Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Author Archive
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel found puking behind dumpster after ordering the Clams Casino despite being warned by his waiter
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel only mentions resources for gambling addiction at the end of his sports betting advertisement because he’s required to by law
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel uses recording of bird that sounds like sickly old woman to solve murder mystery
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel uses the term “iron sharpens iron” repeatedly and optimistically during his football team’s fall training camp leading up to historically bad Week 1 loss
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel starts empanada empire with the help of local community bank
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel’s entrance into scene accompanied by dissonant and foreboding sound effect
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel does a prank call in which he gets someone from New Line Cinema and someone from Dimension Films on the phone together like each one called the other
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joe overheard on the phone asking in a shaky voice, “They can’t do that, can they?”
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel goes to where he has no business being and then tries to take what isn’t his
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel pits idiot savants of classic rock and rap against each other
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel inserts news clips of Desert Storm between his aggressive new songs
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel points at deaf teen walking away from scene and tells cop “She’s getting away”
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel seen walking across parking lot with a face that would make you think he just bit into a lemon
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel uses shot of character cutting themselves shaving as a foreshadowing technique for a later bloodbath
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel throws perfect spiral of rotten Italian sub at elected official
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel invokes Hanlon’s Razor in defense of his use of prop noose to motivate condo sales team
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel shot down like dog while threatening police on his front lawn with letter opener
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel electrocuted badly while tinkering with vintage hifi receiver
Written on August 30, 2025 by admin
Joel seen 20 feet up in tree standing on the branch that he’s cutting off with chainsaw
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel referred to as “silverback” in victim’s description to police
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel wonders how in the hell two gasses could combine to form a liquid
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel causes major concern from friends who arrive to find his house reeking of gasoline
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel sprints through subway station holding a beating human heart
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel sniffs lunch meat, grimaces, then puts it back in the fridge
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel rushes into young Korean American evangelical church demanding sanctuary as police sirens can be heard in distance
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel does everything imaginable while he’s alive, then everything unimaginable after that
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel casually sits down and figures out that objects with heavy mass and gravity can bend light and space time
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel calls 911 and explains that his son is in a homemade flying saucer, instead of just calling it a balloon
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel keeps threatening defendant with “the chair” despite the fact that he’s a judge in a state that doesn’t allow capital punishment
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel, when asked what he’s trying to prove, realizes he isn’t sure
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel seen wearing a black pancho digging in his backyard at night in the rain
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel caught as a young boy bringing dead bird back to life behind barn
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel has crow cawing repeating in his face as he desperately tries to open a combination lock
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel creates Alice In Chains Pandora station but it only plays Rooster on repeat
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel spends the first day of Subaru Summer pacing around his house and looking out window
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel overhears someone caution another guest about him “after you shake hands with him count your fingers”
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel seen wearing hospital gown and mumbling to himself standing in line for his daily pills
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel wonders if the parents of girls named Kirsten are all dyslexic
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel wrecks young woman’s brass bed and other furniture trying to go cold turkey off drugs
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel calls newspaper to establish relationship with reporter just after first murder
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel claims he saw baggage handlers loading a baby elephant into the cargo hold of his flight
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel seen convulsing and getting his brain fried by psychedelic arcade game at truck stop
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel gets drunk on the benefits of having a girlfriend who is the store manager of a GAP Kids
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel brings a nihilistic approach to product development and user experience
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel becomes inexplicably nervous and demented before getting license photo taken
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel wakes up from coma speaking in a restrained Connecticut white trash accent
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel wastes police’s time with reports of animals that could never possibly be living in the woods by his house
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel, off the top of his head, rattles off 6 or 7 ingredients that are not on a supposed “everything” bagel
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel marvels in disbelief that Framingham Massachusetts store known only as Pants Shortened can survive in this financial climate
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel calls bullshit on 8k assuming displays would never continue evolving beyond 4k
Written on August 6, 2025 by admin
Joel seen flailing around on fire through the panoramic windows of his stunning Frank Lloyd Wright designed home
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel shown video of him burning down one of his underperforming businesses
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel walks around Jordan’s parking lot looking for his car like a perverted ghost
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel asks his dog if she thinks he’s going to kill her or something
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel attends internal company fireside chat with CEO who saunters out to Kendrick beat
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel forged in the fiery crucible that is domestic violence against men
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel peels out and hits female pedestrian at the corner of Lovering and Rumford Road
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel comes away with the understanding that time and space are one interwoven concept
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel’s odious rap verses come back to haunt him when he attempts to run for public office
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel chants “Motherfucker motherfucker!” while prepping dynamite plunger
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel finds that Lady Bird is not only a coming of age story but a love letter to Sacramento
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel carefully examines Playgirl centerfold outside corner shop where he just bought it
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel goes mostly deaf hard rocking on stage night after night in school boy uniform without hearing protection
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel catches on fire in Surf Style brand neon blue windbreaker he bought at Wildwood NJ boardwalk store
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel goes to Orlando with suitcase stuffed with everything other than shorts or short sleeve shirts
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel realizes the entrance exam to prestigious academy is actually to test whether or not he’s a witch
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel swears he could spot 7 or 8 more bodies while flying over Gilgo Beach
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel’s pilot brazenly announces that there will be light turbulence throughout the flight that will get worse as we near the destination and then still takes off anyways
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel looks forward to Derby Day, when every asshole in the world thinks they own a Georgia plantation
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel lies in wait, screaming terrifying Indian war chants from family’s garage
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel goes out at night to record some new wind sound effects when the whole shit pops off
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel hangs a bunch of garlic wreaths on his front and back door after watching too many vampire movies
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel writes the error text “An error has occurred. Please close your browser and try again” knowing full well not a goddamn thing is going to change
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel returns to the area where he spotted a large black snake to smoke some more pot
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel told over the phone that his fairly substantial Chinese order will be ready in 6 minutes
Written on May 23, 2025 by admin
Joel seen at restaurant staring cross-eyed at a giant bowl of ice cream
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel opens a Caribbean eatery where you can order Zion wings with Babylon sauce
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel remarks to several colleagues that the TGI Fridays chain has a “checkered past”
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel waddles through charming outdoor market during Christmas season plotting to kill
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel blames the string of grisly murders on his doppelgänger, Libby Loej
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel tells coworkers he needs a vacation from his vacation after week spent mostly barricaded in his home with drug induced paranoia
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel calls out color and object combinations to stave off his insane condition
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel rolls down steep hill in a barrel and across state highway causing multiple car pileup
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel builds a shed described by neighbors as the worst they’ve ever seen
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel claims he got locked inside a walk-in freezer for a weekend and had to jog in place to stay alive
Written on February 9, 2025 by admin
Joel’s homemade burrito begins to open on the bottom causing him to have to go full Blues Traveler on it
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel steals his mother’s credit card and uses it to purchase a brand new dirt bike
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel fucks a traditional stereotypical witch with the hat and big crooked nose
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel claims he saw a documentary about an African boy who built a TV and VCR from scratch using raw materials
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel informed by Sydney Pollack about the seriousness of the situation
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel refers to the Dole Administration as when he holds the joint to his wife’s lips as it gets shorter rather than passing it to her
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel, and his notoriously weak gag reflex, unassumingly enters movie theater to see Bad Boys
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel found passed out hung from his ankles on new inversion machine
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel details all of his previous court room deceptions to some junky groupie on prison phone while awaiting a new trial
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel overheard in his basement signing along with weird sounding voice from backwards record saying “My sweet Satan”
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel feigns concern for the profit motive of an enormous cellular conglomerate
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel says he’s been really busy with charity, handling all of the policeman’s balls
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel claims to like the album “In the Court of King Crimson” by King Crimson
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel wakes abruptly from nap and shouts “Lucifer, son of the morning, I’m gonna chase you out of Earth!”
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel violates the second law of thermodynamics by conceptualizing time travel too simplistically
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel gets crude oil poured down his throat and gets screamed at about Michael Jackson feeling the need to turn white
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel tells date he’s often mistaken for gay because he has exquisite taste
Written on February 6, 2025 by admin
Joel matures just enough to the point of not buying all of the things he promised himself as a child
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel suffers fatal overdose of party pills while coaching kids baseball game
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel explains the Korean flag and the four symbols in the corners all wrong
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel called a swine by hooker he drops off in the middle of nowhere
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel pulls some major heroics tackling counterfeiter at airport
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel fatally shoots his boss who he’s been hired to protect with long range rifle shot meant for assailants
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel trolls the underground porn scene of 1979 Hollywood in search of his runaway daughter
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel set up for robbery-murder in Patterson, NJ, does 15 years in prison and then isn’t even mad about it
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel quickly unsubscribes from anything and everything having to do with The Democrats
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel shakes vigorously on a deal he has no intention of honoring
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel trespasses into archaeological dig after hours and finds a whole bunch of shit just under where they had dug to and then panics and covers it back up
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel claims he was accepted into the Air Force after he did 1000 pushups on the deck of a battleship
Written on February 5, 2025 by admin
Joel absolutely earns his nickname, The Christian Mingle Killer
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel pulls banana out of his pocket and aims it at police officer
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel tackled at Social Security office dressed like an old woman
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel pretends to be woman’s deceased husband’s war buddy in order to get to a doll she has that’s secretly stuffed with heroine
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel dresses as Rhesus monkey clapping symbols during photoshoot for cover of new Untitled album
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel calls his project team “a bunch of Can’t Jemimahs” after they tell him what he’s asking for can’t be done
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel fired from marketing position at Sam Adams for insisting his “Summer of Sam” promotion
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel replies, “Yeah right, man,” after being informed his car is in the process of getting towed
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel falls through ceiling an breaks both of his legs while spying on girlfriend at town theater
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel reconsiders DJ catchphrase after leaving crowd somewhat confused with “Tell me something nice”
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel learns to talk telepathically to animals, gets forced into the middle of a baboon war
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel found in his garage tied up sitting on a mountain of unopened merchandise rigged to burn
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel tells interviewer that in his career he’s done more globetrotting than Meadowlark Lemon
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel comes home drunk after work from his tire factory job crying to his wife about Mr. Yokohama
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel holds up under heavy questioning for hours but quickly falls victim to flattery
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel rips decorative saber off the wall at restaurant as cactus based drugs turn bad
