his wife about Mr. Yokohama
- Joel tells new guest his wife died several years ago and then later asks if he’d like to see her
- Joel intelligibly reads Wingdings font
- Joel clearly hears “Backup to pharmacy” upon entering drug store
- Joel missing and presumed dead
- Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
- Joel rips fake priest collar off and sprints down street
- Joel clearly heard eating in bathroom stall where small mountain of candy wrappers are later found on floor
- Joel shocks anthropologists by behaving like rat
- Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses
- Joel asks if they have any boxes of the card game Uno in English
- Joel flies through the hood like everybody in the hood is up to no good
- Joel spit on by protesters upon returning home from Vietnam as a tourist
- Joel takes Benadryl before Broadway show CATS
- Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
- Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
- Joel slices off tip of finger shooting Ryobi saw review video
- Joel blames numeric year for host of unusual troubles
- Joel carries on vicious argument with empty rocking chair clearly directed at his mother
- Joel catches swine flu from dirty egg rolls
- Joel plans fatal Breckenridge ski trip
- Joel slaps some poorly planned AI feature into his software and calls it CoPilot
- Joel found busting up basement floor with sledgehammer searching for money at dead uncle’s house
- Joel spins “Dirty/Clean” dishwasher magnet the wrong way to upset colleagues
- Joel eats stone
- Joel becomes object of sympathy in true crime drama
- Joel asks sales prospect if it was all just a game
- Joel diagnosed with restless arm syndrome
- Joel eats soup with fork
- Joel avoids Hostess Cakes, believing them to be made of hostesses
- Joel frantically operates backhoe at highway construction site with multiple people waving and yelling at him
- Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
- Joel pressures frat pledge into drinking self to death at clown college
- Joel dives onto hood of car in church parking lot
- Joel Hungary so goes to Turkey
- Joel goes overboard with midnight cravings menu order
- Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
- Joel invites mysterious fanged visitor into house at night
- Joel heads home from stressful IT job to sickly wife and screaming baby in haunted house
- Joel learns killer’s identity through child’s drawing
- Joel seen dragging large, heavy carpet down back stairs
- Joel lays down with fleas, gets up with fleas
- Joel shows them all what a desperate person is capable of
- Joel coyly asks Hertz rental agent if he can speak with Dick
- Joel afraid of coffee grinder, claiming it sounds too much like T. Rex
- Joel assumes Beanie Sigel is some type of bird
- Joel seen arguing with hysterical fat British man
- Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”
- Joel organizes bigoted march on Washington the day after Thanksgiving aptly named White Friday
- Joel offered condolences on account of the bums having lost
- Joel forgets keys at mindfulness seminar
- Joel walks around with major boner at his parents’ house like he doesn’t understand his body yet
- Joel spoils movie by accidentally calling it Meet Joe Death
- Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
- Joel’s bite surprisingly far worse than bark
- Joel found with trunk full of video games rated T for Teens
- Joel crouches in silence on toilet seat in bathroom stall as armed lunatic passes by
- Joel tells interviewer that in his career he’s done more globetrotting than Meadowlark Lemon
- Joel successfully makes one baby in a month using 9 women
- Joel asks friend’s grandfather if he was the carpenter that made Pinocchio
- Joel sickened by reflection
- Joel turns state’s evidence against Brendan Dassey
- Joe reminds niece that elephants are vegetarian after she explains it is part of her weight loss strategy
- Joel caged in feces-smeared cell by racist sheriff
- Joel prepares for Renaissance fair with PCP cigarette
- Joel thrown over handlebars in town center
- Joel sues over his likeness to perverted turtle character in satirical children’s book
- Joel gets his kicks by terrorizing straights
- Joel works double shift on Labor Day
- Joel found pacing down hotel hallway wearing curtains as robe talking out some kind of internal conflict
- Joel spills the beans on Bush’s secret family recipe
- Joel burns while doing neutron dance
- Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
- Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
- Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
- Joel seen screaming “Amber alert! I’m being abducted! Amber alert!” while getting cuffed and stuffed into back of squad car
- Joel threatens to use hose on elderly neighbor
- Joel wishes himself Merry Christmas, opens microwave dinner
- Joel goes berserk at Fall into Savings event at Bernardi Toyota
- Joel seeks revenge against the weather
- Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
- Joel last seen paddling surfboard into thousand year storm
- Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
- Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
- Joel enters in cloud of sulfur
- Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
- Joel outdrank by Japanese investors
- Joel kidnapped at Bradlee’s
- Joel calls police on other police
- Joel accuses niece of being ‘boy crazy’
- Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
- Joel lists his profession as French Sex Murder on customs papers as plane starts to descend
- Joel crawls through sewer, comes out the other side in prison cell
- Joel considers himself hot shit after ordering burrito in Spanish
- Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
- Joel begins to fill with rage as regional team flounders
- Joel trapped on couch, fearing carpet is hot lava
- Joel blindsided by haymaker
- Joel deputized by Honolulu Sherrif’s Department for role in ladyboy sex sting
- Joel jokes “In Russia, Russia eats you!”
- Joel rips off grandmother in pot deal
- Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
- Joel’s family opts for highway over his way
- Joel seen wishfully mouthing words with eyes closed while holding a monkey’s paw
- Joel talked into committing a fatal robbery by chef celeb Guy Fieri
- Joel hides in back seat under quilt during Mexico/US border crossing
- Joel seen panning for gold in winter runoff next to shopping plaza
- Joel defeated by gravity
- Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
- Joel insists on wearing British helmet hat during Safari tour
- Joel suspects a close friend or relative is trying to poison him
- Joel undeterred by the risk of Feline AIDS
- Joel dons penguin suit and only responds to “Chilly Willy”
- Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
- Joel prevails over ghoulish challengers
- Joel brings back word from the boys in the lab that the brakes had been deliberately tampered with
- Joel scurries off at the first sight of pest exterminator’s truck
- Joel asked if he’s okay multiple times during meeting
- Joel in charge of Charles
- Joel eats his way through pork storm
- Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
- Joel coerced into giving wrong answers during Manitowoc County murder investigation
- Joel brutalizes a version of himself from another time
- Joel threatens to drink the river to dry the land
- Joel selected for interplanetary breeding program
- Joel’s life divided by before and after he’s stood up at prom
- Joel believes person named Ben Dover possessed textbook before him
- Joel shatters most of skeleton in hang gliding attempt
- Joel seen shaving beard and dyeing hair in gas station bathroom
- Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
- Joel brings picture of red squirrel to hairdresser and says “Make me look like this”
- Joel continues to fear the reaper despite reassuring song
- Joel exposed pooping in the wind after shell of port-a-potty gets blown off its base
- Joel puts off installing Ubuntu OS, reasoning that he doesn’t speak “African”
- Joel denied request to change his name to Trip Shitfield
- Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor
- Joel retreats back into the shadows
- Joel shoots buffalo from train
- Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
- Joel appointed leader of brute squad
- Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor
- Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
- Joel takes direct flight to direct center of US, orders seafood
- Joel’s internet history reveals a keen interest in clown-play
- Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
- Joel gets carnival popcorn machine for his home theater room that becomes a real health and safety hazard
- Joel uncovers greedy truth behind haunted amusement park
- Joel’s lipstick proves to be the same shade found on martini glass at crime scene
- Joel leaves a trail of breadcrumbs only to get followed by birds, lost
- Joel tells friendly tourist family on Tucscon hiking trail that there’s really no need to worry about snakes
- Joel goes overboard with ranch sauce
- Joel has unfair expectations for white quarterback
- Joel tells hotel room service he has a black eye and they need to send up a raw steak
- Joel pens gore-core historical fiction “The Sinking of the Herkylavania”
- Joel hides in closet after scoring bad designer drugs at Asian nightclub
- Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
- Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
- Joel asks in which part of the ocean do you find stuffed crabs
- Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
- Joel acts out the Ego portion of his recent Ryobi purchase
- Joel mistaken for gila monster in neighbor’s pool
- Joel prepares for slasher sale with vodka breakfast
- Joel knocked out by well-timed sandbag drop
- Joel poisons hundreds with murderous jam
- Joel tucks end of tablecloth into collar as makeshift bib, twiddles fingers in delight before picking up knife and fork and embarking on orgiastic feast
- Joel found dead on roof of his house
- Joel mutters “Joel power down” before shutting off for the night
- Joel plays it straight for once in his life
- Joel arrives racist and drunk to quaint suburban wedding
- Joel teaches much older wealthy wife to start drinking excessively
- Joel lands extremely complex Olympic flip allowing his family to live
- Joel behaves like slut
- Joel asks his creator “Why me?”
- Joel wheeled out in jail wagon past boy selling newspapers with headline “JOEL GUILTY”
- Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
- Joel admits to his players that he’s desperate for money
- Joel learns the terrible truth about his favorite soda during factory tour
- Joel and friend scam parents, eat two dinners in one night
- Joel able to interpret gibberish of screaming train conductor
- Joel ‘speaks now’, ruins wedding
- Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
- Joel enters hospital to finish the job
- Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
- Joel mysteriously appears as fifth face on Mount Rushmore for one afternoon
- Joel chuckles watching his dog have some weird little dream
- Joel strangles cook
- Joel leaves real name and phone number on restroom wall flirtation
- Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep
- Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
- Joel feels around for penis in moment of numb panic
- Joel utterly mesmerized after waking up drunk at Colonial Times theme park
- Joel terrorizes Smurf community
- Joel throws loose change at toll operator
- Joel stands in his yard watering his lawn with his eyes closed while the virus that causes Shingles reactivates in his body
- Joel agrees to confront Minotaur at center of labyrinth
- Joel answers door to discover baby with mild resemblance
- Joel found in the nude
- Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade
- Joel stays inside, hiding from a world gone mad
- Joel referred to as a “sleaze” by friend’s stepdaughter
- Joel turns playpen into pigsty
- Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
- Joel wastes his monkey’s paw on five copies of Beaches
- Joel receives double negative HIV test result, making it positive
- Joel hazed relentlessly attempting to join Shriners
- Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
- Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
- Joel deals with recurring boner
- Joel has gun pried from his cold dead hands
- Joel accepts fainting as normal daily phenomena and doesn’t seek medical attention
- Joel watches security video of himself stealing
- Joel skulks back to his coffin by sunrise
- Joel defaces Bobby Orr card in risky autograph scam
- Joel too disorganized to join the Methodists
- Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
- Joel makes it to final stage but is unable to defeat boss
- Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
- Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
- Joel pregnant for 18 months with twins
- Joel tricked into giving monkey keys to cage
- Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
- Joel embarks on ominous secret project codenamed Operation Lazarus
- Joel’s laptop quickly develops Stockholm Syndrome with ransomware
- Joel claims he was at the park and physically dropped his cup of coffee on the ground and opened his mouth in awe at the site of a galloping Irish Wolfhound
- Joel found dead making a frozen grimace in winter wonderland display
- Joel hires rat to do what mouse couldn’t
- Joel’s last log entry reads “8:05 pm – Then most severe crisis…”
- Joel argues with himself in the park
- Joel blown up in demolition seminar
- Joel blown in all different directions by four strong winds
- Joel asks ChatGPT “Why do we cry?”
