Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Archive for July, 2017
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel nervously shields Starbucks coffee cup on opposite side of his body while passing local cafe
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel confuses athlete Usain Bolt with Saddam Hussein during 2020 Summer Olympic guest spot
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel finds his car flattened under the weight of enormous nude dead woman
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel hops on one foot reaching for pistol in his boot yelling “Hold on a minute, asshole” to fleeing crook
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel cathartically kisses the ground after short, smooth, incident-free flight on commercial airline
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel discovers rocks in drawers of desk he was asked to carry up stairs
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel’s children overhear him casually tell new acquaintance he doesn’t have any children
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel scowls and says “I don’t want your money” while angrily stuffing the money in his shirt pocket
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel represents himself in court, keeps running back and forth when taking the stand
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel launches Hyannis tech meetup called Cape Code but no one attends
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel bends down to help pick up woman’s groceries but then growls at her instead
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel nods to his status as high-ranking corporate officer by referring to himself as “a major pervert”
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel tells shocked tourists, “There’s wisdom in crowds” during brutal public stoning
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel reaches hand above water, signals 1-2-3 with fingers, then waves bye-bye and sinks to the bottom
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel found beet red and asleep on alter-like boulder mile down the shore from resort hotel
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel’s feminine side prevents him from buying Just for Men product
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel grabs frail Ikea associate by the wrist and desperately asks to be led to the exit
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel’s recent behavior explained by being 6 months overdue for Bordetella vaccine
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel abruptly told by psychic “I’m sorry, I can’t help you, I’m closed” in the middle of sidewalk palm reading
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel reaches frantically for glove box when asked for license and registration
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel stands behind half-baked pseudo-science to push dangerous diet plan
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel grasps bridezilla niece by both shoulders and continues to reaffirm “This is YOUR day”
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel subjected to elaborate prank after taking penis enlargement pills, wakes up in model house with everything 20% smaller in scale
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel dangerously overserves booze to dwarf friend at housewarming party, is reassured when the little man rapidly repeats “I’m alright, I’m alright”
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel quickly fired as police sketch artist for repeatedly drawing The Hamburglar
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel pulls apartment window curtains closed, finally free of the male gaze
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel sees in infrared spectrum during tantrum in line to meet mall Santa Claus
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel slides crude advance scrawled on deposit slip toward rookie bank teller
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel thinks The Who singer has real stutter while listening to My Generation
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel appears on 911 caller ID, operator answers by barking “What now?!”
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel shows off variety of priceless face gestures while hosting The Price is Right
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel says “why you slippery little shit” to elderly woman who unknowingly took his parking spot
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel keeps pestereing his mother to watch him dive, but sees her turn away at last second
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel makes quick fifty bucks from Pentecostal minister by jumping out of wheelchair
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel informed by mechanic of poorly wired car bomb attached to engine block
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel asks extensive questions about restaurant’s wine list, ends up ordering Bud Light
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel asked “Did you really think you’d get away with this?!” while being fired from Gap Kids for stealing
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel invents board game in which the only way to win is to not play
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel’s warnings about southern politician being “slick seducer” fall on deaf ears
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel brings dress, wig and makeup aboard cruise ship in the event of evacuation
Written on July 18, 2017 by Billy
Joel reported to police after asking one too many questions at hot air balloon airfield
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel carefully and emphatically points out which tea is yours and which is his
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel regrets decision to take part in charity kangaroo boxing match
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel invited to dinner at Haitian neighbors’ house who forget to put Voodoo doll of him away
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel stays cross eyed after perfectly timed karate chop to forehead
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel approaches broken down car to have Spanish lady yell “no thank you” behind closed window while waving him away
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel calls 911 when stoned viewing of Charlie Kaufman film goes sideways on him
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel returns from restroom to find all of his fellow cult members dead
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel goes completely incognito after parting his hair to the opposite side
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel shouts “get out of my head!” upon realizing that support person knows he’s lying
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel tries to convince babysitter that he’s allowed to stay up past ten
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel grips string of lanterns with hands and clings to balcony railing with toes for dear life stretched out above raucous street festival
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy
Joel falls out of window after struggling to carry bride over threshold
Written on July 1, 2017 by Billy