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel acts out an offensive Italian hand/chin gesture to the notion of working until 5pm
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel lands extremely complex Olympic flip allowing his family to live
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel claims he was at the park and physically dropped his cup of coffee on the ground and opened his mouth in awe at the site of a galloping Irish Wolfhound
Written on August 23, 2024 by admin
Joel seen grilling burgers and waving “Hi” with his spatula from the perspective of incoming drone missile
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel found guilty in wrongful death class action suit when videos surface of him demanding that 2024 “Nature of the Beast” tour be oversold and operate without security
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel sentenced by international tribunal for possessing and distributing cocaine in the Olympic village
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel maliciously shoves woman down onto tracks in front of approaching train due to general anxieties about his job security
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel fried in the electric chair for his participation in what became known as The Cape Cod 5
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel stands in his yard watering his lawn with his eyes closed while the virus that causes Shingles reactivates in his body
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel tries to pressure coworkers into buying Dead Sea salt lotions from his daughter’s Mall kiosk shop
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel doesn’t know about any of this 5G stuff but he’ll just take what digital scraps he can get
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel does the unthinkable and opens the gate to hell by offering dining room set for free on Facebook Marketplace and Craig’sList at the same time
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel packs sweatshirt in backpack for office knowing that motherfuckers are trying to win the air conditioning award
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel tells friend who’s getting head-over-heels in new relationship, “Take a lap, Swimfan”
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel overheard by other customers at dealership service lounge smugly noting each time he makes a cappuccino and which number it is
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel frozen in indecision at top of slopes on first day skiing between trails Widowmaker and Butternut
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel watches a team of household-name American basketball stars each with whopping endorsement deals play against a team from a country he can’t pronounce
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel’s hot cousin Natassja convinces him to buy into dangerous vitamin scam
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel dumped by Debtors Anonymous sponsor over purchase of pricey illegal cat
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel banned for life from tv show Comics Unleashed over his material
Written on August 22, 2024 by admin
Joel attacked maliciously through electronic communication network invented for porn
Written on July 30, 2024 by admin
Joel reassures police the fingernail scratches all over his face were from a man
Written on July 28, 2024 by admin
Joel assault opponent’s body and sides until his head eventually shuts down
Written on July 28, 2024 by admin
Joel discovers old notebook in which his father documented the brain experiments he did on him
Written on July 28, 2024 by admin
Joel’s IP address flagged for typing “Hulk Hogan sex tape t-shirt” into search engine
Written on July 28, 2024 by admin
Joel does a perfect impression of Bill Cosby saying “Hello, I am an anemone”
Written on July 27, 2024 by admin
Joel jumps out of window screaming about being on fire after eating locally harvested chanterelle mushrooms
Written on July 27, 2024 by admin
Joel seen eating leaves and drinking from a puddle before huge Walmart payday
Written on July 27, 2024 by admin
Joel witnesses person get head run over by his arriving Uber driver
Written on July 27, 2024 by admin
Joel sets location for drug deal to be behind abandoned Ken’s steakhouse
Written on July 27, 2024 by admin
Joel brings back wrong stones from Pankot Palace after huge ordeal
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel rifles through dead woman’s purse while contemplating his next move
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel carries woman through abandoned hospital wearing stolen police uniform
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel takes off helmet and tosses his hair after riding motorcycle through Tokyo alleyways wearing sleek leather one-piece riding suit
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel seen riding motorcycle along building ledge while going through an acute midlife crisis after his niece accidentally chops off his long hair
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel tells detectives he entered the rear of the museum to find a pack of gargoyles strangling the curator with her intestines
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel’s flight taxis endlessly like a middle schooler too scared to kiss
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel talked into committing a fatal robbery by chef celeb Guy Fieri
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel describes the plot of the show Jag to the other Peeping Tom’s in the holding cell
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel becomes best friends with an equally skittish talking Great Dane
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel commits fairly well executed small town bank robbery only to drive off in a bright orange Pontiac Solstice
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel can’t wait to retire and open his long dreamed-of doll repair shop he plans to call Doll Hospital
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel backed by a half-dozen hypersexed demons while battling supernatural overlord
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel clubbed with mallet and made permanently dumber on Redondo Beach
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel slaps some poorly planned AI feature into his software and calls it CoPilot
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel calls bullshit on anyone who claims they can determine how a fire started
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel tells female interviewer “I got music the way I am my man” in sort of a friendly but quizzical manner
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel seen walking down hospital hallway wearing a lab coat and obsolete head mirror
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel stomps on accelerator speeding past frantic dock workers as ferry begins to disembark
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel blasts rap group MOP while speeding to work with the intention of striking his boss
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel tells personal trainer his goal is to be able to do a naked headstand
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel impatiently yells “Give it!” after a child tells him he has a message from his boss in jail
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel comes to agreement with basement arachnids allowing one weekend in August for SpiderCon
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel forces his way into young woman’s apartment, insisting he has to talk to her
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel gets into some pretty desperate financial trouble before signing to Jive
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel treated just like a rat in country where he’s not culturally significant or recognizable
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel describes his internet connection speed to Verizon tech support as “Pre-Cambrian”
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel joins Zoom call while also performing his second job as a fast food drive-through cashier
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel practices his acting lines in Central Park with new friend he doesn’t realize is also his stalker
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel views every food group that isn’t sugar as a possible sugar delivery vehicle
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel starts a terrorist organization called The Free Radicals but is quickly neutralized by blueberries, avocados and other foods high in antioxidants
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel makes demands in vague terms and takes the complexities of reality for granted
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel watches real life fight between a sailor with grotesquely large forearms and a big fat bearded mean one who was trying to sexually assault the other’s wife
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel knowingly posts cursed dining room set on Facebook Marketplace
Written on July 26, 2024 by admin
Joel addresses the citizens of Los Angeles by their proper collective name, Angelinos
Written on April 25, 2024 by admin
Joel likens Friday morning Cedarville, MA wind and rain to something that sounds like the end of the world
Written on April 25, 2024 by admin
Joel answers bank telephone on the verge of sobbing while armed gunman coaches him to act naturally
Written on April 25, 2024 by admin
Joel wonders why his serpentine commander is always so pissed off
Written on April 25, 2024 by admin
Joel seen running down the sidewalk holding a mannequin head under his arm like a football
Written on April 25, 2024 by admin
Joel seen chugging extremely high calorie sugary beverage despite having no sense of smell or taste
Written on April 25, 2024 by admin
Joel watches eclipse in an almost giddy state while his house is robbed
Written on April 25, 2024 by admin
Joel fells backyard tree onto neighbor’s house crushing baby’s crib that was fortunately empty
Written on April 25, 2024 by admin
Joel complains that he keeps hiring people with borderline personality disorder that interview well
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel harnesses desert power to rob a Tucson area condo association
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel goes outside and cries in the rain because no one will be able to tell
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel squirms his way to the front of a crowd of onlookers to get a glimpse of old woman hit by garbage truck
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel ends up in dental emergency room after trying to violently rip apart a dog’s toy with his teeth
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel refers to his dog by the wrong name on phone with mother to confirm she’s real
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel uses AI to spoof Uncle’s voice when calling his mother for money
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel teaches much older wealthy wife to start drinking excessively
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel seen screaming “Amber alert! I’m being abducted! Amber alert!” while getting cuffed and stuffed into back of squad car
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel specifies that all clones on Moon base should look identical to him
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel learns the terrible truth about his favorite soda during factory tour
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel starts grabbing his crotch and making bizarre sounds like “shamon” and “hehe”
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel sprints insanely fast after car leaving his property and then turns and sprints back to get car to give chase
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel asks extremely leading questions and seems to express a clear bias while moderating user test
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel dons grotesque prosthetics to portray famous composer in biopic
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel flies through the hood like everybody in the hood is up to no good
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel has friend who lives near payphone call in bomb threat to avoid deadline
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel arrives looking like a vampire at front door asking to be invited inside
Written on April 8, 2024 by admin
Joel found frozen stiff on top of motorcycle at the top of Pico Duarte
Written on March 5, 2024 by admin
Joel rushes out of open house after almost twisting off female realtor’s head over argument about sign-in sheet
Written on March 4, 2024 by admin
Joel becomes the priest in the pair of exorcists which the demon easily overpowers and shames
Written on March 4, 2024 by admin
Joel gets brain bubble fighting the effects of coffee he brewed using cheap grinder, faulty kitchen scale, and “Chino XL” branded coffee beans
Written on March 4, 2024 by admin
Joel spotted near ice cream shop snarling at accomplice about having to get “them” 3 girls by next week “or else”
Written on March 4, 2024 by admin
Joel called out for lying when he said his horse eating days were behind him
Written on March 4, 2024 by admin
Joel has dream of producing an all-girl hyper-sexualized R&B group called The Diet Tonics then years later starts confusing the dream with reality
Written on March 4, 2024 by admin
Joel orders overpriced designer coffee grinder hour after saying he never would
Written on March 4, 2024 by admin
Joel found dead holding generic business card of someone named Marosh Stellapapoosi
Written on March 4, 2024 by admin
Joel chooses Arctic Blast instead of his familiar Fresh Mint and almost gets his face blown off
Written on February 28, 2024 by admin
Joel splurges for two filet mignon steaks at the supermarket for his upcoming date with powerful record producer but becomes hysterically blind as the event draws nearer
Written on February 28, 2024 by admin
Joel tells new guest his wife died several years ago and then later asks if he’d like to see her
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel recounts the time he witnessed a garage sale become deadly but later admits he was just describing the plot of the new Lifetime movie Deadly Garage Sale
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel pens gore-core historical fiction “The Sinking of the Herkylavania”
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel begins ramming car at CVS pharmacy drive-up window claiming ‘hours had passed’ while security footage shows an elapsed wait of 3 minutes
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel’s therapist suggests a fresh new start in a state she knows she isn’t licensed
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel puts final piece into puzzle of naked lady and uncontrollably doubles over and ejaculates
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel wonders what people in other countries call English class
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel calls boner pill doctor complaining that he can’t leave himself alone
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel contemplates a football team made of various individual Chiefs from several dozen separate tribes
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel comes crashing through the wall into board room to espouse the benefits of Fan Duel
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel told by his primary care doctor that everyone in the area is doing very well except for him
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel, temporarily blinded from an optician appointment, begins to touch the face of the person talking to him
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel reclines lazily smoking cigarette in bed with his secretary while on the phone with his wife
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel describes his new 8ft ladder as being rated to support a “300 pound woman”
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel witnessed killing prostitute in a thicket of reeds but then quickly beats witness to police station and pins the crime on him
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel stamps out cigar onto 8×10 autographed photo of his rival after making vague threats
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel’s most unflattering night gets immortalized as a pivotal user story in the annals of tech history
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel spotted outside large commercial building with hand saw attempting to cut main power cable
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel starts playing Roy Rogers the second he passes his police officer’s test
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel says he’s collecting clothes for the homeless but is then seen months later wearing them
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel gets extorted and eventually murdered by husband and wife cheerleader couple he hired to run his budding youth sports clinic franchises
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel complains that his girlfriend’s 13 year old daughter and 10 year old son are eating him into the poor house
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel stops and scowls at detectives after they thank him and turn back toward their vehicle
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel describes luxury sports utility vehicle in front of him as a “monstrosity”
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel lists his profession as French Sex Murder on customs papers as plane starts to descend
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel unsure what to do with his original intent to stalk when chance encounter leads to him charm same woman into date
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel raises his hand toward woman and slowly returns it saying “If I wasn’t a gentleman…”
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel explains he’s not trying to survive but trying to live it to the limit and love it a lot
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel and his father hide from their Hispanic heritage unlike his brave brother Emilio