- Joel grossly exaggerates flora and fauna in real estate listing
- Joel sits on hand for 35 minutes before performing The Stranger
- Joel starts playing Roy Rogers the second he passes his police officer’s test
- Joel posts bullshit cooking video
- Joel gnaws on fist
- Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
- Joel blatantly disregards sage advice from future self
- Joel cheats on wife with his secretary from Fidelity
- Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
- Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
- Joel will be Joel
- Joel becomes an unfeeling, unthinking nonstop killing machine
- Joel left home alone by parents, invites poltergeist inside TV
- Joel feeds a man a fish, makes him sick for a lifetime
- Joel snickers childishly when trail guide spots Woodcock
- Joel spreads so many rumors he earns the nickname Lou Gossip
- Joel won’t stop until he’s dead or in jail
- Joel avoids Corona beer fearing Coronavirus
- Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
- Joel humps the ground in the woods near where he stashes porno magazines in plastic bag
- Joel shaken awake by hovering demon
- Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
- Joel injured making homemade pipe bomb
- Joel packs sweatshirt in backpack for office knowing that motherfuckers are trying to win the air conditioning award
- Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
- Joel haggles down prices at lemonade stand
- Joel rage-eats submarine sandwich with incorrect toppings
- Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
- Joel’s mother signs historical treaty with Hayward Chicano gang
- Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
- Joel licks grease from his fingers before and after handshake
- Joel carpetbags Hurricane Humberto’s destruction path
- Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
- Joel fires rocket at news helicopter
- Joel claims to know things about Stonehenge
- Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
- Joel finishes last despite being bad guy
- Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
- Joel diagnosed with several serious personality disorders
- Joel plunges dagger into back of man wearing toga and olive leaf crown
- Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement
- Joel playfully invites female colleague to lunch at Tavern In The Square, referencing it by its unfortunate acronym
- Joel seen being taken by the wind and struck by lightning while suspended in the air
- Joel provides made-up name of resident he’s visiting when caught prowling around nursing home
- Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
- Joel pesters plaintiff on courthouse steps for his reaction to verdict while clearly not associated with the press
- Joel finds Big Easy a little difficult
- Joel smokes hate pipe
- Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
- Joel sets surprisingly hostile away message on his email during Holiday Break
- Joel enters Clowning vs Krumping competition
- Joel gets off pot, shits
- Joel flees from burning pharmacy with pillowcase full of pills
- Joel shares the primitive belief that weather is determined by the moods of his God
- Joel cites men as the leading cause of death of women
- Joel’s medical malpractice trial has him running out of patients
- Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
- Joel enters work clothing retailer in the mindset of a violent cybernetic time traveler
- Joel shrieks, “I can’t swim, ok! Are you happy now?!” to group of teenagers at beach
- Joel employs “Throw Catch Win” strategy in Bengals’ 2018 road to victory
- Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
- Joel subsists for several weeks on impulse snacks purchased at TJ Max
- Joel becomes obsessed with his own sexuality
- Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
- Joel’s guts turned to slop by miracle drug
- Joel bows head, raises black power fist atop Olympic podium
- Joel buys used Bronco with bad intentions
- Joel seen frantically running down shoulder of highway in tie dyed t-shirt
- Joel puts cadaver in passenger seat to use carpool lane
- Joel sees the phrase “GET OUT” formed from Spaghetti O’s while eating in haunted house
- Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray
- Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth
- Joel described as “fiendish” by hotel lobby staff
- Joel dances the jazz after some sugary apple juice
- Joel unloads pistol into hanging slabs of meat
- Joel flips switchblade comb out on subway car and winks at elderly woman
- Joel tries to pressure coworkers into buying Dead Sea salt lotions from his daughter’s Mall kiosk shop
- Joel commits corporate espionage on behalf of Cogswell Cogs
- Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
- Joel brings resume to Ocean State Job Lot
- Joel told by his primary care doctor that everyone in the area is doing very well except for him
- Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
- Joel easily tricked by fool’s gold
- Joel reads newspaper upside down on subway
- Joel goes tanning in crude, homemade outfit that only exposes his privates
- Joel dance-eats his way through county food fair
- Joel watches scrambled porn channel to relive his tween years
- Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
- Joel rifles through sister’s apartment for cash
- Joel denies knowing who took the money
- Joel serially steals from Uncle’s restaurant
- Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
- Joel inspires terror upon drawing perfect circle
- Joel learns to talk telepathically to animals, gets forced into the middle of a baboon war
- Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
- Joel casually picks belly button lint through lower buttons of dress shirt while meeting with realtor
- Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
- Joel hemmed in by overly complicated back story
- Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind
- Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
- Joel explains he’s using “the big fuckers” at bowling party, referring to the heaviest available balls
- Joel beckons Hogan to the ring by name
- Joel saddened by happy ending
- Joel contemplates a football team made of various individual Chiefs from several dozen separate tribes
- Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
- Joel knowingly posts cursed dining room set on Facebook Marketplace
- Joel dropped into bright green bubbling vat of chemicals
- Joel beaten at pinball by profoundly disabled child
- Joel kills messenger, hails unfavorable original source
- Joel mismanages viral outbreak
- Joel wonders if L.L. Bean could possibly be a coffee distributor owned by L.L. Cool J.
- Joel spins around and around listening to Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love” before collapsing from drug induced hyperthermia
- Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
- Joel asks couples therapist who’s side she’s on
- Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation
- Joel seen running hysterically down shoulder of highway
- Joel watches cyborg shoot his mother
- Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive
- Joel threatens jurors that he’ll return from the grave if they give him the death penalty
- Joel trampled at Dress Barn clearance sale
- Joel tells wife he went into attic to investigate sound of laughter but she knows he has drugs stashed up there
- Joel makes Irish entrance
- Joel wakes up screaming
- Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
- Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
- Joel makes enormous bomb out of cow shit
- Joel turned into vegetable by host of outdated therapy techniques
- Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
- Joel informs friend that 4/20 is Hitler’s birthday
- Joel discovers infestation in attic, gives himself nickname Rat King
- Joel scowls peering through window at paperboy
- Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
- Joel adds “Midwife” to list of past experience on his resumé
- Joel buys unlimited lifetime admittance to Dr. Terror’s Panic Maze
- Joel flashes piece
- Joel heckled by burning bush
- Joel pumps down at the stables for Penthouse spread
- Joel asks desperately “What year is it?!”
- Joel experiments with reverse coupon to concert costing fans extra
- Joel sprayed in face with oven cleaner by housekeeper during argument about payment
- Joel torn away from phone
- Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
- Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
- Joel contaminates experiment
- Joel’s rain soaked face appears in child’s bedroom window during bursts of lightning
- Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
- Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
- Joel’s parrot asks for quiet time
- Joel’s friends Ezra and Ephram not allowed to sleep over
- Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
- Joel smothers aunt
- Joel says “she is like animal” in heavy Russian accent in regard to woman he observes
- Joel clarifies his role to investors as Silicon Prince
- Joel doesn’t understand why the lawn keeps growing back
- Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
- Joel wonders if he already shows humility, can he be humiliated?
- Joel treated just like a rat in country where he’s not culturally significant or recognizable
- Joel finds “Joel’s mom smokes pot” note taped to his front door
- Joel lures prostitites into carriage with rare cherries
- Joel makes death threat on plaintiff during interview
- Joel asks Home Depot employee if they sell battering rams
- Joel shadowed in Lower Uncton
- Joel wonders who owns the skyscrapers
- Joel gets pulled over with corpses in all of the other seats
- Joel drives rented dump truck through used record store
- Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention
- Joel grabbed by rat tail during parking lot brawl
- Joel no longer welcome in community pool
- Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
- Joel recklessly serves alcohol to dangerous primate
- Joel puts emphasis on the “g” at then end of orangutan
- Joel complains about neighbor’s tacky Christmas lights and decorations then becomes sad when they take them down
- Joel busted for running illegal dog hotel
- Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
- Joel proposes “Soup Living Room” where the homeless can eat on couches in front of TVs like the rest of us
- Joel puts 0.0 bumper sticker on his car in response to 26.2 marathon version
- Joel invests haphazardly in Mongol eagle preserve
- Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
- Joel shows that he understands two concepts: barrels and bananas
- Joel knows what sexy is… and he’s not telling
- Joel thinks Taco Tuesday is some kind of prostitute holiday
- Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
- Joel on constant high alert for potential mate
- Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
- Joel includes Tom when bragging about number of friends on MySpace
- Joel asks for second larger sandwich to wrap around his first, smaller sandwich
- Joel takes both pills described in song White Rabbit at once, stays about the same size
- Joel enters insurance company in conga line with giddy criminals
- Joel opens email attachment labeled “virus.exe” from unknown sender
- Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
- Joel looks at pasta container on shelf behind his wife before telling her he was at an old friend named Al Dente’s house
- Joel’s fall softened by rotten Chinese food in dumpster
- Joel haunts murky waters of small town pool
- Joel undergoes extreme weight gain with the goal of remaining only mobile enough to kill
- Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
- Joel appears to be very nonchalant while small kitchen fire grows out of control
- Joel caught scraping serial numbers off of gun
- Joel appends middle name before string of murders
- Joel thrown from stock car in Laconia death race
- Joel bites into mother’s shoulder on playground
- Joel says his love won’t pay the rent
- Joel strangled by possessed transplanted hand
- Joel misrepresents his feeling on issue by stating “I could care less”
- Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
- Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
- Joel nervously leaves plate of raw chicken on his back porch nightly for what he refers to as “the monkey man”
- Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
- Joel tempts first humans with apple
- Joel stymied by chastity belt during medieval time travel
- Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
- Joel makes fool of himself with phrase “for all intensive purposes”
- Joel demands unreasonable amount of personal data in exchange for download of stale industry Whitepaper
- Joel breaks it to woman named Zoë that her name limits her to health food industry
- Joel all like Que fado que lao
- Joel creamed by physics
- Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
- Joel robs stranger named Peter to pay off gambling debts to unrelated bookie who happens to be named Paul
- Joel, with empty expression, stares through co-worker while others sing Happy Birthday in office break room
- Joel asks extremely leading questions and seems to express a clear bias while moderating user test
- Joel sought “Angel Dust or anything like it” according to local Hawaiian
- Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline
- Joel watches real life fight between a sailor with grotesquely large forearms and a big fat bearded mean one who was trying to sexually assault the other’s wife
- Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
- Joel relieved that it was just cans
- Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
- Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
- Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played
- Joel seen clinging to roof of car on highway
- Joel throws knives at woman on spinning wheel
- Joel asks “tell me who… and show me WHERE” to abuse victim
- Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile
- Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
- Joel dismisses Ted Talk as “a lot of kumbaya”
- Joel transmits message of alert to identical twin
- Joel installs stink-activated strobe light in bathroom
- Joel flung from carnival ride into scummy pond
- Joel never sees his belongings again after entrusting them to Marco Polo Movers
- Joel frozen in indecision at top of slopes on first day skiing between trails Widowmaker and Butternut
- Joel shows up at date’s house and realizes she’s the daughter of the pharmacist he bought condoms from earlier
- Joel begins referring to just about everybody as “Money Grip”
- Joel terrorized by gang of cartoon weasels
- Joel angrily eats parking ticket
- Joel wears diaper to limit stops on cross-country drive to stalk astronaut
- Joel moans while chained to radiator
- Joel loses innocence during The Summer of Love
- Joel seen walking down hospital hallway wearing a lab coat and obsolete head mirror
- Joel takes low road
- Joel found speechless, alone and inconsolable at abandoned amusement park
- Joel goes to church not even once despite promise made months before while praying that his girlfriend isn’t pregnant
- Joel cites popular cartoon characters when justifying shirt-only lifestyle
- Joel names race horse Altar Boy
- Joel concusses cartoon accomplice with frying pan
- Joel holds naked killer at gun point but let’s him get away before police arrive
- Joel subtitles autobiography “Power and Justice”
- Joel smoothly seduces woman by placing pubic hair on her soda can
- Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
- Joel sends murderous riddle to local newspaper
- Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
- Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
- Joel hunted after airing prime time special demystifying popular magic tricks
- Joel comes home claiming he hasn’t eaten yet, unaware that he’d become desensitized to the stench of the Indian food that his clothes had been absorbing for the last two hours
- Joel beats the devil out of paintbrush
- Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
- Joel described by eclectic filmmaker as a “loathsome cretin”
- Joel tells most men, “You’re a better man than me”
- Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
- Joel calls bullshit on the Farmer’s Almanac
- Joel flexes muscles at dog
- Joel flaps arms quickly like wings while falling off roof
- Joel publicly assaulted on Hollywood Walk of Fame by keyed up Mickey Rourke
- Joel forces timid employee to drink
- Joel continues to wear suspenders after the invention of the belt
- Joel rushes crescendo, blows out his o-ring
- Joel discovers the dirty truth that there is no Ken Griffey Senior
- Joel wears a jumpsuit patterned with tiled $100 bills
- Joel watches eclipse in an almost giddy state while his house is robbed
- Joel bursts blood vessel in forehead benching what he refers to as a “fuck-ton” of weight
- Joel claims there were multiple Stephen Hawkings
- Joel backed over after falling asleep behind neighbor’s car
- Joel switches up his meds after complaining that things felt just too steady
- Joel told to stay away from doctor
- Joel carefully checks flower bouquet for spiders
- Joel thrown from speeding car
- Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
- Joel goes to lobster bake, gets more food on him than in him
- Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
- Joel sneeze-screams at Library
- Joel charbroils rat over barrel fire
- Joel protects child’s innocence by removing page in Peter Rabbit where protagonist’s father is cooked in a pie
- Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
- Joel stuffed into trunk
- Joel assumes he can read braille thinking it must be just raised English letters
- Joel burned filming Pepsi commercial
- Joel tied down by doctors
- Joel begins terrorizing couple who rent him a room
- Joel held down and cuffed with his face pressed against his own star on the Hollywood walk of fame
- Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
- Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
- Joel finally does something he can’t take back
- Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames
- Joel suspects in some vague way there’s money in computers
- Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
- Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
- Joel returns home early, intrudes on heated game of dog poker
- Joel told “You’ll fry for this” by arresting officer
- Joel admits to tabloid reporter that he’s basically at rock bottom
- Joel loved by imagined God
- Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
- Joel uses months as the unit to convey his age
- Joel’s therapist suggests a fresh new start in a state she knows she isn’t licensed
- Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
- Joel bumps head trying to chase mouse through small hole in wall
- Joel fined heavily for masterminding unlicensed Haitian cab operation
- Joel explains situation with two hot peppers
- Joel seen exiting hardware store with can of gold spray paint
- Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
- Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt
- Joel takes to the streets
- Joel banned from nerd’s house
- Joel seen wandering away from hospital with half-open gown
- Joel continues to waver on whether or not red wine and chocolate are good for you
- Joel responds “demon corn” when asked what his favorite food is
- Joel chooses only the most lewd scenes for trailer
- Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
- Joel answers telephone by asking, “Uncle…?”
- Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
- Joel takes and takes and takes
- Joel forced to switch seats with other airline passenger after declining emergency exit responsibilities
- Joel asks only what his country can do for him
- Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
- Joel barks himself hoarse
- Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
- Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
- Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet
- Joel refers to daily pill regimen as “Tokens of Hope”
- Joel gets so overcome with excitement when his owner comes home that he pees on the floor a little
- Joel does everything for money except kiss
- Joel featured on reality show “Johns Who Kill”
- Joel angrily refuses floral lay necklace upon arrival in Hawaii
- Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
- Joel’s stench admired by less advanced creature
- Joel invites friends over to watch “Vengals” game
- Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message
- Joel whispers “Talk is cheap” before ramming tollbooth
- Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
- Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
- Joel becomes far more pleasant after washing handful of pills down with tequila
- Joel starts to get lightly rammed on his back bumper by car that’s been chasing him
- Joel gets shark tooth necklace ripped off by bully
- Joel asks Jeeves
- Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
- Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him
- Joel brings a great dishonor upon himself and his family
- Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
- Joel discovered tan and bearded at sea, floating on whale corpse
- Joel uses coworker’s personal coffee mug despite agreeing not to
- Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
- Joel reveals that his favorite movie star is Vin Basil
- Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
- Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier
- Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
- Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
- Joel actually has been there and has done that
- Joel slowly chased by Komodo Dragon while on vacation
- Joel holds his breath for 21 of the 300 seconds required by SEALS
- Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
- Joel seeks autocratic strongman to fix sliding door
- Joel foolishly refuses to leave house after obvious signs of haunting
- Joel nests table
- Joel gives prosecutors more than they could’ve ever wished for
- Joel seen grilling burgers and waving “Hi” with his spatula from the perspective of incoming drone missile
- Joel rushes to replace tray of brownies before anyone gets home
- Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
- Joel predicts future using what he calls a crystal computer
- Joel brings baby into sauna
- Joel has false memory of ever owning a Samsung phone
- Joel orders wig in drug haze
- Joel passes out cold on log flume ride
- Joel trampled in online store during Cyber Monday
- Joel deters predators by puffing up to twice his size and revealing quills
- Joel whispers gibberish at child to derail learning
- Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
- Joel cuckolds typographer
- Joel rips page out of phone book and exits without paying tab at diner
- Joel has strange burping fit when pressed about recent murders
- Joel wrestles with literal demons in ghoulish free-for-all
- Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
- Joel crawls back into sewer
- Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
- Joel’s eyes turn into spinning pinwheels upon entering candy shop
- Joel courts mythical centrist voter
- Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
- Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
- Joel’s mask is his face
- Joel crashes party, apologizes, does it again
- Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
- Joel strangled half to death with silk scarf
- Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
- Joel goes berserk at Off Track Betting location upon finding out someone cooked his favorite horse
- Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
- Joel hires artist to kill his wife
- Joel plays with fire
- Joel registers “Stankbot” at MIT competition
- Joel tapped dry by zealous hummingbird
- Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
- Joel found dead under massive pile of Ryobi power tools
- Joel wonders if there’s such a thing as a male ladybug
- Joel governs race of subway rat people
- Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for
- Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
- Joel puts most expensive hotdog buns in friend’s shopping cart
- Joel tests electric fence for weakness
- Joel starts hotel chain named Worst Eastern
- Joel casually pulls fire alarm on his way out of hospital after being charged a small copay
- Joel asks if he can contest parking ticket at Night Court
- Joel exits with shop with suitcase
- Joel caught attempting to inhale life out of sleeping infant
- Joel overheard calling several local costume shops in search of “bulletproof gorilla suit”
- Joel dismisses innovative scatter plot visualization of cholera outbreak centered around infected water pump, blames situation simply on “foul air”
- Joel dangled out of window by reclusive mentally ill pop superstar
- Joel sometimes wonders about Wonder Woman
- Joel’s mugshot handed to pharmacist
- Joel wears powdered wig to speeding ticket hearing
- Joel jams gun sharply into woman’s ribs as cars slows at border crossing
- Joel avoids eye contact with mother
- Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
- Joel mounts beloved deer
- Joel dons grotesque prosthetics to portray famous composer in biopic
- Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
- Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
- Joel physically overtaken by office intruder
- Joel dresses up like Middle Eastern sheik, runs wildly through airport screaming
- Joel nibbles macaroons like rodent in corner of cookie warehouse
- Joel loses sensation in both arms for 24 hours after trying to show off with jackhammer
- Joel promises nephew a full-sized taxidermied crocodile
- Joel describes luxury sports utility vehicle in front of him as a “monstrosity”
- Joel eats personal check made out to him at fender bender scene to convey his unwillingness to settle out of court
- Joel stops walking and starts chewing gum
- Joel feeds chocolate covered espresso beans to hyperactive toddler
- Joel hit with tomato while answering doorbell during Broncos game
- Joel impervious to being spooked while horny
- Joel lured by scent of pie cooling on windowsill, knocked unconscious with rolling pin
- Joel gnaws on salted tire
- Joel quickly deduces that violence is necessary
- Joel goes to the mat with the sumo class
- Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
- Joel lives a very safe and uneventful life in another country
- Joel described as a boiled hotdog
- Joel figures flushing an airplane toilet rains waste from the sky
- Joel photographed running out of deadly wig store fire
- Joel brings fun cowboy vibe to space station
- Joel develops total financial stranglehold over young immigrant woman
- Joel gets involved with some dangerous lake people
- Joel attempts to smooth things over with wine-stained cash
- Joel equates loudness and smog with superior engineering
- Joel becomes psychoactive
- Joel maneuvers office beauracracy with the precision of a horny mechanical bull operator
- Joel slumps over face first into bowl of noodles
- Joel gets brain bubbles while fighting horrific drug
- Joel lends car to close friend minutes before reporting it stolen
- Joel refers to his country club as a tomb
- Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture
- Joel kindly asked to leave Ben & Jerry’s after attempting to “shine” his order
- Joel ransacks hooker’s apartment looking for the wallet he accidentally left in his other pair of pants
- Joel described by counselor as a manic, sexual mess
- Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it
- Joel found wrapped in American flag with needles still in arms
- Joel describes himself as someone who needs to issue a lot of warnings to people
- Joel uses the term “urban” to signify “black”
- Joel keeps trying to order a Branko Mataja from the sub shop
- Joel falls through ceiling an breaks both of his legs while spying on girlfriend at town theater
- Joel tells personal trainer his goal is to be able to do a naked headstand
- Joel practices business witticisms in basement mirror
- Joel caught on surveillance camera licking produce and putting it back
- Joel cares very deeply almost immediately after saying – fine see if I care
- Joel marks perimeter of home with pungent urine to ward off other would-be Joels
- Joel spared by supernatural murderer
- Joel clings to ladder falling over backward during sorority peeping tom stunt
- Joel unconsciously logs activity in sleepwalking app
- Joel escapes on speedboat after punching bouncer
- Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
- Joel impressed by professional
- Joel found dead in neighbor’s chimney
- Joel refers to his dog by the wrong name on phone with mother to confirm she’s real
- Joel argues his way into Hell
- Joel tells manager he needs to miss work to deal with a restraining order
- Joel spirals down drain of super sized toilet
- Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
- Joel told he’s in over his head by concerned Sidney Pollack
- Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
- Joel tells bullshit hyperbolic story about how The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick was playing at deafening level in bathroom of Cumberland Farms gas station
- Joel demands boy
- Joel starts true crime podcast but each episode is just an admission
- Joel doesn’t tell his doctor he’s already taking Brovando
- Joel replies, “Yeah right, man,” after being informed his car is in the process of getting towed
- Joel angrily refers to low key talk therapist as brain butcher
- Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
- Joel heard in bathroom stall making clucking noises
- Joel gets a serious scare after mouthing off to paleontologist
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel uses childish sailboat and crab stencils to paint custom tote bags for friends at halfway house
- Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
- Joel caught rummaging through co-worker’s file cabinet
- Joel able to spell “diarrhea” correctly without googling it
- Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
- Joel deduces the killer’s race as Caucasian due to the dramatic and heinous nature of the crimes
- Joel acts unreasonably hostile on his way out of yoga studio
- Joel ripped off at dollar store
- Joel takes random day off in April, claiming it to be “Mexican Easter”
- Joel overpays for bonsai tree at local nursery
- Joel pumps up volume as instructed by song
- Joel wants only what you don’t let him have
- Joel struck by thunder
- Joel offends woodwind player by suggesting potential “skin flute” solo
- Joel joins biker gang known as the Satan’s Christians
- Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
- Joel seen pointing gun at two old women who apparently scammed him
- Joel finds an ass in the refrigerator
- Joel watches naked ladies through hole in wall somewhere in France
- Joel forced into police car while shouting “America eats its young!”
- Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
- Joel says that his only drug problem is when he runs out of them
- Joel collapses on treadmill
- Joel creates new scripting language called Poison Sumac
- Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
- Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
- Joel refers to his former self as a precocious ray of light ruined by the temptations of puberty
- Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
- Joel puts his own name on revenge list
- Joel sneaks mechanical bull into Amish community
- Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
- Joel waits patiently for neighbors to go on vacation to rip the siding from their home
- Joel caught sabotaging guest’s car
- Joel pins housing association rejection letter above his bomb-making work area
- Joel has flashback to black tie corporate event where Caribbean style music is playing and a few powerful people want him dead
- Joel amazed that horse was in fact two men in costume
- Joel threatens to “tame American dotard with fire”
- Joel embellishes traffic conditions to blind passenger
- Joel maintains a more primitive polytheistic view
- Joel greeted at mailbox by coiled viper
- Joel buried in his favorite Bathing Ape jersey
- Joel flees scene and goes home and waits until he hears pounding on his door
- Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
- Joel finds monkey paw in his crunch wrap supreme
- Joel suggests graveyard as ideal location for first date
- Joel comes running out of house fire with as much food as he can carry
- Joel buys bride online and gets more than he bargained for
- Joel’s lawyer informs him that the government’s case is built on nothing more than an unreliable witness’s description of seeing someone “short and ugly”, but it will probably make it to trial
- Joel tries to pay for groceries with sack of rubies
- Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
- Joel fells backyard tree onto neighbor’s house crushing baby’s crib that was fortunately empty
- Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
- Joel tries to package and sell what is sacred
- Joel deafened by dog whistle
- Joel finds remnants of Leprechaun between walls in his house
- Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
- Joel found bound and gagged in elaborate self kidnapping
- Joel becomes the first person to sue a non-human
- Joel hires physical trainer named Ron Savage
- Joel pursued by Eastern European sniper in track suit
- Joel whips trick in Memphis recording studio
- Joel has dream of producing an all-girl hyper-sexualized R&B group called The Diet Tonics then years later starts confusing the dream with reality
- Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
- Joel burned in effigy by his employees
- Joel finds out his favorite cereal brand is an anagram of his name
- Joel overhead conversing with stairway ghoul by hotel staff
- Joel quips that every cat’s favorite Beethoven song is Furr Elise
- Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
- Joel emotionally buys penny stock, loses big
- Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
- Joel withdraws most of son’s college fund to buy camel
- Joel turned away from blood bank after attempting to make withdrawal
- Joel’s “JOEL” neck tattoo gets infected
- Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
- Joel imitates humping sounds heard from mother’s room
- Joel hotboxes vintage VW Bus with heavyset actor from Lost
- Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
- Joel told he’s legally dead during physical exam for insurance policy
- Joel carries woman through abandoned hospital wearing stolen police uniform
- Joel clings to departing plane
- Joel makes appointment with bank to swim in his money
- Joel eats trash
- Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
- Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
- Joel snarls and gets singed from holy water spray
- Joel reclines lazily smoking cigarette in bed with his secretary while on the phone with his wife
- Joel toys with woman’s emotions, taking her to fancy restaurant and bending down on one knee to tie shoelace
- Joel chooses food when forced to choose between that or his wife
- Joel keeps bottle labeled “Slime” on his nightstand
- Joel expresses indifference to news shared by pregnant friend
- Joel comes out of tanning booth to find two detectives waiting for him
- Joel spends two hours watching 60 Minutes
- Joel binge eats to distract his cruel inner dialogue
- Joel buys bag of magic beans from drunken wizard
- Joel talked down from roof of house
- Joel betrays messiah for a mere fifty rupees
- Joel entrusts invisible wizard with legal defense at trial
- Joel plays role of flippant police officer who irrationally will not take desperate caller seriously
- Joel visited by three ghosts on insignificant Summer night
- Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster
- Joel gropes around for wallet while performing CPR
- Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
- Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
- Joel seen riding motorcycle along building ledge while going through an acute midlife crisis after his niece accidentally chops off his long hair
- Joel calls 911 during hike, suspects he’s being hunted
- Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens
- Joel describes his aunt’s funeral as a grave occasion
- Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
- Joel witnesses person get head run over by his arriving Uber driver
- Joel burns ships upon arrival at shore of New World
- Joel helplessly watches cat fight off dagger wielding troll
- Joel forced to pull string of stolen pearls out of his mouth
- Joel offers hope
- Joel washes man out of his hair