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel winds up beet red and slurring thanks to heroics of MBTA commuter
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel threatens jurors that he’ll return from the grave if they give him the death penalty
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel leaps from wheelchair and sprints from scene as scam starts being questioned
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel held 6 weeks without phone call or chance to shower by backwater country sheriff over small traffic infraction
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel never sees his belongings again after entrusting them to Marco Polo Movers
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel first experiences sticker shock, then becomes actually offended
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel keeps clearly and loudly repeating “I’ll kill her” to hostage negotiator
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel deputized for his blue collar heroics on the Long Island railroad
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel calls out sick from work explaining that he’s got a 104 degree temperature after getting scratched by a cat
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel thrown out of 8-week paid vegan diet study after it was discovered he’d been eating horse meat
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel and his twin combine forces to do about half the work a regular person meaning they only do about a quarter each
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel gets hit with hammer after legitimate case of amnesia makes him forget his bookie
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel dragged down from nearly scaling the gate of his psychiatric hospital
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel agrees to do movie soundtrack but only if he can also play the villain
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel releases new version of Anthony’s Song in which Mama Leone is walking the beat
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel admits to tabloid reporter that he’s basically at rock bottom
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel suggests that perhaps his 90’s style with grey suits and white shirt in time could prove to have been the most dangerous Joel
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel held down and cuffed with his face pressed against his own star on the Hollywood walk of fame
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel underestimates heightened senses of would-be blind female victim
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel casually tries to break into home, sets off howling alarm and runs into the night empty handed
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel brings a rambunctious squealing piglet to friends’ housewarming party
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel develops total financial stranglehold over young immigrant woman
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel shows that he understands two concepts: barrels and bananas
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel seen pointing gun at two old women who apparently scammed him
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel aggressively lists benefits the plaintiff enjoyed and accuses them of being ungrateful
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel loses control of car on mountain pass but comes back as a snowman to make peace with his family before transitioning to afterlife
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel tells bullshit hyperbolic story about how The Beach Boys’ Little Saint Nick was playing at deafening level in bathroom of Cumberland Farms gas station
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel cares very deeply almost immediately after saying – fine see if I care
Written on February 25, 2024 by admin
Joel delivers a healthy serving of Paul Riser in an attempt to distract the public from a glaring lack of Judge Reinhold
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel caught talking to ghoulish medieval portrait and asking the subject about its sexual preferences
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel insists on album cover of him sitting among stacks of hamburgers
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel forced to battle a series of colorful villains in psychotic game show
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel jams gun sharply into woman’s ribs as cars slows at border crossing
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel complains about neighbor’s tacky Christmas lights and decorations then becomes sad when they take them down
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel saves some money by converting an old spatula into a back scratcher
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel’s insane theories and speculation about The Alamo tolerated only due to steady influx of donations
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel attempts to immortalize himself by vandalizing a national treasure
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel comes home claiming he hasn’t eaten yet, unaware that he’d become desensitized to the stench of the Indian food that his clothes had been absorbing for the last two hours
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel tells everyone at his new job that when he was a kid they found the body of a contractor hidden in the walls
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel carries on vicious argument with empty rocking chair clearly directed at his mother
Written on February 23, 2024 by admin
Joel indulges perverted elderly tuxedo shop owner in game of pretend robbery
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel told he’s like a pig in shit but not for any specific reason or in relation to anything
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel answers young female reporter’s questions dishonestly and perversely
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel becomes hostile, almost violent when department store manager suggests he’s not the real Santa Claus
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel subsists for several weeks on impulse snacks purchased at TJ Max
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel commits late night burglary in hyper-realistic looking gorilla suit
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel recalls a childhood spent watching the neighborhood kids play outside through the window of his locked bedroom
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel seen being taken by the wind and struck by lightning while suspended in the air
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel writes love song proclaiming his ignorance of most subjects
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel holds his breath for 21 of the 300 seconds required by SEALS
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel gets a free trip from Thailand to the US wearing light tan pleated khakis and an iridescent blue polo shirt
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel refers to group from previous historical era as barbarians
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joe reminds niece that elephants are vegetarian after she explains it is part of her weight loss strategy
Written on December 21, 2023 by admin
Joel laments a perceived lack of podcasts where celebrities interview other celebrities
Written on December 9, 2023 by admin
Joel kidnapped by his own literary agent and forced to continue writing lucrative series in captivity
Written on December 9, 2023 by admin
Joel stabbed in the ass with antifreeze syringe and sent back into frozen football game
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel prescribed Provasic by increasingly senile doctor who loves movies
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel makes his daughter’s death look like a kidnapping because he couldn’t bear to also lose a son
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel makes perverse hook shot leveraging a more primitive zone of his brain
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel taunts immobilized threat before accidentally getting in range of their grasp
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel found hiding in barrel after the smoke clears around The Alamo
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel gets Legionnaire’s Disease using basement grown mushrooms in pasta sauce
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel loses life over the callousness of female social media influencer
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel rubs his hands and wrists in anticipation that two delivery trucks might crash pulling into his driveway
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel gets so caught up in smiling, pointing, and waving he forgets to sing
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel repeatedly shouts in an effeminate accent “Shoot him shoot him shoot him!” while wife aims at neighbor
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel refers to himself as pinoy to connote that he’s a member of the Filipino diaspora
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel helps woman with bags outside of bus station but then quickly disappears with them
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel’s all time best selling hit Fuck Tha Police comes back to bite him when he needs their help the most
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel asks his supernatural overlord, “If I bring you the child, can I have the woman?”
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel often finds reasons to quote outdated Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus relationship advice videos
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel shows up at date’s house and realizes she’s the daughter of the pharmacist he bought condoms from earlier
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel starts rapidly speaking in Italian after hockey puck ricochets into stands at his forehead
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel flushes his underwear in the toilet to make trouble at party
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel turned into vegetable by host of outdated therapy techniques
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel learns nothing and remains unchanged by the end of his hero’s arc
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel looks at pasta container on shelf behind his wife before telling her he was at an old friend named Al Dente’s house
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel does the right thing – and it ends up costing him his life
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel successfully sues new employer for the content included in the sexual harassment training video
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel refers to his former self as a precocious ray of light ruined by the temptations of puberty
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel befriends adult male celebrity with condition that makes him forever look like a child and treats him like he’s his child
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel found dead making a frozen grimace in winter wonderland display
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel makes R-rated quip at imaginary antagonist while methodically browsing discount clothing
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel questioned by detective that makes it known that he believes Joel to be guilty and won’t rest till he’s proved it
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel enters work clothing retailer in the mindset of a violent cybernetic time traveler
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel eats his height in submarine sandwich and then passes out for that many inches in hours
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel tells the middle school girl he’s dating that he’s in like with her
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel quips that the saying should be “the whole burrito” or “the whole chimichanga” since enchiladas are typically smaller and sold in quantities of two or three
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel’s friends and family finally say something about his gambling
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel starts hurriedly pounding on door right after ringing bell without leaving any time for someone to realistically answer
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel continues forward through hailstorm of police gunfire as angel dust courses through his veins
Written on December 6, 2023 by admin
Joel traces his left hand on paper and then colors it in to look like a turkey
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel casually pulls fire alarm on his way out of hospital after being charged a small copay
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel originally arrested for driving down the street holding a baby out the window but now faces stiffer charges for a failure to appear in court
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel combs and teases the hair on the back of his head to resemble a duck’s ass
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel scores IMDB credit on movie Rage Race as “Rat faced goon #3”
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel starts to get lightly rammed on his back bumper by car that’s been chasing him
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel shows up to Burning Man in mohawk weeks after tanking his startup and burning investors
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel gets carnival popcorn machine for his home theater room that becomes a real health and safety hazard
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel staked through the heart with wooden spear while sleeping in his coffin
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel’s genetic analysis indicates a predisposition to criminality
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel survives botched execution and by rule is allowed to go free
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel remakes offhandedly at anthropology convention that humans are just the right size to cause trouble
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel spins out, continues on foot in desperate rush for US embassy
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel’s lawyer informs him that the government’s case is built on nothing more than an unreliable witness’s description of seeing someone “short and ugly”, but it will probably make it to trial
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel hospitalized after eating skunk cabbage growing along stream at Mad River Glenn
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel scalded half to death by mysterious tampering of home hot water boiler
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel comes home stinking of Indian food claiming he was at friend Mark Foto’s house
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel opens chain of low rent sweatbox yoga studios called Nanasty
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel gets served a hamburger missing the beef patty at Poconos McDonald’s drive thru
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel starts true crime podcast but each episode is just an admission
Written on October 15, 2023 by admin
Joel sends a letter to the police letting them know that he plans to strike again
Written on October 13, 2023 by admin
Joel and his siblings disband musical group upon the death of their domineering father
Written on October 13, 2023 by admin
Joel threatens that if network doesn’t meet his demands he’ll put on a show so foul and grotesque it will have their advertisers fleeing like rats from a sinking ship
Written on October 13, 2023 by admin
Joel discovers echo from humans past foretelling the demise of intelligence and purpose
Written on October 13, 2023 by admin
Joel humps the ground in the woods near where he stashes porno magazines in plastic bag
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel spreads the misinformation that IKEA’s competitive pricing is the result of Scandinavian prison labor
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel told by officer that it might be a good idea for him not to leave town over the next few days as the investigation continues
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel seen speeding down carpool lane with buckled-in trash bag riding shotgun
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel distinguishes his rap persona by focusing on being the most physically powerful, the most criminally ruthless, and the most sexually virile
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel helps to build dangerous and sleazy French city in American swampland
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel tells step daughter “You look like a hostage” in wedding pictures
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel uses his psychic powers at his restaurant cooking meals for patrons ahead of time and shocking them with apparent speed
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel whips around to friend at cafe and says “Oh my god COVID is so two thousand and lame!” in affected valley girl accent
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel camps out near fertility clinic entrance to snatch purses
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel stands in front of old phonograph with horn while cartoon dog breaks stack of lacquer records over his head one at a time
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel forgets to latch fence while watching friend’s Cane Corso and then spends the entire week searching for lookalike replacement
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel screams repeatedly for so long that he becomes hoarse and is no longer able to physically produce sound
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel enrolls at Perdue University hoping that all of the classes are chicken based
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel claims his friend Chad Putin is the one who ate 6 of the 24 cupcakes meant for his daughter’s birthday at school
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel offers to take his lawyer to lunch and then asks a handful of questions that sound like they have to do with blowing up a bridge
Written on September 13, 2023 by admin
Joel breaks into fertility clinic to find out who his real parents are
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel unleashes home-bred swarm of stink bugs on Labor Day parade
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel seen stumbling around and hiccuping after climbing out of giant champagne glass
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel slickly swipes ring from dead hand of deceased at funeral
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel earns nickname Billy The Kid due to general immaturity and slow mental processing
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel’s planner reveals a meeting in the distant future on Mars with a contact named Proctor Silex
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel seen at black tie fundraiser sweating and grimacing while struggling to crack open King Crab legs with his hands
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel’s sick secrets exposed to the light of day after tornado rips apart his house
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel calls bullshit on different objects falling at the same rate in a vacuum
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel tells client, “You don’t pay the plumber for banging on pipes. You pay him for knowing where to bang,” before getting hung up on
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel grabs gun from nightstand and starts firing it into closet while half asleep
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel collapses from heart attack while directing The Island of Dr. Moreau
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel hears millennial colleagues quip about which Harry Potter house they fall into knowing he will never understand any of it
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel sues the city after being beaten badly while trying to kidnap a young girl in his car
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel starts running out of credible explanations for smelling like gasoline
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel switches from Biktarvy to Cabenuva and then back again without consulting his doctor
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel says “somebody better be dead” to make traffic excusable
Written on September 11, 2023 by admin
Joel finds out that the ingenious aliens have been building crafts but manning them with rapist aliens
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel revs motorcycle while his girlfriend tries to apologize to him
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel cites a disease that only children can catch to try and get out of something
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel mistakes a small group of manatees for mermaids in his troubled voyage to the new world
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel says that a corpse is like a houseguest – after three days they start to stink
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel screams at guests who keep talking at his Storm Front listening party
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel removed from one bunk Hilton and casted down with the sodomites
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel tries to intimidate wife’s divorce lawyer with anecdote of FBI agent killed on Indian land
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel threatens to kill coworker on zoom meeting that’s being recorded
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel unwittingly recorded on Zoom saying “Let me tell you something. You don’t want to be on the wrong side of these people” in reference to his employer, the merciless Hong Corporation
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel tells bullshit story about the time the actor who played Casey Jones was the moderator at his nephew’s drug intervention
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel’s haphazard idea for fart-powered propulsion in space unexpectedly puts engineers on promising path to innovation
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel unable to interest colleagues in his straightedge hardcore band Age of Hate
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel flees for dear life as outdoor concert tent goes up in flames
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel’s life completely turned upside down by psychotically possessive life coach
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel tells staff that new behaviors must be adopted and stuck to or that he will kill them
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel accuses small batch coffee roaster of copying their whole style from King of New York
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel chooses between two different highway routes, unaware that one will lead to total disaster
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel hires old white man as director of Diversity Equity and Inclusion
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel wolfs down little forkfuls of spaghetti while intermittently smoking
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel goes bananas after overhearing someone question the genius of Tool
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel claims heavyset friend Pam crashed his car into neighbor’s pool
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel says that it’s hard out here for a pimp, and muses of a world where criminally exploiting women is made much easier
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel warns venue manager he’ll turn crowd into a “rampaging elephant” if certain conditions aren’t met
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel fucks everything up when he keeps forgetting to say Over at the end of the message
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel pretends that he had the Nirvana album Bleach before Nevermind
Written on August 13, 2023 by admin
Joel makes crooked face while turning on ancient alien atmosphere generator hidden beneath Cape Cod Melody Tent
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel teams up with his former pimp nemesis to stop a major foreign existential threat
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel violated by dark chocolate truffle with unannounced gooey core
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel’s history and internet data ends up landing him in the market demographic “choosy moms”
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel’s face turns supernaturally hideous for an instant as he snarls at young dwarf upon seeing magic ring
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel goes undercover as truck stop hooker to catch interstate lunatic
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel sneaks off to swamp-themed sleaze bar Allibators while at Goop management off-site in Kissimmee Florida
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel freaks out thinking wild turkeys walking across lawn are giant pigeons
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel thinks he can use a run of the mill ordinary degreaser on a super sticky job
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel gets fried up pretty bad doing electrical repairs at the Cambridgeside Galleria
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel becomes a master of ingratiating himself in the company of those he would plan to later betray
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel blurts out “man, that’s a correlation!” during scientific lecture
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel utilizes fasteners and hardware manufactured by the murderous Hong corporation
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel petitions to join majority-female hate group Moms for Liberty
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel forces daughter’s friend to create Photoshop of him in police costume with headline “HERO COP SAVES FAMILY”
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel blames his ways on how he was highly sexualized by the media as a child
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel offered date with Hollywood golden age actress and inventor Heddy Lamar by carnivorous plant in exchange for more human victims
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel seen at both wake and funeral in suit he said he wouldn’t be caught dead in when he was previously alive
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel arrested for selling full course of prednisone in gym locker room he just picked up for raging case of poison oak
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel fetishizes a lifestyle of elite access and a nihilistic worship of money
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel’s mother shrieks and screams about he’s dressing more and more like a thug
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel tells his parents lies about the sleepover he intends to go to
Written on July 25, 2023 by admin
Joel misleads therapist by telling her his loving and supportive home was instead a “theater of cruelty”
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel squints eyes open from hospital bed and catches intimate exchange between wife and lawyer
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel takes sudden week off following news of the McRib’s limited release
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel dangles his knowledge of where the additional bodies are to get some small prison luxury
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel’s story about going outside with shampoo and bathing in the pouring rain revealed to be a lie
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel serves to family and friends what he himself refers to as “poisoned stinkburgers” for Fourth of July BBQ
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel’s coffin rises up displacing his tombstone and opening enough for him to crawl out of
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel’s life and works ridiculed by more intelligent future civilization
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel quickly agrees with Jedi that these weren’t the droids he was looking for
Written on July 15, 2023 by admin
Joel blows big work deadline staying up the night before reading about the viability of a Gila monster house pet
Written on July 9, 2023 by admin
Joel asks psychiatrist if he can sit in their office chair and they can recline
Written on July 9, 2023 by admin
Joel puts on looping sound of typewriter and slips out through the window
Written on July 9, 2023 by admin
Joel needs to be wrapped in blanket and have his legs elevated after getting sticker shock from price of new car at dealership
Written on July 9, 2023 by admin
Joel seen at wedding profusely sweating and dipping shrimp two to three at a time in large floral glass bowl of cocktail sauce before devouring them and licking his fingers
Written on July 9, 2023 by admin
Joel exploits a dangerous new discovery without fully understanding the ramifications and consequences of it yet
Written on July 9, 2023 by admin
Joel manhandled and thrown down laundry chute by three obese orderlies at mental hospital
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel struggles to entertain today’s practical and financially aware youth with copy of Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel’s doctor explains to his family that his brain-scans only seems to show some faint activity when the music of BONE Thugz ‘n Harmony is played
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel drinks a red elixir that gives him enhanced devious mental abilities and he allows the area around his lips to be stained red as a warning
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel earns promotion to sector five where he’s in charge of exporting women’s hair and breast milk
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel goes from merely being an incest apologist to a full throated proponent after completing the Flowers in the Attic series
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel seen wearing Red Lobster bib banging on piano with mucky buttered seafood hands
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel shows up disguised as priest to extract confessions from his employees
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel stands in front of shopping mall kiosk, mouth agape and eyes crossed, staring into pixelated Abe Lincoln portrait composed of tiny Abe Lincoln portraits
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel offers his guests a snack and then intently watches them eat it
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel confesses all of his workplace crimes to spiritual leader acting in bad faith on behalf of is employer
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel records video of himself beating a roasted pig with a blowpoke to prove that it could not kill
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel grabs woman’s purse and barfs in it at Mugar Omni Theater IMAX presentation of Jane Goodall – A Reason for Hope
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel records handful of cute commercials for outdoor clothing company in a way that almost makes you forget he drove a personal assistant to tase and batter him
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel sends hateful emails to colleagues and managers from his Hotmail account after getting fired and losing access to work account
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel nearly chokes to death at Italian restaurant, then again at Chinese restaurant next day
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel appears on zoom meeting with handprint shaped bruise on side of his face
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel promises to take listeners on a thrill ride through the mind of a repugnant psycho who maims but never intends to kill
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel wakes up to find several teeth missing and cash stuffed under his pillow
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel seen shopping aimlessly at Jo Ann Fabrics wearing white Tropical Fantasy palm tree t shirt
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel smuggles fully loaded uzi into bag of 10 possessions allowed on survival reality show Alone
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel tells zoo hiring manager that he’ll literally work for peanuts
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel’s car overflows with vodka and olives as he rolls down window during traffic stop
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel makes some bullshit karate moves in front of his grandmother and storms out of the house after she denies him a $10,000 loan
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel speeds up as he sees two men carrying an oversized glass window pane across the street
Written on June 26, 2023 by admin
Joel seen in large bubble bath wearing top hat hiccuping and giggling while looking cross-eyed at champagne glass he’s trying to align with his mouth
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel boasts to colleagues about his plans to drink hard at holiday party and then does so and gets so sick he has to leave early
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel trolls Hollywood producers looking for someone take make his script Psycho Realtor Getaway
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel 3D prints crying baby medallion to give to pregnant hostess at his favorite hibachi restaurant
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel pounded into the carpet and sexually assaulted at Round Table Pizza buffet by group of Juggernaut-shaped women who were naturally selected by grueling canoe rides across the farthest reaches of the world’s largest ocean
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel’s front door blown off by package bomb that would’ve killed him if it was placed in front of the garage where he was working
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel gets karate chopped in the forehead and makes the sound “KONG!” and falls through floor and out of existence
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel lashes out at his fans in magazine interview, referring to them as fair weather and Indian givers
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel wakes up soaked with sweat screaming from the same dream every night
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel and his gang of mercenaries mount aquatic assault against east coast city
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel’s eyes keep rapidly darting toward the bathroom as he gives solemn Catholic mass
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel’s buddy Wanye deep-sixed from open mic night for his reckless and unpredictable behavior
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel seen driving in a Subaru Impreza with wild, hate filled eyes, challenging the notion that love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel threatens to tear up town if not allowed the freedom and space to dance
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel slowly transitions from struggling to keep track of his lies to not caring
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel’s creator begs audience not to use flash photography during exhibition
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel practically incapable of being knocked out because of small brain and thick skull
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel’s concerned wife calls friend explaining that he was just there again for hours raving like a madman and now he’s just gone
Written on May 28, 2023 by admin
Joel tells friends and colleagues that he’s in an open relation but his partner just doesn’t know about it
Written on May 6, 2023 by admin
Joel sends a follow up text with 3 muscle pumping emojis after smashing figure skater’s knee at the behest of her rival’s boyfriend
Written on May 6, 2023 by admin
Joel googles “What is the cheapest day of the year to have a wedding?”