- Joel breaks into car with groceries visible in back seat
- Joel calls out sick from work explaining that he’s got a 104 degree temperature after getting scratched by a cat
- Joel tells used motorcycle salesman “no ape hangers, no deal”
- Joel has stroke while driving
- Joel laughs like Goofy during his arraignment
- Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
- Joel chased out of grocery store for drawing large black X’s on peaches with sharpie
- Joel follows translucent white horse into fire
- Joel arrives looking like a vampire at front door asking to be invited inside
- Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
- Joel runs from scene of accident into woods
- Joel tries to force villagers to mine in sacred mountain
- Joel loses wits on Mosquito Coast
- Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
- Joel humps to Sister Nancy song “Bam Bam” in the sweltering heat
- Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
- Joel gives birth to pregnant child
- Joel panics and faints in glass hotel elevator that he was told would be too much for him to handle
- Joel kills serially
- Joel confuses Desmond Tutu with Pol Pot
- Joel keeps forgetting how she made it so clear
- Joel cites heavy traffic as excuse for being late to work from home
- Joel weaves in and out erratically from carpool lane arguing that it’s just paint
- Joel scared away by homeowner firing gun in the air
- Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
- Joel buys cheapest single-ply toilet paper while shopping for grandmother
- Joel chased down pier by large, angry walrus
- Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
- Joel normalizes violence
- Joel sent home by school nurse for having lice
- Joel calls up friend crying and tells him to urgently meet him at Pizzeria Uno
- Joel adds “Esquire” to his title on LinkedIn after completing one year of online classes at unaccredited law school
- Joel paid in chickens for building gypsy website
- Joel makes his daughter’s death look like a kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to also lose a son
- Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral
- Joel chisels Native American face into backyard rock
- Joel threatens to kill his lawyer
- Joel arrested for riding horse down I-95
- Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
- Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
- Joel repeatedly shouts in an effeminate accent “Shoot him shoot him shoot him!” while wife aims at neighbor
- Joel receives lousy performance review from bossy sauce
- Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
- Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
- Joel tries to warn old photos of himself about Trump and COVID
- Joel estimates distance between two Los Angeles locations to be about 45 minutes give or take traffic
- Joel repeatedly told “Get out of here” by screaming fat white man with female voice
- Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
- Joel likens his relationship with his cable provider to spousal rape
- Joel insulted by ouija board
- Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
- Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
- Joel smoothly slips several pennies in the trash
- Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
- Joel does something that really sets off the baboons at space station
- Joel considers opening a Go & Sell across the street from a Stop & Shop
- Joel rests case
- Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
- Joel rubs his hands and wrists in anticipation that two delivery trucks might crash pulling into his driveway
- Joel becomes so angry he dies
- Joel splashes water on kitchen grease fire
- Joel studies forensics show, gets busted by dumb idiot
- Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
- Joel cites stepping away from active banking session to support claim of dangerous lifestyle
- Joel joins Zoom call while also performing his second job as a fast food drive-through cashier
- Joel shows up extremely late to an Oklahoma Sooners game
- Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
- Joel’s flight taxis endlessly like a middle schooler too scared to kiss
- Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
- Joel purchases controversial knit winter hat with baseball style brim
- Joel gets read the riot act by eccentric chocolate factory owner
- Joel recalls a childhood spent watching the neighborhood kids play outside through the window of his locked bedroom
- Joel lead through enchanted forest by translucent fox
- Joel told he talks too much by gregarious Dominican woman
- Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent
- Joel screams bloody murder
- Joel works his way down the ladder from office mailroom to janitor
- Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
- Joel calls bullshit on Miracle of Loaves and Fish
- Joel cooks pot of goo for his bed and breakfast guests
- Joel spotted clinging to building facade standing on narrow ledge
- Joel insists to customer during support call that the problem lies between the computer and the keyboard
- Joel describes himself as a wolf in sheep’s clothing
- Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
- Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
- Joel accuses date of switching drinks with him while he wasn’t looking
- Joel burns photograph of mother in trash barrel
- Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child
- Joel befriends adult male celebrity with condition that makes him forever look like a child and treats him like he’s his child
- Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
- Joel hears second face on the back of his head suggesting heinous acts
- Joel considers changing last name to Noel for the holidays
- Joel uses Nicorette patches to start smoking
- Joel calls total bullshit on “fork split” English muffins
- Joel denied several opportunities over bad skin
- Joel takes deep breath, closes eyes, starts ignition
- Joel will kiss for money if the amount is high enough
- Joel insensitively simplifies friend’s gender identity struggle with statement “You’s a dude”
- Joel believes his baby is more special and good looking than others
- Joel cruises around looking for someone to give him bruises
- Joel doesn’t scroll
- Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
- Joel pushes hard for deep discount on a Brother P-Touch label maker
- Joel spooked by holy ghost
- Joel pisses on poop deck
- Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
- Joel’s ancestors neither clean nor industrious
- Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account
- Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
- Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
- Joel chooses Arctic Blast instead of his familiar Fresh Mint and almost gets his face blown off
- Joel keeps snubnose revolver in office desk drawer
- Joel smashes square peg into round hole
- Joel starts hurriedly pounding on door right after ringing bell without leaving any time for someone to realistically answer
- Joel has friend who lives near payphone call in bomb threat to avoid deadline
- Joel absorbs lion’s share of impact in crosswalk collision
- Joel sues gym for lost pounds
- Joel hates the members of his own race the most
- Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
- Joel set up by psychotic child who can cry at will
- Joel’s Gershwin collection impresses local bigot
- Joel claims to be the first Hetero Sapien
- Joel strikes lurid deal with sex alien
- Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures
- Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites
- Joel uses shriek-ray to deter would-be attacker
- Joel’s getaway car picked up by giant magnet
- Joel hosts canine comedy fundraiser Paws for Laughter
- Joel becomes world’s dumbest owner of smartest dog breed
- Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
- Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
- Joel says he’s collecting clothes for the homeless but is then seen months later wearing them
- Joel continues forward through hailstorm of police gunfire as angel dust courses through his veins
- Joel suffers several broken ribs from Hurricane Blaine
- Joel rushes to hospital after receiving viral video
- Joel smells fear
- Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
- Joel toys around with words and meaning
- Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill
- Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
- Joel forgets the Alamo
- Joel scratches off waist size from outer Levi’s jeans label
- Joel rolls up sleeves, takes nap
- Joel allows diseased pet rodent to escape his pocket, ruins neighbor’s party
- Joel told he’ll have to pay negative Jeopardy balance
- Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
- Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland
- Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
- Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
- Joel finally graduates to Pantene Pro-W
- Joel baffles Costco staff by asking “Where do you keep the big fuckers?”
- Joel names dog Walter
- Joel slaps clip into machine gun and shouts “Welcome to 2019!”
- Joel throws major fit at toy store
- Joel ships toilet troll
- Joel seen ripping suitcase from old woman’s hands
- Joel wears tank top, exposes handprint bruises
- Joel forces woman to do what she refers to as “insane things”
- Joel sticks out his tongue to cool down
- Joel chases swan
- Joel tells the middle school girl he’s dating that he’s in like with her
- Joel trashes beach
- Joel, temporarily blinded from an optician appointment, begins to touch the face of the person talking to him
- Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
- Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
- Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
- Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
- Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
- Joel attempts to commercialize air
- Joel applies for handicap license plate on the grounds of being an emotional cripple
- Joel threatens to eat whole cake
- Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
- Joel easily put into checkmate by precocious child
- Joel misreports amount of drugs and cash seized in bust
- Joel clubbed with mallet and made permanently dumber on Redondo Beach
- Joel claims he came up with the idea of backup dancers
- Joel flushes his underwear in the toilet to make trouble at party
- Joel creates “poor man’s zip file” by pasting images into Word document
- Joel demands more from today’s pornographer
- Joel hemorrhages money during weird little Beanie Baby phase
- Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
- Joel attributes menacing vibe to surplus of Monster energy drinks
- Joel dances sexually in tree
- Joel falls in love with Korean Youtube eating star
- Joel pushed into the deep end of empty pool
- Joel marries Uzbek
- Joel undergoes procedure making his Before picture look far better
- Joel affected by a virus he doesn’t believe in
- Joel practices law while living in his car
- Joel defends elderly woman from purse snatcher, then asks to keep purse
- Joel chips tooth while testing to see if the crucifix he stole is real gold
- Joel sold to highest bidder at auction of Sultan perverts
- Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims
- Joel banned for life from tv show Comics Unleashed over his material
- Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts
- Joel physically abused by Australian rat captain
- Joel busts through fence and drives into moving plane
- Joel ships river monster
- Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury
- Joel suggests that anxiety based innovation is the future, in pre-recorded video
- Joel kicked off astronaut mission over suspicion of measles
- Joel eats apple with sticker on purpose
- Joel ends up doing three years for things found on his laptop
- Joel cruelest to the ones he loves most
- Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
- Joel shows up to child’s birthday party wearing paper bag over head with eye holes cut out
- Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window
- Joel agrees to do movie soundtrack but only if he can also play the villain
- Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
- Joel angers Father Christmas with greedy and unrealistic requests
- Joel gets rich off pot stocks, smokes away profits
- Joel falls down iron spiral staircase on cruise ship
- Joel wakes to discover tears on his pillow
- Joel left for dead at bachelor party pub crawl
- Joel fingered as rat in toy store doll aisle drug arrest
- Joel feeds multitudes with only two fish
- Joel calls bullshit on anyone who claims they can determine how a fire started
- Joel pushed around by someone even worse
- Joel shoved by one-arm man
- Joel shouts that we haven’t seen the worst of him
- Joel starts zipper company with intent to compete against industry giant YKK
- Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound
- Joel uses the gold standard of “10 year old boy” when describing the ideal human buttocks
- Joel has violent altercation with penis
- Joel rated PG-13 for brief nudity
- Joel deterred from sitting on ledge by pigeon spikes
- Joel caught trying to sabotage riverboat casino
- Joel keeps driving upon observing police outside his home
- Joel seen chasing neighbor’s dog with spray paint
- Joel invites friend to car stereo shop, explaining that he’s making a sound investment
- Joel makes it his business to know
- Joel insists that pizza is in fact delivery, not DiGiorno’s
- Joel tells talent show contestant his routine was “trash”
- Joel realizes he has nothing to lose
- Joel’s presence in any given city increases local crime rate
- Joel’s IP address flagged for typing “Hulk Hogan sex tape t-shirt” into search engine
- Joel immediately splashed with hot grease across the neck, chest, ass, and thighs after accidentally entering wrong apartment
- Joel smiles to reveal glistening set of fangs
- Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day
- Joel throws deck chair off of cruise ship at night
- Joel breaks hand punching iron chef
- Joel pepper sprayed by ATM machine
- Joel told by brother’s bariatric surgeon “You’re killing him”
- Joel loses sleep by brewing Eight O’Clock coffee at the inherently prescripted time
- Joel informs coach he’s ready to play centerfield
- Joel’s hot cousin Natassja convinces him to buy into dangerous vitamin scam
- Joel implicated once his greasy likeness takes shape on shattered glass door pieced together by forensic specialist
- Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable
- Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands
- Joel provides commuter train passengers with a common enemy
- Joel presses charges
- Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
- Joel shown to be incapable of self improvement
- Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
- Joel conducts A/B test on his testicles
- Joel hires volatile wrestler Iron Sheik as personal assistant
- Joel winds up beet red and slurring thanks to heroics of MBTA commuter
- Joel poisons judges during semi finals of cooking competition
- Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
- Joel readies snake-in-can at Gene Wilder book signing
- Joel munches handful of stupid pills
- Joel collapses in Popeye’s
- Joel believes religious former pro football player’s name to be Tim Tivo
- Joel stops to smell roses, gets bee sting on nose
- Joel contracts unhinged social outcast to sabotage rival
- Joel’s home terrorized by the ghost of Mark Twain
- Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
- Joel delivered home by giant stork
- Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
- Joel divulges plans to take someone’s face off
- Joel pulls up to stop light in Pontiac Fiero, revs engine and wiggles tongue at pedestrians
- Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex
- Joel spins out, continues on foot in desperate rush for US embassy
- Joel wanders off trail, hikers rejoice
- Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
- Joel relentlessly harrassed by perverted Gremlin
- Joel chased through alley in brand new, uncomfortable boots
- Joel tricked into buying bogus rare coin at flea market by woman in tie-dyed pajamas
- Joel ever so spitefully nicks off the tip of his nose
- Joel slurs and acts indignantly during key to the city ceremony
- Joel calls boner pill doctor complaining that he can’t leave himself alone
- Joel unknowingly provides DNA sample by discarding soda can in interrogation room
- Joel swerves down highway through veil of tears
- Joel rips decorative saber off the wall at restaurant as cactus based drugs turn bad
- Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
- Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
- Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
- Joel faints on first day of work as air traffic controller
- Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
- Joel studies how to open all of the current decade’s top selling cars’ trunks from the inside
- Joel catches slut flu
- Joel overheard by other customers at dealership service lounge smugly noting each time he makes a cappuccino and which number it is
- Joel receives panicked voicemail from mother asking “How much do you owe these people?”