Written on May 6, 2023 by admin
Joel found badly hurt but still alive in fetal position after dust cloud settles from troop of baboons that went wild on him
Written on May 6, 2023 by admin
Joel earns nickname Duke of Hurl after puking on Rye Playland Twirl-o-Matic
Written on May 6, 2023 by admin
Joel loudly repeats his name and rank as his hand is held over lighter
Written on May 6, 2023 by admin
Joel hides behind fossil until museum closes and does irreparable damage
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel spits in the face of bartender who cut him off for his own safety
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel farts a little in his pants while pushing grand piano over onto front row of shocked Soviets
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel storms into office environment wearing gold chain ready to kill someone
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel lurches forward toward arresting officer while being sprayed with high powered hose
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel makes perfect dog yelp sound when getting punched in the stomach
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel does perfect moonwalk while being forced to dance at gun point
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel badly burns ass, thighs and balls on community bicycle with explosive lithium ion battery
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel spots former KBG agent who used to terrorize him working as a hotdog vendor on the Hudson River
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel fact checked and corrected several times during dinner by gifted elementary school student
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel carefully transported between jail to court house wearing bullet proof vest
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel thought he had all the answers – and now he’s fighting for his life
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel hemorrhages money during his peak earnings years on account of being fiscally irresponsible
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel warns fellow colleagues and managers he’s hard at work on an iron giant
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel sits sullenly in wheelchair and scowls through chain link fence at middle school baseball game
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel asks his barber casually if he can have the hair on the floor
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel runs into kitchen wearing khakis and a cashmere sweater holding a cordless receiver and tells wife that he received an obscene phone call
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel spends months learning to read lips but can only detect the word Paxlovid
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel keeps cartoonists confused as to whether to go in a pig or rat direction
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel breakdances frantically in uncharacteristically fast paced pharmaceutical ad
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel imbued with certain rat-like qualities by critical illustrator
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel foolishly associates the ability to withstand spicy food with brute physical strength
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel becomes momentarily despondent and then vocally outraged upon finding out his Chinese zodiac is the Rat
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel closes his eyes and holds down the horn on his tugboat as it crashes into the side of a large passenger ferry
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel finds out someone who looks almost exactly like him has been sniffing panties at laundromat
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel makes movie Staircase Island about man who killed two different wives on staircases and lives out the rest of his days in a delusional frenzy on an insane asylum island
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel agrees that maybe two wrongs don’t make a right but figures that maybe three or four do
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel comes home drunk boisterously laughing as he walks through the door but ends up crying in front of his family and his son’s friend within a few minutes
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel watches his boat Idiot’s Dream drift away from him as he flails and struggles in open water
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel murders wife before the ink is even dry on her life insurance policy
Written on March 30, 2023 by admin
Joel too dumb to learn but smart enough to know he shouldn’t bother trying
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel signals to the market that he’s ready to engage in the cumbersome process of switching to an equally bad carrier with demonic overage charges
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel withstands constant abuse from cruel rich mother for fear of being cut out of the will
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel inflates retention metrics with abandoned zombie accounts
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel counts himself included when hearing the term ‘scourge of the city’
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel continues to be served alcohol well after it’s clear he’s had too much to drink
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel leaves the bustle of New York for his girlfriend’s rural hometown in Cornwall England, where he is ostracized by the brutish local men and is forced to come face to face with his own brutality
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel lays on his stomach kicking his legs around while reading the Jungle Book and smoking a cigarette
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel’s neighbors jump for joy as moving trucks pulls up to his driveway
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel cracks under the pressure during season finale of MILF Ultimatum
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel casts Stalin lookalike to play girl’s father in romantic comedy
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel frantically rides exercise bike to lose weight night before big Bahamas trip
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel shot in the neck by needle gun containing large vile of sedatives
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel mad when he doesn’t have what he wants but then even madder once he gets it
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel remains silent and motionless in wheelchair as mother and sister visit him at the hospital
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel unknowingly starts filming scenes for Tropical Johns 2: Johns in the Paradise
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel fried up trying to plug in electric piano on resort patio space
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel pens surprisingly well-received bestseller The Fibonacci Murders
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel behaves like primitive cave person at the first sign of light turbulence
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel waves expensive Verizon phone bill around on driveway in robe and almost begs T-Mobile to come and get involved
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel’s face seen briefly from front lawn before blinds flash closed again
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel has the nerve to be surprised when detectives rapidly prove him to be guilty of wife’s murder
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel retains Guatemalan chef at his diner knowing that he tied up and poured gasoline on one of his heavy set waitresses
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel overhears colleagues talking about him and saying “There’s just no getting through to this guy. He’s like a fucking SPACE MAN”
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel tells his wife that her mother has all the warmth of a Gila monster
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel ignores consulting physicist’s pleas while making space movie
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel launches massive satellite covered in diamonds to threaten various nations
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel worries about what The Lord might say about some of the things he does
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel focuses all his energy on upcoming vacation to Goblin Valley State Park in Utah
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel’s low intelligence makes him a target to men who want to use and abuse people financially and sexually
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel uses the email address given to him by his ISP rather than simply using an independent third party service
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel keeps interrupting Sunday School teacher to ask about the skunks and the rats on Noah’s Ark
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel offers meatloaf to Meatloaf and asks if it’s ok or if it would be considered cannibalism
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel smashed over head with coffee thermos while clutching and ripping at plane door by hero flight attendant
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel slaps cream of wheat on captive’s face after they resist him feeding it to them
Written on February 28, 2023 by admin
Joel approaches woman from behind on the Lido deck of cruise ship with his gloved hands in an upright pushing position
Written on January 15, 2023 by admin
Joel’s greed leads him to an island of giant lizards where he is the first among his group to be torn to shreds
Written on December 31, 2022 by admin
Joel prays and promises God that he will go to church from now on if his girlfriend isn’t pregnant, then immediately reneges after negative test
Written on December 31, 2022 by admin
Joel sets his cryochamber to wake him up halfway to Mars and proceeds to violate all sleeping crew members
Written on December 31, 2022 by admin
Joel complains to his therapist that his kids’ friends and their parents have access to him
Written on December 31, 2022 by admin
Joel tries to tear Terry “The Hulk” Hogan’s face off during charity wrestling match
Written on December 31, 2022 by admin
Joel brought to another day by the sound of dogs barking in Long Beach, California
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel’s sweaty nerves gives away the fact that he’s a real life human and not a simple helper program inside a simulation
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel starts to cry a little, but does so while continuing to eat snacks
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel explains to his manager that every single human decision is ultimately rooted in fear and greed is just another form of fear
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel explains he’s pro choice because he wishes he’d never been born
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel saves his username and password into browser when logging in to complete security training
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel described as “worse than a whore” by office holiday party planning committee
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel opens file attachment with .joel extension that cooks his computer
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel hoists trophy with a naked baby on it and gets carried off the field
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel dumb but gets money from somewhere to be able to buy stuff
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel worried his small business won’t be able to make payroll, robs Dunkin drive thru
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel has idea for app people can use to keep track of their lies
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel starts nuclear power plant without really having any plan for handling contaminated wastewater
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel quickly reports his mother for committing crime once he finds out reward is involved
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel unable to correctly pronounce “feliz navidad,” comes across as mentally handicapped
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel beats the hell out of middle aged priest at what was supposed to be a friendly boxing charity fundraiser
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel caught on nanny cam taking jewelry and valuables during carpet installation
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel splashes cup of hot chocolate at mirror upon seeing his face
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel puts scotch tape under his nose and behaves like dimwitted ghoul during period of writer’s block
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel’s cell phone map depicts multiple visits to and from what later is discovered as burial grounds
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel languishes in home improvement purgatory after starting jobs he isn’t capable of finishing
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel stews in his anger until suffering a catastrophic anatomical event
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel struck by newspaper while admiring the nice weather with coffee mug and robe
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel produces space film in which characters come right in and out of the ship without bothering to go through a pressurization chamber
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel immediately pulls gun on small group who finds out he’s the guilty one
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel runs into bathroom stall and throws up after lying to police for half an hour
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel busted for voting twice for Dinkins, says he would have attempted it a third time
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel comes home from playing in the woods to find new people living in his house with new technology he doesn’t recognize
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel rallies his friends and cousins to gather with bats outside of city hall to counter Columbus Day protesters
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel asks friend to remind him if they have Grave’s Disease or Hashimoto Syndrome
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel ushered into jail cell and forced into smaller dog cage inside
Written on December 17, 2022 by admin
Joel unable to return his clients’ deposits because he already lost them on risky investments
Written on November 18, 2022 by admin
Joel seen driving Ferrari up and down his driveway and around his yard after permanent license suspension
Written on November 18, 2022 by admin
Joel gets wig blown off by landing plane while sitting on beach chair outside airport hotel
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel complains to front desk of airport hotel that the planes are coming awfully close to his room
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel seen walking around with hulking Adonis together wearing matching khakis and colorful rayon shirts
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel shown highlight reel of his ghoulish deeds on earth at the gates of heaven
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel uses meeting conflict to choose the one he wants to attend
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel starts dating a woman with a frail British son named Nester
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel becomes jealous and enraged by site of spouse or partner in co-worker’s Zoom background
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel ashes cigarette into each kid’s lunch to avoid favoritism
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel gets ripped off by destitute landscaper to whom he gave the benefit of the doubt
Written on November 16, 2022 by admin
Joel accuses Michael Chricton’s Andromeda Strain of really showing how the sausage gets made
Written on November 5, 2022 by admin
Joel kicks in bathroom stall door and takes picture of wrong person
Written on November 5, 2022 by admin
Joel rescued by Japanese fisherman, then later brutalized by a few of them
Written on November 5, 2022 by admin
Joel lies about grandmother dying to get paid time off but goes so far as to say she was killed by a great white shark
Written on November 5, 2022 by admin
Joel seen talking to human sized rat wearing an ornate Prussian Army helmet with spike on top
Written on November 5, 2022 by admin
Joel stopped by FDA from releasing cereal made fully from sugar and corn starch he calls Festive Grains
Written on October 30, 2022 by admin
Joel tells detective many assorted facts not at all germane to the investigation
Written on October 30, 2022 by admin
Joel threatens to swallow bottle of pills if credit card company doesn’t reverse charges from scam
Written on October 30, 2022 by admin
Joel found passed out holding Wheel of Fortune branded souvenir pint glass
Written on October 30, 2022 by admin
Joel leaves magic show feeling insulted by dummy but thinking ventriloquist seemed nice enough
Written on October 30, 2022 by admin
Joel returns to hotel to find room tossed by Nazis looking for rare religious artifact
Written on October 30, 2022 by admin
Joel catches his mother putting small fish tank pebbles in his food
Written on October 29, 2022 by admin
Joel gets away with being a therapist for months by just posing peoples’ questions back at them
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel remembers too late that supermarket sandwiches are mostly just bread
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel patronized by Milwaukee police after expressing concerns over cannibal neighbor
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel hangs himself in hotel bathroom over some of the things he saw while hosting five seasons of Temptation Island
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel notices his name as a clue in a New York Times crossword puzzle for a word that turns out to be REPUGNANT
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel tells police their suspect must have been wearing a Billy Joel mask
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel told by police that there’s really nothing they can do about complaints of the supernatural
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel’s new album has critics wondering whether the juice is worth the squeeze
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel undergoes hormonal shift that feeds him chemicals emboldening him to reproduce
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel begs for an end to this practice of naming male children with last names as first names
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel opens closet door and gets knocked stupid by bowling ball that rolls off top shelf onto his head
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel’s lawyer tells him his murder case is a slam dunk… just not for their side
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel admits to first two staircase murders to prove his point that the current one really was an accident
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel doubles down on his nastiness after Christmas ghoul fails to enlighten him
Written on October 27, 2022 by admin
Joel takes an inordinate amount of time off to visit serial killer son in prison
Written on September 12, 2022 by admin
Joel hires his own paparazzi and tips them off to his intended locations
Written on September 12, 2022 by admin
Joel wins murder case and releases tell-all “Burden of Proof”
Written on September 12, 2022 by admin
Joel spends the night on straw in loft above barn after robbing a nearby bank
Written on September 12, 2022 by admin
Joel sees furniture store employee notice him seconds before doors lock and lights go out
Written on September 12, 2022 by admin
Joel seen sprinting toward data center clutching fire extinguisher
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel throws pizza into traffic while fighting publicly with fiancé
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel claims he must be the second coming the way the media’s been crucifying him
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel gets pretty scared when Bilbo character becomes suddenly murderous at sight of ring
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel feels like his life finally has meaning after accidentally killing woman
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel stumbles in from behind curtain and collapses on stage at town hall meeting
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel masterminds string of low value smash-and-grabs on Christmas Eve
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel works his way through eight book series chronicling the adventures of southern debutante Peaches Bidet
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel attempts to monetize stolen government documents upon leaving office
Written on September 11, 2022 by admin
Joel admits that his general lack of curiosity and poor memory has led to him not really knowing shit about anything
Written on September 8, 2022 by admin
Joel given assignment to conduct investigation on series of crimes he’s secretly committed
Written on September 8, 2022 by admin
Joel flies Confederate flag next to American flag, believing them to be compatible
Written on September 8, 2022 by admin
Joel uses social media to post a condemnation of using social media
Written on September 8, 2022 by admin
Joel kidnaps child but then realizes he doesn’t have the knowledge or supplies to take care of them
Written on September 8, 2022 by admin
Joel lies about not being involved in any other weird medical studies at the moment
Written on September 8, 2022 by admin
Joel rolls up sleeves revealing cigarette burn scars on his forearms at company outing
Written on September 8, 2022 by admin
Joel didn’t stop playing because he grew old, he grew old because he stopped playing
Written on September 8, 2022 by admin
Joel burns mouth after cutting everyone to be first in line for brunch
Written on August 17, 2022 by admin
Joel finds large bomb labeled Crimson Jihad inside exhumed casket
Written on August 17, 2022 by admin
Joel recoils at the sight of dead Amish man crucified on scarecrow post
Written on August 17, 2022 by admin
Joel tailgates those who have traffic in front of them with an almost relentless display of hostility and ignorance
Written on August 17, 2022 by admin
Joel experiences the devastating effects of once-weekly Mounjaro
Written on August 17, 2022 by admin
Joel explains that violence is the supreme force from which all other forces derive
Written on August 17, 2022 by admin
Joel wolfs down two Thai entrees before quickly slipping out the back of restaurant
Written on August 17, 2022 by admin
Joel accused of not reporting his mother’s death and dressing up as her to cash her social security checks
Written on July 27, 2022 by admin
Joel keeps saying “keep this in” as his talk show guest stumbles and falters at his aggressive questions
Written on July 27, 2022 by admin
Joel drops gun and flees upon hearing metallic cop say “Think it over creep!”
Written on July 27, 2022 by admin
Joel’s unmanaged bipolar disorder results in him purchasing real estate in a place he’s never been
Written on July 27, 2022 by admin
Joel too scared to eat Chicken Kiev, thinking it has something to do with USSR
Written on July 27, 2022 by admin
Joel climbs out of misfired human cannon covered in soot, deafened and made stupid
Written on July 27, 2022 by admin
Joel has a series of consecutive marriages where he kills for the insurance money
Written on July 21, 2022 by admin
Joel introduces the people of a tropical paradise to a drug called Crank
Written on July 15, 2022 by admin
Joel’s expiring credit card causes an infuriating lapse in his subscription to Rash Monthly
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel hit over head with oversized prop mallet during argument with female stage director
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel insists the goons he hired were “only supposed to scare” Fields Medal winner June Huh
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel found in wheelchair sitting in front of roaring fireplace, dead for at least three days
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel breaks down in tears and loses control of his bowels as University of Southern New Hampshire coach bus pulls up to his house to hand him his diploma
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel’s son, Rondelle Joel, arrested in sting selling human growth hormones inside the Lehigh Valley Steel Pigs locker room
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel swindled by old Japanese neighbor who let him think various grueling odd jobs around his house were all part of some larger karate training
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel referred to as ”absolute demon” by former employer during reference check
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel likens friend to 19th century business magnate over choice of hot dog buns
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel exhibits an almost tide-like pattern in his dangerous manic energy
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel keeps seeming confused and then slowly answering yes in heavy accent
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel sees police wall diagram of organized crime syndicate with his face on the very bottom
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel momentarily forgets that Cary Elwes was the villain in Twister
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel seen with pack of gum in his shirt pocket labeled “Goofy Fruit”
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel omits the part of the story in which he gets kicked out of the Merchant Marines
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel brings koala back from vacation and releases it into the Long Island woods
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel agrees to be celebrity referee at kids soccer game for $400 and a Jersey Mike’s sub
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel makes it very very difficult for airline to quickly clean the plane and board the next group of passengers
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel tries to convince small group that the movie Speed was called La Vitesse in France
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel has nightmares of flaming horseman after “Headless CMS” webinar
Written on July 9, 2022 by admin
Joel demands three-for-one deal that has never existed at McDonald’s
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel threatens to sue doctor if she doesn’t prescribe him “keytruder”
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel’s mother catches him doctoring her will after coming home early from running errands for him
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel described by sociologist as “a capable lummox easily operable with the promise of drugs”
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel called a “broke ass busted ass bitch” by influential transgender fashion icon
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel chokes on jellybean while screaming from stands at middle school basketball game
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel falls through net with leaves on it into pit of spikes he designed for his mother
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel kills one hostage every thirty minutes until he gets his demands
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel turns around after long conversation to reveal an empty syringe plunged into his back
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel claims he doesn’t know where his next meal is coming from because he orders from a wide variety of takeout places
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel explains how he’s become the victim of the tallest poppy syndrome
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel allows college boxing match to continue after one of the contestants has clearly shapeshifted into some kind of supernatural werewolf
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel struggles with unhinged woman and karate chops her in neck to subdue her
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel found wandering around outlet stores like zombie after getting hit in head by golf ball
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel spends thousands of dollars commissioning super realistic mannequin of himself only to throw it off of overpass onto highway
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel becomes high order interdimensional pervert who can only be stopped by a god
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel gets booked and processed while Genesis’ “Misunderstanding” plays softly on speakers at police station
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel reminds us that candidate’s actually name was Henry Ross Perot
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel looks sullenly out on rainy airport tarmac listening to Genesis’ “Throwing It All Away” on oversized headphones
Written on June 10, 2022 by admin
Joel tries to out-bid Amy Sherman-Paladino at exclusive hat auction
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel boasts about his financial worth and his prolificity as a pathological fornicator
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel threatens pharmacist with empty syringe but loses upper hand upon turning it over to fill
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel’s possessions rifled through by new stepson’s adult friends
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel’s eyes shine as he tells investors there are no competitors and his market is everyone
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel picks Olympic sport where he knows only two other countries play
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel sees the eyes of a lunatic in the reflection on his phone screen while reading text
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel stung by hot phone while trying to communicate with the new owner of a possessed home
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel’s knowledge of buxom starlets from Hollywood’s golden age saves him from execution at the hands of American GI’s
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel programmed to have a high pitched scream response with a hair trigger
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel counts sheep until falling asleep but quickly wakes up screaming
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel claims he can speak Spanish but is unable to translate anything said other than the name “Walter”
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel uses his proximity to the home of Boomer Esiason as a type of social currency
Written on February 27, 2022 by admin
Joel summoned by projection of rat symbol into cloudy night sky
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel overhears his daughter describe him as “some rando” as he pulls away from dropping her off at school
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel ignores all the steps prescribed for safety in Nightmare on Elm Street nursery rhyme
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel tips masseuse with a used copy of the DVD Double Jeopardy
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel puts on wig and fake mustache that are the size of his real hair and mustache
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel enters agreement to sell predetermined amount of his labor each day to organization in exchange for money to buy goods and services
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel only successfully convinced when philosopher explains it all with shadows in a cave
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel orders soup and half sandwich combo then becomes angry he doesn’t have a full sandwich
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel meets someone at a dinner party who looks just like him and knows all his secrets
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel looks up from steering wheel with demon’s eyes and hisses and snarls at emergency worker
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel shows Bradlees loyalty card to gain access to drug dispensary
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel seen approaching from behind wielding what looks like a knife but turns out to be shampoo bottle
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel tells wife “See, I knew you could do it” despite never believing in her or providing any encouragement
Written on February 17, 2022 by admin
Joel’s preconceptions about travel destination are met with the stark reality of how it really looks and feels while his body goes into convulsive shock
Written on February 4, 2022 by admin
Joel dresses up like British woman in her sixties to gain acces to estranged family
Written on January 29, 2022 by admin
Joel shoots salacious fashion reality series entitled The Lying, The Bitch, and The Wardrobe
Written on January 29, 2022 by admin
Joel’s outward physical appearance becomes more grotesque and ghoulish the more his inner conflicts begin to rage
Written on November 14, 2021 by admin
Joel goes into office grinning, three days after close contact with dangerous monkey virus
Written on November 14, 2021 by admin
Joel speaks like Pillsbury Doughboy to mask his identity during bank robbery
Written on November 14, 2021 by admin
Joel disillusioned by Hawaiian locals after getting sold crushed glass
Written on November 14, 2021 by admin
Joel locked up on account of being too horny all the time and not knowing how to behave
Written on November 14, 2021 by admin
Joel’s brother calls FBI concerned that he could be the Tri-State Fire Monkey
Written on October 15, 2021 by admin
Joel traces several months of personal chaos back to day he enlisted teen neighbor to fix his computer
Written on October 8, 2021 by admin
Joel points out to family member that the majority of all abductions are carried out by family members
Written on October 8, 2021 by admin
Joel struggles to parallel park his grotesque car while tension reaches a fever pitch at his destination
Written on October 8, 2021 by admin
Joel undecided between choosing an earthly creature or something from the supernatural realm for team mascot
Written on October 8, 2021 by admin
Joel fired from police sketch artist job for depicting a Lego-man-headed murderer that decades later proved to be stunningly accurate
Written on August 23, 2021 by admin
Joel responds to technology customer’s request with “Appsolutely”
Written on August 23, 2021 by admin
Joel develops ‘cutting edge’ VR technology for education which turns out to be just virtual hands holding virtual books
Written on August 23, 2021 by admin
Joel’s socked feet curl up and roll back under house that crushed him
Written on August 23, 2021 by admin
Joel referred to as a Doubting Thomas by Peekskill’s Goan Catholic community
Written on August 23, 2021 by admin
Joel blocks several friends with outstretched arm, saying “Forget it! She’s gone!” as they watch his wife drive into cyclone
Written on August 23, 2021 by admin
Joel became “capable of murder” after Kurtwood Smith won pivotal Clarence Boddicker role in Robocop over him according to wife
Written on August 23, 2021 by admin
Joel tells family that he’s considering driving over to Buzzard’s Bay to surf Thousand Year Storm, gets hurt by their lack of concern and considers really doing it
Written on August 23, 2021 by admin
Joel’s emotionally charged reactions to goods and services make him a problem for support staff everywhere
Written on August 17, 2021 by admin
Joel fired from La-Z-Boy for poor productivity and general malaise
Written on August 17, 2021 by admin
Joel pushes bandmate aside and flees stage at the sound of balloon popping
Written on August 9, 2021 by admin
Joel adds to the stress of his son’s wrongful arrest by stressing how much the situation is killing his mother
Written on August 9, 2021 by admin
Joel registers multiple Facebook profiles under separate email accounts to more effectively cyber bully preteen girl
Written on August 9, 2021 by admin
Joel struggles to get the stink of his involvement with Wild Wild West off of his IMDB profile
Written on August 9, 2021 by admin
Joel tells hotel manager that he doesn’t know anything about the hotel’s chain of command or communication process but what he does know is that all guests are very hot and angry and they’re all pointing fingers at him
Written on July 8, 2021 by admin
Joel finds his son Levi crucified and barely breathing inside barn, suspects handiwork of rival Amish family who want to sell land trust to chemical company
Written on July 2, 2021 by admin
Joel pressured by futuristic corporation to return to dangerous planet and recover space eggs
Written on July 1, 2021 by admin
Joel, too sheepish to kill cattle with bolt gun, poisons them, leading to rash of area sickness
Written on June 23, 2021 by admin
Joel caught on nanny cam at open house examining every one of the owners’ framed photos and laughing like cartoon dog
Written on June 23, 2021 by admin
Joel finally gets talked to about all the letters he’s been leaving for the mailman
Written on June 23, 2021 by admin
Joel grasps at straws while CSO outlines specific evidence of corporate espionage
Written on June 23, 2021 by admin
Joel hops on private flight for supposed business leaving his gluten-sensitivity riddled family behind day before major hurricane
Written on June 23, 2021 by admin
Joel carries around so called “Aztec death whistle” at open house and softly blows on it in every room
Written on June 23, 2021 by admin
Joel’s internet speeds throttled to a near halt after ISP sees the kinds of things he’s been getting up to
Written on June 19, 2021 by admin
Joel nearly gives white woman orgasm and heart attack by making it seem like he was done adding crushed red peppers flakes in his Firecracker Shrimp preparation before emphatically adding another dash
Written on June 19, 2021 by admin
Joel gives woman completely wrong directions to San Jose in a playful bossa nova cadence
Written on June 19, 2021 by admin
Joel gets highlights and frosted tips before hitting the streets to look for trouble
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel only interested in hero’s origin story but doesn’t care much what they do once they’re an established force
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel tries to appear more androgynous than the other members of his Korean boy band
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel sits under tree out of sight of campground eating stolen tray of hotdogs
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel appears like a spinach and feta stuffed chicken sausage on wedding day month after prison release
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel casually looks through giant case of CDs to find the right music for the drive before putting keys in the ignition while passengers rot in stifling heat
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel claims he saw brontosaurus sized eye looking in his bedroom window
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel suddenly feels the need to curtail female reproductive rights as fly lands on forehead
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel walks into police station on calm snowy night with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” playing quietly in the background and turns himself in
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel goes from acting crazy to sleeping on the floor in a matter of minutes
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel overheard on phone with customer saying “Sometimes emotions are so strong that they overload the system, with life threatening consequences”
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel, confused and spooked by magician, becomes agitated, hostile, and violent
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel tells employer he can’t work beyond 5pm today because he has a Magic: The Gathering meetup
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel pats his cheeks and says “With this baby face? They won’t even try me as an adult!”