- Joel blasts rap group MOP while speeding to work with the intention of striking his boss
- Joel writes “Lorem ipsum dolor” using Helvetica font, refers to himself as designer
- Joel ends up in dental emergency room after trying to violently rip apart a dog’s toy with his teeth
- Joel bets his money on the bobtail nag
- Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
- Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them
- Joel stops and scowls at detectives after they thank him and turn back toward their vehicle
- Joel hogs the sun
- Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
- Joel sprints from medical facility after prostate exam shows suspiciously healthy results
- Joel wheeled into courtroom in small cage
- Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
- Joel attacked maliciously through electronic communication network invented for porn
- Joel regrets Satanic face tattoo during murder trial
- Joel overdoses on Mounjaro before softball game
- Joel goes to high end mall with group of humorless Persians
- Joel fooled by imitation crab
- Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
- Joel worships Satan
- Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad
- Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope
- Joel consults the oracle
- Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
- Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
- Joel chokes on dog food
- Joel makes mockery of that which is sacred
- Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
- Joel’s mother reminds him that if he had just married Sid Seidelman none of this would have happened
- Joel reveals his age by referring to rap group “Play and Kid”
- Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core
- Joel dresses as Rhesus monkey clapping symbols during photoshoot for cover of new Untitled album
- Joel told he’s healthy as a horse, just not which horse
- Joel informs his handlers that his mother is now “cut off”
- Joel flips house literally
- Joel conceals deviance
- Joel found in his garage tied up sitting on a mountain of unopened merchandise rigged to burn
- Joel caught by security camera stealing baby Jesus from manger
- Joel lays awake hearing growling and meat-slapping through hotel room wall
- Joel struggles to shake hysterical Indian coworker off his back after argument turns physical
- Joel tells friend who’s getting head-over-heels in new relationship, “Take a lap, Swimfan”
- Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
- Joel makes a god-damned fool of himself at company picnic
- Joel burglarizes North Cambridge apartment in desperate hunt for opioids
- Joel drinks so much he forgets his name and where he lives
- Joel too nervous to even buzz once on Jeopardy
- Joel asked to leave wedding after demanding to witness consummation
- Joel suspects food pyramid rigged by meat and dairy industries
- Joel suffers perceived injustice during morning commute
- Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
- Joel’s Guinness stolen by thirsty ostrich
- Joel bites child
- Joel orders overpriced designer coffee grinder hour after saying he never would
- Joel plans failed erotic picnic in French countryside
- Joel mistakes judge’s orders, enrolls in AAA instead of AA
- Joel waits in limo while driver chases woman on foot through woods
- Joel finishes first because he’s far from nice
- Joel uses Luchador motif to peddle high priced tacos
- Joel calls lawyer before 911
- Joel grounded at airport following food court melee
- Joel euthanized in tar pit upon reaching age limit of futuristic society
- Joel asks his auto mechanic about the possibility of an ejector seat
- Joel starts a terrorist organization called The Free Radicals but is quickly neutralized by blueberries, avocados and other foods high in antioxidants
- Joel introduces himself as the Mayor of Oysterville
- Joel leaves money in exchange for children’s teeth
- Joel swims through pool with exact mannerisms of lizard
- Joel caught on nanny cam licking tv remote controller
- Joel buys SNICKERS bar with label in proper case instead of all caps, goes into coma
- Joel bloodsucks off of wealthy reptile park visionary
- Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
- Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
- Joel faints at seance for his late husband
- Joel keeps assuring babysitter that the kid will be there soon and he’ll be leaving shortly after
- Joel deduces the existence of a White Rob
- Joel pulled from the smoking wreckage unscathed
- Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
- Joel spits at llama
- Joel pulled over and charged with DWJ
- Joel gets house trashed by 90 day fiancé
- Joel interprets ‘break a leg’ as ominous threat
- Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
- Joel complains that incidents of kidnapping and housefires seem to have dwindled
- Joel shits with boner
- Joel purchases All You Can Keefe pass, allotting him unlimited visits to the O’Keefe museum during his stay in Santa Fe
- Joel orchestrates Aunt Viv switch
- Joel only lives to get radical, antagonizes War Child
- Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
- Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
- Joel spends his time in prison getting stronger and angrier
- Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
- Joel crushed by Buick during foolish bench press stunt
- Joel winds up with quill beard trying to eat porcupine
- Joel describes the plot of the show Jag to the other Peeping Tom’s in the holding cell
- Joel steals “Shoplifters will be Prosecuted” sign
- Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
- Joel shot in the forehead with suction cup dart
- Joel walks on all fours for 24 hours
- Joel shows up to nephew’s swim meet looking like a caveman
- Joel’s parents sit him down and explain that they’re actually his kidnappers
- Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
- Joel squirms his way to the front of a crowd of onlookers to get a glimpse of old woman hit by garbage truck
- Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them
- Joel thinks he’s better than everyone at de-shelling crab legs
- Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
- Joel loses an entire month’s credits during futuristic swearing fit
- Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
- Joel seen digging bread out of toaster with knife
- Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
- Joel opens low-class, conservative bar dubbed “The Trump Dump”
- Joel bets his company’s future on the genius of whiney teenager
- Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
- Joel tackled at Social Security office dressed like an old woman
- Joel loses life over the callousness of female social media influencer
- Joel traces his left hand on paper and then colors it in to look like a turkey
- Joel dubbed Heatmiser after installing lock on home thermostat
- Joel skilled at the art of mimicry
- Joel cracks up after husband’s body goes missing from morgue
- Joel found dead holding generic business card of someone named Marosh Stellapapoosi
- Joel waits till last minute, misses deadline
- Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
- Joel jumps out of window screaming about being on fire after eating locally harvested chanterelle mushrooms
- Joel heard screaming outside office park bathroom
- Joel delivers a healthy serving of Paul Riser in an attempt to distract the public from a glaring lack of Judge Reinhold
- Joel stomps on accelerator speeding past frantic dock workers as ferry begins to disembark
- Joel offends humanity with Freudian slip
- Joel swabbed for DNA samples in missing girl case
- Joel unable to be put back together again by King’s horses and men
- Joel approaches carcass with intent to scavenge
- Joel’s bank says No
- Joel googles tips for getting behind the pharmacy counter
- Joel spotted running across highway naked from the waist down
- Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
- Joel warned about his heightened flammability
- Joel decides to bring the fight to menacing, elderly rival after encounter with wolf
- Joel busts up union at San Francisco fortune cookie factory
- Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring
- Joel marks possessions with urine
- Joel’s not in love
- Joel blames bad sushi for scratching out all the eyes in friend’s photo album
- Joel scores IMDB credit on movie Rage Race as “Rat faced goon #3”
- Joel asks AirBnB host if he can pay for the damages ahead of time
- Joel stuffs his pockets with buffet rolls at hunger fundraiser
- Joel eats dog’s homework
- Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons
- Joel sprints insanely fast after car leaving his property and then turns and sprints back to get car to give chase
- Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
- Joel demands women’s prison as part of plea deal
- Joel sniffs and spins around furiously in pile of leaves looking for the ideal spot to relieve himself
- Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
- Joel opens mysterious trunk, gets lunged at by ventriloquist dummy
- Joel, given one choice of prosthetic style, selects hook
- Joel approaches car stopped at intersection with arms outstretched, wiggling fingers
- Joel forced to swallow pill at gunpoint
- Joel actively looks for opportunities to use the phrase “Indian Giver”
- Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
- Joel denied pet store grooming services for “Trouser Snake”
- Joel tells acquaintance that he works on Wall Street selling “derrigaboos”
- Joel demands audience with Thomas Aquinas
- Joel approached and smelled often by wildlife
- Joel caught searching his backyard with magnifying glass
- Joel eats for two weeks off of beached whale
- Joel moves into small, dimly lit apartment above funeral home
- Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
- Joel produces film classified as PG-15
- Joel rips off white priest collar and runs down the alley
- Joel first experiences sticker shock, then becomes actually offended
- Joel’s felonious past sullies his chances for future employment
- Joel underestimates heightened senses of would-be blind female victim
- Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
- Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
- Joel looks up with confused smile while vodka and olives pour out of his car as he lowers window for police officer
- Joel’s credit card expires, causing a lapse in his subscription of Skanks Monthly
- Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
- Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
- Joel falls out of top row Hollywood square
- Joel hastily chooses his 5 free CD’s while signing up for Colombia Music Club
- Joel orders Chinese delivery in offensive Asian accent, reasoning that it makes him more easily understood
- Joel shows up with pizza and gun
- Joel discovered frozen stiff in restaurant freezer wearing prehistoric garb
- Joel dragged down from nearly scaling the gate of his psychiatric hospital
- Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
- Joel terrorized on highway by sleek Japanese sport motorcycle gang
- Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
- Joel translates the story of his peoples’ brutal history
- Joel cites partial Irish heritage as excuse for excessive use of the ‘C’ word
- Joel markets new brand of high powered binoculars called The Staremaster
- Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
- Joel insists on album cover of him sitting among stacks of hamburgers
- Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
- Joel’s screenplay “Bed & Breakfast Tanzania” lambasted for being being both unoriginal and completely historically inaccurate
- Joel researches his family tree and discovers a coat of arms showing a bear eating a pig
- Joel visibly gaunt and exhausted due to toxic relationship with elderly mother
- Joel tells Janis Joplin to ‘give it a rest’
- Joel prepares rotten dozen in advance of Easter Egg Hunt
- Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
- Joel spits up GI Joe action figures
- Joel scrubs Gorbachev’s forehead
- Joel judged as the no good bum he is through the eyes of a child
- Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
- Joel tries to trick mailman into coming inside
- Joel lists “soiled khakis” on expense report
- Joel spends eighty dollars at Burger King
- Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
- Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
- Joel joins effort to rescue child in well and doesn’t disclose that he put her down there
- Joel installs satellite dish in back yard attempting to summon sex alien
- Joel awoken by team of hogs rummaging through his house
- Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
- Joel speaks in third person while defending himself in murder trial
- Joel devours tupperware full of spaghetti on public bus, getting speckles of tomato sauce on person sitting next to him
- Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
- Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
- Joel nabbed for prowling outside Liberace estate
- Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
- Joel makes exhaustive list of which animal each of his friends resembles
- Joel takes off helmet and tosses his hair after riding motorcycle through Tokyo alleyways wearing sleek leather one-piece riding suit
- Joel gets stink-riddled by fart machine gun
- Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
- Joel winks at SCUBA instructor on ocean floor, rapidly inflates vest
- Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
- Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it
- Joel’s dandruff ruins his chances with woman at supermarket
- Joel realizes he’s dead
- Joel gets all righteous with kid about Frankenstein being the creator’s name and not the monster’s
- Joel describes his new 8ft ladder as being rated to support a “300 pound woman”
- Joel told he’s comprised of the leftover garbage unused by his estranged superior twin
- Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
- Joel offends other guests with present from Spencer’s Gifts
- Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
- Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
- Joel can go on just running away
- Joel gets face scratched by screaming Chinese woman in surgical mask
- Joel told he’s like a pig in shit but not for any specific reason or in relation to anything
- Joel finally clears his name after years in the prison law library
- Joel assumes most zookeepers are vegetarian but then sees one eating a smoked chimp’s hand
- Joel raised in black and white
- Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
- Joel seen chugging extremely high calorie sugary beverage despite having no sense of smell or taste
- Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
- Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
- Joel makes a list of the president’s enemies
- Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria
- Joel deduces the existence of a Vannah Black
- Joel tries to make off with hung man’s shoes
- Joel thinks the moon is made of cheese
- Joel concealed in darkness
- Joel called out for lying when he said his horse eating days were behind him
- Joel tucks 38 special into elastic of football uniform
- Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
- Joel says “Stop her! Stop her!” in almost cartoonish voice
- Joel claims to have seen a Terminator after nibbling on the corner of a pot brownie
- Joel feeds android probionics
- Joel thumped square on top of head by foul ball at baseball stadium
- Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
- Joel hates lasagna and the pizza man
- Joel catches COVID from toilet seat
- Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
- Joel visited by Hamburger Helper glove during moment of indecision about what to make for dinner
- Joel likened to a blister, only showing up when the work is done
- Joel lures badger into supermarket
- Joel’s memory foam mattress proves to be uncomfortably forgetful
- Joel sentenced to one year aboard decommissioned submarine after series of harmless misdemeanors
- Joel says “Joel was my father. Call me Joel”
- Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
- Joel interviews for dream job, asks mostly about time off policy and grievance processes
- Joel knows they can’t arrest him as long as he doesn’t stop dancing
- Joel swings grappling hook at crowd
- Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
- Joel buries bone for later
- Joel combusts psychotropic flower
- Joel passed over for lead in political thriller due to sub-par intelligence
- Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum
- Joel claims he was at the house of a friend named Ken Ryobi
- Joel squints at a strange and terrible planet in the distance
- Joel terrorizes student driver on open road
- Joel stumbles across trove of ghoulish nicknacks in elderly Croatian woman’s basement
- Joel fed romantic lines from behind bush by some big nosed Italian
- Joel loses control of horse and buggy injuring four at Ashamed Girls rally
- Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
- Joel slashes teens
- Joel pulled over and ticketed for busted radar detector
- Joel given just enough rope
- Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him
- Joel marries chicken
- Joel makes R-rated quip at imaginary antagonist while methodically browsing discount clothing
- Joel hit by breakaway jetski
- Joel joins list of inventors killed by their own inventions
- Joel handles pan
- Joel prematurely turns into full-blown wolfman during waxing gibbous
- Joel gets mad, then even, then arrested
- Joel becomes hostile, almost violent when department store manager suggests he’s not the real Santa Claus
- Joel suspects tampered drink, wakes up in Papa New Guinea
- Joel complains that his girlfriend’s 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son are eating him into the poor house
- Joel does a perfect impression of Bill Cosby saying “Hello, I am an anemone”
- Joel dazzled by Danish king
- Joel pressured into joining neighborhood gang
- Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
- Joel turned in by priest
- Joel stuffs pockets of cargo pants with smaller sized cargo pants
- Joel impersonates attorney to gain access to witness
- Joel gets extorted and eventually murdered by husband and wife cheerleader couple he hired to run his budding youth sports clinic franchises
- Joel earns the fighter pilot callsign Scumbat
- Joel asks Morrie if they can switch to Thursdays
- Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded
- Joel posts YouTube video titled “Top 10 Haunted Dolls Caught on Tape”
- Joel depicted as monster by mall kiosk caricature artist
- Joel dies and comes back to life in his sleep
- Joel snickers at anthropologist’s use of the term “homo erectus”
- Joel aggressively lists benefits the plaintiff enjoyed and accuses them of being ungrateful
- Joel likens his personality to that of a spicy mustard
- Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
- Joel out-pizza’s the Hut
- Joel preys upon the weakest of us
- Joel’s grandmother detects strong smell of bug spray in bag of pot he sold to her
- Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion
- Joel did start that fire
- Joel pitches reality show “Kielbasa Island”
- Joel pens Penthouse letter under pseudonym Little Jack Horner
- Joel posts to online diary while sledding, calls it Toblogganing
- Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
- Joel swats wildly at flies that aren’t there while arguing with psychiatrist
- Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
- Joel only able to focus on yesterday and tomorrow
- Joel comes to identify with his captors
- Joel discovers his inner child is actually an adult midget
- Joel found guilty in kangaroo court
- Joel described as being “rat shit crazy”
- Joel finds gate to Hell after eating expired ham
- Joel steadfast in his belief that Joan Miro must have been some kind of woman
- Joel throws hoagie at tv and has heart attack
- Joel yells ‘posers!’ at high school skater hangout
- Joel played by piano on Opposite Day
- Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
- Joel answers young female reporter’s questions dishonestly and perversely
- Joel found dead under collapsed grocery shelf of Liquid Death
- Joel presides as self-appointed judge, jury, and executioner of futuristic city of scum
- Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
- Joel told to take a few laps then hit the showers
- Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to
- Joel panics and runs when asked to demonstrate his knowledge of maritime knots
- Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
- Joel develops Slavic accent after being hit with crowbar
- Joel rips sink off gas station bathroom wall after smoking spice
- Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
- Joel admits to not wanting to find the source of his anger
- Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
- Joel gets greedy
- Joel continuously burns horse shit to keep neighbors away
- Joel goes all Carlos The Jackal over the election results
- Joel trusted Sleepy’s for the rest of his life; now he isn’t sure
- Joel considers move to sewer
- Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow
- Joel wiggles tongue during CPR training
- Joel caught gyrating pelvis during conference call, unaware his webcam was enabled
- Joel fires gun frantically into swarm of approaching bats
- Joel forced to choose between chain and knife in abandoned factory fight
- Joel has killed before and Joel will kill again
- Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
- Joel boasts about length of his penis
- Joel tells interviewer that his biggest problem is that he’s too impressionable
- Joel rationalizes burglary he committed of his own memorabilia
- Joel runs through plate glass window chasing laser pointer dot
- Joel tells car passenger to take a peek at gun in glove compartment
- Joel cringes in psychedelic terror at the idea of himself
- Joel found alive in woods
- Joel slides into drive thru and orders five easy pieces
- Joel unable to top his early eighties sonic masterpiece “Turd Circus”
- Joel uses Facebook to pinpoint woman’s location
- Joel sends mother on a Carnival cruise then spends entire week guessing combination to safe in her house
- Joel makes good on threats
- Joel crashes through impound lot gate towing trolly-car hotdog stand
- Joel feebly swings bat at possessed husband
- Joel unleashes invasive non-native critters at each stop of world tour
- Joel attempts to match wits with unplugged computer
- Joel scores off the charts at math test during lightning storm
- Joel asks elderly mother-in-law to loan him $25,000
- Joel updates his personal Privacy Policy
- Joel explains dog’s indifference to owner’s financial situation
- Joel attends house flipping seminar expecting to see a ‘roid-raging hulk lift a house off it’s foundation
- Joel wheels body in garbage bin out to curb on eve of trash day
- Joel last seen leaving harbor in boat named Idiot’s Dream
- Joel uses telekinesis to send wax dolls after his foes
- Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
- Joel sued for forcing actress to cradle rat
- Joel runs across hot coals straight into burn unit
- Joel writes love song proclaiming his ignorance of most subjects
- Joel unsure what to do with his original intent to stalk when chance encounter leads to him charm same woman into date
- Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
- Joel attempts to patent stink
- Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
- Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
- Joel places cutout letters of name on forehead before entering tanning salon
- Joel views every food group that isn’t sugar as a possible sugar delivery vehicle
- Joel lives for the chance to use violence
- Joel honors code of trust between him and tiny bird that cleans his teeth
- Joel credits extra 20 bucks to purchase of shitty drill
- Joel forced to make Sophie’s choice between glazed donut and chocolate eclair
- Joel sits paralyzed on toilet of Durango bar believing TV audio is live robbery
- Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
- Joel lunges at rodent
- Joel takes train from one town with the word “Depot” in it to another that includes the word “Junction”
- Joel answers bank telephone on the verge of sobbing while armed gunman coaches him to act naturally
- Joel flaunts his chips and winnings in a brazen way
- Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street
- Joel yells “shoot her!” while genetically modified lizard devours zookeeper
- Joel becomes dry and scaley in the winter months
- Joel neither tells nor is he asked
- Joel injured in sorority ladder peeping incident
- Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
- Joel hears violent armed robbery while receiving acupuncture treatment
- Joel conceives annoyingly positive cartoon robot Optimist Prime
- Joel names son LaPhonso
- Joel calls his project team “a bunch of Can’t Jemimahs” after they tell him what he’s asking for can’t be done
- Joel changes his tune once he finds out there’s money involved
- Joel often finds reasons to quote outdated Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus relationship advice videos
- Joel refers to his testes as “low-hanging fruit”
- Joel questioned by detective that makes it known that he believes Joel to be guilty and won’t rest till he’s proved it
- Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
- Joel rips copper piping from abandoned houses to fuel his drug habit
- Joel explains that Monster Energy Drink is just Energy Drink if you’re a monster
- Joel uses local 5k charity race as opportunity to drink dangerously
- Joel argues he can’t be called butterfingers because he’s all thumbs
- Joel practices his acting lines in Central Park with new friend he doesn’t realize is also his stalker
- Joel refuses to accept that “Stuck in the Middle with You” isn’t a Bob Dylan recording
- Joel commits late night burglary in hyper-realistic looking gorilla suit
- Joel indulges perverted elderly tuxedo shop owner in game of pretend robbery
- Joel dazzled and intrigued by motion picture
- Joel blows out left knee sprinting after ice cream truck
- Joel bleaches hair blonde during Son of Sam summer of terror
- Joel attempts to blow up car with his mind after fight over parking space
- Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
- Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
- Joel featured in creature feature
- Joel staggers into wedding drunk and covered in blood before collapsing on the bride
- Joel devolves to cheap thug
- Joel roughed up and backed into pond by rabid swan
- Joel accidentally kicks reflexology therapist in face
- Joel eludes police by slipping into crowd at hate rally
- Joel wears chef uniform and smokes cigarette in alley behind restaurant, runs away when spotted
- Joel stamps out cigar onto 8×10 autographed photo of his rival after making vague threats
- Joel uses illusion and misdirection during financial audit
- Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
- Joel watches baboons fight from safe distance
- Joel’s only crime was being born
- Joel poops through mouth
- Joel cuts off software development lead, saying “I don’t need to see how the sausage is made”
- Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
- Joel shocks child psychologist when she sees his stick figure drawing of his family includes an added figure with a bloody hook
- Joel keeps running and stays upright rigidly after getting caught on fire
- Joel unable to discern which one is the Mac Daddy and which one is the Daddy Mac
- Joel fights to protect Joel v. Wade
- Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world
- Joel sick from both virus and preexisting mental illness
- Joel spread by filth
- Joel robs Amazon Prime delivery truck at gunpoint
- Joel nips at waitress’ fingers when she tries to take plate away
- Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
- Joel refuses outside support from the FBI as death toll grows
- Joel tells a few people he’s dying
- Joel forms unhealthy obsession with bodybuilder Alex Fedorov
- Joel puts final piece into puzzle of naked lady and uncontrollably doubles over and ejaculates
- Joel says “I have ten years” in Latin American accent
- Joel acts homophobic when offered Mount Gay rum
- Joel admits three clumsy kids standing on each other’s shoulders in trenchcoat to R Rated movie
- Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ
- Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital
- Joel leaves child at home during trip to Paris
- Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
- Joel wiggles his fingers and whispers “ground-a shake-a” to describe earthquake to another native English speaker
- Joel pressures Rubio for quick opiate fix
- Joel found dead slumped over steering wheel of bumper car
- Joel cooks horse
- Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
- Joel suspects local homeless person is ‘some kind of hoodoo man’
- Joel’s all time best selling hit Fuck Tha Police comes back to bite him when he needs their help the most
- Joel covets equine
- Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
- Joel invited to dine at Castle of Greyskull
- Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
- Joel shot down in supermarket parking lot during height of the virus scare
- Joel uses footage of early aviation disasters in smear campaign against local political hopeful
- Joel fires starter pistol at crowd
- Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge
- Joel attempts to wrestle infant out of mother in stolen labcoat
- Joel has wild time on rotten wine
- Joel tries to secure $15k budget for office Halloween decorations
- Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak
- Joel menaced on Straight of Gibraltar by Barbary apes
- Joel questions wife about phone number scrawled on matchbook from bar called Cheaters
- Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
- Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release
- Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
- Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
- Joel subdued and placed in captivity after reported loping down roadside
- Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
- Joel attempts to kidnap Meryl Streep during rafting trip
- Joel asks young woman if he can see her monkey
- Joel even uglier mentally than he is physically
- Joel rapidly blinks while lying
- Joel designs form with identical submit and cancel buttons
- Joel carefully uses stick to put hornets nest in neighbor’s mailbox
- Joel demands more out of his footwear
- Joel hurdles through the sky at the speed of love
- Joel would have gotten away with it if he didn’t go back to admire his work
- Joel tosses coffee and gets into squad car
- Joel releases new version of Anthony’s Song in which Mama Leone is walking the beat
- Joel horrified by implied cannibalism of cartoon pig chef as BBQ joint logo
- Joel writes his name backwards in red lipstick on door in front of mirror during nightmarish hissyfit
- Joel meticulously puts bloody fingerprint on J, O, E, and L keys on display MacBooks at Apple Store
- Joel squints, points to far away corner of outfield, strikes out
- Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
- Joel gets lockjaw going for record of most stacked Oreos
- Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
- Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
- Joel urged by girlfriend’s mother to not go away mad, but just to go away
- Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
- Joel thrashed by ghost
- Joel seen hammering melons on the hood of his car
- Joel seen running down street holding piggy bank
- Joel unable to afford copay at Mayo Clinic, goes to Mustard one
- Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
- Joel bites rat
- Joel exposed over fraudulent Mesothelioma lawsuit
- Joel chooses modest wooden cup from aged knight
- Joel puts 45 of disco hit Hot Stuff on turntable at 33 rpm while cleaning his guns
- Joel assault opponent’s body and sides until his head eventually shuts down
- Joel nearly drowns trying to get a closer look at the handsome man in the lake
- Joel reveals soaking wet armpits while wiping sweat from forehead during Nor’easter weather report
- Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
- Joel goes into hiding after bungled Bradlees kidnapping attempt
- Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
- Joel takes his meat into his own hands
- Joel remarks about the sickness he’s made to feel by his mother
- Joel orders food through series of grunts
- Joel choked to death on beach by plane crash survivors after several days of fevered madness
- Joel starts crime spree the day he’s released from prison
- Joel corrupted by power
- Joel too sick to die and too scared to live
- Joel disables comments in blogging software after flood of hate
- Joel wakes up in cargo section of moving plane with nasty bump on the back of head
- Joel fit for custom perm wig
- Joel mistakingly thinks end to his depravity is near
- Joel tries to butter up Vegas cop by referring to fictitious crime from early episode of CSI
- Joel gets brain bubble fighting the effects of coffee he brewed using cheap grinder, faulty kitchen scale, and “Chino XL” branded coffee beans
- Joel seen flying hang glider leading flock of geese
- Joel sentenced to one night of comedy by Judge Reinhold
- Joel claims his computer verbally asked him for help
- Joel cites his credentials as a supernatural exterminator
- Joel dances furiously in abandoned warehouse because no one understands him
- Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands
- Joel thaws Disney
- Joel flunks elective Intro to Dinosaurs class
- Joel slips on banana smoothie at European discotec
- Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
- Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
- Joel enters arm wrestling competition to win love of son, loses
- Joel tries to hydrate bacon bits during last minute breakfast disaster while hosting royal family
- Joel struck in the face at Taco Bell by a stray Baja Blast
- Joel asks store manager if they have any cheaper eggs in worse condition
- Joel burns toast, house
- Joel intercepts poisoned date
- Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
- Joel installs step counting app to reinforce sedentary lifestyle
- Joel sponsors event where alcohol is distributed to horny realtors
- Joel wears costume to pharmacy
- Joel humble-brags about his expensive Llardró collection getting “out of hand”
- Joel uses his contacts in City Hall to get Board of Health off his brother-in-law’s back
- Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
- Joel promoted to Rag and Bone Man
- Joel thinks he did the math right and doesn’t understand how it could be wrong
- Joel climbs out of landfill covered in trash, vows revenge
- Joel rarely seen without styrofoam cup of codeine cough syrup
- Joel stops off on trip home from light Japanese meal to pick up heavy Chinese one
- Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
- Joel breaks charades rules by audibly grunting and wheezing
- Joel spins round and round on malfunctioning trick bookcase
- Joel calmly observes the joys and heartaches of alien civilization through high powered telescope
- Joel only waxes on
- Joel buys time
- Joel refers to city council as “band of thugs” after being denied minor zoning request
- Joel goes on and on about Mars likes he’s actually been there
- Joel runs toward and attempts to jump over horse
- Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
- Joel wonders what they call French kissing in France
- Joel’s genetic analysis indicates a predisposition to criminality
- Joel asks doctor for needles
- Joel cautiously pessimistic
- Joel enters Witness Protection Program after witnessing homicide, changes name to Jelly Bowl
- Joel begs for money
- Joel wears reading glasses to disguise illiteracy
- Joel flips out over souvenir baby alligator head
- Joel slapped with civil suit after beating murder trial
- Joel robs bank wearing Joel mask, gets away scott free
- Joel’s AI fitness coach calls the police on him
- Joel disappointed by fabled King Solomon comprimise
- Joel threatens juror
- Joel sniffs twice, spits once
- Joel’s colleague notices that his planner consists only of the word “JOEL” in small print filling each page
- Joel sentenced by international tribunal for possessing and distributing cocaine in the Olympic village
- Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
- Joel goes quiet and takes his pulse in the middle of conversation
- Joel seen running from warehouse fire holding a baby doll
- Joel successfully sues new employer for the content included in the sexual harassment training video
- Joel skis Mad River Glen and lives to purchase bumper sticker
- Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
- Joel sets location for drug deal to be behind abandoned Ken’s steakhouse
- Joel receives bar of soap and deodorant stick from Secret Santa during holiday office party
- Joel chants down Babylon
- Joel laments a perceived lack of podcasts where celebrities interview other celebrities
- Joel’s sentence reduced to four cane lashes after President Clinton steps in
- Joel mates with slug
- Joel mystified by futuristic scooter
- Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
- Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
- Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
- Joel comments to coworker, “Give him enough rope and he’ll hang himself,” about employee they want to get rid of
- Joel boycotts boy
- Joel babbles madly in poultry department
- Joel combs his hair in a pompadour, like no romeos ever wore
- Joel claims there exists a Planet Caldor
- Joel uses self harm to cope with stress and depression
- Joel unearths ancient Joel figurine
- Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool
- Joel goes blind for 24 hours after drinking from public pool
- Joel spits in cop’s face while draped in rainbow flag
- Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
- Joel too immature to even hold a job at Gap Kids
- Joel screams himself hoarse
- Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop
- Joel takes on Foghorn Leghorn persona for 48 hours after drinking bathtub moonshine
- Joel uses Iodine to shrink goiter
- Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
- Joel orders a “fuctavious” at bar
- Joel comes out of bathroom insisting nothing is wrong despite no one asking
- Joel discovers echo from humans past foretelling the demise of intelligence and purpose
- Joel’s meager allowance forces choice between alien and pot leaf blacklight posters
- Joel forced to dance for Chinese investors
- Joel nearly kills family flying off highway into rest stop
- Joel pretends to know what rack and pinion steering is
- Joel disproves the saying that you only regret the things you don’t do
- Joel provides a coarse, booming rundown of some of the more valuable baseball cards included in sale
- Joel’s texts read aloud in courtroom as jury and gallery gasp
- Joel fired for heavy on-the-job drug use
- Joel earnestly uses the word “trousers”
- Joel’s values exist only on his corporate website
- Joel plays off seizure as deliberate dance move in front of strobe lights at night club
- Joel’s continued confusion between Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman makes him wish they were both dead
- Joel starts opinionated online mailing list called The Houston Moms Association
- Joel maligns victim
- Joel’s political science major lands him secure job at Starbucks
- Joel posits the existence of an Ed Begley Sr.