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel and angry sister wage war at each other through rival Mexican restaurants
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel, fired from three different nursing jobs, starts fourth nursing job
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel becomes hostile when confronted by news crew about unlicensed day care operation
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel attempts to gift his chips to nearby poker opponent as hallucinagens start to work
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel refers to middle aged man struggling against stormy beach winds as ‘The Life of David Gail’
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel leaves only Dunkin Decaf at AirBnb listing without any warning
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel fends off crowd of beggar children with comically large hoagie
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel driven insane by his quest for a particular brand of sugary cereal
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel gifts smutty novella titled “Body Talk” to realtor David several months after closing
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel’s eyes go crossed and he slips into coma during THX sound effect intro in movie theater after eating tray of pot brownies
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel technically not wrong when telling police it’s not illegal to look inside cars
Written on June 9, 2021 by admin
Joel wonders out loud “how do you murder someone in the phantom zone?”
Written on May 22, 2021 by admin
Joel learns a sad lesson that no amount of marijuana will make him good at cutting women’s hair
Written on May 22, 2021 by admin
Joel donates kidney only to have recipient’s dreams reveal that he actually threw a doll into quarry and gave child to Mumia
Written on May 2, 2021 by admin
Joel unable to choose between “What a long strange trip it’s been” and “Wherever you go there you are” for yearbook quote
Written on May 2, 2021 by admin
Joel’s weightlifting regimen increases as his release date draws nearer
Written on April 20, 2021 by admin
Joel overpowers woman’s grip on pay phone receiver, placing it back in the cradle
Written on April 20, 2021 by admin
Joel gets confused and frustrated that his friends on the west coast always seem to have more hours in the day
Written on April 20, 2021 by admin
Joel wakes up several hours after throwing patronizing softball pitch to high school baseball star
Written on April 20, 2021 by admin
Joel instinctively rips away tubes and wires connected to his body and flees hospital after waking up from ankle surgery
Written on April 18, 2021 by admin
Joel likens homicide investigation to being like an open house but with a body there
Written on April 18, 2021 by admin
Joel tells ad agency to push it hard and target a lower class of customer
Written on April 18, 2021 by admin
Joel becomes increasingly desperate and more dangerous during the final days of Ford Truck Month
Written on April 18, 2021 by admin
Joel performs clapping push-ups while ironing out his revenge plot
Written on April 16, 2021 by admin
Joel develops compulsive impulse to pray outside before going into class while student at the University of Iowa
Written on April 16, 2021 by admin
Joel found curled up with bottle labeled “Fire Water” when concerned friends break into his house
Written on April 16, 2021 by admin
Joel falls for oldest trick in the book, and most other tricks in book, on account of his illiteracy
Written on April 16, 2021 by admin
Joel abducted by extra-terrestrial beings with the technology to travel thousands of light years instantaneously and then crudely probed
Written on April 16, 2021 by admin
Joel steals various electronics from elderly mother to fund pill-crazed weekend
Written on April 16, 2021 by admin
Joel fumbles around with flashlight and accidentally illuminates his hideous face
Written on April 16, 2021 by admin
Joel wrongly accused of plagiarism, rightfully convicted of making terroristic threats on his accuser
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel alarms town historical society by mounting “1623” plaque on front door of one story ranch
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel just stands there callously smoking a cigarette watching friend drown in unforeseen home renovation costs
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel’s body somberly carried into sewage river by mutant penguins
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel becomes a townie alcoholic after missing crucial free throw back in the 70’s
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel claims to have coined the phrase “The future’s always here, it’s just not evenly distributed”
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel provides food and shelter and leisure activities to goon twins who in return torment and terrorize people for him
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel explains that his name derives from the Aramaic word “Joel” meaning: one who hates their creator
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel realizes he now has to kill someone he admitted a previous murder to
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel pours stale coffee into plant on his cramped and messy newsroom desk
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel begs for money to buy food but becomes indignant when given food
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel aggressively pressures neighborhood shops into paying him for protection from him
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel instinctively reaches for hatchet under his bed in a panic after being awoken by drunk driver crashing into his garage cans outside
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel tells car salesman he wants “dog shit” colored model so it won’t show dirt
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel hastily stages his apartment to resemble that of a non-psychotic
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel places his triplets wearing red, white, and blue in backseat of convertible Corvette
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel frantically googles “how to buy a gun and get it the same day”
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel hires plumber to fish out the wig he flushed down the toilet
Written on April 11, 2021 by admin
Joel seen having intense conversation in hushed tones with petrified colleague
Written on March 22, 2021 by admin
Joel calls bullshit on the sun, moon, stars, and all celestial bodies
Written on March 6, 2021 by admin
Joel’s watches waiter deliver his order of Jalepeño Pig Poppers to the wrong table
Written on March 4, 2021 by admin
Joel knows the only way to kill his pimp is to stab him through the heart while he’s sleeping
Written on March 1, 2021 by admin
Joel hisses and shows teeth after getting splashed in face with holy water
Written on February 28, 2021 by admin
Joel hires film crew to document his violent psychedelic journey
Written on February 27, 2021 by admin
Joel finds out on the news that the one cop who believed him is dead
Written on February 5, 2021 by admin
Joel tells classroom that twins can feel each other’s pain miles apart
Written on February 3, 2021 by admin
Joel points out that “women” is the object of the sentence “You should not objectify women”
Written on January 30, 2021 by admin
Joel sweats when routine traffic stop reveals pervert’s handbook in glovebox
Written on January 29, 2021 by admin
Joel quickly deletes Twain32 folder before police raid his house
Written on January 28, 2021 by admin
Joel uses novel form of raw energy to publicly euthanize deranged circus elephant
Written on January 28, 2021 by admin
Joel quietly and politely gets up and leaves the play Rent during the beginning of the first act
Written on January 28, 2021 by admin
Joel able to slip past police by putting scarf on his head and pretending to be horny Polish woman
Written on January 28, 2021 by admin
Joel’s behavior described as “increasingly demonic” by coworkers
Written on January 28, 2021 by admin
Joel told to choke on Bacon Turkey Bravo sandwich by angry cashier
Written on January 12, 2021 by admin
Joel becomes unfocused and loses upper hand to flattery from captive victim
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel slashes rival’s tires after losing high school dance contest
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel interacts with perverted, skeevy animated graphical user interface while hacking missile defense system
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel comes back from two week Australian vacation dressed like complete asshole
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel unable to choose between The Nutmeg State or The Constitution State license plate options at Connecticut DMV
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel asks fellow inmate in prison if he can procure him a six foot length of rope
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel caught and confronted by police officer he’d been tailing for several days
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel thoroughly enjoys and re-watches car commercial with surprise Christmas gift premise
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel lets it be known that, for reasonable amount of money, he’s willing to make catchy jingle for prescription drug that does more harm than good
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel’s last employer tells police “He was like a ticking time bomb”
Written on December 3, 2020 by admin
Joel’s decision to call his wife to the stand as character witness proves disastrous
Written on November 14, 2020 by admin
Joel, all out of options for new pharmaceutical name, suggests Victruder
Written on November 14, 2020 by admin
Joel justifies alcoholism with vague mention of familial connection to Ulysses S. Grant
Written on April 9, 2020 by admin
Joe suffers major stroke while rage-eating Toasted Frontega Chicken sandwich
Written on March 18, 2020 by admin
Joel rage-eats full sleeve of Ritz crackers after argument with co-worker
Written on February 21, 2020 by admin
Joel feeds booze to noble Okinawan karate master in order to “bring him down a few notches”
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel posts bogus claim in company-wide Slack channel that he got salmonella poisoning from the office catered lunch
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel carries eyeglasses with him at all times in the event that he needs to quickly put them on and appeal to the leniency of someone he’s driven to violence
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel crawls out of large suitcase on moving conveyor belt in front of stunned red-eye passengers
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel leaks salacious rumors about himself to the press to get out of upcoming anti-bullying campaign commitments
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel reasonably not guilty of third identical staircase death of a wife in his house
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel and Boz Scaggs wrestle and crash through sliding glass door at San Francisco Pelosi fundraiser hosted by a convicted murderer
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel makes drunken, impulsive purchase of exotic bird that has 90 year lifespan
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel stuffs his volunteer firefighter jacket and helmet into garbage can and flees with civilians while other first responders continue to make their way into burning shopping mall
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel inspired by long line of depraved, misogynistic leading male Hollywood roles
Written on October 21, 2019 by admin
Joel sneaks into local high school girls’ field hockey practice to tell goalie he slept with her father
Written on August 20, 2019 by admin
Joel etches Code of Hammurabi text into mirror of office bathroom
Written on August 12, 2019 by admin
Joel experiences theistic hysteria after an unidentified tincture leaks onto his skin
Written on August 12, 2019 by admin
Joel shows up to volunteer at women’s shelter wearing colorful leather jacket adorned with multiple state lottery logos
Written on June 2, 2019 by admin
Joel regards his prolificacy as an effective creator and communicator of visual ideas at the level of ancient Shamanic pansexual mysticism
Written on May 28, 2019 by admin
Joel’s lack of quality sleep linked to the static hum from the dozen security cam video monitors in his bedroom
Written on March 15, 2019 by admin
Joel caught red handed sabotaging brother’s televised weight loss journey
Written on January 25, 2019 by admin
Joel takes quick swig of Dr McGuillicuddy’s Mentholmint Liqueur while being approached by police
Written on January 10, 2019 by admin
Joel holds micro-recorder to ear and constantly replays sound bite of Reginald Veljohnson saying “I shot a kid”
Written on January 10, 2019 by admin
Joel stops in his tracks upon hearing someone shout “Freeze, slimeball!”
Written on January 10, 2019 by admin
Joel regales church group with account of harrowing pot brownie saga
Written on January 10, 2019 by admin
Joel buys hodgepodge of overpriced meal items at airport concession stand AFTER flight
Written on January 10, 2019 by admin
Joel asks doctor if the sound of a deflating balloon during urination is normal or something to worry about
Written on January 10, 2019 by admin
Joel’s goblin-like face emerges from vat of phosphorescent instant mac and cheese
Written on December 20, 2018 by admin
Joel gets handed sweaty wad of money from pub trivia host and told “I don’t want you to ever come back”
Written on November 27, 2018 by admin
Joel considers starting house fire to cover up butchering of friend’s prized Bonsai tree
Written on November 27, 2018 by admin
Joel autographs newspaper caricature with sinister Joel face and body of a pouched hairless rodent
Written on November 23, 2018 by admin
Joel uses custom tailor smartphone app to get suit jacket fitted for small gorilla
Written on November 20, 2018 by admin
Joel’s ineffectiveness as a provider forces sickly pregnant wife to take physically demanding job at pet store
Written on November 20, 2018 by admin
Joel experiences direct relationship between dumbness and time
Written on November 10, 2018 by admin
Joel likens his defamation site to an impossibly beautiful tree falling in the woods
Written on November 10, 2018 by admin
Joel leaves bowl of candy on porch with sign: “Limit one per child. You are being recorded.”
Written on November 10, 2018 by admin
Joel manages to get a lot of good people upset for no reason after local sherriff goes out on a limb for him
Written on November 8, 2018 by admin
Joel seen hurriedly climbing out of bedroom window in underwear, open silk robe, and CPAP mask
Written on November 8, 2018 by admin
Joel’s particular style likened to a greaser cannibal swine mascot for a BBQ eatery
Written on November 8, 2018 by admin
Joel insists on having a woman holding a live rat in music video
Written on November 8, 2018 by admin
Joel drives around with “Garbage Baby On Board” sign in rear window
Written on November 8, 2018 by admin
Joel indignant with insurance company for raising his rates after proving to be a very bad driver and a very stupid person
Written on November 8, 2018 by admin
Joel claims retired footballer Teddy Bruschi suffered stroke after attempting to crush unopened beer can against forehead
Written on November 8, 2018 by admin
Joel emphasizes fact that he ate only half of chicken parm sub, omits fact that he also ate half of large pizza
Written on November 8, 2018 by admin
Joel sets up trip line in Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s office, causing the senior justice of the highest court to fall and break three ribs
Written on November 7, 2018 by admin
Joel comes out of bathroom more full of shit than when he went in
Written on August 31, 2018 by admin
Joel suffers minor stroke as Snerd ventriloquist dummy launches itself through the air at him from off of shelf
Written on July 11, 2018 by admin
Joel eclipses 1000-to-1 word count ratio during small talk with hitchhiker who suddenly has a nearer destination
Written on July 11, 2018 by admin
Joel holds greasy sausage link in bare hand and gestures with it while telling story at local diner
Written on June 3, 2018 by admin
Joel receives life-changing shock while fishing bread from toaster with knife after unremarkable Ted Talk
Written on May 15, 2018 by admin
Joel stabs crossword puzzle repeatedly with knife after failing to get more than a couple words
Written on April 25, 2018 by admin
Joel handpicked by duplicitous police chief to investigate a crime that a very powerful person does not want solved
Written on April 21, 2018 by admin
Joel eats rainbow colored ham from friend’s mother’s refrigerator as to not offend
Written on April 21, 2018 by admin
Joel snorts crushed pills while listening to Hulk Hogan theme song
Written on March 21, 2018 by admin
Joel comes out of the woodwork along with all the other fair weather posthumous Garry Shandling fans
Written on March 21, 2018 by admin
Joel watches Eastwood flick Gran Torino but fast forwards through non-racist scenes
Written on March 21, 2018 by admin
Joel has vision of two headed snake with young and old Michael Jackson faces
Written on March 19, 2018 by admin
Joel fears retribution from friends and family after canceling Netflix account
Written on February 28, 2018 by admin
Joel green-lights production of Tom Arnold movie “The Stupids”
Written on February 19, 2018 by admin
Joel posts bail after getting busted for selling oregano in Wildwood, New Jersey
Written on February 19, 2018 by admin
Joel seen out of control on jet ski billowing smoke with police boat in pursuit
Written on February 19, 2018 by admin
Joel passes out while getting tongue pierced to impress new raver friends
Written on February 19, 2018 by admin
Joel thrown off porch into garbage pile by recoil from potato gun
Written on February 19, 2018 by admin
Joel nearly strangled to death by fellow runaway travel companion on wooden raft
Written on February 19, 2018 by admin
Joel gives off unpredictable and dangerous vibe while making small talk with smarter person
Written on February 19, 2018 by admin
Joel begs employees to be honest during survey, then retaliates harshly against unfavorable responses
Written on February 19, 2018 by admin
Joel appears sedated during interview while wife describes life with him as “a living hell”
Written on February 3, 2018 by admin
Joel sees uneaten muffin on park bench and becomes frozen with indecision
Written on February 2, 2018 by admin
Joel slithers in and out of parents’ room like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas to restart cable modem while they sleep
Written on February 2, 2018 by admin
Joel told by teacher there are no stupid questions except for his questions
Written on December 28, 2017 by admin
Joel comes up with bogus pseudoscientific explanation for requiring actors to be nude during time travel scenes
Written on December 28, 2017 by admin
Joel offers favorable review of restaurant in return for unlimited calamari as a sort of “squid pro quo”
Written on December 28, 2017 by admin
Joel uses full $100 balance of Home Depot gift card on snacks from checkout line
Written on December 8, 2017 by admin
Joel puts raw steak in pocket before court hearing for custody of dog
Written on December 8, 2017 by admin
Joel rushes to publish dangerously fallacious argument for indigenous peoples’ right to whale even the most endangered species
Written on December 8, 2017 by admin
Joel seen running towards shopping mall bathroom pushing people out of his way with one hand and cupping his bottom side with the other hand
Written on December 8, 2017 by admin
Joel severely disappointed by marmalade on toast at diner, wishes he could go back in time and use the Concord grape jelly
Written on November 10, 2017 by admin
Joel thrown back out over railing by male Silverback gorilla after jumping into zoo exhibit
Written on November 10, 2017 by admin
Joel tricked into solo SpaceX mission so the world can get a break from him
Written on November 10, 2017 by admin
Joel warns everyone he knows that if you create a Gershwin station on Pandora it will basically just play 20 different versions of Rhapsody in Blue
Written on October 30, 2017 by admin
Joel asks dinner host, “Pour me a glass of Bitch?” in the voice of Paul Lynde as Templeton the Rat
Written on October 30, 2017 by admin
Joel does nefarious earthly bidding of high ranking evil spirit in exchange for personal sex ghoul
Written on October 18, 2017 by admin
Joel drops, shatters coffee mug upon realizing that everything Ryan Lopes had ever told him was a lie
Written on September 22, 2017 by admin
Joel caught mocking Robert Kennedy Jr’s voice, ignorant of spasmodic dysphonia condition
Written on September 6, 2017 by admin
Joel becomes overnight millionaire after launching site to sell his handmade gewgaws, serves as powerful anecdotal fodder for those interested in capitalizing on the world wide web and in need of help doing so
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel goes to doctor for mystery ailment, gets prescribed a slap across the face
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel calls child plaintiffs in MJ abuse scandal “a bunch of [expletive] ingrates”
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel says “nice try” to Aborigine moments before being struck in the back of the head by boomerang
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel buys license for obsolete graphics program that only swirls faces
Written on April 27, 2017 by admin
Joel asks old acquaintance to enter her phone number in his phone, later reaches a land line at home for invalids
Written on April 26, 2017 by admin
Joel disguises self as woman, enters Roller Derby using pseudonym Jawanna Roel
Written on April 26, 2017 by admin
Joel introduces immigrant neighbors at dinner party, emphasizes idea that they come from a “third world” country
Written on April 26, 2017 by admin
Joel writes “boy problems” on insurance form as reason for concert cancellation
Written on April 26, 2017 by admin
Joel desperately prays to Madre de Dios with elderly Mexican woman after smoking laced pot
Written on April 9, 2017 by admin
Joel gets launched off of toilet and soaked in “foul smelling goo” as thrill-seeking youths blow up plumbing under street
Written on April 9, 2017 by admin
Joel screams at mother in response to stolen credit card accusation
Written on April 7, 2017 by admin
Joel goes on lengthy tirade listing every race he hates starting with his own
Written on March 7, 2017 by admin
Joel bites off more than he can chew at Make a Wish Foundation, must name next album “Ugly Kid Joel”
Written on December 21, 2016 by admin
Joel mistakes Asian American coworker for restaurant delivery person
Written on December 21, 2016 by admin
Joel chokes on jelly bean while heckling middle school basketball team
Written on October 31, 2016 by admin
Joel orders assistant to bird-dog Israeli Dead Sea Hand Lotion saleswomen for email address and photos
Written on October 19, 2016 by admin
Joel insists hotel housekeeping service make bed with him in it
Written on October 19, 2016 by admin
Joel rides elevator alone after creeped-out woman pretends to have forgotten something and turns away
Written on October 19, 2016 by admin
Joel attempts first cartwheel in 30 years, hand-plants on friend’s laptop, denies shattering screen
Written on October 19, 2016 by admin
Joel seeks crowdfunding to develop sleepwalk murder prevention kit
Written on June 30, 2016 by admin
Joel kicked in head by protégé, stumbles to piano and plays ragtime in concussed state
Written on June 29, 2016 by admin
Joel attempts to glean titillating info from muffled 3 minute voicemail accidentally left by friend who pocket-dialed him
Written on June 29, 2016 by admin
Joel cites year lived in Tucson during childhood as grounds for over-the-top southwestern motif in living room
Written on June 24, 2016 by admin
Joel suspects pool has special dye that will turn urine purple, still takes chance
Written on June 24, 2016 by admin
Joel drives hour to Indian grocery store to put faces to the names of the victims of his dimwitted prank calls
Written on June 15, 2016 by admin
Joel thinks fake candle at restaurant is real, believes friend is impervious to flame
Written on June 15, 2016 by admin
Joel places hand in thumbs-up position on seat next to him before person sits down
Written on June 15, 2016 by admin
Joel pats cheeks with salami slices before pressing face against glass door
Written on June 15, 2016 by admin
Joel eats week old pizza, admits it wasn’t even from the most recent delivery
Written on June 15, 2016 by admin
Joel found passed out wearing diapers and a lampshade on his head after making a fool of himself at reggae bashment
Written on June 13, 2016 by admin
Joel hides evidence of unused screws and brackets after assembling Ikea shelf
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel breaks into classroom, fist-pounds gingerbread houses into gingerbread dust
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel prowls outside of home, isn’t sure what he’s going to do but knows it will be bad
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel inhabits mattress in free pile near college campus, infests taker
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel searches most of world for Carmen San Diego, doesn’t think to check San Diego
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel puts on American flag bandana to warn cars he’ll break windows
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel pretends to be Twin Peaks fan after barely making it through first episode
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel breathes onto litmus strip, scores off-the-charts on fecal scale
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel carves ‘bear’ statue out of redwood, forms burly hirsute image of self
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel irrationally labels friend’s workplace “asshole asylum” before getting facts
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel leaves camp looking for an animal to harrass, returns to tent on fire
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel calls police on neighborhood kids getting respite from heat at fire hydrant
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel screams to the sky, continues conflict into bowels of public transportation
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel hyperventilates into lunch bag, looks up and smiles at bus driver like demon
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel summons marshmallow villain through inability to clear thoughts
Written on June 7, 2016 by admin
Joel asks ‘Who am I but just de gal dem sugar?’ in offensive Caribbean accent
Written on June 6, 2016 by admin
Joel eats heavy meal before going to restaurant, claims to be on diet and orders salad
Written on June 3, 2016 by admin
Joel only confronts white females in arguments, says ‘anyone else is too risky’
Written on June 3, 2016 by admin
Joel helps old lady cross the street, then does something awful to someone else in order to ‘balance the universe’
Written on June 3, 2016 by admin
Joel posts “Do Not Touch” signs throughout house in advance of AirBnB guest
Written on June 3, 2016 by admin
Joel watches Dean Martin Celebrity Roast DVD infomercial like it’s the actual show
Written on June 3, 2016 by admin
Joel takes forever parking stupid car while tension builds inside diner
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel hurls ‘corny’ insults at rapper E-40 and Bay Area hip hop scene, gets meat lumped at Oakland venue
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel uses roomate’s expensive kitchen knife to open mail despite being repeatedly told not to because it dulls the blade
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel flips directional arrow at fork in road on dangerous wildlife preserve
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel insists ‘bad boy’ persona warranted, directs reporter to http://www.joelskinsfifth.com/
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel shadowboxes in front of screen at movie theater to chorus of boos
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel snarls at elderly couple at grocery store, holds zuchini and two plums in suggestive position
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel challenges Jordan to game of ‘horse,’ later seen exiting stable disheveled
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel knows how to buckle seat belt only because of flight attendant’s instructions
Written on June 1, 2016 by admin
Joel blames animals for stench at zoo, walks gingerly toward restroom
Written on May 28, 2016 by admin
Joel insists on playing “White Jack” at casino, gets dealer to hit him literally
Written on May 26, 2016 by admin
Joel and rapper Drake get handsy on Kiss Cam at Toronto Raptors game
Written on May 26, 2016 by admin