- Joel secretly feeds block of cheese to neighbor’s dog
- Joel puts out personal ad seeking full figured woman specifically named Brenda
- Joel sprays skunk
- Joel closes eyes and slowly moves his hips to the rhythm
- Joel receives Indian nickname Dances with Pills
- Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
- Joel only sorry about getting caught
- Joel converts sugar to energy
- Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
- Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun
- Joel tries to assault mime, is stopped by invisible box
- Joel makes bird calls to summon drug dealer
- Joel’s body identified only by offensive tattoo
- Joel negotiates with terrorists
- Joel and his twin combine forces to do about half the work a regular person meaning they only do about a quarter each
- Joel shows up at clown’s birthday party
- Joel jumps on the back of girl on crutches
- Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
- Joel mishears spy movie dialogue, believing character to be “Double Asian”
- Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
- Joel quits job at Duchess during first shift
- Joel tricks Indian waiter into saying “cherry pie”
- Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
- Joel gets himself in the conversation of front-runners for town dump’s member of the year award
- Joel lowers tape recording of crying baby down into well
- Joel reminds women that life doesn’t pause, even for vaginal health issues
- Joel wanders into lamaze class
- Joel lends money to the Wildman of Borneo
- Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
- Joel fakes orgasm
- Joel stops thinking about tomorrow
- Joel cites long, erroneous list of ailments curable by marijuana after listening to Peter Tosh record
- Joel seen biting on metal bar
- Joel divulges ‘Pee, Anno Man’ was original song title
- Joel refers to rival PTA member as a viper
- Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
- Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
- Joel looks up and says “My God” after seeing devil-horned version of himself in mirror
- Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
- Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic
- Joel tells web design client enough already with all the widgets
- Joel wrestles with toilet goblin
- Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
- Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
- Joel thrown from rollercoaster
- Joel fails to deliver on his brand’s promise
- Joel forced to grapple with an even nastier version of himself at high school reunion
- Joel seen wearing fishnet tank top walking cat on leash
- Joel knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing
- Joel found dangling in closet wearing coat still on hanger
- Joel comes into possession of advanced portable personal computer during melee
- Joel tells large feminist group, “Believe me I know your pain”
- Joel emulates the general style of militant extremists without necessarily adopting their views and beliefs
- Joel molests one in four women
- Joel kills, goes to jail, breaks out, kills again
- Joel starts rapidly speaking in Italian after hockey puck ricochets into stands at his forehead
- Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
- Joel literally has book thrown at him by irate judge
- Joel asks if these teens are specifically Microsoft Teens
- Joel gets mangled attempting to run away from alligator in zig-zag pattern
- Joel has died from a snakebite
- Joel warns receptionist that she’s forgetting herself
- Joel doesn’t understand the appeal of burritos due to never having taken the tinfoil off
- Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
- Joel warned by refrigerator someone might be in the house
- Joel grows shock of white hair after witnessing enormous male twins having sex in Borders bathroom stall
- Joel overpowered by heavyset child
- Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
- Joel tells Mom the babysitter’s dead despite being told not to
- Joel mistakenly assumes statute of limitations for murder
- Joel really gets opinionated while coding in Subjective-C
- Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”
- Joel splurges for two filet mignon steaks at the supermarket for his upcoming date with powerful record producer but becomes hysterically blind as the event draws nearer
- Joel does the unthinkable and opens the gate to hell by offering dining room set for free on Facebook Marketplace and Craig’sList at the same time
- Joel stabbed in the ass with antifreeze syringe and sent back into frozen football game
- Joel recounts the time he witnessed a garage sale become deadly but later admits he was just describing the plot of the new Lifetime movie Deadly Garage Sale
- Joel pitches “Stoned Dragon” concept station wagon at auto show
- Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
- Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
- Joel busted for minor role in ivory trade
- Joel grabs yolk from rival wrestler and crashes into mountain
- Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
- Joel sues wife, kids
- Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat
- Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
- Joel guesses distance between New York and Boston is 2000 miles
- Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
- Joel brings back wrong stones from Pankot Palace after huge ordeal
- Joel harnesses desert power to rob a Tucson area condo association
- Joel saves some money by converting an old spatula into a back scratcher
- Joel’s retirement plan is to be taken away by wealthy John
- Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
- Joel primarily uses search engine that is not Google
- Joel tells 5 year old nephew “You either die a hero or live long enough to become the villain”
- Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool
- Joel the source of his own undoing
- Joel cautiously approaches girl’s volleyball team with Federal Boob Inspector card on display
- Joel goes through downs and downs
- Joel gets into some pretty desperate financial trouble before signing to Jive
- Joel learns to respond to being called “White Chocolate”
- Joel contests Charles’ right to be in charge
- Joel climbs out of wooden horse, ruins empire
- Joel brings mold covered mother to closing
- Joel taps the book ‘The 4-Hour Work Week’ with his knuckles and says to his boss “Read it and weep, asshole”
- Joel crosses T’s and dots J’s
- Joel gets there fast and then he takes it fast
- Joel dangles bucket on rope from third floor for delivery driver
- Joel wakes up in one-piece pajamas and lights candle to investigate sound of rattling chains
- Joel faints after receiving difficult news standing up
- Joel sprints through rear exit of restaurant as Frankenstein storms in looking for him
- Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
- Joel reduced to glassy eyed fiend
- Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
- Joel gets alcohol poisoning while skiing Whistler
- Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization
- Joel gets dressed up in a hooded sweatshirt, aviator glasses, and a curly ass wig to make some bombs
- Joel immediately forgets everyone who aided his mayoral campaign moments after winning
- Joel opens chain of low rent sweatbox yoga studios called Nanasty
- Joel uses terror as a weapon
- Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer
- Joel goes pill-mad during height of hottest summer on record
- Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
- Joel seen racing away from woman tied to traintracks
- Joel substitute teaches for a day, gets hospitalized for a year
- Joel offers woman wad of cash in grocery line to not contest price of item
- Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
- Joel taunts immobilized threat before accidentally getting in range of their grasp
- Joel’s beef with rapper Oral-B turns deadly
- Joel trips over painted line
- Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
- Joel waves Nazi flag and crashes U-Haul into White House
- Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
- Joel puts tape recorder of crying baby in nativity scene
- Joel prescribed Screamidol
- Joel suggests Happy Beginning at seedy massage parlor
- Joel gets into tussle with boardwalk walrus
- Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of
- Joel creates terrible persona to mask his insecurities
- Joel serves beer to lifesized cardboard cutout of George Wendt
- Joel gets spooked, starts stampede
- Joel rips off bead necklace and says if anyone steps on any of the beads his gang will kill them
- Joel helps woman with bags outside of bus station but then quickly disappears with them
- Joel throws large rubber snake at hikers
- Joel rips out nose hair in order to tear up during funeral
- Joel threatens maid in her native tongue
- Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
- Joel forces his way into young woman’s apartment, insisting he has to talk to her
- Joel makes things difficult for father by insisting on highly sought after action figure for Christmas
- Joel salivates at sound of bell
- Joel compares every version of Little Women
- Joel seen walking like a pimp with two nuns
- Joel misplaces porno mag, makes bad noise at ice fishing hut
- Joel’s face begins to materialize on police artist’s sketchpad
- Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
- Joel peels up and opens eyelids of mother’s dismembered head
- Joel gets hideously unflattering breakup haircut
- Joel’s McDonald’s shift supervisor confirms mother’s worst fear
- Joel swipes cyborg arm from high tech factory
- Joel chickens out and buys regular strength aspirin
- Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
- Joel refers to new corporate IT policy as a “Shanda”
- Joel attends tech expo under alias Maxtor Seagate
- Joel smiles and waves car into parking garage while bound and gagged attendant wriggles at his feet inside booth
- Joel moves into stuffy shoebox of an apartment on Craig St.
- Joel quietly commissions Mickey Rooney doll from Breakfast at Tiffany’s role
- Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face
- Joel starts grabbing his crotch and making bizarre sounds like “shamon” and “hehe”
- Joel Bogles at the dance
- Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
- Joel considered low down by some pretty low down people
- Joel directs COVID-19 theme porn entitled Superspreaders
- Joel answers “how do I do what?” when politely asked “how do you do?”
- Joel attempts to salvage pride
- Joel comes running out of house fire grasping jewelry box
- Joel comes home stinking of Indian food claiming he was at friend Mark Foto’s house
- Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
- Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
- Joel turns pink and collapses at psychedelic dino safari
- Joel tricked and lured into rehab center with promise of ice cream
- Joel moves on down to the West side
- Joel trampled by USC marching band
- Joel threatens that if network doesn’t meet his demands he’ll put on a show so foul and grotesque it will have their advertisers fleeing like rats from a sinking ship
- Joel advertises regular bacon as applewood smoked bacon
- Joel perceives child prodigy as a threat
- Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
- Joel tells school faculty he’s picking up child as a favor to busy parents, panics at mention of password
- Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing
- Joel has fake little league t-shirts printed to make it easier to sell stolen candy
- Joel cuts hand on extra sharp cheddar
- Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
- Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
- Joel falls to pieces over moved cheese
- Joel rushes back and forth between Golden Corral and The 99 Steakhouse, pretending to frequently need to use the bathroom in each, while managing two different dates
- Joel suggests five minute “bio break” during meeting after clearly pissing his pants
- Joel renames the Washington Redskins to something even worse
- Joel hides among stuffed animals in child’s closet
- Joel wakes up from deep sleep with new instructions
- Joel makes up bullshit story about a paralyzed uncle
- Joel sacked roughly on fourth down Hail Mary attempt
- Joel waves insurance policy angrily, shouting “I’m worth more dead than alive!”
- Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
- Joel summoned to tutor the children of terminally ill drug lord
- Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
- Joel shows up to Burning Man in mohawk weeks after tanking his startup and burning investors
- Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
- Joel breaks child’s neck while coaching wrestling
- Joel tumbles down escalator after looking back to scowl at cashier who wouldn’t accept expired coupon
- Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
- Joel has it all – Armorall Benz and endless papes
- Joel unsure if he’s had enough but unwilling to wait to find out
- Joel tackled attempting to tug airplane door latch open mid flight
- Joel walks across metal beam during high rise construction with balance of stiff Native American
- Joel does a series of movies in which he voices a rude baby
- Joel keeps observation of potentially catastrophic situation at condo complex to himself
- Joel steps on lily pad, plunges
- Joel fails dogcatcher final exam
- Joel chips tooth on gold coin, mistaking it for chocolate
- Joel handpicked from labor camp by aging Colonel to go back and win the Vietnam War
- Joel screams his way through neon forest
- Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
- Joel relocates peanut butter to opposite side of store from jelly on first day as supermarket manager
- Joel buys extra life
- Joel’s wrist grabbed from behind the dairy freezer while choosing eggs
- Joel badgers hermit
- Joel tells detectives he entered the rear of the museum to find a pack of gargoyles strangling the curator with her intestines
- Joel sends NSFW attachment to friend without disclaimer
- Joel grabs cashier by the wrist
- Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
- Joel’s emotional memories strongly linked to sounds and odors
- Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
- Joel brings gun to airport
- Joel suspicious of brown Datsun
- Joel insists on there being wild sound effects and gratuitous animations accompanying mundane computer task in movie
- Joel switches things up by bringing teacher an orange
- Joel found sprawled out with alcohol poisoning at 4am in grand lobby of cruise ship
- Joel finds out that it’s actually very unpleasant to stay at the YMCA
- Joel’s coworkers unsure whether to ask if he’d been in a fight over the weekend
- Joel comforted by Ptolemaic model of solar system
- Joel learns to say “log” after years of captivity
- Joel fails to penetrate moated castle during Medieval campaign
- Joel warded off with garlic necklace
- Joel presides as jungle monarch
- Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on
- Joel witnesses heart attack on fairway, plays through
- Joel possesses an almost inhuman vulgarity
- Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
- Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
- Joel pinched by Vulcan
- Joel casually tries to break into home, sets off howling alarm and runs into the night empty handed
- Joel declares dependence
- Joel houses, feeds troubled teen runaway
- Joel thrown down stairs by his doctor
- Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
- Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
- Joel drives garbage truck into swamp
- Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”
- Joel rifles through woman’s purse
- Joel hands out ape costumes and plastic rifles to staff at Charlton Heston’s nursing home
- Joel plays dumb at Spelling Bee
- Joel places wanted ad for a streetwise Hercules
- Joel challenges strangers to game of pocket pool
- Joel brings toxic attitude to Scrum team
- Joel tells angel on his shoulder to take a hike during moral crisis
- Joel hauled off to the pen for burning down neighbor’s she-shed
- Joel struck by ambulance
- Joel uses drugs and alcohol to suppress pain of unresolved childhood trauma
- Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
- Joel killed after missing work deadline
- Joel peers out at 4pm as the sun begins to set
- Joel boasts about driving to the top of Mt. Washington
- Joel hit by car while playing in street
- Joel is so far off in his analysis that he is accidentally right, despite reading wrong book
- Joel beaten with sticks by London police
- Joel wears weird lime green suit to Uncle’s funeral
- Joel told to stay out of station after numerous attempts to infiltrate fireman culture
- Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based
- Joel releases holiday album called Let it Joel
- Joel killed and eaten by Indian software contractors
- Joel survives elevator crash by jumping at the moment of impact
- Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
- Joel shaken awake in yard early in the morning by garbage man
- Joel peers in on family eating dinner
- Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
- Joel creates kitchen calamity by putting wrong type of soap in dishwasher
- Joel gets caught in one of many rat traps that form perimeter around his house
- Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
- Joel incites melee after piss bucket stunt at Fenway Park
- Joel eats money
- Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
- Joel has fool for client while filing his own taxes
- Joel’s son, Vontez Joel, arrested for dealing steroids
- Joel caught pouring gas on the side of hospital
- Joel writes the playbook on hiding signs of abuse
- Joel impersonates surgeon
- Joel upsets federal authorities with his flagrancy
- Joel bolted and sewn together by maniacal creator
- Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
- Joel wakes up from coma years after saying “I’d like to see you try”
- Joel approaches competing business at tradeshow and whispers “I’m gonna eat your lunch”
- Joel pretends to be woman’s deceased husband’s war buddy in order to get to a doll she has that’s secretly stuffed with heroine
- Joel signs up as Uber driver with intent to kill
- Joel returns to locker room to find police dumping contents of his gym bag onto the floor
- Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
- Joel angered by amount of attention friend’s cute baby is getting
- Joel knocked out with blunt tool and dragged into furnace
- Joel approaches skunk den with air horn
- Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
- Joel returns to scene of crime
- Joel ignores sports almanac brought back from future
- Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty
- Joel’s patients start to notice his diplomas have other people’s names on them
- Joel reports to mist
- Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
- Joel shown screenshots of evidence against him
- Joel rushes out of open house after almost twisting off female realtor’s head over argument about sign-in sheet
- Joel carried by six trying to avoid being judged by twelve
- Joel chased around dino park by bone-wielding ogre
- Joel turns down dark road
- Joel kisses mother with that mouth
- Joel ties someone up for their own good
- Joel maliciously shoves woman down onto tracks in front of approaching train due to general anxieties about his job security
- Joel is the dog you get fleas from when rolling around with
- Joel agrees to do hip hop commercial for bacon company
- Joel embodies masculine ideal
- Joel uses museum shop geode to heal cancer-stricken parrot
- Joel triple-clicks hyperlink
- Joel explains that there isn’t any cure for what he’s got
- Joel realizes that control is the illusion
- Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
- Joel gets valuable locket smashed to pieces by magician
- Joel runs across highway chasing heat-induced halucination
- Joel settles for nine monkeys, unable to secure twelve
- Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
- Joel savaged by pack of goons
- Joel claims he can take the heat, unsure about the humidity
- Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
- Joel lures Peter Dinklage into large oven
- Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
- Joel discovers old notebook in which his father documented the brain experiments he did on him
- Joel sits on egg for month
- Joel sad because of his Standard American Diet (SAD)
- Joel stiffs and gaslights sickly old drunk guitarist
- Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits
- Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
- Joel sees the pizza man on the box wink at him
- Joel never finds out if Annie from Jackson song is okay
- Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
- Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers
- Joel menaced by reflection
- Joel micromanages barber
- Joel calls police, plays dead
- Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
- Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership
- Joel begins ramming car at CVS pharmacy drive-up window claiming ‘hours had passed’ while security footage shows an elapsed wait of 3 minutes
- Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
- Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
- Joel earns promotion with heightened energy fueled by microdosing crack cocaine
- Joel orders large group to one side of pontoon boat
- Joel’s ghostly prop head on display at magic shop
- Joel pops up and gets pounded in live action Whack a Joel game
- Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
- Joel prescribed Provasic by increasingly senile doctor who loves movies
- Joel fried in the electric chair for his participation in what became known as The Cape Cod 5
- Joel forgiven by Christian
- Joel makes a “midnight run” to pornography store
- Joel begins the majority of his sentences with “You know, it would be a real shame if…”
- Joel believes the word history is derived from “his story”
- Joel says “Hey Mr. Tambourine Man, don’t play a song for me” to co-worker tapping on desk
- Joel hatches plan to kidnap magician
- Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
- Joel caught talking to ghoulish medieval portrait and asking the subject about its sexual preferences
- Joel thinks former boxing champ Tyson owns chicken company of the same name
- Joel asks if there are any cheaper plans than Bronze
- Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
- Joel steps in dog shit, smells better
- Joel waits between crashes of thunder to fire gun
- Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
- Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
- Joel insists he tumbled over handlebars intentionally
- Joel entranced by Satanic mold
- Joel establishes his cool, no-nonsense vibe the first day teaching class by referring to long haired student as “Pearl Jam”
- Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
- Joel cons a string of elderly women in Sarasota and Boca Raton
- Joel tells new employee he’s keeping her on a short leash
- Joel chokes on unsalted nuts
- Joel uses pseudonym Crab Rang to convey that he’s a goon
- Joel cuts the child in two
- Joel mad that Portuguese isn’t the same thing as Spanish
- Joel anonymously sends information about diseases to strangers
- Joel visits Cromagnon wing of Natural History Museum, sees self
- Joel gets so caught up in smiling, pointing, and waving he forgets to sing
- Joel blows conch, assembles group of one
- Joel becomes obsessed with the gemstone Malachite
- Joel questioned by FBI after bizarre animal mask purchases
- Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation
- Joel put down like mad dog
- Joel leaves car on train tracks
- Joel quizzed by bridge troll
- Joel’s most unflattering night gets immortalized as a pivotal user story in the annals of tech history
- Joel screams out to bodyguard, “Don’t let her leave!”
- Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
- Joel sleeps with both eyes open
- Joel slapped after asking woman with musky body odor if he can “get down with the clown”
- Joel poisons neighbors’ trees
- Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
- Joel gets into fist fight with personified manifestation of the human papaloma virus
- Joel revealed as voice actor of Speedy Gonzales
- Joel applies to job under the assumed name DeHartford Throbbins
- Joel lives forever and pays no taxes
- Joel never is able to learn
- Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car
- Joel pulls plug on mother very early on
- Joel deduces the existence of a Thin Joe
- Joel sires identical son
- Joel subjected to 48 hour spell, switching bodies with giant tree sloth
- Joel seen rolling in the street wrestling with firehose on full blast
- Joel misses deep fryer with turd toss, plots next attempt
- Joel runs toward pain
- Joel throws phone at tv
- Joel points out that He-Man is redundant
- Joel hides key to dead girl’s diary in hollowed out coconut
- Joel bites face during freakout at Warhol party
- Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
- Joel attempts to turn Salt against Peppa
- Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
- Joel’s insane theories and speculation about The Alamo tolerated only due to steady influx of donations
- Joel searches Amazon for “reaching stick”
- Joel’s IMDB credits reveal a disproportionate number of references to the words “coke” and “werewolf”
- Joel survives botched execution and by rule is allowed to go free
- Joel gambles with his life
- Joel discovers corpse in restroom stall
- Joel begins screenplay with narration “New York: A city with 10 million stories to tell. This is one of them.”
- Joel behaves boorishly in carefully designed spacecraft
- Joel goes to bed in turtleneck
- Joel steals from the investors he convinced to trust him
- Joel not dead six days before his wife marries the dirty dog that shot him down
- Joel walks alone
- Joel sends agent’s best friend to kill him
- Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
- Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
- Joel forms on again off again friendship with stray cat
- Joel begins rampage at Del Taco
- Joel referred to as a “stiff” in a police context
- Joel gets electrocuted at circus
- Joel blames client
- Joel reconsiders DJ catchphrase after leaving crowd somewhat confused with “Tell me something nice”
- Joel dangerously over-serves dwarf patron at neighborhood bar Joco’s
- Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
- Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
- Joel given a tonic that kills most of his insides
- Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
- Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
- Joel informs police he doesn’t own a dog while they investigate neighbor’s complaints of incessant barking
- Joel acts out an offensive Italian hand/chin gesture to the notion of working until 5pm
- Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
- Joel’s real Inbox reads like a Spam folder
- Joel plays harmonica for a small pack of rats at the rail yard
- Joel realizes person on phone is crying during his sales pitch
- Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
- Joel’s friends and family finally say something about his gambling
- Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
- Joel thrown over bar into mirrored shelves by famous obese twins
- Joel asks earth child “Why do you cry?”
- Joel impatiently yells “Give it!” after a child tells him he has a message from his boss in jail
- Joel quietly chuckles about a Ducktales episode he saw 30 years ago
- Joel cheated by Pygmy
- Joel seen clinging to hood of car driving around zoo parking lot
- Joel shapes rock into crude hand-axe to escape jungle cage
- Joel advises Alpo marketing exec, “You need to be advertising to dogs, not people”
- Joel run off chicken farm by hound
- Joel test drives Cadillac into lake
- Joel overheard arguing in Haitian creole on cellphone with only English words being “I’ll fuck you!”
- Joel updates title to Data Scientist after logging into Google Analytics and spending a few moments looking at some charts
- Joel turns and snarls after receiving Communion at church
- Joel confounds delivery driver by turning off lights and ignoring phone calls
- Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
- Joel scowls at security camera in line for Six Flags rollercoaster
- Joel nurses wound from robbery
- Joel asks car salesman if they have the Dodge Horny
- Joel steps outside and gets hat blown off
- Joel explores internet
- Joel arrested attempting to dig up John Hancock’s grave
- Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
- Joel shouts “Put your weight on him!” at backyard brawl
- Joel falls up stairs
- Joel sees chef glaring and smiling at him while he eats
- Joel pretends to care about soccer
- Joel persuaded to entrust his mental health to new drug Gorrilafy
- Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
- Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school
- Joel hosts party with imaginary guests but real caterers
- Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
- Joel unable to resist using the Gaussian Blur filter in Photoshop
- Joel and his father hide from their Hispanic heritage unlike his brave brother Emilio
- Joel levels half of Tokyo wrestling with giant lizard
- Joel entertains procedure to replace his lower half with that of a horse
- Joel peppers casual racism into guest sportscaster commentary
- Joel tells friend “You’re busted” at start of intervention
- Joel offers espresso to excited puppy
- Joel takes push to shove
- Joel places fried egg on sidewalk pretending the sun did it
- Joel battered by assailant
- Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
- Joel attempts to immortalize himself by vandalizing a national treasure
- Joel warns of trouble in the Suez
- Joel makes demands in vague terms and takes the complexities of reality for granted
- Joel undergoes procedure to become an albino
- Joel becomes major person of interest in missing girl case
- Joel does the right thing – and it ends up costing him his life
- Joel throws mannequin off bridge onto highway
- Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
- Joel commissions fart-dance at gentleman’s club
- Joel stands-in to do horse naying in sleigh ride song
- Joel unable to catch a break when stopped for speeding while naked in his car again
- Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time
- Joel drags, then pushes body into canyon
- Joel develops concept for frigid new fitness regiment called Frozen Yoga
- Joel watches a team of household-name American basketball stars each with whopping endorsement deals play against a team from a country he can’t pronounce
- Joel witnessed fleeing scene of zoo breakout
- Joel spotted near ice cream shop snarling at accomplice about having to get “them” 3 girls by next week “or else”
- Joel sprays meat-hose at Vegan protest
- Joel alarms health food shoppers by screaming “Rabe!”
- Joel paints rocks gold
- Joel partially blinded while howling at the sun
- Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party
- Joel tried as juvenile due to his dimwitted nature